AMA - Bramblethorn
- Thread starter Bramblethorn
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TANSTAAFL58
Lost and Profound
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Now that is a civilized country. Buying them separately makes it easier to throw them away...
ultramarineblue
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What is something that brings you comfort?
Bramblethorn
Sleep-deprived
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I encountered the idea online and in SF pretty early on (I was Very Online as a teen, guess I still am) and it seemed reasonable enough. One of my early relationships fell apart when my girlfriend fell for somebody else, and while I was in the flailing-in-denial stage I suggested polyamory, which THANK FUCKING GOD she declined because it would have been a disaster. I wasn't remotely mature enough to make it work.
A year after that I was semi-casually dating a friend and she mentioned that friends of hers were interested and might make her an offer, and wanted to know how I'd feel about it. I was okay with it... and I honestly don't remember whether anything happened with them, because it genuinely didn't bother me.
Then a few years later, when Handcuff Lady and I had been together for a while, we got to talking about people we were attracted to etc. etc. and agreed that poly seemed reasonable. No big drama. Though it was a while before it actually happened.
Bramblethorn
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Music, familiar computer games on easy mode, my cats.
Zionisacat
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Such as ...
Bramblethorn
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Civilization (any), Master of Orion 2, Planescape: Torment, Rimworld (cheese, cannibalism, and pet foxes and megawolverines!), Fallout 2, Battletech, prolly several more that I've forgotten. I am an unashamed savescummer.
Bramblethorn
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Phoning strangers. My friends being hurt. Creeping fascism. Learning new things.
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Pervy_Sage
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Do you prefer cooking or baking?
Bramblethorn
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Cooking.
Bramblethorn
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Oh, also Bastion and Transistor, although those ones make me cry.
Bramblethorn
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I'm really crap at picking favourites, but a few:
My previous laptop. Served me faithfully for years through some major life events, eventually had to retire it because the battery was no longer holding a charge. I've got a new one but I don't feel attached to it the same way I was with the old one. Also, the leather case that I made for it.
My Bag of Holding, from back when ThinkGeek actually sold useful stuff. Shoulder bag/backpack with all the pockets I could want. Great for short trips, back when I got to leave the city.
The air conditioner in my study.
My bed. Spent many of the best hours of my life there.
A small tungsten carbide rod, given to me by a friend who works in manufacturing. I have no practical use for it but it has a pleasing heft that appeals to my monkey brain.
A very old teddy bear.
Books.
ultramarineblue
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Where would you live if you could anywhere? (I hope I haven't already asked.)
PrettyLilPussy19
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If you could know one unknowable thing, what would you want to know?
Bramblethorn
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I think I touched on this earlier - I am fairly cautious about trying new things (change is bad) so I don't usually try a thing unless I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy it.
My "never again"s have more been about the person and relationship side of things than about the specific kinks. There are situations I would never want to get into again, but the kink is incidental to that.
I'm fond of NZ, parts of New England, and a lot of other bits of Europe that I'd like to spend more time in. It'd be nice to have an isolated place for solitude, maybe in some impressive mountains.
But if it was just one place, to live in: probably here in Melbourne, somewhere close to where I am now, but maybe with a better house. (This one's not too bad, but there are some thing that are annoying about it.) I've put down roots here.
Soooo many choices. I'm interested in the obvious philosophical ones like "what happens after we die?" but I'm not sure how useful it'd actually be to know the answers - if it's just "that's the end", well, it's not going to change how I live. More likely I'd go for something pragmatically useful like the secret to cheap clean energy, or how to solve NP problems efficiently.
If I got a few extra questions, there are some mysteries of family history that I'd like to ask about.
Bramblethorn
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I used to sew quite a lot, but along with my other crafty projects I haven't found the time lately. (Also, my back no longer approves.) I still do leatherwork stuff occasionally, basic utility stuff like a laptop sleeve or a holster for a music player. One of my fancier projects was a silk-lined leather toybag - still proud of that one. I haven't learned how to knit or crochet.
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Pervy_Sage
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What have you found the secret to happiness to be?
Bramblethorn
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Still working on that one, but a few things that have been important:
Avoiding the temptation to over-interpret things. This is a tricky one: as an autistic person, I have had a lot of unpleasant experiences with people who fail to use their words and tell me what they actually want from me, and then get mad because I didn't read between the lines and figure out what I was supposed to do. (Just the other day somebody who I'd considered friendly sent me a furious PM for this. It wasn't particularly fun.)
So I got into that thing of trying to interpret every word, every action - my lover hasn't replied to the email I sent them two weeks ago, does this mean they're angry with me? etc. etc. Paranoia runs in my family. It took a while to come to terms with the idea that I am never going to have complete knowledge about the world, and that it won't always be possible to figure out the causes for things, because there's a whole lot going on that I'm not privy to. Maybe my lover has a whole lot on their plate and hasn't had time to look at their email, maybe their mail system ate the message, yada yada. It's still hard to figure out which things I should and shouldn't interpret, but knowing that not all of them are interpretable helps.
(Oddly enough, the thing that really helped me get this idea was taking some statistics classes in university and discovering the concept of "overfitting", which is basically a mathematical equivalent to paranoid over-interpretation. It's not the only time a maths class has helped me figure out human interaction stuff.)
In a similar vein: accepting that not every interpersonal conflict involving me is my fault. Sometimes the other person is just being unreasonable and it's not my duty to appease them.
The "five love languages" stuff - I am massively skeptical of self-help/pop-psych/relationship books, so many of them are pure snake oil and even the ones which have some validity tend to be geared towards neurotypical people and have little to offer to me. But this one is actually good and useful! The author is a Christian pastor, but - speaking as a polyamorous atheist - nothing in the book depends on that belief system.
In particular, when somebody's hurt me and wants to make amends, I tend to expect a verbal apology. That book helped me realise that my partner is not much good at verbal apologies but will do other stuff instead - arrange a treat for me, that kind of thing - which is her way of offering an olive branch, something I hadn't recognised before.
The Geek Social Fallacies list.
Being able to acknowledge that I'm not a purely rational being and letting other people know my foibles instead of working to conceal them.
Cats. (Or dogs. Both good.)
Financial stability.
Having friends and (important) remembering that I'm allowed to call on them when I need help.
Bramblethorn
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Going up on the roof today has reminded me that I'm also not a great fan of heights, although it's much more controlled since I did some indoor climbing with friends a few years back. That got me more familiar with my body, ways to balance and brace myself.
My partner is also unfond of heights, and I'm the smaller and nimbler of us two, so I still get ladder duty when it's time to fix the tiles or change a high bulb.
ultramarineblue
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What types of physical activities, exercise, sports do you like?
Bramblethorn
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I get bored easily. Sport/exercise for me either needs to be something that keeps my mind occupied (e.g. climbing, or competitive sports though being uncoordinated makes those less appealing), or something that lets me multi-task with something else.
Currently I have a treadmill + standing desk set up so I can walk while I do computer work, and it's been a great solution for me - even through lockdown I've been getting 2-3 hours walking almost every day, except when I make myself take a rest day. (When I started on this setup I did 90 days without a rest day, but after reading about other people's experiences with stress fractures I decided that was a bad idea.)
It's not a complete workout, it's fairly low intensity, but it's something I can do consistently.
ultramarineblue
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Walking is very good. I wouldn't be able to walk and work on a computer at the same time though. I always liked walking outside so I could pay attention to the seasons, the weather, etc.
