An Open Letter To _____

[BeautifulDream]

Mom,

The whole point of going to Georgia is to visit Dad and his side of the family. He's buying the tickets so it's only fair to spent the time with him. But, I figured since me and my brother were near, I'd take a day to see you. Now, given the circumstances, we can't really make it to Florida to see you so I hoped maybe you could possibly come to us...

The fact that you were so quick to say 'oh I'll be busy with work to come up' before you even know when we were going to be there is.... Predictable yet still disappointing. You didn't even bother to see if there was a day. You just shot it down.

It's been four years since I've seen you. Four years since you've seen us. But, apparently, it's not that important to take the time.

So... thanks. Thanks for once again acting like you don't care.

If it was my children, I'd do whatever I could to see them.

Sincerely,
Your Daughter

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

hugs the Dream girl.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

I have sat on this, hoping I would not need to put the words to paper but well things were left unsaid, or were said poorly and this is my closure. That is the sole purpose.

So open letter one:

You,

I was shocked and confused. Anyone in my place would be, being ambushed by unprovoked attacks have that effect. At first I wanted to talk, to work things out. Then you showed me complete disrespect. I find myself feeling that I should have known better. Now all I want is for you to know that there is nothing left to fix. I will never again keep the company of a viper. I deserved better, and you know it.

Open letter two:

Dear you,

I screwed up. I am man enough to admit my failings. I've had some time to distance myself and reflect on things. Some of what you said I agree with, some I do not, other pieces still I'd say 50/50. The truth is though guilt and blame aside I never intended the end result. I enjoyed your company for many reasons. I am deeply and humbly sorry and I feel you needed to know that.

I wish I could fix this and maybe I can, but I made you a promise and I intend to keep it. I'll not darken your door again unless I am invited.

If you wish to mend that fence I will listen, if not then I wish you health, and happiness.

Best wishes,
Me.

 

[SiaKlynn]

Dear Roommate:

Get your fucking ass out of bed and take care of your daughter; it's almost 11am. WHY the fuck are you still sleeping? For Christ's sake you only see her on the weekends. It is not my responsibility to make her breakfast I have my own shit to take care of in the morning. It is also not the responsibility of her older sister. YOU need to grow the fuck up. If you can't function after staying up half the night then don't do it or at least force yourself to function for the sake of your kid. It's ridiculous and I'm not the nanny. I've raised the daughter we share and I'm not looking to take on a surrogate. I may cook and clean while living here, but that is all.

Sincerely,

Your annoyed ex-wife/friend/roommate.

 

[tigerlilyxx]

Dear mother,
This isn't fair. You can't treat people like this. You've done it to me my whole life, and for the past three years, you've done it to him. You've broken his spirit. You've hurt the most amazing person on this planet full of crummy people. You've hurt the sole reason I've made it this far. And you keep doing it. You're his wife. How is he going days without talking to people about his life? Why don't you care anymore? You're the luckiest person on this planet, to have him as your husband, and you just treat him like shit. I dealt with not believing you loved me, but he shouldn't have to. For once in your pathetic existence, pretend to give a shit about someone else. Care about him. Treat him like he deserves I be treated.
You are the single most selfish, narcissistic, cold hearted person I've ever met. You're what's wrong with humanity. You don't deserve to be loved, especially not by him. For once, please, please, do something good with your life. Make him feel like he's worth something. I shouldn't have to hear that he doesn't even think you care if he exists. I shouldn't have to hear that I'm the only person that asks him about his day, or cares about him. You're his wife. The woman who promised to love him forever.
Please, please, for once, act like it.

 

[thestruggle]

Dear mother,
This isn't fair. You can't treat people like this. You've done it to me my whole life, and for the past three years, you've done it to him. You've broken his spirit. You've hurt the most amazing person on this planet full of crummy people. You've hurt the sole reason I've made it this far. And you keep doing it. You're his wife. How is he going days without talking to people about his life? Why don't you care anymore? You're the luckiest person on this planet, to have him as your husband, and you just treat him like shit. I dealt with not believing you loved me, but he shouldn't have to. For once in your pathetic existence, pretend to give a shit about someone else. Care about him. Treat him like he deserves I be treated.
You are the single most selfish, narcissistic, cold hearted person I've ever met. You're what's wrong with humanity. You don't deserve to be loved, especially not by him. For once, please, please, do something good with your life. Make him feel like he's worth something. I shouldn't have to hear that he doesn't even think you care if he exists. I shouldn't have to hear that I'm the only person that asks him about his day, or cares about him. You're his wife. The woman who promised to love him forever.
Please, please, for once, act like it.

hold on, sweetpea. Here to listen to whatever you need to say.

 

[IvoryTigress]

Dear mother,
This isn't fair. You can't treat people like this. You've done it to me my whole life, and for the past three years, you've done it to him. You've broken his spirit. You've hurt the most amazing person on this planet full of crummy people. You've hurt the sole reason I've made it this far. And you keep doing it. You're his wife. How is he going days without talking to people about his life? Why don't you care anymore? You're the luckiest person on this planet, to have him as your husband, and you just treat him like shit. I dealt with not believing you loved me, but he shouldn't have to. For once in your pathetic existence, pretend to give a shit about someone else. Care about him. Treat him like he deserves I be treated.
You are the single most selfish, narcissistic, cold hearted person I've ever met. You're what's wrong with humanity. You don't deserve to be loved, especially not by him. For once, please, please, do something good with your life. Make him feel like he's worth something. I shouldn't have to hear that he doesn't even think you care if he exists. I shouldn't have to hear that I'm the only person that asks him about his day, or cares about him. You're his wife. The woman who promised to love him forever.
Please, please, for once, act like it.

Simply wraps Lily in a hug, strong and supportive. Her strength passes through, the strength to endure and to find the right paths, the right actions to take.....

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

Dear mother,
This isn't fair. You can't treat people like this. You've done it to me my whole life, and for the past three years, you've done it to him. You've broken his spirit. You've hurt the most amazing person on this planet full of crummy people. You've hurt the sole reason I've made it this far. And you keep doing it. You're his wife. How is he going days without talking to people about his life? Why don't you care anymore? You're the luckiest person on this planet, to have him as your husband, and you just treat him like shit. I dealt with not believing you loved me, but he shouldn't have to. For once in your pathetic existence, pretend to give a shit about someone else. Care about him. Treat him like he deserves I be treated.
You are the single most selfish, narcissistic, cold hearted person I've ever met. You're what's wrong with humanity. You don't deserve to be loved, especially not by him. For once, please, please, do something good with your life. Make him feel like he's worth something. I shouldn't have to hear that he doesn't even think you care if he exists. I shouldn't have to hear that I'm the only person that asks him about his day, or cares about him. You're his wife. The woman who promised to love him forever.
Please, please, for once, act like it.

squeezes her softly.

You know how to find me if you want to talk.

 

[tigerlilyxx]

hold on, sweetpea. Here to listen to whatever you need to say.

Simply wraps Lily in a hug, strong and supportive. Her strength passes through, the strength to endure and to find the right paths, the right actions to take.....

squeezes her softly.

You know how to find me if you want to talk.

Thanks. You're all really sweet for caring.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

Thanks. You're all really sweet for caring.

You deserve it doll.

 

[Daddi_DJ]

Dear Ms. Selfish,
I thought you were different yet I didn't know exactly how different you were. Since I have known you have told me nothing but lies. We were family and will always be family? Really?? Well family we never were or ever will be. I have never met someone who didn't give a fuck about themselves and yet they do what THEY think is best for them and fuck everyone else. I tried to be there and be a friend with love for you and now I have no desire to try and I have no love left. I see now exactly who you are and it is sad. Yet, I thank you for showing your true colors because now I know to trust no one. Everyone is a "wolf" in sheep's clothing to me now. You have taught me to trust no one (especially their words) and to keep everyone at a distance. And I thank you for that too! People say actions speak louder than words but I would have put my life on your words. That is until your actions and a lack thereof showed me you ARE just like the rest. You want a life where you are miserable and alone then so be it. I am fine with that and think that karma is coming. I also thank you for the removal of yourself out of life because now I don't have someone else's bull shit upsetting MY life. I never understood how someone could feel empty until now. I have no love, no anger, no happiness, no feelings whatsoever and I like it. Now I know how you feel and it is sad yet it feels right. So, yet again thank you for showing me you are heartless to the core because now I don't have or want to deal with it or you. I am good doing me and being with me. So, good luck to you in your messed up world and if you ever decide you want me or need me....don't.

Ex-Daddi

 

[Miss_Vivi]

Dear Loungers,

I'm seeing the lines being drawn already, the ones about leaving, about how this place is a shark tank and how people are just mean, cruel, uncaring, etc.

It couldn't be further from the truth, especially if you had been privy to the details, and that's just it, isn't it? Many of you haven't. So it looks like one group is mindlessly picking on another, bullying, being cruel. Trust me when I tell you, that I've been here a long time, and this was never the case. Trust me, when I say that the one who stood up yesterday, did so at a great cost and fear to herself, that for weeks the issue had been side stepped, ignored, attempted to work past with a smile in the hopes that it would stop.

But it didn't.

Know this. No one gets to question or disrespect someone else's brand of masochism, someone else's sexuality, whether or not someone belongs to someone else, or use another person to make them look good.

I have watched this lounge for years now, years. And at the heart of almost every single hiccup, every single fight, every single blown up piece of crazyness (and I could tell you stories, you think this is bad? It's been worse) is one person. Has been for years. Often playing certain girls against each other, but keeping those hands clean and out of the fray.

I don't know what else to say. I feel like an apology would go a long way. Would change things somehow. I haven't been perfect. I know I drive a lot of you insane, and hey, I'm sorry. This hasn't been written to start some debate, to make things worse, but to clarify things in hopes of fostering further understanding.

We are in this together.

 

[Britwitch]

My dear Fellow Litsters

There's a word that keeps being bandied about and I think there's an element of misunderstanding that needs clearing up.

It's this word community.

Whenever there's a fight and people take sides, people say about how the sense of community is gone.

Community is one of those words that is what you make of it, much like a community is.

It's easy to judge events from the outside. When you have the benefit of a clear mind and your own emotions aren't directly involved. So I'm glad that it doesn't happen often that people, not in possession of the facts, wade into debates/arguments/call them what you will with their unwanted and unhelpful opinions.

But what does happen in the hours and days afterwards are the *sighs*...and the jibes and the 'aren't we all too mature for this?' and the 'where's the community gone?' and the 'I think I've had it with this place' posts.

The law's of nature mean none of us are going to agree 100% of the time, the same laws mean there will be disagreements and the chaces are many of them will get messy. And they're allowed to be.

Community means helping those who are down and trying to correct those that aren't helping. But community also means that when people feel affronted they have as much right to air their views as anyone and when it's over. It's over. Leave it. Don't keep going back with the stick of 'I'm much better than you' and keep poking it.

Personally, I think the Lounge has been more alive and more fun in recent months than in a long time with fewer dramas and fights.

The events of the last 24hrs have been coming for a while but they're done now.

If you were involved and feel your say wasn't heard or you didn't get to say your piece? Tough. It's finished.
If you weren't involved? Good. Stay that way.

Community. If you don't like this one, you don't have to stay but please don't whinge about it and not do anything to back it up.

Do something positive instead of hiding behind *rolling eyes* and cleverly worded comments.

Do something to get people together, to get people writing, to get people having fun.
If you're not prepared to try, and you don't have to, that's fine but don't complain about those that do.

Brit

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Dear cold~

Go away. You suck and I can't breathe. You make my chest hurt, my head ache and my tummy upset. I don't like it.

Thanks~

Me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

*Random Rant*

I have used the word community. We used to have one. We no longer do. It used to be that fantasy land STAYED fantasy land and NOW it no longer does. I don't care to be involved in the drama. I don't care about why any one is ousting anyone else or who has chosen what side for whatever reason. It means absolute shit to me.

The people it involves mean absolute shit to me.

I just wanted to be able to come here and write, to spend time with those I know outside of LIT in a safe area without reading a ton of he said/she said/hateful stupidity. Needless to say~I have had my own share of stupidity. I have pulled away from the drama and ignored it or at least~ have dealt with it (for the most part) OFF the boards and generally just tried to be a part of this place that I used to consider my home away from home.

When more than two or three people are saying the lack of community is growing, it doesn't make us wrong...it just means that for YOU (the moral majority YOU) the only community you care about it the one you've made it impossible for newbies to join in on. Does that mean then that we are wrong because your point is that we don't matter since WE don't know?

NO, it doesn't.

It just means that once upon a Time in Lit land, things were clearly defined and most of the drama was bullshit that had nothing to do with reality and NOW...all of the bull shit is contained in little fucking blurbs that no one can avoid because it's every where.

SO yeah, fuck me for not feeling like this lovely little "community" is worth much. Fuck me for being tired of new fucking lounge threads that do nothing more than cause even more divisiveness. Fuck me for getting tired of having to search through snarky fucking attitudes and rudeness covered by sarcasm emotes and fucked up happy little fucking faces. Fuck me for finding it all just a bit much when quite frankly, it isn't~ and hasn't been~ worth the trouble nor turmoil that's been generated.

We used to be a lot better at disagreeing. We used to be a lot better at judging not lest ye be judged. We used to be a lot better at using this FORUM for what it was meant for. Now, it's just a meat market for a rare few and their buddies. It hasn't been a community in over a year and a half...and if weren't for the few people I speak to outside of Lit, I wouldn't bother to come here at all.

And no, I don't give two fucks for any responses this might generate and I am not picking nor choosing sides cuz guess what? I don't care. But the truth is...just because those involved in the supposed community feel like those of us who find the whole shit stain just a bit much on an empty stomach should do more to foster community and if we don't~ fuck you?

It means absolutely nothing.

We are allowed to think that it's stupid and to say so publicly much in the way we have to watch every single public thread devolve into who can make out with who fastest or who can call out who quickest or who can make who feel the worst in the least amount of time.

It's STILL a community, even if it's completely fucked up.

*shrugs*

And those of us who don't really agree with what we see have as much right to bitch about it as you do to your personal opinions.

*End Personal Public Rant*

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

quietly comes in to give the lovely Luna a +1

 

[Britwitch]

*Random Rant*

I have used the word community....

I might be wrong, but I think I can safely say this not-so-random rant is aimed at my letter so I'm going to respond.

You've said, plenty of times, how many issues you have with this place and how you don't care for it. So why the public rant?
I know you've also said you don't care for any responses you might get but I'm a curious soul and I have questions I'd like to post regardless.

Just curious, given that you think open threads like the Lounge keep newbies from posting, when that's obviously not true, when was the last time you did anything to involve newbies?

From what I've seen you have a handful of people you regularly converse with and that's absolutely fine. It's how the world works. We all have those few we get on better with than others. But I'm not sure you can lecture on the inclusion of newbies when I rarely see you welcome them in the public threads and you have a personal thread that's got everything possible to keep people out bar a crocodile filled moat. And you're allowed to. But you can't then complain about public threads being used by the public.

Everyone has private jokes and things that others don't understand - you do, I do, we all do. But you can't bitch about it unless you're willing to explain everything you say and do which you shouldn't have to and you don't have to and that's as it should be.

We used to be a lot better at disagreeing. We used to be a lot better at judging not lest ye be judged. We used to be a lot better at using this FORUM for what it was meant for.

No, we didn't.
There is no glory or honour in arguments, no matter how they start or between who.
There has been and will always be judging. You're doing it now. And you're entitled to but I believe my letter was trying to suggest that that stopped. I wasn't actually trying to get this stupid issue to roll on for longer.

You have every right to bitch. But don't do it in the same breath as saying this place means nothing to you. That makes no sense. That's just flogging a dead horse.

What I was trying to say was, why go straight to bitching, why not go for something more positive?

Community. If you don't like this one, you don't have to stay but please don't whinge about it and not do anything to back it up.

Do something positive instead of hiding behind *rolling eyes* and cleverly worded comments.

Do something to get people together, to get people writing, to get people having fun.
If you're not prepared to try, and you don't have to, that's fine but don't complain about those that do.

Brit

shrugs

You've already said those involved don't matter to you and that you don't care what comments come from your rant. Which sums it up really.

You don't care, not enough to try and improve things. So why not move on?

 

[dougsan]

As a newbie with too many opinions I believe this forum -- not just this thread -- is not inviting to newbies and I have been wondering why. It seems to me a majority of the "writers and poets" are here searching for the edge they hope will get their creative juices flowing. They are not looking for "friends", cyber or otherwise. Those looking for friends find them to others to be rather arrogant and aloof. True? Fucked if I know but it is an opnion.

I do notice that VERY few entries receive an answer and most of the limited number of answers are shallow. True? Fucked if I know but it seems that way to me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

No Witchling~ It wasn't JUST aimed at you.

It was a general all purpose rant.

It just happened to follow upon you and Vivi's pieces of opinion.
It just happened to follow a few private PM's explaining whomever's personal fucking turmoil.

I believe I explained why I still come here but just in case you missed it~

I have stories that I am working on...and a few people that ARE real to me~ who come here.

I do my socializing elsewhere, usually, and am grateful to be able to do it where there isn't so much assholishness.

Trust me, I do stay away from this place. I spend far more time elsewhere than I do here because, quite frankly, this place stopped feeling like some place worth visiting and more like meat market extraordinaire for those who need a few cyber fucks to get them through the day.

*shrugs*

Again, it's my opinion. And you are correct in your summation that I don't have to come here...which is why I don't.

The only reason I have bothered to respond to you at all is because you are who you are and as a rule, you are not a rude person. So I figured I could at least explain what I meant by my rant since you took it as personal even though, in my mind, it was not.

*shrugs again*

 

[thestruggle]

Hello, everyone! (To be faithful to the thread's format.)

This little situation has snowballed, obviously, and that really was not my intention. I'll preface my piece with the statement that I have no intention of apologizing for what I said, so anyone who's looking for that: you can stop reading now.

Everyone settled?

Good!

Now, yesterday, I spoke up about something because previous approaches had been totally ineffective. I got the result I wanted, which was to shine a light on unacceptable behavior (thanks, Ruffles!) and put a stop to it. If it meant being ignored... hey, so much the better. It works for me. A lot of people agreed with what I did because they saw what I had been put through. They didn't like it either, and so they offered support. No one got together with pitchforks and torches. There was no witch hunt. I said what I said because it needed to be said. No more, no less. I'm not asking for a fucking medal. I got what I wanted. Drama was not included in that desire.

I mean, yeah, I'm new. I've been unfailingly polite since I've been here. I've jumped in and made friends, and been very lucky to do so. People have been nice enough to write threads with me, include me, joke around--hey, even slap me around! It's been pretty win-win for me, and I hope for them too. I don't like confrontation, I don't seek it out. In fact, I've been very live and let live. But, whatever. Nobody here has made me feel unwelcome. I've made threads whose sole focus was to contribute to a so-called "community atmosphere." Nobody was stinted or made to feel left out. By the way, this is just my own experience. I may be meandering around the point a little but, hopefully, everyone catches my drift. Lit has been a positive place for me. I'm providing some background. I get to write and have fun. Yeah, I have people that I prefer. Like Brit said, who doesn't? They share my interests and more importantly, they're great fucking writers. We have a good time. You don't like me, don't like how I write? Ain't no thing. We don't have to be best friends. I'll be polite to you, maybe even try to make you laugh. I'd like to think I'm a good person, just with a little dark side. La jeune fille à l'âme peu de noir.

Now here's the problem.

I stood up and said no. I stood up and said no publicly. I refused--REFUSED--to be treated like property. I refused to suffer harassment in silence. I refused to stand by and watch my friends be treated the same way, LIKE PROPERTY. Remember my point about being polite? Good manners are pretty important to me. Har har, she says, as she types a letter that seems like a loaded gun. There is a difference between being classy and being a doormat. There is a difference between "making waves" and having a real problem. If at any point I had poked anyone unnecessarily--hey, my bad! Not trying to step on your toes! The person that I called out, he knows what he did. The people that stood behind me? THEY know what he did. I am not alone. If it bothers you that a group got tired of watching someone ignore consent--that's your fucking problem. If you don't want to read about it, don't fucking read it. I'm being blunt here but, really, I think the time for niceties has passed.

If you sit there, and comment on it, and remark that someone shouldn't intrude on your "GOOD FUCKING TIME" by protesting being used, being violated, being treated as though her submission automatically implies consent... There is a big problem. The attitude of sit down, shut up, and take it? That's disgusting. Remember, this is coming from me. I came here and was polite, some would say too polite. And really, this isn't even about my situation. That's done. Case closed. I'm addressing the attitude of "keeping quiet," of "getting along." You know what that's similar to? Rape apology.

Oooh, you're really going to hate me now. I don't give a shit. Don't take bites at my friends for speaking up. I'm calling that out right now. You wanted to have a say, to snark around, to chime in "plus ones" (really, guys? Y'all are crazy!). This is my rebuttal. You can rain hell on me all you want. I said what needed to be said. I'm speaking up now because any decent person would. Think I'm exaggerating? YOU try living that way. If it doesn't bother you, good for you! I don't want to hear about it. There needs to be some serious examination of personalities around here if what I've been seeing is what amounts to "community." But again? It's your CHOICE. You get to make one. I was protesting the theft of that choice.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing?

This letter wasn't aimed at one person in particular. Just putting that out there. This is me, all by my lonesome, pointing out a very real problem around here. If you're looking for silent acquiescence, you're in the wrong place. The door's right behind you.


Tess

PS. Go look at some ponies before responding to this, everyone. I think everything would be a lot more cheerful if we just embraced the ponies!

 

[palemoon2035]

I love you all! Hugs for everyone. A writer writes...always. That's from Throw Momma from the Train...I like to laugh. It is good for the soul...and the souls of those who laugh with you.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

So I took the time to read everything involved. (the view post function for people on ignore was a stroke of genius.)

Brit, I understand what you were going for and I agree with some of what you were saying, and I agree that to some point that things have been better. There have even been some meaningful exchanges. For the most part though it has been fluff, or fucking which is great if that is what you are looking for. It is more a matter of knowing what you are looking for and seeking it out. One of the reasons I think the new people have trouble breaking in is that this place is full of "regs" and while people such as you are willing to reach out to people, most people don't give people time of day unless they show that they have talent, it the regs are being snarky. That is a problem with us as a community and you would think that with how interested people are with one another that we would use that energy to breed a respectful group. Obviously this is not all directed at you doll. You are one of the sweetest, most welcoming people I know, it is just sort of all related.

This leads into one of my biggest gripes since day one of coming to the social side of the board, and also one of the key reasons that drama here never ends. People are way too damn focused on other peoples business. They snoop, they pry, they stick their nose where it doesn't belong. Can't tell you the number of people who I have talked with, after showing the smallest public interest in them, I find out a handful of people have "warned" them about me. Like how I work behind the scenes, and manipulate people (irony much?) I've made mistakes, handled things poorly, but it is no ones right to run around smearing other people, especially if you are going to swear them to secrecy afterward. If you want to shit on someone's reputation, potentially ruin friendships before they even come to life don't be a fucking coward about it. I disagree with 70% of what Tessa said, and her approach was wrong but at least she had the fortitude to talk to me about it without hiding behind someone else, or as is so often the case multiple someone's.

The truth is though, the truth of the matter is people hang onto things too long here, things never die because those gossip mongers here love to keep the drama alive. It is more often only a handful of people too. Get over it, move on, worry about your own shit, and leave everyone else alone. We would all get along alot better if people kept their noses clean.

Onto what happened yesterday as it is what started this whole conversation. Truth is that I made some mistakes, I admitted to the ones I made and apologized until I was sick of hearing myself say it. The idea that I violated your rights, or repressed you, or basically textually raped your rights is asinine. You know why? If you felt so betrayed or tormented you could have, and should have put me on ignore. Like what I did when I got fed up.

The final point I am going to make is very simple. Own up to your mistakes. Been plenty of blame going around, plenty of finger pointing. Yet very few people actually have looked at themselves. All relationships take all parties to work together to succeed, and they fall apart if all parties do not put effort into making sure they succeed. When a friendship, or any other type of relationship falls apart 9/10 times there is plenty of blame to go around. No one is perfect. Don't throw stones if you live in a glass house.

Well I know I mostly wasted my breath, because most of the loungers won't listen. But I know a few of you might at least consider my words so it was worth it. I would love to see this become a better community.

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

Dear J,

Don’t let drama drag you in and down. Drama lovers have been creating shit-storms around here for years…and imagine that, it usually is the same group of self-righteous people. Tis why I find other places to spend time, now days. My advice is you should find other places too and let the lounge here be a distant memory. Just don't come back for a quick visit on your day off like I did!

You’ve made mistakes and admitted them, but darlin…some of the people I know quite personally around here have made –many- mistakes of their own. I remember all too well being the one targeted, slandered and talked about. They are not worth your time or frustrations. Some things never change. There are other places to write, relax and meet people. Places where people actually concentrate on writing instead of acting like immature, clicky teenagers looking for their next target to bully in order to make themselves feel justified or cool.

For anyone who this pisses off or didn’t like my +1 earlier….I don’t give two fucks. You had your group of minions +1’ing you against him so get the fuck over it. This is a porn website people. Do porn-ish things like write and fuck. It’s not the place for ganging up on other people. Seriously. Be kind to each other or leave each other alone.

SMFH…Bat-shit fucking crazy people.

Oh…and +1 for Daddy.

Sincerely,
The Cherryness

 

[Nina327]

dear people not on the internet.
Thanks for sending me pics of you in irons, thanks for calling me and checking on work.
thanks for the hugs. And the kisses... Thanks for the welts and letting me hear you whimper.
And most of all... Thanks for the distractions because I missed a lit-storm and I can blissfully
just keep talking to the people that are here and respond, people I like for my own reasons
And people that seem like they could be batshit crazy but a lot of fun from a distance. There's
too much placed on the font around here.
I'm gonna go find some porn or porny things to diddle myself too.
woohoo.

 

[Scuttle Buttin']

Alright then.

Everyone seems to like to talk about "community" and "adults," and no one seems to actually care about putting either of those into action. So let's do that!

Yeah, I'm gonna quote people from this and other threads. Why? Because that's what adults do. I'm over the passive aggressive "warning labels" and saying veiled bullshit in other threads stuff. If you want to talk about someone, just use their name. You know, like an adult. Otherwise, you're just making yourself look ridiculous.

First up. I love empirical claims. Maybe it's the science nerd in me. But, a number of them have been made, here and elsewhere, and so let's address some of those.

When more than two or three people are saying the lack of community is growing, it doesn't make us wrong...it just means that for YOU (the moral majority YOU) the only community you care about it the one you've made it impossible for newbies to join in on. Does that mean then that we are wrong because your point is that we don't matter since WE don't know?

As a newbie with too many opinions I believe this forum -- not just this thread -- is not inviting to newbies and I have been wondering why.

Places where people actually concentrate on writing instead of acting like immature, clicky teenagers looking for their next target to bully in order to make themselves feel justified or cool.

When the few cliques make sure that no one else feels like they belong or are welcome, soon they will have the place all to themselves because no one else will want to keep company with that sort of crowd.

One of the reasons I think the new people have trouble breaking in is that this place is full of "regs" and while people such as you are willing to reach out to people, most people don't give people time of day unless they show that they have talent, it the regs are being snarky.

What we have here are a fair number of people making the same basic claim: Cliquish, excluding people, '"newbies" not welcome, etc. And this is where the empirical data comes in.

You are all making claims that you cannot back up.

More than that, you are making claims that any reasonable examination of this place refutes. I am not that old around here. A few months at most. Less than a year, certainly. Tess, and Lily, and Raven, and Jade, and Alice are all new, and all have been included to varying degrees. Dream is newer than I, and also included. LCN, while also on Lit for a while, is fairly new around the Lounge, and again also included.

It is and always will be easier for women to get involved here than men. That is not a complaint and, I think, generally a good thing. Lit in general is full of men that are trolling, as virtually all of the women here could attest to given the PMs I know they get. But even that has not stopped me, and others, from getting involved in here.

All of those names I listed just above this are ones off the top of my head. There may very well be others I am forgetting. If you want to claim cliques and a lack of inclusion because you have not been involved, there is no one to blame for that but yourself. Yeah, time zones and work schedules sometimes make it so people are out of sync with the busier times around here, but that happens to everyone. But The Lounge thread (a thread in which sixteen different people currently have more than 100 posts) has been a good thing, and has got a lot of people involved. 9 times out of 10, people are laughing and being ridiculous in there. Jump the fuck in! No one is going to invite you, but they shouldn't need to.

And yeah, for someone new it may take a time or two before people start acknowledging what they say. I could (with a little effort, given my post count) go back and find all kinds of posts I made when I first came to the Lounge that were almost actively ignored by people. And yet, weirdly, no one was then complaining about cliques and newbies not being included. But here I am, one of the teenage sharks picking on the poor and helpless. How far I've come!

Contrary to the picture the quotes above try to paint, I've pushed people to get more involved in here. Alice is out now with her baby, but were she not she could probably tell you of the number of times I told her to jump in and get involved, and that this was a good group of awful, cliquish teenage sharks. Or people. Or whatever.

So, while you may lament the way the Lounge used to be so open to new people and welcoming with open arms, I'm here to tell you it was not my experience then, and yet I didn't see any of this complaining that I see now. Furthermore, despite that we still have new people coming in, getting involved, and having fun. If you are not having fun with them, with us, then the person to blame for that is the one looking you in the mirror every morning, and not anyone else.

It does need to be pointed out that it is ridiculously ironic that all of this "clique" and "newbie" complaining is happening as a result of someone well-established and here longer than many being a fucking asshole and getting called on it. And if that's not why it's being said, then it just makes it look like you've been waiting for something to happen so you can complain... which doesn't strike me as very adult, don't you think?

Now that we've debunked that theory, let's move on.

We're adults. Can we act like it? Let us get on with our roleplays and our scenes. Be polite and civil to those we don't care for or simply not speak to them. Let us growl at the trolls, then ignore them. Let us acknowledge the public growls of others if we feel we need to lend support but do it in an adult fashion. Let us pick up those who are down by giving them something to smile about. Give a hug. Give a kiss. Give support by all means. But stop with the petty bullshit. We're so much better than that. There are other things to be bratty about.

There are other people who have echoed this, and I'm directing this at them as well. So, this is not necessarily directed just as Cait, but hers was the easiest to find, and frankly I'm tired of looking for more quotes to pull out of these walls of text (yes, I realize the irony of saying that as I build my own).

This was, initially, handled in an adult fashion. Conversations were had one-on-one, and wishes were expressed, claimed to be understood, and everyone went on their way. Of course, we're not morons, so everyone went on their way expecting that they'd be eventually ignored, and unfortunately we were proven right in that.

Why? Because of a simple lack of respect for people. Because one person simply cannot fathom that someone wouldn't like them, or want to be in contact with them, and so they will happily ignore that request and go on as if nothing ever happened.

Realize, as you read this and roll your eyes and think about how this is all so dramatic and how very wrong I am that this is what this is about. This is it!

Seriously, take a moment and let that soak in.

All that had to happen was him not contact people that didn't want to be, that he was expressly told did not want to be, and all of this that you're reading never happens. We're all in the Lounge, laughing and having a good time like we usually do.

So, yes, you can call us all

Bat-shit fucking crazy people.

or

A shark tank.

or any of the other things that were tossed about. But realize that every reaction needs an enzyme, and in this case it was the disrespect one person had for others that started it. Lament the drama, but realize steps were taken to avoid it.

People should be able to stand up for themselves, free of ridicule and attempts to silence them, which is what much of this has been, because people don't want to see the apple cart upset. Realize that your attention on that count is misdirected, despite the wounded puppy routine that may attempt to make you think otherwise.

I am not saying that anyone involved is without flaws. What I am saying is that it was initially all handled privately, and only when publicly ignored and people realized they were tiptoeing around someone's blatant disrespect for the wishes of others did it turn into this. I'm sure plenty of tales have been told that contradict this, because face must always be saved. This is the issue at it's core, and there are more than enough people in the know and saved conversations to attest to that fact.

Lament the drama if you must, but in doing so realize that it could've been avoided if people had only shown a modicum of respect for other people. The fact that people stood up in the face of that (not to mention the blatant and ridiculously offensive disrespect of more than one person's sexuality, which everyone here should be upset about) is something you should applaud.



One last thing, and then you can get on to talking amongst yourselves about how wrong and misguided I am in all of this.

If you don't like the "community" here, then leave. Seriously. Log out of your account, close your browser, get up, walk away, and go spend some time outside where everyone is nice and there is never any drama. Or, if you choose to stay, then you have two choices that allow you to remain in the realm of an intellectually honest adult: You can get involved with people and improve the "community," or you can quit complaining about it. I'm fine with either, though I'm always in favor of more people being involved.

This is a fun place. I come here to write, yes, but let's be honest with ourselves here. Whether this was a porn board, as it is (often derisively) called, or a political board, or a NASCAR board, we're also going to talk about other things besides fucking or NASCAR. It happens with any community like this. This may be a porn board, but the Song of the Day is exceptionally rarely sex-related. Many of the others are as well. If you don't think this is normal and natural, than you're simply naive. It happens everywhere. You don't talk about making widgets all day at work, and no book club or cooking club or any other group devoted to a subject is always going to talk about that subject.

So join the fuck in. Or don't! Either way.

But to sit there and complain about what the community is, while simultaneously doing nothing to help it besides complaining, doesn't reflect good on anyone. Who gives a fuck if it's "fluff." We're not here to solve world problems. We talk about a ton of different things, and we laugh, and because of that I've met some really awesome people. Some of them are even new, by some crazy quirk of what I can only assume is magic!


One last little thing: Complaining about other people's snark and sarcasm and lack of acting like an adult, and then turning around and writing passive aggressive things about people here in the Last Thought or How Are You Feeling or any other thread is just straight up hypocritical. If you have a problem with someone, tell them. If you don't want to do that, then maybe consider this being a time for quiet. I'm sure I'm guilty of it as well, but it is something I actively try to avoid. I wish everyone else would do the same.

90% of the time I'm here, I'm laughing or trying to make other people laugh. Granted I didn't see the Lounge charter or read my Orientation manual when I started coming here, but I generally don't see that as a negative thing. Perhaps, if more people joined in on that instead of sticking to their private threads and lamenting about how shitty we non-adult teenage drama queens have made this place, everything would be better off. It's a crazy notion, but it just might work.



So there it is. No hiding behind anonymity in referring to people, except in the rare case where I was protecting someone else who may not want to be identified. You want people acting like adults? Here you go. Disagree with something I've said? Click on my name over there on the left, and send me a message saying so. Or, alternatively, respond to me openly and directly. Like an adult. I will be more than happy to pay you, any of you, the same courtesy.