Are online d/s relationships a good thing?

[lilliewhyte]

As I have been scanning through the replies, someone said it is fantasy...the "online/phone" D/s. What else can it be? The "dom" doesnt actually have the responsibilty of a real relationship,and he is getting his
rocks off "contolling" some needy person who is probably taking this seriously. The internet stops people from getting out into the real world and examing what they really want to how to feel. How can you feel the power or the pain on the computer??
The internet is a wonderful source of getting information and for an initially meeting people. After that, get up, get out and meet people face to face
The non-understanding spouse? Then why not actually have a relationship if it is what you NEED? Be honest, be yourself

 

[FurryFury]

An Internet relationship can be as real as two minds can make it. It doesn't stop one from getting out or being real.

The people might stop themselves however, that is something they have to face and work on if they have a problem getting out of the house and going to a munch or something.

Some of us have no wish to "dump" a husband who may not be entirely into what we are but also may be understanding.

For me, an online relationship can be a wonderful thing. My husband has no wish to control me and isn't Dom like at all. He is aware of what I do online and supports whatever I want to do. Having that online Dom is a missing piece that I crave. Right now I'm not ready to go outside my relationship in RL for it but maybe someday I might be. It's hard to say.

Part of it is fantasy. Just like part of every real life relationship is. It is partly based on your dreams about what you two can be together. The hardest part of failed relationships is often letting go not of the actual relationship or person but your fantasies of what it could be, what that person is, and what you are with them.

As for someone "getting their rocks off controlling someone," first of all that sounds very off putting and condescending. The truth as with all control is that one can only take the control given them otherwise it is a false control. This is true in RL and online both.

What pain or power can you feel online? The pain and the power you fully participate in and agree to. No, he can't reach through the Internet wires and spank you, but with creativity, he can instruct you to do things and you can feel that blessed feeling of his power and even pain if you actually are into that and he is.

I'm really tired of some people coming in and dismissing what can be a wonderful thing. It's arrogant and irritating. I'm not sure why some have a need to do so. Perhaps they have a D/s relationship in RL and/or feel superior? Perhaps they lack the understanding (empathy) of how an online relationship could work?

It can be a fantastic part of one's life. It is for me. When I don't have it, I miss it horribly. Right now I do have it and I am VERY happy with it. I have a full, (perhaps too full,) life offline and it is wonderful too. Online however gives me a lot that I look forward to and enjoy a very great deal. I am grateful to have my online Dom, he is a treasure and an inspiration to me.

Fury

 

[driadnymph]

online relationships

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[FurryFury]

I'm in a 4 year online relationship with a guy who is half way around the world. And yes, he was married when we first started to chat (he is now divorced and that is not due to our relationship).
As for BDSM, we have been into role play for a couple of years now, each time we seem to take each other more to the edge, to see how far we can go with the other person before one of us uses the safe word. I have found that I prefer more humiliation than pain, while he is more into the pain aspect of it. So both of us have learned a great deal about each other's preference. For me, I instruct him to give himself pain, while we are on cam to see each other's reactions, but I really love to humiliate him *blush*. And I have to admit, I really get off seeing how much he is enjoying giving himself pain. The same goes for him. We are not sadists, but we appear to get off on torture, either physically or mentally, and we both love it.
Next year he is coming to see me. We are going to find out if there is a possibility of a real relationship. We have already planned for our role playing. We want to experience it live. He has never tried BDSM and I have only experienced being a sub once, and sadly, it was with the wrong dom.
I think online sub/dom can work to a certain amount. But there are limitations to what you can do. When we role play, we usually do it on our days off, and we allot 24 hour periods to really get into our roles. We interact via cams and audio. However, lately he has found it difficult to stop being my sub and it really frightens him, and worries me also. I think that is where the online part may not work as well. If I was with him, live, then I could help him out of it. Trying to help him after, online and even on the phone doesn't seem to aid him. I think he needs a warm body to care for him, to tend to his aches and pain that have been inflicted on him and he needs some tender loving care that just can't happen on the web.
I guess I'm saying there are pro's and con's to any web-based relationship. But it can also be a great experience. I have found that I can be more up-front with my feelings, emotions and what I want sexually. He knows me far more intimately than anyone else on the planet and I believe he would agree with that statement about himself too. As I see it, I have found a life-partner and soon will have the chance to discover if we actually click live or not.
Cheers,
Driadnymph

That is one of the longest online D/s relationships I've ever heard of. It gives me hope.

Congrats!

Maybe he could cocoon himself in a blanket, rock and think of it as you. Put a fan in the room so "you" could blow air across his hair and listen to you soothe him? I'm sure with creativity something could be worked out IF and this is almost always the problem BOTH truly want work it out. Some people tend to like to suffer and have problems IMO.

Fury

 

[driadnymph]

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[FurryFury]

Hey Fury, thanks for the blanket idea. I get him to try it. Because it really is hard on the poor dear.
Cheers,
Driad.

Well that was just off the top of my head but my point is there should be things that can be done to soothe as well. How about a hot steamy bath with you reading him a bedtime story since y'all use cam and phone? Just talking about the scene and how it went can help a lot IMO. I hope you and your boy find the right things that will give him some aftercare and let him down easy so you feel better about his well being. Remember it is his job as well as yours to make sure both parties are healthy.

Fury

 

[driadnymph]

Thank you again.

.......

 

[FurryFury]

I actually have spent time talking with him about our sessions afterwards, that doesn't seem to help much. However, you have given me some excellent ideas that have made me realize there are other ways to soothe him, so both of us feel good after. I thank you once more for your sagely advice.
Cheers,
Driad

It's my pleasure to help in any small way I can.

*curtsies and blushes*

Fury

 

[Shagly]

Starting things online can lead to great things.

Just do it!