Alpha sub

[catalina_francisco]

Either way, I hope that Master decides that I am his alpha. It would totally destroy me if he said another was to be his alpha.

I still get the feeling you need to talk to him much more about this, especially under the circumstances of you both not having met each other irl yourselves as yet. Everyone is different and have a right to do things their way, but most arrangements like he is suggesting you begin arranging for him are best once the primary relationship is going well and has a solid foundation from which to introduce a third.

I cannot fault your reservations and insecurities given you are yet to meet each other, and then at some point introduce the person you have supposedly found as a third. It is a lot of pressure to put you under in even the best circumstances, and a huge responsibility to choose someone he will like, and you both can trust. You are human, do have emotions, and can have limits and rights to be considered.

Sometimes Dominants can become overwhelmed with the possibilities that abound without taking time to take into account how their haste and enthusiasm to try it all can affect the one closest to them. They are human too and can at times make mistakes. Talk to him realistically and see if he realises what he is really asking of you, and more importantly what is going on in your head and heart.

Catalina

 

[s'lara]

Seems to be two schools of thought:

alpha sub - a sub who is strong of personality; a sub who has seemingly dominant charateristics.

alpha sub - a sub who is the top sub (i know that is an oxymoron) in a poly D/s relationship.

i am certainly not an alpha sub in regard to the first definition.

As to the second definition, i'd imagine such labels would create unecessary competition between the subs involved. i am sure those who are involved in poly D/s relationships might be able to provide a better perspective.

lara

 

[Esclava]

Seems to be two schools of thought:

alpha sub - a sub who is strong of personality; a sub who has seemingly dominant charateristics.

alpha sub - a sub who is the top sub (i know that is an oxymoron) in a poly D/s relationship.

i am certainly not an alpha sub in regard to the first definition.

As to the second definition, i'd imagine such labels would create unecessary competition between the subs involved. i am sure those who are involved in poly D/s relationships might be able to provide a better perspective.

lara

I can only speak from the personal experience I have in the poly D/s relationship I am currently in.

Master dictated which of us is the "Alpha Sub" in the relationship. We are BOTH Alpha in personality and demeanor, but there is no competition because it is by Master's command that I respect her position as his "No 1 slave", if you will. If I allow competition or a disgrultled attitude to come into the picture, Master would intervene and I am unwilling to accept the price he would make me pay. It would not be as simple as behavior correcting discipline...I would be released.

The "competition" (or lack thereof) comes down to how the Master/Dom/me handles acknowledging who his primary slave is. And then, how s/he handles the slaves involved.

Esclava

 

[s'lara]

I can only speak from the personal experience I have in the poly D/s relationship I am currently in.

Master dictated which of us is the "Alpha Sub" in the relationship. We are BOTH Alpha in personality and demeanor, but there is no competition because it is by Master's command that I respect her position as his "No 1 slave", if you will. If I allow competition or a disgrultled attitude to come into the picture, Master would intervene and I am unwilling to accept the price he would make me pay. It would not be as simple as behavior correcting discipline...I would be released.

The "competition" (or lack thereof) comes down to how the Master/Dom/me handles acknowledging who his primary slave is. And then, how s/he handles the slaves involved.

Esclava

i just don't understand the need to label one as No. 1 sub. Is it to define certain boundaries? Is a hierarchy necessary? Let me preface my explanation for the questions by saying that i am aware that all relationships are different and don't necessarily have to make sense to another in order for those relationships to work.

i asked these questions because i don't understand how creating a sense of inequality among the subs is a constructive method to creating harmony. i can't imagine insecurity and feelings of rivalry won't come to bear at some point or another (from sub1 to sub2 and vice versa). Fear of release doesn't necessarily obviate these feelings, at least not to my way of thinking, but rather may stifle a true and natural response to a dynamic that can be tenuous and rife with emotion. i guess i don't understand because i don't believe i could exist in such a relationship without difficulty. Thanks for humoring my questions Esclava and i hope you don't take them as an affront to your relationship.

lara

 

[Esclava]

i just don't understand the need to label one as No. 1 sub. Is it to define certain boundaries? Is a hierarchy necessary? Let me preface my explanation for the questions by saying that i am aware that all relationships are different and don't necessarily have to make sense to another in order for those relationships to work.

<snip>Thanks for humoring my questions Esclava and i hope you don't take them as an affront to your relationship.

lara

There is no room for "insult" in the search for knowledge - so, no insult is taken where none is intended.

A hierarchy is only dictated as necessary by the Master/Dom/me. If it is something Master desires, that is how it will be in the relationship.

In a normal, 'nilla relationship where there are more than 2 people involved; the dynamic of which you speak is definitely more tenuous. But the same is not the case in a Master/slave relationship. Master's desires are uppermost - especially in a 24/7. I know that in ours, Master's No. 1 slave has been with him the longest and she holds a very special place in his heart. I will never be able to replace her for him. There is no need to try.

But, Master's way of making sure I understand that - is to set up the hierarchy so I will never be confused into thinking that I can DO or SAY anything that can usurp her position in his life. It is not about declaring an "inequality" to cause friction; it is about immediately resolving the issue of rivalry to its place of non-existence. Since Master has said there is no rivalry possible, for me to instigate some where there is none, defeats the purpose of me doing things to please Master. And isn't that why I am his slave?

Esclava

 

[s'lara]

There is no room for "insult" in the search for knowledge - so, no insult is taken where none is intended.

Thanks and i am glad you understood the intent behind the queries. Hard text is bereft of emotional intonation which can make it tough to "read" if you know what i mean.

A hierarchy is only dictated as necessary by the Master/Dom/me. If it is something Master desires, that is how it will be in the relationship.

In a normal, 'nilla relationship where there are more than 2 people involved; the dynamic of which you speak is definitely more tenuous. But the same is not the case in a Master/slave relationship. Master's desires are uppermost - especially in a 24/7. I know that in ours, Master's No. 1 slave has been with him the longest and she holds a very special place in his heart. I will never be able to replace her for him. There is no need to try.

This i understand, but i guess i don't understand your Master's purpose in setting out the hierarchy. i know it is His wish and by virtue if His ownership of you both, it must be accepted by you and his sub1. What does not compute is the necessity for the caste system within the relationship. Her position is one of longevity so i don't quite see the need to label her as No. 1 slave.

But, Master's way of making sure I understand that - is to set up the hierarchy so I will never be confused into thinking that I can DO or SAY anything that can usurp her position in his life. It is not about declaring an "inequality" to cause friction; it is about immediately resolving the issue of rivalry to its place of non-existence. Since Master has said there is no rivalry possible, for me to instigate some where there is none, defeats the purpose of me doing things to please Master. And isn't that why I am his slave?

Esclava

Of course if you deliberately incited feelings of competitiveness between yourself and His sub1 then it would be counterproductive to His wishes and certainly disobedient. What i find tough to take in such a dynamic, is the supression of feelings of jealousy, rivalry and insecurity by way of instilling fear that release is imminent should these feeling exhibit themselves visibly. i guess i'll never understand this particular method, but that's cool as i don't need to understand it. Provided you are happy with the situation, that's all that counts.

lara

 

[timlawray]

Alpha Submissive(s)

It does not depend on how long a submissive has been w/her present Master.... if the Master acquires another submissive and the second submissive's personality is STRONGER than the first one.. then.. quite naturally the first submissive will be replaced... in positon with the Master... almost like the law of the jungle.... not saying that this will/would happen all of the time.. but.. it prolly will... and does....

Lastly, I hope you enjoy my pic... I am a Dom... in search of the proper submissive.... one that I can care for, protect, love and... hopefully, one day, meet in r/t.

Be well, all!

 

[Esclava]

<snip> ... What i find tough to take in such a dynamic, is the supression of feelings of jealousy, rivalry and insecurity by way of instilling fear that release is imminent should these feeling exhibit themselves visibly. ...<snip>

lara

There is an assumption in this statement that the dynamics of the relationship contain feelings of jealousy, rivalry and insecurity to be suppressed.

Yes, they can be present (as they are, quite often, in 'nilla relationships). However, I have found that strength of character and a high level of self-esteem go a long way toward eliminating those destructive influences. So, why the need for the hierarchy?

Because Master desires it.

Esclava