Affection

[FungiUg]

Just as a counter point of view.

I can only inflict intentional pain on someone I feel affection for. When I think about that, it's just plain weird! Okay, and it's women, not men. I used to be in the habit of delivering back-slaps or neck squeezes, but I decided that was inappropriate and stopped doing it. But I still on occasion can't resist delivering a nice hard bite to a woman I love.

Of course, one of those women teases me back by calling me "Sir". Bitch. *chuckle*

Anyway, in a D/s scene... if I feel no affection for the woman I am playing with, then I can't bring myself to hurt her. But if I honestly care for the person, and I know she gets off on the pain... then yep, this secret little sadist pops out, sits on my shoulder, and starts whispering all sorts of evil little plans in my ear.

Go figure.

 

[ownedsubgal]

sometimes yes i do find some very harsh things to be quite intimate and affectionate, WITH my Master of course. however my quote about mouth fucking was misinterpreted...feeling delicate, feminine, and desired to me is NOT the same as affection.

 

[AvaAdore]

sometimes yes i do find some very harsh things to be quite intimate and affectionate, WITH my Master of course. however my quote about mouth fucking was misinterpreted...feeling delicate, feminine, and desired to me is NOT the same as affection.

Sorry for the misinterpreation. I'm still working on what my definition of affection really is.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just as a counter point of view.

I can only inflict intentional pain on someone I feel affection for. When I think about that, it's just plain weird! Okay, and it's women, not men. I used to be in the habit of delivering back-slaps or neck squeezes, but I decided that was inappropriate and stopped doing it. But I still on occasion can't resist delivering a nice hard bite to a woman I love.

Of course, one of those women teases me back by calling me "Sir". Bitch. *chuckle*

Anyway, in a D/s scene... if I feel no affection for the woman I am playing with, then I can't bring myself to hurt her. But if I honestly care for the person, and I know she gets off on the pain... then yep, this secret little sadist pops out, sits on my shoulder, and starts whispering all sorts of evil little plans in my ear.

Go figure.

This is fairly much how F processes it. He can give pain to others and has, but the feeling is nowhere near as powerful or satisfying as doing it with the one he loves and he knows loves him. Love for us seems to add an entirely other dimension to it which to date cannot be rivaled. I have heard the same from other subs too as in the pain being different when administered by other than their one.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

It's more perverse with love, I think.

Kicking a near stranger is just odd.

Kicking a cherished lover is *perverted.*

 

[catalina_francisco]

It's more perverse with love, I think.

Kicking a near stranger is just odd.

Kicking a cherished lover is *perverted.*

LOL, yes, and allows so many additional dimensions to be added, challenges to be met, in essence freedom to be yourself without any mask required for approval or acceptance.

Catalina

 

[Guest]

Hmm... maybe that's my problem. I'm a very new and very young (18) submissive that's having some trouble adjusting to my role and I just realized it's probably because I haven't learned to associate all the pain and humiliation and the way he uses me with affection. Do Doms usually mean for that to be affectionate? But even if it is, it just can't match the way I feel when my Dom strokes my hair or kisses me on the forehead. I wonder how I'd feel if he pet me with one hand and hurt me with the other...

Well, as of now I only associate pain and degradation with his ownership of me so I'm gonna work on that.

Flip side to the other thread I think..

I was trying to explain something to a vanilla someone the other day - can you believe they PM'd me because I seemed "reasonable"

I think for a lot of us it comes down to "want"
Perhaps try seeing the affection in the ownership - not so much in the play yet. In the "want".

But then I found myself trying to explain - perfect opposits..that attract perfectly.
For me it is not so much a feeding of the inner sadist ..I can keep that under control. It is the feeling as I watch her.
I have worked with strangers - which is fun.
But it is ..shallow I guess is the word.
To play with someone you love- to watch their body respond with sensation..*sigh* To learn them. And then to build their level of sensation to the point where the release leaves them too weak to walk away.
And then to sit quietly with them on your lap. Stroking them. As they wind down.
Grumble..Grumble ..Trying to explain things I'm not sure there are words FOR.
Unlike one of your previous..For a good Top/Dom/me/Master etc...Control can be the most fundamental gesture of love and affection.
Pain..and what others on the outside might see as degradation ..can be/are sometimes simply (simple..now THERE'S a laugh) affirmations of the relative positions. From both sides, the demand for, and the acceptance of. Either way, and from whatever side, they are affirmations of desire, and of wanting, and of well, all kinds of complicated emotional states.
And there is a realization that she is there..and we are playing because what I do meets a need in her, just as much as in me. It meets the requirements of her "wanting". If it didn't *shrug* then where's the point to it all?

 

[Desdemona]

Flip side to the other thread I think..

I was trying to explain something to a vanilla someone the other day - can you believe they PM'd me because I seemed "reasonable"

I think for a lot of us it comes down to "want"
Perhaps try seeing the affection in the ownership - not so much in the play yet. In the "want".

But then I found myself trying to explain - perfect opposits..that attract perfectly.
For me it is not so much a feeding of the inner sadist ..I can keep that under control. It is the feeling as I watch her.
I have worked with strangers - which is fun.
But it is ..shallow I guess is the word.
To play with someone you love- to watch their body respond with sensation..*sigh* To learn them. And then to build their level of sensation to the point where the release leaves them too weak to walk away.
And then to sit quietly with them on your lap. Stroking them. As they wind down.
Grumble..Grumble ..Trying to explain things I'm not sure there are words FOR.
Unlike one of your previous..For a good Top/Dom/me/Master etc...Control can be the most fundamental gesture of love and affection.
Pain..and what others on the outside might see as degradation ..can be/are sometimes simply (simple..now THERE'S a laugh) affirmations of the relative positions. From both sides, the demand for, and the acceptance of. Either way, and from whatever side, they are affirmations of desire, and of wanting, and of well, all kinds of complicated emotional states.
And there is a realization that she is there..and we are playing because what I do meets a need in her, just as much as in me. It meets the requirements of her "wanting". If it didn't *shrug* then where's the point to it all?

You explained it quite well. To love someone enough to trust and allow intense play to the point that you can't walk away. To be held close and stroked as you come down. I don't know how I could do that if I didn't believe and trust in my dominant partner's affection and love for me. I have played with others without that emotional connection. For me, it's a shadow of what I need and without substance.

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

Still trying to get my head around a lot of things and this thread really caught my interest.

Affection ... we each have our own working definitions of the word and that will shape our opinions.

For me it is the emotion and motivations behind the acts that makes me see them as affectionate. The needs met for both of us when Daddy yanks my hair hard enough to make me cry or whips my ass until it is red and raw or bites my nipples so hard i feel it for days is different than if it were someone else doing those things to me. Those physical needs and desires might be met, but the emotionally connection would be missing.

EKVITKAR said "To play with someone you love- to watch their body respond with sensation..*sigh* To learn them. And then to build their level of sensation to the point where the release leaves them too weak to walk away. And then to sit quietly with them on your lap. Stroking them. As they wind down."

That really struck me .... especially "to learn them." I know it is different for each of us, but for me the emotional connection and acceptance and intimacy of my time with Daddy (whether it is quiet cuddling and holding or a time that leaves my body red and raw) is what makes it affectionate.

Not sure if i am making any sense at all ... i think i will return to my usual lurking.

 

[Guest]

Still trying to get my head around a lot of things and this thread really caught my interest.

Affection ... we each have our own working definitions of the word and that will shape our opinions.

For me it is the emotion and motivations behind the acts that makes me see them as affectionate. The needs met for both of us when Daddy yanks my hair hard enough to make me cry or whips my ass until it is red and raw or bites my nipples so hard i feel it for days is different than if it were someone else doing those things to me. Those physical needs and desires might be met, but the emotionally connection would be missing.

EKVITKAR said "To play with someone you love- to watch their body respond with sensation..*sigh* To learn them. And then to build their level of sensation to the point where the release leaves them too weak to walk away. And then to sit quietly with them on your lap. Stroking them. As they wind down."

That really struck me .... especially "to learn them." I know it is different for each of us, but for me the emotional connection and acceptance and intimacy of my time with Daddy (whether it is quiet cuddling and holding or a time that leaves my body red and raw) is what makes it affectionate.

Not sure if i am making any sense at all ... i think i will return to my usual lurking.

Perfect sense..

That learning..It is the most rewarding thing there is..On so many levels that even after all these years, I don't quite know how to describe the process..
Each sound...Each movement..How the body responds to your touch..Here..Or there.. Like this..Like that..
*sigh*
And then there is the inflection of the voice...The look in the eyes..The posture..The Movements..
Each is a sign that I follow.
Taking us to a place that we both want to be.
Ideally, what happens is that all of the things that happen, fulfill the wanting within us both.
Me Dom, You sub, doesn't work (basement dwelling internet geeks aside) There has to be something inside me that makes her want to be mine. There has to be something in her that makes me want her....Completely.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

This is mostly directed to subs.

Do you find being flogged and otherwise tortured affectionate?

In relation to mouthfucking, osg said "having a man use my mouth and throat that way just makes me feel so beautiful, so delicate, so feminine, so desired."

That's how I feel too.

Getting whipped, mouthfucked, fucked in the ass when I don't want it and when I do. Things that make me uncomfortable. Having such things done to me feels like I am receiving affection (in some twisted way or other ) and I always feel very much appreciated and most definately desired.

I have recently experienced mouthfucking. It's just my opinion, I don't mean to sound like a whiny bitch or anything, but I gagged and then I had a major anxiety attack. Plus, please don't take offense guys, but I truly felt like throwing up after he came all over myface. Who knows though, maybe it was just the time of month, lol

 

[AvaAdore]

Re: Re: Affection

I have recently experienced mouthfucking. It's just my opinion, I don't mean to sound like a whiny bitch or anything, but I gagged and then I had a major anxiety attack. Plus, please don't take offense guys, but I truly felt like throwing up after he came all over myface. Who knows though, maybe it was just the time of month, lol

I gag. I have a terrible gag reflex, and once i did throw up a little (i realized it was coming and ran for the bathroom - luckily i wasn't tied up!). I'm working on it. Most people have a gag reflex. I get panicky when i feel like i'm running out of air, even though it's usually for just a few seconds. I think this is where trust is really important in the relationship - you know that you Dom is not going to harm you.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Re: Re: Re: Affection

I gag. I have a terrible gag reflex, and once i did throw up a little (i realized it was coming and ran for the bathroom - luckily i wasn't tied up!). I'm working on it. Most people have a gag reflex. I get panicky when i feel like i'm running out of air, even though it's usually for just a few seconds. I think this is where trust is really important in the relationship - you know that you Dom is not going to harm you.

Yes, I know he won't. Actually, I didn't even know I was having an anxiety attack. His other slave told him I was. Of course, I feel really bad because along with feeling like I'm going to throw up, I had acid reflux, lol

 

[niteshade]

Flip side to the other thread I think..

I was trying to explain something to a vanilla someone the other day - can you believe they PM'd me because I seemed "reasonable"

Good lord... they weren't just vanilla, they were deranged. LMAO.

Ok, now on to the point of the discussion. LOL.
It is only recently (this past week, in fact) that I have been in a relationship where pain played any kind of a large part. Before, it has always been incidental things that happened mostly in the heat of passion... i.e., hair pulling, biting a little too hard, etc. But the person I have been playing with most recently is quite delibrate about the pain.

I can't say that I considered it a sign of affection when he hurt me, but I will say that when he would be doing something that hurt, and pushing that little bit further... and then he would force me to look into his eyes and say "Take it. Take it for me" it felt like someone was stroking my mind with warm hands. I didn't have to say it hurt... I didn't have to say that I was at the limit... he just knew, because he was paying that much attention to my every breath, every facial expression, gasp, and so on.

Whether its like that for anyone else, I can't say. But if it is, perhaps the feeling of affection comes not from the physical sensation of the pain, but from the absolute knowledge that YOU are the sole focus of his every thought at that moment. There is simply no way he can be paying that much attention to you and be thinking about the insurance payment being due at the same time, ya know?

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

I can't say that I considered it a sign of affection when he hurt me, but I will say that when he would be doing something that hurt, and pushing that little bit further... and then he would force me to look into his eyes and say "Take it. Take it for me" it felt like someone was stroking my mind with warm hands. I didn't have to say it hurt... I didn't have to say that I was at the limit... he just knew, because he was paying that much attention to my every breath, every facial expression, gasp, and so on.

Whether its like that for anyone else, I can't say. But if it is, perhaps the feeling of affection comes not from the physical sensation of the pain, but from the absolute knowledge that YOU are the sole focus of his every thought at that moment. There is simply no way he can be paying that much attention to you and be thinking about the insurance payment being due at the same time, ya know?

Yes, yes, yes, yes yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nitshade, i understand entirely!

 

[~hellbaby~]

Question-Can You Seperate Trust and Affection?

I keep seeing 'trust and affection' grouped together.When I refer to affection I mean sexual attraction in my Q.,not just a platonic type attraction of friendship. Do you find you need a sexual attraction toward someone in order to enjoy a flogging,spanking or other activity where actual penetration need not be involved or do they go hand in hand for you? I'm curious how many people are or have been in this type or relationship where sex(innercourse) is not involved,or do you feel they must go hand in hand?:

 

[silver_inari]

Affection
This is mostly directed to subs.

Do you find being flogged and otherwise tortured affectionate?

In relation to mouthfucking, osg said "having a man use my mouth and throat that way just makes me feel so beautiful, so delicate, so feminine, so desired."

That's how I feel too.

Getting whipped, mouthfucked, fucked in the ass when I don't want it and when I do. Things that make me uncomfortable. Having such things done to me feels like I am receiving affection (in some twisted way or other ) and I always feel very much appreciated and most definately desired.
>

I feel very desired when my dominant takes such firm control and does such things. The last time when he just moved to harshly grab my hair and used my mouth (I did very little other then sit there and keep it open) was extremely erotic for the both of us. When things like that occur in a scene or in random moments in the house, I feel like it is a mark that he desires me to such an extent he has to do something about it right NOW and to hell with what I might be feeling. It is quite exciting.

Silver_inari

 

[~hellbaby~]

Good lord... they weren't just vanilla, they were deranged. LMAO.

I didn't have to say it hurt... I didn't have to say that I was at the limit... he just knew, because he was paying that much attention to my every breath, every facial expression, gasp, and so on.

Whether its like that for anyone else, I can't say. But if it is, perhaps the feeling of affection comes not from the physical sensation of the pain, but from the absolute knowledge that YOU are the sole focus of his every thought at that moment. There is simply no way he can be paying that much attention to you and be thinking about the insurance payment being due at the same time, ya know?

It never crossed my mind that his attention would be elsewhere at anytime but I know that feeling your talking about. When you know your just about as far as you can go but you don't need to say anything because He knows too, that's how tuned in to you He is and he knows,He just knows what you need at any given time.It's such a strong feeling.

 

[Justina123]

Teminology

For me, I guess it's just a matter of terminology.

When I think of affection, I think of being stroked, held, fingers lightly run up and down my spine, spooning in bed, my head on his lap watching a movie, etc.

When I think of really really hot and erotic times, I think of flogging, whipping, spanking, hair pulling, slapping, rough sex, etc. etc.

The fact that I get lots of both out of my relationship with Sir is what makes it where I want to be and stay.

justina