A question for subs/slaves/pyls

[Velvet Bubbles]

... The sad and scarey thing about it is this woman is/was delusional. She truly believes the bullshit she slings so it's almost impossible to tell in conversation with her. ...

This was the problem with the pathological lier I was with. He doesn't feel he's lying and that made it impossible for me to tell when he was. With most people you can tell when they lie. It's like they give off this "energy" that gives them away. He never had that.

 

[graceanne]

Oh! That reminds me, when I'm with the guys or the gals, whichever, and people are hooking up, I'm always the one making sure they at least have a condom for sure. I also took a box to my Mom when she started dating again.

I tried to tell her it was a different world from the one she grew up in. Being prepared and safe, doesn't equal being bad anymore, it's considered smart and responsible. Things "just happening" is no longer considered sweet and innocent but stupid and Jerry Springer.

Fury

My sister got pregnant when she was 17. She was asked why they weren't using birth control, and she told us she didn't want to make it look like they were planning it. I smacked her upside the head.

Although, she's now the QUEEN of protection - I don't worry about her not using protection.

 

[FurryFury]

This was the problem with the pathological lier I was with. He doesn't feel he's lying and that made it impossible for me to tell when he was. With most people you can tell when they lie. It's like they give off this "energy" that gives them away. He never had that.

That's one of the most frightening types of human on earth IMO.

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

My sister got pregnant when she was 17. She was asked why they weren't using birth control, and she told us she didn't want to make it look like they were planning it. I smacked her upside the head.

Although, she's now the QUEEN of protection - I don't worry about her not using protection.

Well, Mom, who reminds me a lot of someone who isn't listening in her thread that she started here, didn't listen. She had a pregnancy scare while on a ton of drugs.

For a while there I was sure I'd be taking care of her, after she was disabled by a suicide attempt, her child, her mother and my kids.

Thank heavens that hasn't happened, yet. *knocks on wood*

Fury

 

[graceanne]

Well, Mom, who reminds me a lot of someone who isn't listening in her thread that she started here, didn't listen. She had a pregnancy scare while on a ton of drugs.

For a while there I was sure I'd be taking care of her, after she was disabled by a suicide attempt, her child, her mother and my kids.

Thank heavens that hasn't happened, yet. *knocks on wood*

Fury

 

[MelancholyBaby]

I had a bad experience with the first Dom I was ever involved with. I was young, naive, and so excited to feel like I finally had found the kind of relationships I had been searching for. It wasn't so much a matter of him being a terrible guy, but we rushed into it.

The first night I met him I had signed a slave contract. At this point I had probably had sex about five times in my entire life so I was pretty inexperienced and he wasn't patient. He was a sadist big time and I later found out I was no masochist. I don't remember a lot of it. He gave me champagne and I spent some time in a hot tub. I do remember waking up at 4 am and having to come home and tell my mom what had happened. I didn't have a safe call. I didn't have anything but trust. I have replayed the memories in my head so many times and I am very very lucky that he was a decent guy. It could have been a lot worse.

 

[WriterDom]

We're no better or worst than the society we come from. If 10% of men are abusive fucks then 10% in the lifestyle are going to be abusive fucks.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

... then 10% in the lifestyle are going to be abusive f***s.

Hear, hear! How very true.

 

[FurryFury]

We're no better or worst than the society we come from. If 10% of men are abusive fucks then 10% in the lifestyle are going to be abusive fucks.

I'd put the percentage in the nilla world MUCH higher than 10%. LOL. MUCH higher.

I'm not sure about the BDSM world. I've not met enough of the men in it much less played with any of them. I'd like to think with all the safe, sane and consensual stuff being preached that percentage would actually be lower but it only takes one fuck to hurt or murder. One is too much and of course there is clearly more than one.

*sigh*

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

*deleted*

that post hurts my head. the relationship i was in was abusive to the core. i cant believe i didnt recognize it then.

 

[WriterDom]

I'd put the percentage in the nilla world MUCH higher than 10%. LOL. MUCH higher.

I'm not sure about the BDSM world. I've not met enough of the men in it much less played with any of them. I'd like to think with all the safe, sane and consensual stuff being preached that percentage would actually be lower but it only takes one fuck to hurt or murder. One is too much and of course there is clearly more than one.

*sigh*

Fury

I was being conservative.

 

[Chicklet]

I haven't had a bad bdsm experience, yet. Well, what I would describe as bad... I guess I should say I haven't had a bdsm experience I regretted.

 

[FurryFury]

I was being conservative.

I agree with that.

*smiles*

Fury

 

[WriterDom]

The poll looks more like I expected today. For a while it was bad winning 2-1.



Still a lot of bad out there. I hope all these new 18 year old subs (and older) that are coming out of the woodwork are paying attention.

 

[callinectes]

I haven't had a bad experience but then agan I am very cautious. I have met three men but only played with one...and that didn't happen until we had known each other for three weeks (though I confess to being hooked on our first date).

 

[the_pet]

One or two uncomfortable moments.... but no bad experiences

 

[Quixotica]

My bad experience was of the mental variety and not the physical. It really stinks when you open yourself up emotionally to someone and let the fantasies of "Happily Ever After" begin to play in your head, only to have them squashed by a cold, harsh dose of reality.

Unfortunately, there is no safe word for emotional manipulation.

I chalked it up to experience and have begun to be MUCH more discriminating about whom I allow into my most cherished space: my mind.

I have had other stupid BDSM experiences early on where I dated a couple of guys (not at the same time ) who thought they could get an easy BJ from a submissive by giving her a crack on the ass. Idiots. Again, these experiences just helped me hone my BS-meter and learn that submissive does not equal doormat.

 

[WriterDom]

bumpity

 

[lk70]

I'm a relative newbie but I've already had one bad experience. Although it's nothing compared to some of the things others have posted.

I met someone from CM after due diligence vis a vis safety and whatnot and we did decide to play after having dinner and hanging for a few hours. He was very nice, very funny and not terribly DOMLY.

The playing was fine, not great, not intense, but fine. It was AFTER that was the problem. He got wacko- said he wanted to come with me on my business trips, wanted me to come to the city to meet him for an hour every week, tried to take my ring so he could wear it, all sorts of weird clingy-ness. Every time I tried to get up to leave, he'd pull me to him and tell me he just wanted to hold me. I had to wait for him to fall very asleep then sneak out like a criminal. Then he called my cell phone on my way home asking what went wrong. He just never could soak in anything I was telling him.

 

[northwoods_sub]

My nilla relationships have been a lot worse than anything thru bdsm. Though if those nilla relationships would have been bdsm it would have been more fitting.
To put it simply, my ex thought just because we were married that I had no right to say no anymore to anything, if we were bdsm and it had been negotiated then that would not be a problem, however it was not so I nor he knew anything about bdsm and I was raped repeatedly. Not very fun.

 

[sexycaz22]

For me, *touch wood* I haven't got any bad BDSM experience....but then, I have not had any as such as a BDSM experience yet...

But I am very glad that WD have started this thread up, so that I could read about the bad experiences other subs have had, and take in possible bad scenes and be more careful when meeting a potential Dom at a later date.

So I thank everyone who have contributed and is glad that everyone has came out of their bad experiences safe and okay, and is trying to move forward.

Caz

 

[subfem1963]

I have not had any bad experiences, but then I am lucky to have found someone i feel safe with. But this thread has been so interesting to read, and has shown me what could happen.

 

[Puman]

Stalker and Lit lurker

Well, my PYL & I are pretty new to the whole kink scene (we were in a nilla relationship for a long time), so we've slowly been progressing down that road and all experiences, so far have been great.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

And that would be exactly why I don't put identifying photographs of myself on the internet, nor use my given name, nor put an identifying location.

 

[Puman]

And that would be exactly why I don't put identifying photographs of myself on the internet, nor use my given name, nor put an identifying location.

I hear you... it was a hard lesson, but one that has been THOROUGHLY learned... yikes.