Appeal of being sexually controlled and dominated.

[Bikewer]

Zack, I agree that the actual formation of one's sexual persona is quite complicated, and is most likely conditioned by environmental influences after birth, as well as critical developmental junctures while still "in utero".
That's the "lovemap" idea that John Money, the late sexologist, proposed; as far as I know it's still pretty much the paradigm.

My point is that these behaviors are built upon various inherent structures and tendencies. I watched a lecture by E.O.Wilson, who was talking about these sorts of things, though not about sexuality. He pointed out that the behaviors we describe as obsessive-compulsive are probably built on very inate tendencies of human beings to respond to ritual, repetitive movement, and rythym.

 

[James G 5]

I'm begining to believe in this theory of the origins of BDSM more and more.

It seems to me that what you have in D/s is like an exaggeration of the kind of male/female sex roles you see in nature: the male as aggressor and dominator, the female as passive and submissive. It's as if people into D/s are somehow in touch with this primitive, deep part of themselves, and BDSM provides a controlled outlet for these feelings.
---dr.M.

That certainly doesn't explain Fem Dommes and male subs

 

[James G 5]

I think some of the disagreement occuring with ASR and OSG is that they define themselves as submissive when they are, in fact at the far end of the scale, and exclude others in the process (alho not deliberately)
A good analogy is the Kinsey sexuality scale rating hetero-versus-homo-sexuality
They put people on a 6 point scale, with 0 being pure het and 6 being pure homo and 3 being pure Bi
According to them, most people would fall in to being 1's, 2's, 4's, or 5's
So if we put 0 as Dom and 6 as sub, OSG and ADR fall in to being 6's...that's pretty rare. A lot of other folks around here would define themselves as subs only to those of their choosing (contrary to OSG's attitude of subservience towards anyone) or subs only sexually
Does this make them NOT submissive?
No. It just makes their submission and the level of it DIFFERENT. So for THOSE folks there IS a question of "appeal" and not just "I am ALWAYS that way"


Ok, throw stones now

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think some of the disagreement occuring with ASR and OSG is that they define themselves as submissive when they are, in fact at the far end of the scale, and exclude others in the process (alho not deliberately)
A good analogy is the Kinsey sexuality scale rating hetero-versus-homo-sexuality
They put people on a 6 point scale, with 0 being pure het and 6 being pure homo and 3 being pure Bi
According to them, most people would fall in to being 1's, 2's, 4's, or 5's
So if we put 0 as Dom and 6 as sub, OSG and ADR fall in to being 6's...that's pretty rare. A lot of other folks around here would define themselves as subs only to those of their choosing (contrary to OSG's attitude of subservience towards anyone) or subs only sexually
Does this make them NOT submissive?
No. It just makes their submission and the level of it DIFFERENT. So for THOSE folks there IS a question of "appeal" and not just "I am ALWAYS that way"


Ok, throw stones now

Please, do not put words in my mouth or on my fingertips. That has already been done on this thread.

You apparently, have no idea who or what I define myself as.

 

[James G 5]

Please, do not put words in my mouth or on my fingertips. That has already been done on this thread.

You apparently, have no idea who or what I define myself as.

Sorry if I wasn't clear, I said "I think" not "they said"
I was expressing my understanding based on your comments about "you're either submissive or you're not"
If I misunderstood you, please correct me
I stand by my idea about the scale, I don't think everyhone can be put in a simple "yes" or "no" box

 

[RoughPlay]

Re: My pleasure...

Fear *shivering* mmmmmmmm

Thanks for that blueyedheartbandit. I can see why fear enhances a scene for you.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Sorry if I wasn't clear, I said "I think" not "they said"
I was expressing my understanding based on your comments about "you're either submissive or you're not"
If I misunderstood you, please correct me
I stand by my idea about the scale, I don't think everyhone can be put in a simple "yes" or "no" box

And as I said before, I stand by mine, too. On that point we have no disagreement.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I imagine that a lot of the appeal of being a sub has to do with relinquishing sexual control, something a lot of women have ambivalent feelings about anyhow. I also think that there must be something very flattering about being a sub. During play and sex, she's the one who gets all the attention, isn't she? She's the center of interest, and everything is really all about what she feels.

I might buy this line of thinking if I were primarily a sexual submisssive. But I'm not. My submission, to the core, is about service. I have to agree with OSG's statement. My Sir didn't get the memo LOL. Submitting to the crop, humiliation, or whatever else He has in mind are all forms of service in my world, and are done for His pleasure. For me, it is about what He feels and He is the center of interest, no matter how that is achieved. That is my service to Him. YMMV.

 

[RoughPlay]

it's not something that makes me feel good, being sexually dominated. sure, sometimes it's nice.

When it is nice what is it that you like about it?

 

[RoughPlay]

Re: Re: Re: Appeal of being sexually controlled and dominated.

the rush of it. I feel helpless and I exult in it. I hurt and I love that I'm being hurt simply for his pleasure. I feel challenged and fulfilled

 

[RoughPlay]

Being dominated, especially during sexual play, is a most fulfilling, satisfying and emotional time for me.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I might buy this line of thinking if I were primarily a sexual submisssive. But I'm not. My submission, to the core, is about service. I have to agree with OSG's statement. My Sir didn't get the memo LOL. Submitting to the crop, humiliation, or whatever else He has in mind are all forms of service in my world, and are done for His pleasure. For me, it is about what He feels and He is the center of interest, no matter how that is achieved. That is my service to Him. YMMV.

Nicely said.

 

[RoughPlay]

Submitting to the crop, humiliation, or whatever else He has in mind are all forms of service in my world, and are done for His pleasure. For me, it is about what He feels and He is the center of interest, no matter how that is achieved. That is my service to Him. YMMV.

Do you ever get any positive feelings when you provide this service to your Master ?

 

[ownedsubgal]

I think some of the disagreement occuring with ASR and OSG is that they define themselves as submissive when they are, in fact at the far end of the scale, and exclude others in the process (alho not deliberately)
A good analogy is the Kinsey sexuality scale rating hetero-versus-homo-sexuality
They put people on a 6 point scale, with 0 being pure het and 6 being pure homo and 3 being pure Bi
According to them, most people would fall in to being 1's, 2's, 4's, or 5's
So if we put 0 as Dom and 6 as sub, OSG and ADR fall in to being 6's...that's pretty rare. A lot of other folks around here would define themselves as subs only to those of their choosing (contrary to OSG's attitude of subservience towards anyone) or subs only sexually
Does this make them NOT submissive?
No. It just makes their submission and the level of it DIFFERENT. So for THOSE folks there IS a question of "appeal" and not just "I am ALWAYS that way"


Ok, throw stones now

for the most part, i agree with the above.

 

[ownedsubgal]

When it is nice what is it that you like about it?

that i was able to please and satisfy my partner, without feeling worse after it is all over.

 

[MissTaken]

The new percolator I looked at at the local five and dime yesterday appealed to me. However, I didn't need it, so I left it on the shelf.

ADmittedly, if I were walking down the street and someone told me I was a "good little slut," I would be ticked off. IF someone randomly spanked my ass, I would be pissed off. But in the context of D/s, these things, and more, are indicative of love and affection and are based on mutual need.

Now, I realize that my words and thoughts may be discounted as I am a switch, but these are my half baked thoughts. Enjoy!

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Do you ever get any positive feelings when you provide this service to your Master ?

Why, of course I do--all the time. Why would I not? It's how I'm wired, so to speak. Giving service to my Sir gives me pleasure, in a number of ways. Sometimes for a job well done (say something as mundane as the laundry), sometimes joy at pushing past a limit that I never thought I'd move past, sometimes simply happiness that I've brought Him pleasure, and yes, sometimes, flat-out sexual pleasure that He's allowed me.

Just because the focus is His pleasure, doesn't mean that I'm not enjoying giving the service.

~anelize

 

[James G 5]

for the most part, i agree with the above.

ADR disagreed (if I understood her correctly), saying "you're a sub or you're not"
Are you agreeing with me that there're DEGREES of submission?

 

[ownedsubgal]

ADR disagreed (if I understood her correctly), saying "you're a sub or you're not"
Are you agreeing with me that there're DEGREES of submission?

sort of, yes. i like the kinsey sexuality scale analogy...i agree that i'm at the far end of a scale of submission/submissiveness, but i also have the belief that if one's submissive nature is not universal/consuming/complete/pure/whatever you wish to call it, that that person would not be what i would call a "true" submissive (waiting for stones to fly at my head). just as if you have the slightest lil twinge in your pants or your head for the same sex, you are not a true, or pure heterosexual imo. but i don't think being true or pure anything makes someone above or better in any way than someone who is not pure/true. it's not something i would wish upon anyone else, being a complete submissive. it does not make for an easy life. it causes a great deal of potential pain and headache for you and especially for whoever falls in love with you and decides to be with you in a serious relationship. the lengths my Master has to go to in order to keep me safe, because of my passive submissive, can't-say-no, can't-fight-my-way-out nature, would drive most men insane with a quickness.

 

[James G 5]

sort of, yes. i like the kinsey sexuality scale analogy...i agree that i'm at the far end of a scale of submission/submissiveness, but i also have the belief that if one's submissive nature is not universal/consuming/complete/pure/whatever you wish to call it, that that person would not be what i would call a "true" submissive (waiting for stones to fly at my head). just as if you have the slightest lil twinge in your pants or your head for the same sex, you are not a true, or pure heterosexual imo. but i don't think being true or pure anything makes someone above or better in any way than someone who is not pure/true. it's not something i would wish upon anyone else, being a complete submissive. it does not make for an easy life. it causes a great deal of potential pain and headache for you and especially for whoever falls in love with you and decides to be with you in a serious relationship. the lengths my Master has to go to in order to keep me safe, because of my passive submissive, can't-say-no, can't-fight-my-way-out nature, would drive most men insane with a quickness.

Gee, we actually managed to agree for once LOL

 

[ownedsubgal]

Gee, we actually managed to agree for once LOL

i know, freakish huh?

 

[James G 5]

i know, freakish huh?

Lucky you have a daddy or I would be likely to put you in your place for that

 

[landcruisergal]

why does submission attract me? My master from day 1 wanted me to analyse my motivations, and be sure that I knew what led me down this path. Excuse the point form but its easier as there are diverse reasons....
* I am the daughter of a catholic mother ( doormat). Catholisism has that guilt base.The whole sin and punishment thing
" do that and I'll fucking spank you."..Matt Damon in Dogma, And my mother taught many lessons... dont make a fuss, sacrifice your own needs before others', keep the peace even if you disagree, dont argue with your betters, be nice to those who you might not like.Then the rituals and rules, the kneeling, confessions,lip service etc. Give until it hurts.I rebelled as soon as I had a mind, but get off on it now. Thank God!, lol
*I can now recognise people trying to take advantage of my kind, generous nature and stop them in their tracks, and that is empowering.I submit to one person now, because I choose to. I thank him for that every day.I am still basically a kind, giving, gentle soul, but wont be used.
* I always found my best early sexual experiances were in dangerous situations. Hitchiking, bad boys (rough necks, bikers,thugs etc), public and humiliating sex. ...you can never be raped if you agree to any act... but so bad for your self esteem too. Now I have regard for my safety, I find that this need is best met with a master who is skilled and talented, who can exploit my fear, place me in mental and physical bonds, and he gives positive feedback at every turn. Makes me feel that my submission is a gift, not something to be taken from me, by force.We have limits,a contract,the safe sane consentual rule,.You dont get that if you pick up that guy in a bar because he looks hot in leather or drives a pickup.
* I am a pain slut. But I need my mind stimulated as well.Where else can I go?
* I am lazy. I can follow directions to the last letter, but dont want to have to work out a plan of attack, make arrangements(i can If directed to but dont want to initiate) I need to be told how to dress( or I would turn up in shorts and a singlet),If left to my own devices I would masturbate with the same toy, same way,same time everyday. Now I have restrictions, time limits, orgasm denial, even the choice of toy has gone....and its better if you have to work at it.More effort reaps better results.
Lets say I have had to give this a lot of thought, theres more but this is the crux of it I think.......L&L LCG

 

[RoughPlay]

why does submission attract me?

Great post landcruisergal. I think you've really got it together.

 

[landcruisergal]

Great post landcruisergal. I think you've really got it together.

cheers. I guess my master has done a good job, not only to get me to think about what I want, but he admits its primarily to get into my head. And I get off on the guilt, now I have "gone over to the dark side". The pain/purging(mental) and purification that go with catholic dogma. The self analysis is akin to mental masturbation. And we both enjoy the cause/ effect, action /reaction that becomes easier with my exploration and exposure. He knows what buttons to push, which words have the strongest effect, and I supply him with ammunition to use against me. A sms, a call, an email, a knock on the door, a whisper in my ear with the primary intent to arouse fear,humiliation,arousal, pain. And nothing is predictable,one day a response can bring praise, another punishment.... Ah the head fuck....Love it...Now he wants to see me cry.... I dont think so.....let the games begin..L&L LCG