A 'Fake' Dom remembers[Humor]

[Colton_White]

Colton just write for yourself
Better to have a few fans who dig your stuff than trying to appease the masses.

that's right, I wish have some.

Writing humor of any type is a noble goal worth pursuing.

Damn Right, this is a golden quote worth keeping in mind.

Thanks for the advice, I'll be following it.

 

[Colton_White]

Hi, please don't quote me out of context

The story could be funny. You've fallen into a bit of a trap with the bitter, rancorous tone. If you're aiming for humour this only works if it's directed inwards at the person making the rant. (John Cleese's character in Fawlty Towers being a classic example). When it's directed outwards towards another group it comes across as nasty. I know some comedians work from this premise, but it's never impressed me.

You shouldn't aim to alienate the whole BDSM community. I'm sure there are plenty in there who would identify with some of the examples you raised and find it funny, but trying to generalise it to say it's everyone is going to piss off people who would otherwise find it funny.

You should also get out of the habit of switching fonts and using bold. I know you're trying to give emphasis, but it's lazy. If you really want to write you should be able to do this through plain text anyway.

I'll say again that I think you have a good idea, but you need to dampen some of the hostility and think about the execution.

Thanks for the tip, I'll keep it in mind.

Actually, I wrote this story cause I was bored and angry.[that's why so much anger towards BDSM community in my words]
So I thought of writing a story ..trying to hit two stones with one bird

1.killing my bored time
2.with a secret wish that may be some woman might read it and fall in love with me
====

objective 1. completed
obj.2 still not achieved.
====
Thanks for the advice, I'll keep in mind when i write a new story.

thanks for your input, Have a nice day.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

Thanks a lot, I knew you'll understand what type of person I'm

How dare you steal my favorite debating tactic?

they made some really false accusitions. esp. that my piece is not at all funny,
I admit, its not lot funny, but there is atleast some humor in it, that's why I talked to them in such manner, I know it wasn't very good part on my side.

An opinion cannot be false. Ever . . .

Whether something is funny or not is an opinion. If they had said "no one will find this funny" they would be wrong. No one made that claim, they said that it was offensive (which it is, you've even mentioned that you hoped for that effect) and they did not find it humorous.

nope, she made some really false accusation. esp. that my piece is not at all funny,

You made the claim that she had been ordered to post in this thread simply because she's a sub . . .

Generalization. cause its true in 99% cases.

You haven't looked at enough cases to say that. What happened to you is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

Generalization. what is pervert is pervert.

You're a pig :\

Generalization. cause there are more males than females online in BDSM.

Based on?

why do you people taking the story so seriously? I mean its just humor story, read and forget. Why are you taking it so seriously.?

The same reason that I would take a similar piece written about religion seriously. Because it is an attack on an entire culture. Because in some parts it insults the core values of countless people.



Anyway, I'm not a spiteful person and despite whatever character flaws you may have I think you're essentially a good person. To switch tracks I think you have a good outline for a story here. If you reduce the amount of anger projected and develop it into an actual story rather than a bulleted list it could probably be very funny to watch you (or a character) try to become involved in BDSM and get shot down constantly

 

[Colton_White]

Anyway, I'm not a spiteful person and despite whatever character flaws you may have I think you're essentially a good person. To switch tracks I think you have a good outline for a story here. If you reduce the amount of anger projected and develop it into an actual story rather than a bulleted list it could probably be very funny to watch you (or a character) try to become involved in BDSM and get shot down constantly

thanks

You're a good person too,

I'll keep those advices in mind next time I write a story.

 

[Colton_White]

489 people view my thread,

so at least 400 people must have read my story, And I'm sure majority of them like my story,
But most of those people were too lazy to post a feedback,

otherwise my story is one of the......

 

[BoomerP]

If people are going to bring numbers into an arguement then reveal your sources.

80% of people think this.. 25% of people did that.. 172 people saw this
Those are some made up BS
It's an inaccurate guess made sounding like fact.
So let's leave out the numbers unless you have an official valid source (Newspapers, articles, scientific tests & surveys).

A submissive doesnt mean the person is completly dominated and has no will of his or her own. I think you are confusing a submissive with a slave. And while a slave has a will of his or her own.. it doesn't matter or have any say and that is because the slave has no rights.

I'd say im a submissive at work.
When my boss tells me, do this or do that. I'll do it to a certain degree aslong as it's withinn a context of the business. I say no and disagree alot of times when I believe he's in the wrong or I know of a better solution.
And to explain the contet of the business, well.. If he told me go do his shopping or get him a cup of coffee, that would be out of place.
I'd need a reason to do that.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

489 people view my thread,

so at least 400 people must have read my story, And I'm sure majority of them like my story,
But most of those people were too lazy to post a feedback,

otherwise my story is one of the......

I'm one of the masses who read, but didn't post any feedback. I found the style, the changes of font size, bold, underlined etc, uncomfortable and distracting. There seemed to be little point to your story, so I didn't feel compelled to waste any time in writing comments.

 

[Colton_White]

I'm one of the masses who read, but didn't post any feedback. I found the style, the changes of font size, bold, underlined etc, uncomfortable and distracting. There seemed to be little point to your story, so I didn't feel compelled to waste any time in writing comments.

still 399 people have not yet commented.

I'm talking about the silent majority here who is in my favor.

 

[GratefulFred]

thanks

You're a good person too,

I'll keep those advices in mind next time I write a story.

Wimpy dorky response! Ugh!

489 people view my thread,

so at least 400 people must have read my story, And I'm sure majority of them like my story,
But most of those people were too lazy to post a feedback,

otherwise my story is one of the......

Nice move bragging about your numbers. Still not worthy of receiving a secret decoder ring. Creep it up and you may one day ketchup up to my humor/satire story total.



"Let's go get ourselves some mermaid poontang for Earthday. What's the worst that can happen?"
The Perfect Porn
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=358085

 

[Colton_White]

Wimpy dorky response! Ugh!

I'm tired fighting and debating with them so I'm just ceasefiring in that way.

Nice move bragging about your numbers. Still not worthy of receiving a secret decoder ring. Creep it up and you may one day ketchup up to my humor/satire story total.

what is secret decoder ring. ?

 

[GratefulFred]

what is secret decoder ring. ?

Just the most sought after possession worth more than time itself and found only in a Count Chocula discarded cereal boxes. I could write volumes of stories just based on historical facts related to the history of this item. Write some more humor shit and it may be yours!

In the meantime...

"Let's go get ourselves some mermaid poontang for Earthday. What's the worst that can happen?"
The Perfect Porn
http://www.literotica.com/stories/sh....php?id=358085

 

[Colton_White]

DAMN IT...

they rejected my beautiful story

without giving any proper explanation
it was an auto-reply like thing about

1.story less than 750 words
2.grammer/spelling mistakes


and other crap like that,but anyways, I didn't write the story to establish myself as a writer/ win some awards. I was only bored and wanted to put off my anger and make mockery of the BDSM hypocrites so the mission is accomplished anyways.

Right now,
[size=+1] I'm seeking a lady... [Personal Ad][/size]

 

[The_Fractal_King]

DAMN IT...

they rejected my beautiful story

without giving any proper explanation
it was an auto-reply like thing about

1.story less than 750 words
2.grammer/spelling mistakes

That is a proper reply. You completely failed in the basic guidelines of posting on Lit. Congrats!

 

[Colton_White]

That is a proper reply. You completely failed in the basic guidelines of posting on Lit. Congrats!

I wrote the story in thunderbird email, I don't know how many words did it have? but its big enough.
there are no spelling mistakes, I checked it.
and I don't think there is any grammatical error either.

looks like the aristocrats of BDSM warned site owners not to post my ground breaking bitter truth story.. just joking

how are you doing nowadays?

 

[The_Fractal_King]

I wrote the story in thunderbird email, I don't know how many words did it have? but its big enough.
there are no spelling mistakes, I checked it.
and I don't think there is any grammatical error either.

898 words (I counted)

You misspelled words like 'lifestyle' and 'competitor.'

The grammar mistakes are severe and pervasive. Words are left out, sentences run too long, lists run together rather than use spaces. It goes on. I'm not (and do not intend to be) an editor. If you take this to someone who knows grammatical rules well it could be fixed and probably submitted successfully to Reviews/Essays (though you would probably take a lot of flak once it went p)

how are you doing nowadays?

Good. Hows you?

 

[Colton_White]

898 words (I counted)

You misspelled words like 'lifestyle' and 'competitor.'

The grammar mistakes are severe and pervasive. Words are left out, sentences run too long, lists run together rather than use spaces. It goes on. I'm not (and do not intend to be) an editor. If you take this to someone who knows grammatical rules well it could be fixed and probably submitted successfully to Reviews/Essays (though you would probably take a lot of flak once it went p)

thanks for pointing out.
alright, well English is not my first language, so some lame mistakes are bound to happen.
i'll find some editor and do it but later.

Good. Hows you?

i'm good, but I could have been better if they accepted my story, or if my Personal Ad had worked out.

 

[The_Fractal_King]

thanks for pointing out.
alright, well English is not my first language, so some lame mistakes are bound to happen.
i'll find some editor and do it but later.

Didn't realize English wasn't your first language (though it explains a lot)

i'm good, but I could have been better if they accepted my story, or if my Personal Ad had worked out.

It's fun to get a story submitted even if the response isn't overwhelming (or only like six people vote lol). Keep trying.

I assume Personals take a while to get a response.

 

[ms.read]

hello there,

I seem to have become one of your "trolls" Colton, because I like the ai Lady and a fake dom remembers humor. It seems if you want to be published on lit, maybe I can help I am an Executive Beta Reader. My services are free here on lit. (to all authors let it be known)

What is an Executive Beta Reader? look in my siggy!

 

[Colton_White]

hmm.. 'haven't got any editor yet,

and I'm too lazy finding one,

although I did created a thread on editor's forum, but they rather came advising over bdsm rather than doing the editing.

lol

looks like editors forum is also secretly controled by the bdsm hypocrites. they're every where like CIA. trying to cut my opportunities,

and now they also started getting my posts and threads deleted in personal section lol


1st. they rejected my good story from being published
2.now they make sure i don't get any editor,
Edit my humor story : A fake dom remembers
3. they started getting my posts and threads deleted in personals sections
military crackdown on personal ad

its a big conspiracy going on, and one day I'll write another humor story on it

"BDSM hypocrites control Literotica: A 'fake' dom exposes the conspiracy" lol

 

[where]

489 people view my thread,

so at least 400 people must have read my story, And I'm sure majority of them like my story,
But most of those people were too lazy to post a feedback,

otherwise my story is one of the......

I'm confused. Where is the story?

 

[Colton_White]

I'm confused. Where is the story?

ma'am read the first post of this thread.. its the story

I can't give you the link to the actual story on Lit. website..as they've not approved my story,o
so I've no link to give like other people.

so instead I copy paste whole story in my first post when I started this thread.

click below to read it
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=26639089&postcount=1

other wise just go to the first page of this thread and read the first post

 

[cloudy]

its a big conspiracy going on, and one day I'll write another humor story on it

"BDSM hypocrites control Literotica: A 'fake' dom exposes the conspiracy" lol

paranoid, much?

 

[Colton_White]

paranoid, much?

I leave the readers to judge it.

 

[GratefulFred]

Colton you have mastered the skill of keeping an irrelevent thread topical.

Kuddos.

 

[Guest]

hmm.. 'haven't got any editor yet,

and I'm too lazy finding one,

although I did created a thread on editor's forum, but they rather came advising over bdsm rather than doing the editing.

lol

looks like editors forum is also secretly controled by the bdsm hypocrites. they're every where like CIA.

Actually, you received an analysis of why your story doesn't work, and why no one is willing to edit it, on that very same editor's thread:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=26844424#post26844424

Originally Posted by GnomeDePlume
We can't edit your story--because it's not a story. It has one character, no dialogue, no setting description (we can intuit that he/you is in front of a computer, and that's all) and a "plot" that can best be described as "I found this new online world. I tried to fit in but they didn't like me, so I left, having learned a few things."

The grammar can be cleaned up but that won't make it a story. At absolute best, with an enormous amount of hard work, it might become an essay.

And, of course, if you're not willing to do the hard work of rewriting it so it reads like a story, why should anyone else work hard on your behalf?

And your response was:

there is a good humor story named 'ramblings of a mad porno surfer'
my humor story style is based on inspiration from that one. but \you are right, I should work on it a lil more. I'll soon.

thanks for putting reply.

Do quit whining, won't you?