Anyone for random non-sex (but occasionally sex) chat on the thread here?

[MiaBabe23]

Because he uses humor to cover how uncomfortable he is at times. It's a coping mechanism that some people employ in those situations.

Fair point, thank you. I do the same sometimes
Certainly didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry if it did
I was finding the one way direction of the humor was doing so, but didn’t want mentioning that to lead to discomfort itself
Hopefully all resolved now

 

[LizVegas79]

Fair point, thank you. I do the same sometimes
Certainly didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry if it did
I was finding the one way direction of the humor was doing so, but didn’t want mentioning that to lead to discomfort itself
Hopefully all resolved now

Agreed. I will try to start us off in a new direction ....

So we've been talking about how misunderstandings can lead to more misunderstandings and separation, what about when a misunderstanding leads to more open and clear communication and a deeper closeness?

Does anyone want to share an example of that happening?

I'll start.

When I first brought up the idea of arranging a threesome with another woman for my husband's birthday a few years ago, he not only immediately rejected the idea, a few days later he confronted me about it. He had obviously spent a great deal of time thinking about what my suggestion "meant" and he was very hurt and scared. I had never seen him so vulnerable. (he's 6'4" and an ex-jock so vulnerability is not something he generally projects)

It turns out, he interpreted me trying to give him a sexy gift for his 40th birthday as a sign that I was unhappy with a) our sex life and more importantly, b) our marriage. I had been honest with him about my bi tendencies and lifestyle since high school and he was afraid, actually AFRAID, that if I got with another woman again, even if he was there and involved, I might "revert to being a lesbian again."

It sounded crazy to me that he would read all that into my birthday gift for him but he was dead serious. I laughed it off at first. But then, when I saw that he was still worried and thinking about it a week later, I knew it was time to sit down and talk it out.

Up until that point, I had had absolutely zero idea that he felt so threatened by my previous relationships with other women. He literally asked me if I was unhappy and wanted a divorce! It sounded crazy to me. How did he get that from me asking if he'd like to have a 3some? Isn't that every guy's secret fantasy? But he was dead serious. So serious that he wasn't willing to risk having a threesome with me and another woman, even one that he could pick instead of me!

The talk and ultimate understanding we eventually were able to have further cemented our relationship instead of tearing it apart. Our misunderstanding led to a deeper understanding of each other and, ultimately, some very, very enjoyable birthdays!

Communication, more than sexual attraction or similar interests or general compatibility and temperament, is the MOST important thing in ANY relationship imho.

Anyone else agree or have a similar experience?

 

[Mo_Bandy]

Dude my whole life is random non sex chat with the exception of the occasional Applebees bartender.

 

[TXRafe]

I'm very sorry my silly joke set off such unhappiness.

Rafe, I don't want to speak for Mia, but the thing that I noticed that could be interpreted as misogynistic was when you went from teasing about me offering to give a blowjob and you being "willing" to submit. That implies that women are here to perform blowjobs, and you get to decide whether you "submit" to one. It is a complete twisting of anything that has to do with submission in the context of D/s relationships.

I responded with further jokes because I believe you didn't intend offense. But Mia is right - it's important for you to understand why it was offensive. And it seems you DO want to understand, which is a good thing. My tendency to laugh things off isn't always best, and sometimes doesn't really reflect how I'm feeling.

I hope peace can return to our little world. It's a good discussion to have, because we can't have peace if we don't understand the other people in our world.

i wanted to send this in a pm, but here is fine too. in no way was what i was joking about meant to be interpreted as misogynistic...there was meant to be no implication that a womans place is on her knees performing any act. a womans place is where ever she f$%%ing pleases. that your life experience with men forces me to have to clarify that is unfortunate and sad, though i am sure it is the experience of most women. that is simply not me. again, for me, the person performing the act is in the dominant position, the person receiving the act is in the submission position. i appreciate you speaking up if i did make you feel uncomfortable or if you did take it that way. fuck any man or person who has treated you in a way that even makes it an option in your mind based on what i said and or was trying to say. always feel free to speak your mind to anyone, im not giving you permission, you dont need my f$%^ing permission. as far as getting to "decide" whether or not i "submit" to something, damn right i get to decide, so do you, so does everyone else. that you would be upset about that again points to the bigger issue that while i am empathetic towards, i am not a part of and will not be made to feel a part of, thus all this blabbering. i really do think im done now. thank you ladies, i think youve given everyone a lot to think about, but i hope that you and anyone else that reads this understands EXACTLY what it is i am and have been saying.