Advice for potential new Dom

[chy_girl]

Collarme has what is called the "Subbie Mafia".

I believe they blacklist anyone they don't like, doing their best to 'warn' anyone who might be interested in the target.

I'm not referring to a "Mafia" by any means, more of a subbie-hood.

The local community has many PYL's who not only watch over their own pyls, but will offer a sort of protection (for lack of a better word) to other attending pyls if their PYL is not readily available. But there is also this undercurrent, especially when a noob is introduced, where other pyls will check in with them... how are things going, how are you managing with x,y,z, no really, pyl does NOT equal door mat, etc. It's all very friendship based and open to the newcomers... but this undercurrent. It's also very protective pyl to pyl.

I can only imagine what would happen if a bunch of pyls were outside smoking or in the kitchen chatting and a dickDom came along and got aggressive enough that there wasn't time for someone to holler for a trusted PYL.

...Not that dickDom's get many opportunities to corner pyls here. The one time there was a creepy guy show up, and I mean creepy as in make your skin crawl predatory, creepy, and the whole room was tracking where he went. If a sub was in the kitchen and he headed that way a PYL followed.

 

[BLoved]

I can only imagine what would happen if a bunch of pyls were outside smoking or in the kitchen chatting and a dickDom came along and got aggressive enough that there wasn't time for someone to holler for a trusted PYL.

I am quite sure novices get warned about that BLoved guy and what a "dickdom" he is. We see it constantly here.

~shrug~

The price I pay to warn them regarding the risks of casual 'bdsm'.

 

[BLoved]

That is a complete mischaracterization of the discussion here. The argument was that dictating to submissives that play outside of a love-based relationship is dysfunctional is insulting.

You want to argue semantics with a writer?

 

[chy_girl]

I am quite sure novices get warned about that BLoved guy and what a "dickdom" he is. We see it constantly here.

~shrug~

The price I pay to warn them regarding the risks of casual 'bdsm'.

I don't recall anyone ever referring to you as a dickDom. DickDom's are a totally different breed, IMO.

 

[midwestyankee]

I don't recall anyone ever referring to you as a dickDom. DickDom's are a totally different breed, IMO.

Even dickdoms have some shred of integrity.

 

[BLoved]

I don't recall anyone ever referring to you as a dickDom. DickDom's are a totally different breed, IMO.

You may have noticed labels don't actually have to apply to be tossed around for effect.

 

[chy_girl]

You may have noticed labels don't actually have to apply to be tossed around for effect.

I'm aware of that. However, nothing in this has been one sided.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I don't recall anyone ever referring to you as a dickDom.

Cause he's worse than a dickdom.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Folks here have described relationships (their own and hypotheticals) and asked me to apply my standards.

Errr... no.

People described their relationships to show to you that your all encompassing "umbrella" beliefs were not applicable to all situations.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Who here has ever said showing up equals consent? I've never seen it said on Fetlife either, though I'm sure there are a few yahoos everywhere.

Here it appears in the form of 'anyone who advises a submissive regarding the risks they are taking is insulting the intelligence of submissives', and that you will find in the casual 'bdsm' discussion, several times.

How in god's name are those the same thing?

And for the record, nobody EVER said that giving people advice was bad. They said treating people like they're stupid is bad. Again, different things, but read into it what you will.

 

[RuReal]

Bloved you comment on thread hijacking, but really your negative comments to the poster claiming that he could be a rapist and slanting your own view instead of telling the person where to find good information was the first hijack. He asked for help instead you spat forth your own idea of why what he is saying was bad.

tsk tsk tsk yes this thread has gone all to to hell, but it is easy to see why.

 

[intothewoods]

You want to argue semantics with a writer?

I don't say this often, but that made me LOL. Thank you.

 

[BLoved]

And for the record, nobody EVER said that giving people advice was bad. They said treating people like they're stupid is bad. Again, different things, but read into it what you will.

And apparently some people believe that giving advice is the same as treating people as if they are stupid.

After all, if people are so smart they don't need advice, do they?

In other words, people don't need to do any research, they should just assume they're smart enough to figure out everything on their own. The only people who could get themselves into trouble are the stupid ones, and they deserve what they get because they're stupid.

That's pretty much the way the mantra goes around here.

 

[BLoved]

your negative comments to the poster claiming that he could be a rapist

I have made no such claim.

 

[BLoved]

I don't say this often, but that made me LOL. Thank you.

~smile~

All part of the service.

 

[RuReal]

Indeed.

Rapists, predators and abusers can call what they do "bdsm" and some would have us believe we must respect their definitions.



See what I mean?



It really depends upon whether you want to abuse people, or not.

BDSM is not abusive, when based on love.

When based on selfish ego-gratification ... well, that's another story.

BLoved did you did you not say what I linked to above. I also enjoy how all aspects of BDSM in your listing you refer to a Master Slave relationship. There is more than just that interaction in BDSM maybe you should keep that in mind.

In fact I very rarely see Master Slave relationships out there.

 

[BLoved]

BLoved did you did you not say what I linked to above.

I did.

What I did not do was claim or suggest the OP was a rapist.

I also enjoy how all aspects of BDSM in your listing you refer to a Master Slave relationship. There is more than just that interaction in BDSM maybe you should keep that in mind.

In fact I very rarely see Master Slave relationships out there.

~smile~

I am told that terminology varies from person to person: one person's "slave" is another person's "submissive".

In discussions such as this I use "master/slave" as generic terms.

It has also been pointed out that I tend to assign masculine qualities to master and feminine qualities to slave.

I trust the average reader is intelligent enough to translate the terminology to whatever is most comfortable for them. Saves me the trouble of writing out all the permutations/combinations each time I was to say something.

 

[00Syd]

You want to argue semantics with a writer?

LOL.

Learn how to create a paragraph and then come back and claim to be a writer.

 

[BLoved]

LOL.

Learn how to create a paragraph and then come back and claim to be a writer.

I earned my living as a writer ... what about you?

 

[00Syd]

I earned my living as a writer ... what about you?

I'm currently in college with aspirations of being a writer. I welcome you to come back to me in 40 years, and I'll let you know how it all worked out. Thankfully I excelled in the "how to create a logical paragraph" class during middle school, so I feel pretty good about my chances.

 

[Keroin]

I'm currently in college with aspirations of being a writer. I welcome you to come back to me in 40 years, and I'll let you know how it all worked out. Thankfully I excelled in the "how to create a logical paragraph" class during middle school, so I feel pretty good about my chances.

Off topic...

And you're going to rock! I just know it. Go, Syd, go!!

Can't wait to say "I knew her when..."



Clive Cussler earns a pretty sweet living as a writer, that doesn't mean he's any good at it.

/off topic

 

[BLoved]

I'm currently in college with aspirations of being a writer. I welcome you to come back to me in 40 years, and I'll let you know how it all worked out. Thankfully I excelled in the "how to create a logical paragraph" class during middle school, so I feel pretty good about my chances.

~smile~

And I got paid for creating logical paragraphs.

Paid by people like Northern Telecom, IBM, Simply Accounting, Olympia & York ...

See, if you are going to be a success at tech writing, you had better know how to write logical paragraphs.

 

[RuReal]

I did.

What I did not do was claim or suggest the OP was a rapist.



~smile~

I am told that terminology varies from person to person: one person's "slave" is another person's "submissive".

In discussions such as this I use "master/slave" as generic terms.

It has also been pointed out that I tend to assign masculine qualities to master and feminine qualities to slave.

I trust the average reader is intelligent enough to translate the terminology to whatever is most comfortable for them. Saves me the trouble of writing out all the permutations/combinations each time I was to say something.

Considering what you wrote you are not using the terms generically at all. While there is interpretations within the relationship Master and Slave is tends to be fairly deeper than that. Even more so if you are talking about the Goreans. As I said before in a nicer way if you do not know what you are talking about would suggest changing the subject and picking something else.

I really do think that at this stage in your development you do not have an understanding of BDSM outside of a fictional setting. You are free to talk as it is a free space to do so, but the advice you are handing out boarders on something I would worry about. Next thing you will be saying is one should not have sex before getting married and that sex should only be had to produce children. What you say sounds very close to this kind of mindset.

You may not have said it but you implied it in what you said.

 

[BLoved]

Considering what you wrote you are not using the terms generically at all. While there is interpretations within the relationship Master and Slave is tends to be fairly deeper than that. Even more so if you are talking about the Goreans. As I said before in a nicer way if you do not know what you are talking about would suggest changing the subject and picking something else.

I really do think that at this stage in your development you do not have an understanding of BDSM outside of a fictional setting. You are free to talk as it is a free space to do so, but the advice you are handing out boarders on something I would worry about. Next thing you will be saying is one should not have sex before getting married and that sex should only be had to produce children. What you say sounds very close to this kind of mindset.

You may not have said it but you implied it in what you said.

Six years in a D/s relationship, four years and eleven years in M/s relationships.

And that doesn't count the relationships that didn't make it past a year.

Apparently you have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy.

But don't let that stop you from trying to discredit me.

 

[MisterSir]

Off topic...

And you're going to rock! I just know it. Go, Syd, go!!

Can't wait to say "I knew her when..."

God, that's a weird thought. Us, as in the Talk collective, in ten years time. I feel like this would make good Chat fodder, but I'm too insecure to start the thread myself.