An Open Letter To _____

[Annisthyrienne]

Whatever Scuttle. You proved my point exactly. The people you named are the clique you feel welcome with because they are the ones you interact with. Birds of a feather.....

Look, I don't know exactly what the issue was between Struggle and FHD. It's none of my business. I don't know her that well, but he has only ever been friendly and decent to me. I can only make judgements based on what I know and observe in my own experience. However, I do feel that all the jumping on by others was unnecessary, and indicative of the mindset of some people here who somehow always seem to be involved in the center of strife. Funny how that seems to happen again and again when they are here. Whenever someone takes a crap on the floor someplace, they are among the first ones to make sure to spread the stink.

All I know is I used to come home from work and log in here eagerly, wanting to read the posts that were made while I was away during the day, wanting to interact with the people here. It was an entertaining place to be, and I enjoyed being logged on here. Nowadays, when I read the posts I feel like it's something I need to take several hot showers to wash off. It's not fun anymore. And it is not this latest drama that is the reason for it. This feeling has been present and growing for some time now. It's the reason I think that this is not just a passing mood for me.

When that happens to something you used to like, it does feel like a reason to be unhappy. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's time to leave. Maybe all this blow-up will turn out to be a good thing by getting people to look and think about how they get along. Maybe it will become a better place by this soul-searching. I don't know.

What I do know is that when I don't feel good about the Lounge threads, or the goings on here, it makes me not want to be here, or participate, that much more. So yes, like Luna and others before her, I'm looking for other venues.

 

[Scuttle Buttin']

I'm sorry, but that's nonsense. You cannot use my interacting with new people as evidence that new people are not welcome. It is simply factually incorrect to act as if all those people I listed are part of some clique, given that I do not interact with all of them on a regular basis. Your position is further damaged by the fact that, as previously stated, they're all new. Involving a bunch of new people, along with people that have been here a while, is the exact OPPOSITE definition of a clique. The only reason it seems you feel that way is because you don't put yourself among their numbers, but at no point have I seen you be excluded, actively or otherwise, from any of it.

The way FD has treated you is, frankly, immaterial to the way he has clearly treated others. I don't recall ever treating you badly, but that seems to be counting for suspiciously little right now.

Again, while it is easy for you to sit back and complain about this happening now, lamenting more public drama, you did not see any of the private attempts to avoid it that were, unfortunately, ignored.

Perhaps the real issue here is that the clique you were a part of has moved on, and other people have taken their place. As I said earlier, I don't recall anyone complaining about cliques while people were ignoring 95% of what I said when I first started coming here. It seems it is only when someone else feels on the outside looking in that all of this begins.

To act like it is all, or even mostly, drama is simply false. No reasonable reading of any social thread here bears that out.

Talk of cliques all you want, but ask yourself this: when was the last time you welcomed someone new to the Lounge and had a conversation with them?

 

[thestruggle]

What the fuck?

Truth is that I made some mistakes, I admitted to the ones I made and apologized until I was sick of hearing myself say it. The idea that I violated your rights, or repressed you, or basically textually raped your rights is asinine. You know why? If you felt so betrayed or tormented you could have, and should have put me on ignore. Like what I did when I got fed up.

Oh, oops--I'm probably on ignore, but on the off chance that I'm not--you mean to say that half-assed "this was mostly your fault but I'm sorry you took it that way" statement was an apology? The one where in the same fucking post you called my friend a viper? And hah! Look! You're still doing it! "Change your behavior to avoid my behavior." Is that how life works for you? Must be real fucking nice.

Places where people actually concentrate on writing instead of acting like immature, clicky teenagers looking for their next target to bully in order to make themselves feel justified or cool.

For anyone who this pisses off or didn’t like my +1 earlier….I don’t give two fucks. You had your group of minions +1’ing you against him so get the fuck over it. This is a porn website people. Do porn-ish things like write and fuck. It’s not the place for ganging up on other people. Seriously. Be kind to each other or leave each other alone.

Hey, I don't know you--I'm Tess, nice to meet you. Glad to know someone was reading how I've been supported by all of these crazy minions! Right? Protesting--oh, the insanity! But on a serious note, he's a big strong man, I'm sure he can take it. And if he can't? Hey! "Change his behavior to avoid the behavior!" Funny how that works!

This was, initially, handled in an adult fashion. Conversations were had one-on-one, and wishes were expressed, claimed to be understood, and everyone went on their way. Of course, we're not morons, so everyone went on their way expecting that they'd be eventually ignored, and unfortunately we were proven right in that.

Why? Because of a simple lack of respect for people. Because one person simply cannot fathom that someone wouldn't like them, or want to be in contact with them, and so they will happily ignore that request and go on as if nothing ever happened.

Realize, as you read this and roll your eyes and think about how this is all so dramatic and how very wrong I am that this is what this is about. This is it!

Seriously, take a moment and let that soak in.

All that had to happen was him not contact people that didn't want to be, that he was expressly told did not want to be, and all of this that you're reading never happens. We're all in the Lounge, laughing and having a good time like we usually do.

This. That's it. How do you do this again? Oh yeah! Plus one billion fucking infinity forever thousand blah blah blah points to Ruffles, Brit, and Vivi for having the balls to stand up and say something.

And hey, my new attitude of "calling it like it is?" If you don't like it, leave. There's no clique here. I'm sorry people miss their friends that have left. That sucks. No one can say what relationships mean what to us. We're a group of friends that made every effort to include others. Making threads, joking around--the ONE thing that we've done is tell an asshole to fuck off. We all had to jump in, get messy. We're not going to bend over backwards and read your mind--if you want included, great. If you don't, you don't. Let's not hide our nostalgia for "days long past" in passive aggressive behavior.

Also, can I say: I find it HILARIOUS that on an online forum, where people can't really see each other, grown adults are this passive aggressive.

And YET AGAIN, my situation with FD has nothing to do with this forum's tendency to group together. Stop lumping it in with that, thanks. If there's a larger issue at work here, fine, but my issue was NOT a part of that. So let's not include that. A group of people said no. They were not "sharks in the water." They saw a girl who was sad and nervous about standing up and gave her support. Here I go again, beating this part with a hammer.

What did LCN call it? The sex hammer! Hahaha! Oh wait, I'm supposed to be solemn. Sorry!

 

[DarkWarrioress]

I'm not all that "old" around here. I've been here almost two years now. Hardly old at all. I've been one to speak with pretty much everyone, unless of course, it's a troll just popping in to, well, troll. Of late, I've been quiet, of a sorts. Sitting back and watching the forums and the only time I spill my thoughts are when something really gets to me. Something that has been done over and over again until I can't take it anymore or something I see as particularly mean, unnecessary and downright annoying.

Aside from a few that jump on someone else's bandwagon and I don't mean those who have displayed quiet public support of that person, there have been instances of people jumping into a newcomer's thread and made snarky remarks, instead of simply ignoring them. Yes, it is a porn site, things like that are going to happen. Why can't their posts be simply ignored instead of constantly going in and making fun of them? Some have tried to be helpful. No, it doesn't always work. But is it necessary to go into their thread and deride them for whatever reason?

Sheer persistence, yes, pays off to stay around here. Especially when someone makes the greater effort to stick around but how many more people would stick around if more people greeted someone who is new to these boards with a simple "Hi. Welcome. How are you?" I'm not saying, people don't. There's one or two who do. I just wish more would make the effort. I think many of us all know what it's like to try and establish ourselves on a forum. Some of us around here actually claim to be a snob in who they choose to interact with. That's their privilege, obviously.

Some newcomers step in and their spelling is horrid. I can understand it can be offensive. There are those who would mock them for it. Why? People in here make spelling errors all the time and repeatedly. They don't get made fun of. Is it just because they are a "regular"? Is it because we know they have a problem? Or they simply don't give a damn? Or because they are someone most people appreciate or are linked to someone we do? I have watched time and time again, someone being made fun of because they can't spell. I can say it's because of laziness. It may not be. Who knows? The point is, regardless, they deserve a chance to hang out not be made fun of and run off.

Something else I noticed. Someone outs someone else, publicly. That's to be expected also. I'm not sure everyone agrees with that view. But hey, I can understand the reasoning. What irks me? Is watching people jump on the bandwagon, for whatever reason they may have. Another opportunity to insult the target. Is it really necessary? Simple personal gratification? Support for the outer? There's better ways of showing support. A hug for them. A simple sentence somewhere to say they're proud of that person. Put the damn focus where it belongs. On the person who spoke out not on the target. The target may be the last person you want to see around here, but they're entitled to be. It's far easier to just ignore those people. We do have an ignore button. It's a wonderful thing.

Cliques.

I've always told newcomers we don't have cliques around here. I tend to look at it as people who enjoy spending their time in the company of others they enjoy writing with and feel comfortable with. If it becomes an exclusive thing, then yes, it becomes clique-ish. Yes, the same people tend to hang out often, but that's normal. I see it only becoming a problem when those same people ignore others. While it's their prerogative, it's hardly friendly. Sometimes, people don't have anything to say to someone they aren't as familiar with, that's okay too. No one expects anyone to be a social candle. The fact that we have one or two, is a blessing.

Sarcasm.

That's a tricky thing. Some people are just that way. It's their comfort zone. If they understand that it puts people off, hey, it's all good. Sarcasm is a double edged sword to be sure. They may mean it in a kidding sense. After a while, it's not so funny. Especially when it's done all the time. Here, again, trying to be fair, it's all personal preference.


Passive Aggressive

I think this is tossed around entirely too much. Granted, in some cases, it might be true. Sometimes though, I think it's a matter of people trying to be fair. Seeing what other people are saying and when they voice something, trying to include that. I could be wrong.


My conclusion

People, every one has an opinion. A right to voice their emotions/feelings, right or wrong. Right or wrong being relative here because we all feel the way we do through our own experiences. Someone might not have been around to see certain things when they happened. Some might have. There are always choices, we have them. More than obviously stated though, Scutt. We can also refuse to leave this place for whatever reasons we may have and continue to voice opinions and feelings when we feel the need to. If that means being ignored, then a person needs to recognize that's going to happen, accept it and continue on.

If certain people are not to your liking, cultivate some that are and be proactive. There's nothing saying you can't interact here with people of your choice. This space is big enough for all of us to use.

Just as a general rule, I'd like (and who am I to want something, eh?) see people go out of their way to be less sarcastic, less....mean? (the word I want eludes me at the moment) Give people a chance or just ignore them and when we're angry, be angry. If it can't be taken care of privately? And the issue seems to have happened to others as well? Public airing may be the only way to go. Showing support for a person is great. Being caustic by how that support is shown, not so great, especially if we're attacking the "target". It creates divisions.

We use to all get along. Maybe sometimes, it was just a surface thing in some cases. As people can see, someone can be unacceptable to one or a few, but not so to others. If we don't bother tearing into the "unacceptable" and simply ignore them, maybe these divisions won't happen and we can all get along. At least civilly.

Again, we all have opinions, feelings, thoughts, on various things. We're entitled to them. We're entitled to voice them. No one is right or wrong in the general sense of things. Right or wrong is relative. It's like religion or politics. No one is going to 100 percent agree with everyone. We're going to rub someone wrong. It's life.

Oh. And one more thing. Some people are quiet for a reason. Then they explode with something. That's not so wrong. Maybe they're not comfortable being vocal/social. For whatever reason they may have. Maybe they're not leaders. Not all of us can be or are. Some are better at it than others. Just realize that anything you say openly is a target for comment by others. The bane of speaking your mind publicly. You don't have to argue with anyone over your voiced opinion. You can ignore anything you wish to.

I'm trying to think if I missed something..... unfortunately, I haven't had coffee yet so my brain isn't in gear as it should be.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Dear weather~

It would be absolutely fantastic if you would make up your mind and decide what it is that you are going to do and then do it! I, for one, am sick of being sick.

*nods*

Dear Headache~

Go away!

*nods*

Dear noise~

STOP. You are digging into the deeper parts of my brain and I need a break. Thank you very very much.

Dear Jay~

Chocolate ice cream and red bull. You are the man.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

I read one post following mine of those that I have on ignore. I won't put any more effort into it.

Up until this point I have not drawn any lines, I have only addressed those who have taken issue with me. If I wanted to draw lines in the sand I very well could but contrary to what my detractors think I have no evil designs.

So here it is nice and public like you all love so much. I have you on ignore, I am done. Do not talk to anyone about me again. Don't go sharing private conversations (because that is adult as scuttles pointed out). Don't spread more rumors, don't pm the people I love, and the people I talk to, don't talk about me, period.

I will know when you don't listen because I know that at least Vivi cannot help but stir shit up. (being adult again, calling people out directly) and I will know because people always tell me when they have been talked too. If this person is not among your rank then you had better figure something out because you will get credit. Of all of the behavior I find so reprehensible, It is spreading rumors about people. It doesn't matter if you were there, because you don't know the whole story. I am guilty of this myself at times, but I have done my best to fix this behavior.

The truth in the matter is if I was so horrible as you paint me the people who care about me would be in your camp. I have people who loathe me and you are welcome to your feelings, but I have more people who respect and care for me. I have people who you have spread rumors to now that are among my best and closest friends.

Tess I am sorry for the hurt I caused. I never intended any of it. You are on ignore now so I couldn't talk to you if I tried.

To Vivi, Scuttles:

Blindfold yourselves, and go play in traffic.

Me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

puts up one finger, drops it, drags the Daddy from the thread because it's over...whatever it was, it's done and this is doing absolutely nothing to help the situation.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

puts up one finger, drops it, drags the Daddy from the thread because it's over...whatever it was, it's done and this is doing absolutely nothing to help the situation.

goes willingly.

I was done, doll. It was time to have my say.

 

[Scuttle Buttin']

Whew, that was a close one. You almost didn't get your parting shot in at people and remind everyone what a nice guy you are.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

I'm going to change the tenor of this conversation. Because what else can be said?

Dear Daddy,

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm lucky to have a man like you in my life and I know it, I feel quite spoiled. I am happy. And whatever comes our way, I know we'll handle it together. This and a myriad of other words could and should be said, but what is between us is between us, and I like it that way.

No other man has ever stepped up for me in the way you did. Has ever sought to protect me so fully, for this I'm eternally grateful.

Dear Brit,

My sister-heart from the other side of the world. You are amazing, and my strength in those moments that I'm failing. That you're fierce and snarky and protective and fucking funny in those moments too have never failed to brighten my day, my life, my year, my whole world. I am better person for having you by my side.

Plus.. ya know.. you're sexy as fuck.

Dear Tess and Lily,

I always think of you two as a pair. My girls. My crazy, silly, over-the-top girls. Tess, fuck me you're fierce and I can't wait to burn buildings and the world with you. You challenge me in so many ways, and remind me that I have so much still to learn. Lily, you're so close, darling. I can tell that in years to come you're going to be fucking insanely amazing. I know you're just stepping into the big wide world and it may be daunting, but that fierce curiousity and brattiness marked another... me. Girl, you are fabulous.

Dr. N,

You're a bad man. I love it. And I thank you for your wise, calm, and insanely funny words. I'm still going to break you. It's gonna be epic. I promise you. Also, your quiet support has meant more than you will ever know.

My Ivory one,

You're stronger than you will ever recognize, and it's your grace that I admire the most. Through any of this, I've watched you accept the words of one, while fiercely protecting another. You are amazing. Trust me on this.

Vail, my love,

I love you my fighting, fucking, Amazon at my side who takes no prisoners or no shit. I will never be able to live without you. Ever. You are fire when I'm ice, ice when I flame, sharp teeth on sensitive skin and dotted kisses when I need them. It's to you I turn when words escape me, and I am forever grateful you chose me.

To the rest of you, I've not named here, but owe something to, thank you very much.

And to those who think I started any of this, that I'm some kind of terrible person, that I'm out to hurt someone, or that I'm in any way mean.. I didn't, and never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be free. For this, I'm sorry, I truly am, and I would never wish you any ill will, at all. Our lives as artists and creators are difficult enough without those who would wish us pain or death. I wish you happy muses and indeed, would never seek to exclude you from any space where you sought inspiration or safety.

I have no other words, and would entreat you all to let this die. Too many have been hurt, too many names called, too much pain. I, myself will seek those I love and admire and find my solace there.

My very best,
Vi

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Dear housework~

You just keep piling up, don't you? Just keep making more and more for me to do. I have a fever...have had one for two damned days but YOU just keep piling up, you bastard. Going out of your way to make my time sick a purgatory.

Asshole.

Well guess what? I don't care. I work all weekend~from 7 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon and you still won't get done because I won't have time to do it and the other people in my house are also sick and they won't do it because they will sleep all day.

So...fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you.

I will try and get to you on my NEXT day off sometime next week, possibly.

You dick.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

Dear housework~

You just keep piling up, don't you? Just keep making more and more for me to do. I have a fever...have had one for two damned days but YOU just keep piling up, you bastard. Going out of your way to make my time sick a purgatory.

Asshole.

Well guess what? I don't care. I work all weekend~from 7 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon and you still won't get done because I won't have time to do it and the other people in my house are also sick and they won't do it because they will sleep all day.

So...fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you.

I will try and get to you on my NEXT day off sometime next week, possibly.

You dick.

Wish I was closer doll. I would come do your homework after I made sure you were comfy in bed.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Wish I was closer doll. I would come do your homework after I made sure you were comfy in bed.

I know you would, doll face.

I am trying to imagine the look on Jay's face if you and Twin showed up at the house in maid outfits!!

 

[tigerlilyxx]

I'm trying to imagine the look on anyone's face is FD showed up somewhere in a maid outfit.

Breaks out into fits of giggles at the thought.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I'm trying to imagine the look on anyone's face is FD showed up somewhere in a maid outfit.

Breaks out into fits of giggles at the thought.

Okay...you definitely win for that one.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

I know you would, doll face.

I am trying to imagine the look on Jay's face if you and Twin showed up at the house in maid outfits!!

I'm trying to imagine the look on anyone's face is FD showed up somewhere in a maid outfit.

Breaks out into fits of giggles at the thought.

If it would make you smile Luna, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Besides I have the legs for it!

Oh and Lily, I don't have a skirt, but I do have a kilt. Maybe I will get a picture for you.

grins.

 

[tigerlilyxx]

Okay...you definitely win for that one.

I'm still giggling.

 

[tigerlilyxx]

If it would make you smile Luna, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Besides I have the legs for it!

Oh and Lily, I don't have a skirt, but I do have a kilt. Maybe I will get a picture for you.

grins.

I am now giggling even more.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

If it would make you smile Luna, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Besides I have the legs for it!

Oh and Lily, I don't have a skirt, but I do have a kilt. Maybe I will get a picture for you.

grins.

Ohhh Daddy in a kilt. HAWT.

Add that lil white apron thingy and I am SOLD.

I'm still giggling.

NOW I need to hear the giggling.

 

[tigerlilyxx]

Ohhh Daddy in a kilt. HAWT.

Add that lil white apron thingy and I am SOLD.





NOW I need to hear the giggling.

I don't giggle much. It's a rare sound, indeed.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I don't giggle much. It's a rare sound, indeed.

I giggle all the damned time.

*nods*

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

Ohhh Daddy in a kilt. HAWT.

Add that lil white apron thingy and I am SOLD.





NOW I need to hear the giggling.

Not sure what apron thing you are talking about, but if it goes with the rest of the outfit I prolly have it. I got the whole get up from a ten fest. The kilt is even one of the ones that represents my family tartan.

And lily needs to giggle more.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Dear Nose~

Air would really be appreciated. Like seriously, it would be. Do you know just how difficult it is to grab air through an open mouth? It makes me look like one of those odd little mouth breathers. NOT a good look for me, at all.

And while I am at it. Bronchitis? I hate you. This is the second time in four months. YOU SUCK.

 

[IvoryTigress]

Dear Nose~

Air would really be appreciated. Like seriously, it would be. Do you know just how difficult it is to grab air through an open mouth? It makes me look like one of those odd little mouth breathers. NOT a good look for me, at all.

And while I am at it. Bronchitis? I hate you. This is the second time in four months. YOU SUCK.

Does not like....kicks Bronchitis...in the shins...both of them...

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Does not like....kicks Bronchitis...in the shins...both of them...

looks appropriately grateful