Advice, please and thank you

[muycurioso]

Someone very close to me who I came out to as trans said that I’m trying to normalize something that isn’t normal. I feel heartbroken over it. Now I feel like I should hide who I am for their comfort, which I know is wrong, but maybe that’s what’s best to salvage the relationship.

What are your thoughts, Dear Reader?

find a new friend(s)

 

[Jabba73]

Why do we have to endure so much just to be accepted for who we are? It's utterly heartbreaking.

This is someone who I came out to quite a long time ago, but has been keeping their hurt hidden to protect me. This person said that I "have a mental illness" and that it's "not normal". And that they are tired of pretending like it IS normal. I've tried to convince this person that what I'm dealing with isn't a "phase" or that it's something that I can just "get over". Sadly, it all seems to be falling on deaf ears.

So far, I've even gone as far as not going further in my transition journey other that just appearing slightly more androgynous with a bit of feminine flair. At this point, I'm ready to just invest in myself and my happiness. I'm the one I have to die with when I die, anyway.

Honestly, I'm 50 and I probably won't ever pass, but at this point, I'd much rather be a happy ugly girl than a sad pretty boy.

You're not ugly at all.

 

[Noor]

Someone very close to me who I came out to as trans said that I’m trying to normalize something that isn’t normal. I feel heartbroken over it. Now I feel like I should hide who I am for their comfort, which I know is wrong, but maybe that’s what’s best to salvage the relationship.

What are your thoughts, Dear Reader?

That was probably how they felt but they may not feel about that later.
Remember you’ve had time in coming out as trans but it was totally new to them.
I don’t think you should hide who you are. I think you should act as you usually do with them and give them time.
If this is a close non romantic, and/or non sexual friend, your being trans shouldnt really affect them, but if they are a sexual or romantic partner it could. Ive watched this happen many times and if the partner does accept the transition eventually the trans person leaves.

 

[warner34]

Someone very close to me who I came out to as trans said that I’m trying to normalize something that isn’t normal. I feel heartbroken over it. Now I feel like I should hide who I am for their comfort, which I know is wrong, but maybe that’s what’s best to salvage the relationship.

What are your thoughts, Dear Reader?

Sorry to hear that. While I don’t know what you’re going through, I can only offer that you should be true to yourself no matter what. Your social circle might change, but I hope for the better.

 

[LillyLightfoot]

Someone very close to me who I came out to as trans said that I’m trying to normalize something that isn’t normal. I feel heartbroken over it. Now I feel like I should hide who I am for their comfort, which I know is wrong, but maybe that’s what’s best to salvage the relationship.

What are your thoughts, Dear Reader?

That person doesn't know what you're experiencing so they shouldn't render any judgments

 

[2tallpaul]

find a new friend(s)

Like a divorce, you will find who your friends are. I have one that dodges me after letting me know he's bi. Hitting on me after coming out, I wasn't interested. Find new friends. I relocated to the St Louis area as I have family there and love the new group I am with. I've transitioned and have a beautiful mate, a female, and now I'm getting used to the lesbian comments in public. She's 5'8" natural blond and I'm 5'10". Between wolf whistles when we jog or ride bikes, we are getting used to it. She's 39 and I'm 45. I think neither as a man or a woman and found out I was born with Klinefelters. There's a thousand signs that I was different and my friends and family always sensed it.

Out of context, sex had nothing to do with it. We have a great sex life and I came out of a loveless marriage. I've been given a second chance. Believe in yourself.

 

[Kellieskirt3]

Talk with them it can be a shock to our friends as well sometime, so talk with them, let them ask questions ask them what are they feeling about this subject some times we just cut people out and they just never had the chance to really talk it through, if they are not going to accept or at least try well then you will have a choice to make.

 

[muycurioso]

Like a divorce, you will find who your friends are. I have one that dodges me after letting me know he's bi. Hitting on me after coming out, I wasn't interested. Find new friends. I relocated to the St Louis area as I have family there and love the new group I am with. I've transitioned and have a beautiful mate, a female, and now I'm getting used to the lesbian comments in public. She's 5'8" natural blond and I'm 5'10". Between wolf whistles when we jog or ride bikes, we are getting used to it. She's 39 and I'm 45. I think neither as a man or a woman and found out I was born with Klinefelters. There's a thousand signs that I was different and my friends and family always sensed it.

Out of context, sex had nothing to do with it. We have a great sex life and I came out of a loveless marriage. I've been given a second chance. Believe in yourself.

thanks, I still am looking.

 

[Mike130]

Someone very close to me who I came out to as trans said that I’m trying to normalize something that isn’t normal. I feel heartbroken over it. Now I feel like I should hide who I am for their comfort, which I know is wrong, but maybe that’s what’s best to salvage the relationship.

What are your thoughts, Dear Reader?

No, you are you, same as before. What is between your legs is between you and a lover, and shouldn’t be a factor in a friendship (you didn’t mention what your relationship was with this person, I imagine a friend or relative). They seem to be asking you to rationalize something that can’t be rationalized. Is love rational? The color of our skin? Our physical appearance?

Most people accept our sex. Make the best of it. You got to choose a sexual identity that best suits you! You are brave and have the persistence and drive to pursue your dreams. You are the same person, the same sense of humor, the same personality. Why would it matter if you’re trans? If they have feelings for you, they should accept you for the qualities they liked about you before they knew you were trans.

Perhaps it will take time to absorb and accept the revelation.

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

My ex wife was psychologically and emotionally abusive as well as homophobic and transphobic. I hid my feelings and myself for 15 years until I couldn't put up with the gaslighting and growing threats of physical violence.

My partner now knows EVERYTHING about me because I was upfront with her from day one and I'm now in one of the most supportive, loving and honest relationships I've ever been in during my 45 years.

It sucks, but appeasing someone and putting your mental health at risk isn't worth it. You can mourn the relationship and leave the door open, but this person close to you doesn't seem to value your relationship beyond the surface level.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sucks in so many ways. But at some point you have to put yourself and your mental well being first. You are who you are and nothing should change that.

 

[2tallpaul]

My ex wife was psychologically and emotionally abusive as well as homophobic and transphobic. I hid my feelings and myself for 15 years until I couldn't put up with the gaslighting and growing threats of physical violence.

My partner now knows EVERYTHING about me because I was upfront with her from day one and I'm now in one of the most supportive, loving and honest relationships I've ever been in during my 45 years.

It sucks, but appeasing someone and putting your mental health at risk isn't worth it. You can mourn the relationship and leave the door open, but this person close to you doesn't seem to value your relationship beyond the surface level.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It sucks in so many ways. But at some point you have to put yourself and your mental well being first. You are who you are and nothing should change that

I hid mine from 20 to 40. Even transferred colleges to hide it. I'm with a person now that knows most of the details and is writing a book on it. Doubt if we will publish. From FMF, to group sex and gang bangs at an early age to reliving it after 40. Be comfortable with yourself.

 

[dodgeboy2]

Someone very close to me who I came out to as trans said that I’m trying to normalize something that isn’t normal. I feel heartbroken over it. Now I feel like I should hide who I am for their comfort, which I know is wrong, but maybe that’s what’s best to salvage the relationship.

What are your thoughts, Dear Reader?

I think you are who you are there is nothing that changed inside you, as far as them saying you are trying to normalize something that is not normal is a bunch of crap as again you are what you are, you are your normal and well if they were a real friend they would understand, so I say boldly FUCK THEM YOU ARE PERFECT AND NORMAL THEWAY YOU ARE!

 

[Stacy_TG]

I just want to say that I am touched be the outpouring of support I’ve been receiving. It truly means the words to me knowing that there are people in the world that love me for who I am.

I’m working my way through the issues I’m having with people close to me, but I’m leaving to put myself first, which isn’t always easy.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I love you all.

 

[Whynotyeahwhynot]

Stacy like I said, be who you are in your head and heart. You have to live your life for yourself and not for others. When you get up in the mornings look in the mirror and smile. Then think to yourself that person looking back at me is who I want to be and I like that person.

 

[CdKimMajick]

Someone very close to me who I came out to as trans said that I’m trying to normalize something that isn’t normal. I feel heartbroken over it. Now I feel like I should hide who I am for their comfort, which I know is wrong, but maybe that’s what’s best to salvage the relationship.

What are your thoughts, Dear Reader?

Be true to yourself. I repressed my feelings for 34 years and I hated both myself and the world. For your own mental health trust your feelings and embrace who you are

 

[CdKimMajick]

Why do we have to endure so much just to be accepted for who we are? It's utterly heartbreaking.

This is someone who I came out to quite a long time ago, but has been keeping their hurt hidden to protect me. This person said that I "have a mental illness" and that it's "not normal". And that they are tired of pretending like it IS normal. I've tried to convince this person that what I'm dealing with isn't a "phase" or that it's something that I can just "get over". Sadly, it all seems to be falling on deaf ears.

So far, I've even gone as far as not going further in my transition journey other that just appearing slightly more androgynous with a bit of feminine flair. At this point, I'm ready to just invest in myself and my happiness. I'm the one I have to die with when I die, anyway.

Honestly, I'm 50 and I probably won't ever pass, but at this point, I'd much rather be a happy ugly girl than a sad pretty boy.

We have to endure so much hatred because most anti-trans people dont understand the feelings we have. And you always fear what you don't understand.

My daughter's were given up for adoption when they were born because I was a drug addict and their mom was not very stable herself. They went to same family(relevance to follow)

The mother who adopted them messaged me yesterday and this is after she wished that I find true happiness on this journey with the following words..."since you are no longer ,my dead self, then that means you are giving up your daughters. And have you given any thought as to how this will affect my girls and their children"

I responded...Well one daughter doesn't speak to me because she believes I abandoned her. The other daughter fully supports me. And as far as their children it's up to them to explain it not me.

Then I sent her a detailed message about how repressing my feelings since my 20s (54) had effected my life in negative ways.

She apologized because she'd never spoken to someone who is Trans and learned the negative ways repressing these feelings affected me