Are online d/s relationships a good thing?

[Victoria_2001_02769]

I think it's fine that this is a hard limit for you. I think it's fine that you personally find this wrong for you.

Finding it wrong for someone else, which is not what I think you meant, would be wrong too.

I personally would LOVE to be someone's lil girl and to serve my "Daddy."

I also don't think that a dysfunctional Father/daughter relationship has to be the reason why someone would find it not only all right but appealing. I think in general people tend to jump to that sort of generalized rational about ALL people that are involved in D/s. There must be some sort of childhood abuse, neglect or a mental illness. I think that is incorrect and offensive. People just love to pigeon hole and put down others though.

Again, Victoria, I don't believe you meant to do this in your post. *hugs*

Fury

~ Thank you for understanding what I meant for me personally and that I am not finding it wrong for those who enjoy the realm of age play. I didn't mean to give the appearance of "pigeon-holing" anyone nor give the appearance of putting others down.

 

[Private_Label]

I know I have posted a thread on this topic before, but this time I just wanted to hear experiences on the matter, plus any advice for the sub on how they should react and how the dom should treat/punish the sub at appropriate times. It seems like a fun thing to enjoy with someone else online, but obviously it is limited when it comes to teasing and punishing and I just want to know the best ways to go about it..

Thanks for your time

Given the annonymity of the internet - the only way I am comfortable starting an OL relationship with anyone (kink related or not), is after I have met them in person, preferably in the presence of other people we have things in common (friends who introduce us, munches). It is far too easy for the person on the other end of the cable to be underage - which would hurt me deeply to know I may have inadvertantly caused harm to them somehow.

While I know people may have a legitimate reason for not wanting to go to a munch, if they are that afraid of people knowing about their kink, then maybe I'm not the right fit for them either as I have family I am close to and while I don't share all my intimate details, I would want to be able to explain my life choice to my family if asked about it. I don't need someone who is scared of getting caught. FOR ME - being able for the person to attend a munch as a first meeting means the person has a good deal of self confidence about their choices in life, including their kink, which I also find desirable.

I have had an OL D/s relationship, while there were some things I could comply with, there were others that it was difficult to do alone without him there watching over me while I did them.

 

[FurryFury]

Given the annonymity of the internet - the only way I am comfortable starting an OL relationship with anyone (kink related or not), is after I have met them in person, preferably in the presence of other people we have things in common (friends who introduce us, munches). It is far too easy for the person on the other end of the cable to be underage - which would hurt me deeply to know I may have inadvertantly caused harm to them somehow.

While I know people may have a legitimate reason for not wanting to go to a munch, if they are that afraid of people knowing about their kink, then maybe I'm not the right fit for them either as I have family I am close to and while I don't share all my intimate details, I would want to be able to explain my life choice to my family if asked about it. I don't need someone who is scared of getting caught. FOR ME - being able for the person to attend a munch as a first meeting means the person has a good deal of self confidence about their choices in life, including their kink, which I also find desirable.

I have had an OL D/s relationship, while there were some things I could comply with, there were others that it was difficult to do alone without him there watching over me while I did them.

Hmm, I'm just the opposite in a way. I think about doing some of the things I've done online with someone I actually know? OMG! Then having to sit in mixed company, his wife, my husband, other buds? No.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

~ While I realize that online D/s is just that - online - and yet, some of us have acknowledged that it can be a "training tool" - there is one aspect of the D/s relationship that I will not engage in - either online or in reality.

It is: age play. I will not play "li'l girl" to the Dom's "daddy". To me, and/or to perhaps others who may feel as I do, those of us who had a very healthy, innocent and loving relationship with our fathers - and who hold those memories as cherished - it is my opinion - that to resort to this form of play scenes - is tantamount to a form of worship for the deviant fathers who prey on their daughters for their sexual release - thus turning the daughter into his sexual partner - and to me, that is:

wrong, Wrong, WRong, WRONG!​

It's sick - and just slightly twisted. This is just my feeling, or, MHO. I don't need those of you who enjoy 'age play' and can make it an enjoyable time for you, to jump down my throat or jump my shit for that opinion.

I'm just being straight-up about a hard limit. It's one I will not budge on.

I dunno, perhaps people read differently than me, but to me Vic (and yes, this is my PO) I think you were pretty clear in pronouncing the age play thing as 'wrong, wrong, wrong' as you say, and 'sick - and slightly twisted' which to me does come down to being fairly strong in the judgemental stakes and not in the least accepting of those who are into it. As I also said, and have before, it is not my thing, but I am not about to judge those for whom it works. I am not picking your posts apart in particular, or anyone's, but this is a forum where things are discussed and some of us will say something when we feel someone else is judging strongly (especially if it is something which is accepted and practiced by many in this community and/or BDSM as a sexuality choice...or when we see someone just not getting something. You might also like to check out this thread , which might demonstarte to you the friendly message I was trying to get you to understand in relation to announcing a limit as a never thing when you are new to the lifestyle.....we have all been there.

Catalina

 

[Private_Label]

Hmm, I'm just the opposite in a way. I think about doing some of the things I've done online with someone I actually know? OMG! Then having to sit in mixed company, his wife, my husband, other buds? No.

Fury

I guess because I am single and for me to actually get that involved with somene there would have to be the possiblity of a love relationship leading to at least a semi formal long term partnership - it doesn't necessarily have to be marriage, but I am looking for a life partner and not just a play partner. My mom would say I have a touch of the "drama queen" in me, and while I'm not really comfortable thinking about showing my "naughty bits" to other people, and would probably be very embarrassed if I found my Boss at a munch... as far as friends, many of my friends are considered to be "fringe" - geeks, I also play RPG D&D type games, and while I may be a protestant based christian, I have many friends who come from other belief systems (jewish, wiccan, other pagan based, agnostic, atheist, hindu, etc.), and other lifestyles (homosexuality) and I read a lot of science fiction/fantasy fiction (which in my mom's world makes me a bit weird), and I am a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism. Friends seeing me at this wouldn't really raise much fuss. Mom doresn't know all the details about the group, and to her I have said "I don't bar hop, or attend a lot of other things, but I am 41, single and I need to get out and meet people."

If I saw my Boss/Friend/relative at a munch, I would have to think the same thing they are thinking. Not everyone understands kink, so we won't talk about it at work or in the presence of family & friends who may not understand it. After all they are at the munch as well. And should they see me at a restaurant where the munch is held - well, unless it is a place that is into the scene, people are told to not wear "scene wear." After a moment of "Hi how are you" they will go to their table and I will go to the private/semi-private area reserved for the munch group. If anyone asks later about the group - for work it's a "private club for like minded individuals." For friends, I might tell them I am "exploring my sexuality and trying to understand myself better." For family it is a social group, sort of like the Masons, the Elks or Toastmasters. If family or friends hung around long enough to clue into the alternative nature, then that is a reason to open a dialog. As for my superiors and co-workers at work, a few are homosexual, at least one is in treatment for some form of substance abuse, and another has anxiety/stress that he doesn't want his wife to know about - I don't ask about their personal life and they don't ask about mine - we talk about our animal pets instead.

 

[FurryFury]

I guess because I am single and for me to actually get that involved with somene there would have to be the possiblity of a love relationship leading to at least a semi formal long term partnership - it doesn't necessarily have to be marriage, but I am looking for a life partner and not just a play partner. My mom would say I have a touch of the "drama queen" in me, and while I'm not really comfortable thinking about showing my "naughty bits" to other people, and would probably be very embarrassed if I found my Boss at a munch... as far as friends, many of my friends are considered to be "fringe" - geeks, I also play RPG D&D type games, and while I may be a protestant based christian, I have many friends who come from other belief systems (jewish, wiccan, other pagan based, agnostic, atheist, hindu, etc.), and other lifestyles (homosexuality) and I read a lot of science fiction/fantasy fiction (which in my mom's world makes me a bit weird), and I am a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism. Friends seeing me at this wouldn't really raise much fuss. Mom doresn't know all the details about the group, and to her I have said "I don't bar hop, or attend a lot of other things, but I am 41, single and I need to get out and meet people."

If I saw my Boss/Friend/relative at a munch, I would have to think the same thing they are thinking. Not everyone understands kink, so we won't talk about it at work or in the presence of family & friends who may not understand it. After all they are at the munch as well. And should they see me at a restaurant where the munch is held - well, unless it is a place that is into the scene, people are told to not wear "scene wear." After a moment of "Hi how are you" they will go to their table and I will go to the private/semi-private area reserved for the munch group. If anyone asks later about the group - for work it's a "private club for like minded individuals." For friends, I might tell them I am "exploring my sexuality and trying to understand myself better." For family it is a social group, sort of like the Masons, the Elks or Toastmasters. If family or friends hung around long enough to clue into the alternative nature, then that is a reason to open a dialog. As for my superiors and co-workers at work, a few are homosexual, at least one is in treatment for some form of substance abuse, and another has anxiety/stress that he doesn't want his wife to know about - I don't ask about their personal life and they don't ask about mine - we talk about our animal pets instead.

I can see your point. We are coming at this from different places in our lives. The funny thing is I do everything you do, reading, playing and so on.

Now that I've gone to met some RL BDSM people I'd be looking for the possibility of playing with the right person, maybe in the future BUT that doesn't mean I have to get nude, at least that's what I've been told. (I'm shy.)

Fury

 

[Jenpaingirl]

They've been good for me

error and error

 

[Sassy Susan]

Cyber D/s relationships can be fun and productive

About nine months ago I discovered my dominant side, thanks to a wonderful submissive, masochistic girl. Since then, as I have grown, I have assembled a small group of women, one of whom dubbed us my sorority, and all of whom have given me some control of parts of their sex lives.

After getting acquainted (I have developed a Sexual Interest Survey to help expedite this process), I give them dares/assignments/challenges custom designed to fit their needs and fetish fantasies. If they accept the dare, and all are free to say No to anything, our contract is that they will do their best to carry it out and report back on the outcome.

This process has proven wonderfully effective at helping my women experience things they have wanted to but could not do on their own. I serve as motivator/designer and as witness. The latter element has turned out to be key in their success. They need to know someone is watching and participating in their adventures, and listening to the outcomes.

I am working with more than a dozen women now, some of whom have participating partners, with some graduates out on their own , having fun. And I am trying to attract others who might want to try this experience.

All of my subs have given me permission to share with anyone what they have done and told me, so if you have an interest I can give you examples and references as to the fun and growth that can occur. My "girls" are a hot team of quite ordinary women, ages ranging from 18 to over 50, who are having a ball. Some have stories of extraordinary growth and change.

Contact me if you have any interest in how we work/play, what the results have been, and how you might have fun with us.

Susan James

 

[FurryFury]

I was once accused of having an online (male) harem. Like that's a bad thing?
Jealous fuck.

LMAO!

It didn't have much to do with D/s though. It had a lot to do with cyber.

Fury

 

[babiesmiles]

I was once accused of having an online (male) harem. Like that's a bad thing?
Jealous fuck.

LMAO!

It didn't have much to do with D/s though. It had a lot to do with cyber.

Fury

I have passed through this phase as well , but in my case I wouldn't call it online relationships, just "lot of silly fun " .

Talking for myself of course *hugs *

 

[FurryFury]

I have passed through this phase as well , but in my case I wouldn't call it online relationships, just "lot of silly fun " .

Talking for myself of course *hugs *

Well for the most part I had to know them or their characters well enough to want to cyber fuck them so some relationship usually had to be established. That's my recollection of the past and I'm sticking to it! *L*

Fury

 

[babiesmiles]

Well for the most part I had to know them or their characters well enough to want to cyber fuck them so some relationship usually had to be established. That's my recollection of the past and I'm sticking to it! *L*

Fury

Of course I agree one has to know people at least a bit before to cyber with them ! I just was still under the meaning that " online relationship " assumed in this thread ... my bad ! *hugs *

 

[FurryFury]

Of course I agree one has to know people at least a bit before to cyber with them ! I just was still under the meaning that " online relationship " assumed in this thread ... my bad ! *hugs *

It's not your bad at all.

I was just saying it might have been an online relationship of sorts but it wasn't an online D/s relationship even if it had BDSM in the cyber, IMO. Just talking about my online experiences though, not anyone else's.

To me cyber is not a necessary part of an online D/s relationship at all. It can be but it doesn't have to be.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

About nine months ago I discovered my dominant side, thanks to a wonderful submissive, masochistic girl. Since then, as I have grown, I have assembled a small group of women, one of whom dubbed us my sorority, and all of whom have given me some control of parts of their sex lives.

After getting acquainted (I have developed a Sexual Interest Survey to help expedite this process), I give them dares/assignments/challenges custom designed to fit their needs and fetish fantasies. If they accept the dare, and all are free to say No to anything, our contract is that they will do their best to carry it out and report back on the outcome.

This process has proven wonderfully effective at helping my women experience things they have wanted to but could not do on their own. I serve as motivator/designer and as witness. The latter element has turned out to be key in their success. They need to know someone is watching and participating in their adventures, and listening to the outcomes.

I am working with more than a dozen women now, some of whom have participating partners, with some graduates out on their own , having fun. And I am trying to attract others who might want to try this experience.

All of my subs have given me permission to share with anyone what they have done and told me, so if you have an interest I can give you examples and references as to the fun and growth that can occur. My "girls" are a hot team of quite ordinary women, ages ranging from 18 to over 50, who are having a ball. Some have stories of extraordinary growth and change.

Contact me if you have any interest in how we work/play, what the results have been, and how you might have fun with us.

Susan James

Sounds interesting

I am intrigued by the initial conversation that resulted in this set-up.

I am not interested in playing but its still an interesting concept

 

[babiesmiles]

It's not your bad at all.

I was just saying it might have been an online relationship of sorts but it wasn't an online D/s relationship even if it had BDSM in the cyber, IMO. Just talking about my online experiences though, not anyone else's.

To me cyber is not a necessary part of an online D/s relationship at all. It can be but it doesn't have to be.

Fury

Yes Furry I understand your point and agree.

But related to my personal experiences when in my first post I said that I wouldn't have called my "cybering " online relationships but just " fun" , although with a minimum degree of mutual knowledge , I truly was not thinking at all about D/s online relationships. That because I can surely state at those times I didn't even know exactly what a D/s relation was ...

I meant that in my case the interactions I had on net didn't show the peculiar characteristics that an online relationship ( both D/s and not) often assume in the common meaning , i.e. the continuity , regularity of talks , feelings or at least a deep friendship involved ... et cetera.

That was a time of fooling around , experimenting with a new tool , having lot of fun , silly talks and, why not, lots of laughs with nice people some I still occasionally have an hello or a chit chat with ( but again I am talking just about myself and the personal way I lived that phase of mine, time ago ).

The true fact is I shouldn't try to articulate a post at this time of the night (on here !) cause my English becomes even more surreal than usual

 

[FurryFury]

Yes Furry I understand your point and agree.

But related to my personal experiences when in my first post I said that I wouldn't have called my "cybering " online relationships but just " fun" , although with a minimum degree of mutual knowledge , I truly was not thinking at all about D/s online relationships. That because I can surely state at those times I didn't even know exactly what a D/s relation was ...

I meant that in my case the interactions I had on net didn't show the peculiar characteristics that an online relationship ( both D/s and not) often assume in the common meaning , i.e. the continuity , regularity of talks , feelings or at least a deep friendship involved ... et cetera.

That was a time of fooling around , experimenting with a new tool , having lot of fun , silly talks and, why not, lots of laughs with nice people some I still occasionally have an hello or a chit chat with ( but again I am talking just about myself and the personal way I lived that phase of mine, time ago ).

The true fact is I shouldn't try to articulate a post at this time of the night (on here !) cause my English becomes even more surreal than usual

I think your English is fine!

*HUGS*

I missunderstood as much as you did!

Fury

 

[babiesmiles]

I think your English is fine!

*HUGS*

I missunderstood as much as you did!

Fury

*hugs back *

 

[Pure]

fiery jen

hi jen,


you said
FJI can see that you would miss this a lot. If I was into pain, it would probably bother me just as much, but for me it's more about control, which works just fine online (well, for me it does - it really depends on the dom and the sub, I would imagine).

P:That's odd, I would have thought it's just the opposite: without a prior real life setup, how can A *control* B through miles of cables, hardware etc., esp if B can just shut the damn computer off? B's control of herself is quite a different thing --for example, jen does not frig the fig, though she wants to. OTOH, pain is very real. It does not matter if jen hits her boob with a wooden spoon, or the 'dom' does, it's going to hurt.

I think you must partly agree, for you go on exactly to illustrate the point:
FJAlthough, as I found out quickly, it can hurt like a bitch if he gets creative with ice cubes

P: A half frozen nipple that's thawing does not care who applied the ice!

So, this is, IMO, a central issue in 'online'--generally an absence of real, outside control of the submitting person when on her own (no third party).

 

[SouthernDom]

An online D/s relationship is just as valid as the integrity of people who partake in them.

BDSM is a state of mind that one lives & craves with every fiber of their being.

Try to tell a Dom male who gets wood every time his sub pops up in the chat window it's not real.......or the willing female sub who soaks her panties when she gets completes a sexual task her Dom has requested.......it can be almost spiritual to those who can trust and be trusted.

Online D/s relationships are as intense as the emotions of the Dom or sub allows them be and the only limitations on the activities or scenes are due to the lack of imagination of those involved.

Due to logistics,marital status or many other factors online may be the only outlet for some within the BDSM lifestyle.

When a set of well thought out limits are set into place that protect the privacy of those involved it can be very satisfying to be able to share intimate secrets and fantasies with others...........secrets that are not socially acceptable in most of mainstream society.

I will admit the posers & users who continually jump from one relationship to another just for the shock and awe factor of seeing what a sub will do to please them has given online D/s relationships a bad name.

But as in RL,build as base of trust & take it slow........posers or BS artist won't hang around to go the distance,therfore avoiding much heartache in the long run.

 

[the captians wench]

An online D/s relationship is just as valid as the integrity of people who partake in them.

BDSM is a state of mind that one lives & craves with every fiber of their being.

Try to tell a Dom male who gets wood every time his sub pops up in the chat window it's not real.......or the willing female sub who soaks her panties when she gets completes a sexual task her Dom has requested.......it can be almost spiritual to those who can trust and be trusted.

Online D/s relationships are as intense as the emotions of the Dom or sub allows them be and the only limitations on the activities or scenes are due to the lack of imagination of those involved.

Due to logistics,marital status or many other factors online may be the only outlet for some within the BDSM lifestyle.

When a set of well thought out limits are set into place that protect the privacy of those involved it can be very satisfying to be able to share intimate secrets and fantasies with others...........secrets that are not socially acceptable in most of mainstream society.

I will admit the posers & users who continually jump from one relationship to another just for the shock and awe factor of seeing what a sub will do to please them has given online D/s relationships a bad name.

But as in RL,build as base of trust & take it slow........posers or BS artist won't hang around to go the distance,therfore avoiding much heartache in the long run.

Very well said.

 

[FurryFury]

Very well said.

I agree!

Very well said!

Fury

 

[ThornDaddy]

to each his own, but....

There's no replacement for the real thing. I love BDSM sex, but if I had to choose between D/s with no sex or sex with no D/s, I'd take the sex. And besides, no one can do your dishes and clean your bathroom over the Internet.

I have a sub, see her 4 or 5 nights a week (she lives 30 miles away), and never had any interest in online D/s.

I met her on Bondage.com, my fifth day on there, and she's wonderful.

I notice there's a lot more talk about online D/s on Literotica. I think part of it is we're all writers and like to write, but part of it is that there are not that there are not as many members on here, (and the personals board is not arranged by location or easily searchable!), so it's harder to find someone in your area on here.

Maybe try Bondage.com to find real humans in your area? They have half a million members, an easily searchable database, and the free membership is more useful than on most pay sites. (Though I'm a premium member...you can get premium membership free--three months for each erotic story you write that they use!).

I was on there to find a sub, found one, and now I'm here to feed my mind.

A warning: Most of the people on bCom are very cool, but there are a few psychotics who fuck with EVERYONE. But you can also block them from your forum view!
Another warning: Online D/s is looked down upon by most people on bCom. The subs on there mostly want the real thing and kinda snicker at guys who try to "cyber." They call them HNGs. HNG stands for "horny net geek", and most true subs don't want that.

--Michael

 

[DollieLlama]

Just one slave's opinion...

...but online D/s is like passing love notes in grade school - lots of fun until you actually get kissed the first time.

As Daddy says, it's like the difference between sniffing a woman's panties and shoving your face between her legs.

 

[ThornDaddy]

Harems

I was once accused of having an online (male) harem. Like that's a bad thing?
Jealous fuck.

LMAO!

It didn't have much to do with D/s though. It had a lot to do with cyber.

Fury

I had an online cult on bondage.com. Me and 33 submissive women. It became a full time job. But the reason I deleted it was because I few of the less stable members were threatening to show up on my doorstep for real.

Here's the posting that started it all:



Feeling at a loss? Want to do something spectacular with your life?

Join my cult.

It's gonna be 50 women and me. I've already got four women ready to leave TODAY.
Need 46 more.

It'll be like the Manson Family, without as many murders.
No suicides and very little sleep depravation. This is a benevolent cult.

Must be good subs, extra points if you're versed in cooking, sewing, network admin, computer programming, computer hacking and cracking, proofreading and editing, negotiating with angry neighbors, Web design, welding, digging a well, running a printing press, operating a business, irrigation, knowledge of Bible verse quotations to justify any action, litigation with organizations like the ATF, knowledge of zoning ordinances for New Mexico, building a house, basic firearm use, first aid, hand-to-hand combat, and other women's work.

Here's where we'll live, on my land:
http://www.timesharefromhell.com

Daddy will do the thinking for you, you’ll do the fucking, sucking and automotive repair, and working 24/7 toward bringing us all to salvation.

 

[ThornDaddy]

My (former) online cult

The whole thing got out of hand. Here's the threads:
http://bondage.com/topic_id/181001/forums/topic.html
http://bondage.com/topic_id/190137/forums/topic.html
http://bondage.com/topic_id/191311/forums/topic.html


It wasn't online D/s though. It was part research for a screenplay, and part finding partners. Me and DollieLlama had sex with four of the gals who joined the cult.