Anyone for random non-sex (but occasionally sex) chat on the thread here?

[johnsmith190812]

You still don't quite have the concept...

Eat out then bj?

 

[HollyS]

Eat out then bj?

How about we re-direct this conversation... SMH

 

[LizVegas79]

SMH? I don't know what that is.

(for the record though, in a barter and trade world I think I might do okay, at least for a few more years anyways lol)

 

[HollyS]

SMH? I don't know what that is.

Shake My Head. Lol

 

[TXRafe]

How about we re-direct this conversation... SMH

yeah that was why i apologized, we need to pivot. funny in the moment but can be taken too far.

 

[Jaws82]

How about we re-direct this conversation... SMH

Best work snacks?

 

[HollyS]

yeah that was why i apologized, we need to pivot. funny in the moment but can be taken too far.

Thanks, Rafe.

 

[HollyS]

Okay, your Alchemist's break is over. Back to the lab!

 

[MiaBabe23]

isn't me allowing you to give me a bj my submitting to the act? i wasn't offering to be rough and face...ok...certainly on the line, you know what i meant, lol.

Being women doesn’t inherently mean we want to submit, and it absolutely doesn’t mean we want to submit to you
It takes a special rapport and devotion to do that
I see Patient Alchemist Holly is laughing along, so trust the humor is landing ok, but I personally would enjoy seeing an alternative way of joking and teasing from you, Jester/ Guardsman Raph, rather than being repeatedly told I or other women here have a natural place on our knees for you

 

[MiaBabe23]

im only playing, don't be mad at me mia! i apologize.

Then why are you laughing as you apologize?

 

[TXRafe]

Then why are you laughing as you apologize?

because something can be funny and you can still apologize that in the moment someone would take it too far. unintended consequences.

 

[MiaBabe23]

because something can be funny and you can still apologize that in the moment someone would take it too far. unintended consequences.

Although maybe it wasn’t funny to begin with on the nth time of hearing it?

 

[Boat1]

You still don't quite have the concept...

I've made some hellacious "educational aids/implements" if you'd like to borrow them... There's not a doubt in my mind that you can help him "see the light" in short fashion!
lol

 

[TXRafe]

Being women doesn’t inherently mean we want to submit, and it absolutely doesn’t mean we want to submit to you
It takes a special rapport and devotion to do that
I see Patient Alchemist Holly is laughing along, so trust the humor is landing ok, but I personally would enjoy seeing an alternative way of joking and teasing from you, Jester/ Guardsman Raph, rather than being repeatedly told I or other women here have a natural place on our knees for you

ok, there is a clear miscommunication happening here. perhaps its my fault, i dont really know. i wasnt asking holly or you or anyone else to submit to me. i was making a passing joke to you ladies enjoying when a number of the men here try to submit to you. i felt comfortable enough in my interactions with holly to make the joke based on what she had said and was reacting based on her reactions.

so firstly, holly, if i offended you, i apologize. i was teasing and being playful, i in no way intended to demean, placate, or attempt to submit you.

secondly, mia, i feel like you are projecting onto me and reading far too much context into what i was saying and joking about. i dont communicate like a neurotypical person. there is not complicated context behind what i say. i typically mean exactly what it is i am saying. if i am joking i use emojis to indicate as such. at times it seems like we are fine and at others it seems like you have the complete wrong idea of me based on your interactions with others. id like to fix that, but i dont know how except to say that you are misreading me.

 

[MiaBabe23]

ok, there is a clear miscommunication happening here. perhaps its my fault, i dont really know. i wasnt asking holly or you or anyone else to submit to me. i was making a passing joke to you ladies enjoying when a number of the men here try to submit to you. i felt comfortable enough in my interactions with holly to make the joke based on what she had said and was reacting based on her reactions.

so firstly, holly, if i offended you, i apologize. i was teasing and being playful, i in no way intended to demean, placate, or attempt to submit you.

secondly, mia, i feel like you are projecting onto me and reading far too much context into what i was saying and joking about. i dont communicate like a neurotypical person. there is not complicated context behind what i say. i typically mean exactly what it is i am saying. if i am joking i use emojis to indicate as such. at times it seems like we are fine and at others it seems like you have the complete wrong idea of me based on your interactions with others. id like to fix that, but i dont know how except to say that you are misreading me.

I think the issue is, every time I have teased you in turn, about you submitting, you’ve given a terse and seemingly serious response, pointing out you don’t do that
A tease and joke that’s only tolerated in one direction becomes condescending and perhaps even misogynistic - which I’m sure you’re not intending. Although explaining to me that you weren’t actually expecting us to blow you is patronizing enough to raise an eyebrow or two
Perhaps if, as seems to be the case, it’s not something you’re willing to be teased about, we’ll all enjoy it more when you tease and joke about other things

 

[TXRafe]

I think the issue is, every time I have teased you in turn, about you submitting, you’ve given a terse and seemingly serious response, pointing out you don’t do that
A tease and joke that’s only tolerated in one direction becomes condescending and perhaps even misogynistic - which I’m sure you’re not intending. Although explaining to me that you weren’t actually expecting us to blow you is patronizing enough to raise an eyebrow or two
Perhaps if, as seems to be the case, it’s not something you’re willing to be teased about, we’ll all enjoy it more when you tease and joke about other things

thats fair and i will take it under advisement. although, i wasnt asking anyone to submit to me, wasnt even joking about, i was joking about my submitting to holly. it appears to me that you are fine teasing others about submitting to you but when its reversed or you feel like someone is trying to dominate you it becomes serious and unwelcomed, which again is fine if thats what is happening. dominating and submitting are barely even a part of my sexuality. its a game i am willing to play and find that i can enjoy when i am allowed to be the dominate party. i dont need to rehash or go into further explanation. i am not the least bit misogynistic, show enormous respect for women, just voted for a woman to be president in fact. i am attracted to strong, smart, intelligent women and treat them as such. so all i can do is ask that you reevaluate how you are interpreting me. i will limit my interactions in this thread from now and will try to watch what i say, but i am not going to walk on egg shells or be mischaracterized. im sorry we are even having to have this discussion. i wont make jokes anymore.

 

[MiaBabe23]

thats fair and i will take it under advisement. although, i wasnt asking anyone to submit to me, wasnt even joking about, i was joking about my submitting to holly. it appears to me that you are fine teasing others about submitting to you but when its reversed or you feel like someone is trying to dominate you it becomes serious and unwelcomed, which again is fine if thats what is happening. dominating and submitting are barely even a part of my sexuality. its a game i am willing to play and find that i can enjoy when i am allowed to be the dominate party. i dont need to rehash or go into further explanation. i am not the least bit misogynistic, show enormous respect for women, just voted for a woman to be president in fact. i am attracted to strong, smart, intelligent women and treat them as such. so all i can do is ask that you reevaluate how you are interpreting me. i will limit my interactions in this thread from now and will try to watch what i say, but i am not going to walk on egg shells or be mischaracterized. im sorry we are even having to have this discussion. i wont make jokes anymore.

Or you could accept the feedback, have a brief think about why what you said got that response, relax and continue enjoying
But your call

 

[LizVegas79]

What a healthy conversation!

My only two cents to add might be that sometimes emoji's get in the way of our message. I know I've been guilty of that. They can send a mixed message. Like, as you so appropriately pointed out Mia, apologizing with a ha-ha emoji. Which do we believe? Do you think it's funny that someone misunderstood you?

In these modern crazy times, mixed messages and saying one thing but doing another are confusing all the issues and steering our country, and the whole world for that matter, down into an ugly spiral of denial and non-accountability.

That said, I do acknowledge your attempt at apology and clarification Rafe. That's important so good for you (and us as a community!)

 

[Boat1]

I've made some hellacious "educational aids/implements" if you'd like to borrow them... There's not a doubt in my mind that you can help him "see the light" in short fashion!
lol

I think I should start reading to the end of the thread, before I attempt to inject lighthearted (but conceivably dark) humor into the thread, vs the "post as I read" which I've been doing...

 

[TXRafe]

What a healthy conversation!

My only two cents to add might be that sometimes emoji's get in the way of our message. I know I've been guilty of that. They can send a mixed message. Like, as you so appropriately pointed out Mia, apologizing with a ha-ha emoji. Which do we believe? Do you think it's funny that someone misunderstood you?

In these modern crazy times, mixed messages and saying one thing but doing another are confusing all the issues and steering our country, and the whole world for that matter, down into an ugly spiral of denial and non-accountability.

That said, I do acknowledge your attempt at apology and clarification Rafe. That's important so good for you (and us as a community!)

i appreciate that liz, as someone who is just starting to understand how and why i communicate so differently than the average person, i become greatly frustrated when these things happen and i have no idea how to rectify it. from my perspective i am being greatly misunderstood, trying to explain that misunderstanding, being judged based on the misunderstanding, and being asked to think about my behavior based on the misunderstanding. when none of the judgements are even valid. how someone perceives me is based on their biases, mood, thought process, opinions etc. i can attempt to be clear about my intentions but if someone isn't willing to hear it or understand that either then i am at a loss. how many people even took what i said the way one other person did? i think the conversation was fine until someone else took it too far and then someone else wanted to weigh in. obviously im flustered but i feel like its justified. and as far as accepting the feedback and moving on, thats not how a neurodivergent brain works...ill probably still be having this conversation in my head tomorrow. ugh.

 

[Boat1]

i appreciate that liz, as someone who is just starting to understand how and why i communicate so differently than the average person, i become greatly frustrated when these things happen and i have no idea how to rectify it. from my perspective i am being greatly misunderstood, trying to explain that misunderstanding, being judged based on the misunderstanding, and being asked to think about my behavior based on the misunderstanding. when none of the judgements are even valid. how someone perceives me is based on their biases, mood, thought process, opinions etc. i can attempt to be clear about my intentions but if someone isn't willing to hear it or understand that either then i am at a loss. how many people even took what i said the way one other person did? i think the conversation was fine until someone else took it too far and then someone else wanted to weigh in. obviously im flustered but i feel like its justified. and as far as accepting the feedback and moving on, thats not how a neurodivergent brain works...ill probably still be having this conversation in my head tomorrow. ugh.

Rafe, IMHO, you articulate your thoughts EXTREMELY WELL and you come across as very sincere, as well!

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Then why are you laughing as you apologize?

Because he uses humor to cover how uncomfortable he is at times. It's a coping mechanism that some people employ in those situations.

 

[HollyS]

I'm very sorry my silly joke set off such unhappiness.

Rafe, I don't want to speak for Mia, but the thing that I noticed that could be interpreted as misogynistic was when you went from teasing about me offering to give a blowjob and you being "willing" to submit. That implies that women are here to perform blowjobs, and you get to decide whether you "submit" to one. It is a complete twisting of anything that has to do with submission in the context of D/s relationships.

I responded with further jokes because I believe you didn't intend offense. But Mia is right - it's important for you to understand why it was offensive. And it seems you DO want to understand, which is a good thing. My tendency to laugh things off isn't always best, and sometimes doesn't really reflect how I'm feeling.

I hope peace can return to our little world. It's a good discussion to have, because we can't have peace if we don't understand the other people in our world.

 

[Mada69]

Is it safe to come out now?

 

[TXRafe]

I'm very sorry my silly joke set off such unhappiness.

Rafe, I don't want to speak for Mia, but the thing that I noticed that could be interpreted as misogynistic was when you went from teasing about me offering to give a blowjob and you being "willing" to submit. That implies that women are here to perform blowjobs, and you get to decide whether you "submit" to one. It is a complete twisting of anything that has to do with submission in the context of D/s relationships.

I responded with further jokes because I believe you didn't intend offense. But Mia is right - it's important for you to understand why it was offensive. And it seems you DO want to understand, which is a good thing. My tendency to laugh things off isn't always best, and sometimes doesn't really reflect how I'm feeling.

I hope peace can return to our little world. It's a good discussion to have, because we can't have peace if we don't understand the other people in our world.

i do want to understand, obviously i dont understand the "rules" to "dom/sub" relationships, as a neurodivergent the rules wouldn't make sense to me anyway unless they were logical and rational. how about we just drop any context of bdsm relationships to begin with. in my mind the person receiving is the person submitting, the person acting is the person in control and dominating, if im somehow getting that wrong, ugh. exhausting.

Is it safe to come out now?

yeah it's safe. again i apologize. if it's not obvious im trying, i don't know what else i can do.