Mav Unlimited
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- Jul 25, 2002
- Posts
- 13,626
An Ecclectic Collection.
- Thread starter yeishia
- Start date
Mav Unlimited
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2002
- Posts
- 13,626
yeishia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2009
- Posts
- 17,061
yeishia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2009
- Posts
- 17,061
yeishia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2009
- Posts
- 17,061
“When God Created Mothers"
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way."
It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded.
One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."
God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...."
I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.
But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure."
Can it think?"
Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.
There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."
What's it for?"
It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."
You are a genius, " said the angel.
Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.”
― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way."
It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded.
One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."
God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...."
I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.
But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure."
Can it think?"
Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.
There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."
What's it for?"
It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."
You are a genius, " said the angel.
Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.”
― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers
yeishia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2009
- Posts
- 17,061
Happy Canada Day
HAPPY CANADA DAY and JULY 4th
I AM CANADIAN
Hey.
I’m not a lumberjack or a fur trader
And I don’t live in an igloo
Or eat blubber or own a dog sled
And I don’t know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although
I’m certain they’re really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President
I speak English and French, not American
And I pronounce it “about,” not “aboot.”
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing
Diversity, not assimilation
And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat
A chesterfield is a couch
And it is pronounced zed, not zee, ZED!
Canada is the second largest landmass
The first nation of hockey
And the best part of North America!
My name is Yeishia
And I AM CANADIAN!
You're Canadian if...
You know how to pronounce and spell Saskatchewan without blinking
You put on shorts as soon as it hits plus 10, even if there is still snow around
You know what a tuque (toque?) is
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway
You drive on a highway, not a freeway
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
You drink pop, not soda
You love your fries with poutine
You go to the washroom, not the restroom or bathroom
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
"Eh" is a very important part of your vocabulary and you understand all the 1,000 different meanings of "eh"... eh?
You know schools don't issue a snow day unless there is a severe blizzard.
You don't mind leaving your wet winter boots at the door when visiting your dentist, etc.
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.
You may be living in Canada if...
Your local Dairy Queen (ice cream shop) is closed from September through May
Someone in a Home Depot offers you assistance... and they don't work there
You've worn shorts and a parka at the same time
You've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number
“Vacation” means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend
You measure distance in hours
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once
You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again
You can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching
You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked
You carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit
The speed limit on the highway is 80 km and you're going 90 and everybody is passing you
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
You find 2 degrees "a little" chilly
If you actually understand these Canadian jokes, you definitely live in Canada!
HAPPY CANADA DAY and JULY 4th
I AM CANADIAN
Hey.
I’m not a lumberjack or a fur trader
And I don’t live in an igloo
Or eat blubber or own a dog sled
And I don’t know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although
I’m certain they’re really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President
I speak English and French, not American
And I pronounce it “about,” not “aboot.”
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing
Diversity, not assimilation
And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat
A chesterfield is a couch
And it is pronounced zed, not zee, ZED!
Canada is the second largest landmass
The first nation of hockey
And the best part of North America!
My name is Yeishia
And I AM CANADIAN!
You're Canadian if...
You know how to pronounce and spell Saskatchewan without blinking
You put on shorts as soon as it hits plus 10, even if there is still snow around
You know what a tuque (toque?) is
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway
You drive on a highway, not a freeway
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
You drink pop, not soda
You love your fries with poutine
You go to the washroom, not the restroom or bathroom
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
"Eh" is a very important part of your vocabulary and you understand all the 1,000 different meanings of "eh"... eh?
You know schools don't issue a snow day unless there is a severe blizzard.
You don't mind leaving your wet winter boots at the door when visiting your dentist, etc.
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks.
You may be living in Canada if...
Your local Dairy Queen (ice cream shop) is closed from September through May
Someone in a Home Depot offers you assistance... and they don't work there
You've worn shorts and a parka at the same time
You've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number
“Vacation” means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend
You measure distance in hours
You know several people who have hit a deer more than once
You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again
You can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching
You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked
You carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit
The speed limit on the highway is 80 km and you're going 90 and everybody is passing you
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow
You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
You find 2 degrees "a little" chilly
If you actually understand these Canadian jokes, you definitely live in Canada!
Last edited:
yeishia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2009
- Posts
- 17,061
(Added the link to the above post but it wouldn't open lol)
.
I AM CANADIAN
Hey.
I’m not a lumberjack or a fur trader
And I don’t live in an igloo
Or eat blubber or own a dog sled
And I don’t know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although
I’m certain they’re really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President
I speak English and French, not American
And I pronounce it “about,” not “aboot.”
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing
Diversity, not assimilation
And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat
A chesterfield is a couch
And it is pronounced zed, not zee, ZED!
Canada is the second largest landmass
The first nation of hockey
And the best part of North America!
My name is Yeishia
And I AM CANADIAN!
(Crosses her fingers behind her back.)
Hey.
I’m not a lumberjack or a fur trader
And I don’t live in an igloo
Or eat blubber or own a dog sled
And I don’t know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although
I’m certain they’re really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President
I speak English and French, not American
And I pronounce it “about,” not “aboot.”
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing
Diversity, not assimilation
And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat
A chesterfield is a couch
And it is pronounced zed, not zee, ZED!
Canada is the second largest landmass
The first nation of hockey
And the best part of North America!
My name is Yeishia
And I AM CANADIAN!
(Crosses her fingers behind her back.)
.
yeishia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2009
- Posts
- 17,061
boomer177
Loves Spam
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2011
- Posts
- 810
The pants come off later, right?
yeishia
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 5, 2009
- Posts
- 17,061
Welcome everyone! I’ve decided to resurrect this thread too.
This thread is for us all to share anything which we may come across which makes us exclaim,
"OMG but I just have to share this!"
You have to love dogs for this to resonate lol. (Listen with the volume down a bit.)
https://www.facebook.com/voicesforstrays/videos/976742696135418
Please feel free to share Your OMG! moments....
P.S. Your comments would be much appreciated too please
This thread is for us all to share anything which we may come across which makes us exclaim,
"OMG but I just have to share this!"
You have to love dogs for this to resonate lol. (Listen with the volume down a bit.)
https://www.facebook.com/voicesforstrays/videos/976742696135418
Please feel free to share Your OMG! moments....
P.S. Your comments would be much appreciated too please
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