As close to a rant as I get

[Aeroil]

There is something to be said for camaradarie among those with various kinks, but I refuse to take that to the point where I can't hold an opinion that something is wrong.

I'm reminded of a time when NAMBLA wanted to march in an all-inclusive gay parade and were surprised to find themselves without support.

Some truly bizarre things are done under the flag of BDSM at times. I consider myself very open-minded, but while I am comfortable with BDSM being the red-light district of sexualities I am not ok with it being the ghetto. I think we all owe it to ourselves to as members of the community to be both tolerant and opinionated.

NAMBLA is real?? wow, I thought they were just something South Park made up.

 

[timberwolf05]

rant?

You know I’ve noticed an inordinate number of people ranting about people with other views on BDSM (not here). Those who only submit in the bedroom blast full time slaves and vice versa. Those who insist on intense serious relationships frown on those who are casual or polysexual. Extreme Doms get ripped by other Doms. Switches seem to be especially popular targets. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say you can’t be a “real” dominant if you also submit. Did I miss a meeting? Is there a rulebook somewhere? I bet being spanked by a switch feels pretty similar.

This level of intolerance annoys me to no end. With most of the vanilla world pooh-poohing our lifestyle and a sizable percentage of them wanting us arrested or thinking we need psychological help, to mock others for liking a different variety of this wide world we call BDSM kills me. Many could do to remember that no matter what you like, most people like something else. I would like to think that encountering bigotry would make those in the lifestyle less inclined to lash out in fear and anger at those they disagree with or don’t understand.

thank You.
i am one that always believed it is what i was told it is..an accepting lifestyle of others needs and wants...but far far too many criticize service only slaves, w/o disciplines and toys, and such.
not everyone does what the next one is into.

 

[esclave_PP]

NAMBLA is real?? wow, I thought they were just something South Park made up.

They are! And it isn't the National Association of Marlon Brando Look Alikes either.

http://216.220.97.17/ Feast your eyes.

 

[Netzach]

I was just thinking about this.

Maybe I'm not going around online as much as I used to.

Maybe I'm not hanging out in the BDSM community as much as I used to.

Most people displaying dumb attitudes about other people's whatever were/are usually shot down pretty quickly or called out on them, in my experience. Sure, I've been given ample opportunity to roll my eyes when someone wheels out some lame attitude about switching, or heteros, or spanking freaks, or any narrow minded judgemental thingie du jour...but I don't let it ruin my day anymore. And I don't notice it as much.

Basically, "one true way-ism" is definitely a new kind of uncool, as I've been seeing things evolve. Maybe some online communities are really silly, but keep it in perspective.

 

[Marquis]

Well. I've been lurking here for a few months, and I have learned alot. I've spent many late nights reading the library (so that no one will send me there when I finally come out to play!). And I figured eventually I would. Come out to play, that is. I thought I'd ask a bazillion questions once I got started.

But instead I feel compelled to respond to the Marquis' statement. Particularly, "we all owe it to ourselves to as members of the community to be both tolerant and opinionated." Beautifully and succinctly put.

I don't really have anything to add to that, except to express my appreciation for an open and discriminating mind. I just couldn't let it pass without comment.

Now, I'm off to begin putting words to some of the questions that I have.

Always Curious,
Miss Pants

At this point I feel that it would be honorable to point out that I stole that opinion from Netzach, right down to the ghetto analogy.

*hides in shame*

 

[O'Mac]

Originally Posted by O'Mac

Don't agree with the gay/lesbian lifestyle? You're a homophobe.

Don't want to partake in BDSM outside the bedroom? You're a gutless prude.

Find a distaste for multiple partners? Well, it's obvious you hate polyamorous people.

I agree this is problematic if it's a simple question of personal taste. When someone starts actively trying to fuck things up for me BASED on their personal taste is when the defenses start to come out, and in my mind, should.

It really is perfectly reasonable to have a live-and-let-live mentality, but sadly for some, thats not the case. While I agree no-one should judge others based on their exclusive moral compass, people are still be entitled to their opinions and beliefs, even if they conflict with mine. The key is to voice opposition whilst maintaining civil dialogue. It's not the easiest thing to do, but it beats finger-pointing and insults anyday.

 

[TaintedB]

NAMBLA is real?? wow, I thought they were just something South Park made up.

No, they're very real. Been around for decades. Known guys interested in them for decades, too. :/

 

[AngelicAssassin]

When someone starts actively trying to fuck things up for me BASED on their personal taste is when the defenses start to come out, and in my mind, should.

Defenses?

You're slipping QBU.

 

[graceanne]

As a rule I believe in being open minded. But there are some things that are WRONG. If someone came on here saying that they like to molest little children, they'd get the cold shoulder from me, and I'm gonna bet that a lot of people on here would have a lot more to do than give a cold shoulder.

There comes a point where everyone must draw a line, or you're just a pushover.

 

[Brinnie]

oh yea... They're going after Yahoo! Groups next.

"KEEP ON ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD!"


​

 

[rosco rathbone]

oh yea... They're going after Yahoo! Groups next.

"KEEP ON ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD!"


​

This is nothing new. I had 4 consecutive clubs wiped out in the heyday of yahoo clubs. It's a periodic purge.

 

[Etoile]

Please do, I have no idea what you are talking about But then Lit is the only place I go online or off in a BDSM context...

I notice nobody has answered you yet. This is referring to the "Old Guard" leather fetishist styles. The hallmark of Old Guard is very strict protocols, and it stems from military vets who also happened to be leather fetishists, who established these protocols and hierarchy in the leather world.

More history:
http://www.fetishexchange.org/old-guard.shtml

However there is some debate about whether it really exists:
http://www.fetishexchange.org/old-guard-myth.shtml

 

[sugar_and_spice1970]

i think there are some that need this reminder

i read the board and how some people are so intolerant of others due to differing viewpoints. i think this thread should be bumped up as a reminder to some that seem so forgetful.

 

[Etoile]

Hi sugar_and_spice1970 - are you new? I notice you've been a member for a while but that this was your first post. Welcome to the Lit boards!

 

[sugar_and_spice1970]

Hi sugar_and_spice1970 - are you new? I notice you've been a member for a while but that this was your first post. Welcome to the Lit boards!

Hi Etoile - thank you for the welcome. i have been a frequent lurker, but never posted. However, after several threads that i have read lately i just felt the need to bump this one back up.

BTW i enjoy your posts. One thing that i seem to notice is that you have the ability to discuss a differing point of view without getting personal or offended. i hope you do not mind my stating that i think that is very classy.

 

[Private_Label]

Just want to chime in with, I may have sub tendencies, but I am beginning to think I may be more of a switch. And there isn't enough information on this board for me to do enough research on it to be certain.

Let the bashing begin.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just want to chime in with, I may have sub tendencies, but I am beginning to think I may be more of a switch. And there isn't enough information on this board for me to do enough research on it to be certain.

Let the bashing begin.

You'll find it, though not necessarily under a thread thus titled though there are threads on switch roles etc. There are also some here who have gone through the process of switching from one role to another, or switching between the two, but once again it is something you pick up on through getting to know people through posts more so than them identifying regularly as switches. Have fun whichever way you go.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

i read the board and how some people are so intolerant of others due to differing viewpoints. i think this thread should be bumped up as a reminder to some that seem so forgetful.

Welcome aboard...and please post more often. I am aware it often may seem things are one way when really they are not....often it is only through joining in and contributing to the whole process you find out what you see is not always how things are when all factors are visible and you become part of it as opposed to an observer looking in.....that visibility does not always occcur through simply observing. For example, I find it much easier to not be emotional in a discussion I am not part of, just dropping in on or watching out of curiousity...it is natural...but also, I find in those unemotional, detached situations I gain far less personally in term of growth, experience, and sharing. Join in and I think you will find a lot of value in this community which most find less abrasive and more friendly than most others in cyberspace.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

BTW i enjoy your posts. One thing that i seem to notice is that you have the ability to discuss a differing point of view without getting personal or offended. i hope you do not mind my stating that i think that is very classy.

Mind it? I'm quite flattered by it! Thank you very much. It is definitely a personal ethic for me to maintain open, intelligent discussion. I believe two people can disagree without becoming inflammatory, and I try to live up to that myself. Of course from time to time I do let myself slip, but I really sincerely appreciate your noticing and commenting on this.

 

[astralkiss]

I, myself, find a bit of "What the heck are you doing here?" directed at me quite a bit. I identify myself as a bisexual, submissive to males, but switch to females. Right now, I am in a serious relationship, but we do keep an open mind about including other people, and he is dominant. We are not 24/7, and sometimes I feel like that makes in other peoples' views not "authentic" BDSMers. I, for one, am not 24/7 for a few reasons:

1) I do not feel I am trained or "mature" enough in my submissiveness to do such.
2) As students, and living in university housing, not together, it would be impractical, if not impossible.
3) It just isn't the right fit for us right now.

Now, before I get flamed, I have the utmost respect for people who are in 24/7 relationships. It takes a lot of committment and understanding of who you are and what your role is to be involved in such a way.

As you can see from the aforementioned definition of me, I get a lot of grief because not only is bisexualism a myth , but also because to one gender I am completely submissive and to the other, I switch. Although everyone has the right to question me about it, it drives me crazy when I am told I'm not a "real" this or a "real" that.

Being opinionated and being a complete twat about it are two completely different things

 

[catalina_francisco]

I, myself, find a bit of "What the heck are you doing here?" directed at me quite a bit. I identify myself as a bisexual, submissive to males, but switch to females. Right now, I am in a serious relationship, but we do keep an open mind about including other people, and he is dominant. We are not 24/7, and sometimes I feel like that makes in other peoples' views not "authentic" BDSMers. I, for one, am not 24/7 for a few reasons:

1) I do not feel I am trained or "mature" enough in my submissiveness to do such.
2) As students, and living in university housing, not together, it would be impractical, if not impossible.
3) It just isn't the right fit for us right now.

Now, before I get flamed, I have the utmost respect for people who are in 24/7 relationships. It takes a lot of committment and understanding of who you are and what your role is to be involved in such a way.

As you can see from the aforementioned definition of me, I get a lot of grief because not only is bisexualism a myth , but also because to one gender I am completely submissive and to the other, I switch. Although everyone has the right to question me about it, it drives me crazy when I am told I'm not a "real" this or a "real" that.

Being opinionated and being a complete twat about it are two completely different things

As long as you are happy with where you are at, that is all that really matters at the end of the day. We are 24/7, but as I say often, it is not for everybody and does not mean one has any more claim to fame than someone who is not. We are actually in the process of finding a few new subs to join us in a variety of ways....that requires acknowledging and accepting a huge variety of styles to get the most out of it, as well as answer our own purpose of playing in a variety of scenarios. The gender thing is also something I can relate to.....I cannot see myself feling comfortable submitting to a female in the near future, but I could see my topping one in a play situation for the use of either both of us, or just F. Diversity allows for a lot of self discovery and a freedom from boredom and stagnation while still being possible to follow the path that fits you best. The opiniated thing? LOL, well I'm sure I have been accused of that more than once, but he likes it most of the time.

Catalina

 

[sugar_and_spice1970]

Just want to chime in with, I may have sub tendencies, but I am beginning to think I may be more of a switch. And there isn't enough information on this board for me to do enough research on it to be certain.

Let the bashing begin.

One of my favorite blogs to read is Life as His. She is a slave to her Master/Husband but also a switch with a girl of her own. i think it is great that you are researching and alert to the tendencies that you have. As much as i love to read and research something sometimes i enjoy candid discussion much more.

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

I, myself, find a bit of "What the heck are you doing here?" directed at me quite a bit. I identify myself as a bisexual, submissive to males, but switch to females. Right now, I am in a serious relationship, but we do keep an open mind about including other people, and he is dominant. We are not 24/7, and sometimes I feel like that makes in other peoples' views not "authentic" BDSMers. I, for one, am not 24/7 for a few reasons:

1) I do not feel I am trained or "mature" enough in my submissiveness to do such.
2) As students, and living in university housing, not together, it would be impractical, if not impossible.
3) It just isn't the right fit for us right now.

Now, before I get flamed, I have the utmost respect for people who are in 24/7 relationships. It takes a lot of committment and understanding of who you are and what your role is to be involved in such a way.

As you can see from the aforementioned definition of me, I get a lot of grief because not only is bisexualism a myth , but also because to one gender I am completely submissive and to the other, I switch. Although everyone has the right to question me about it, it drives me crazy when I am told I'm not a "real" this or a "real" that.

Being opinionated and being a complete twat about it are two completely different things

astralkiss i very much enjoyed reading your post. i too am bisexual, and although i am slave to Master it is hard for me to envision myself in a submissive role with another female. i think it takes a much stronger person to realize that they are not ready for something (based on the points that you mentioned). i am a firm believer that it does not matter who thinks you are a real or fake; in the end you know what is real and that is what is most important.

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

One of my favorite blogs to read is Life as His. She is a slave to her Master/Husband but also a switch with a girl of her own. i think it is great that you are researching and alert to the tendencies that you have. As much as i love to read and research something sometimes i enjoy candid discussion much more.

This is a great online journal, if you like them, it is one of the few that i have read consistently over the past couple of years. Private_Label, rather than bashing i would commend you on being so in tune with yourself to notice these tendencies. If you would like the link to this blog please let me know and i will send it to you.

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

Mind it? I'm quite flattered by it! Thank you very much. It is definitely a personal ethic for me to maintain open, intelligent discussion. I believe two people can disagree without becoming inflammatory, and I try to live up to that myself. Of course from time to time I do let myself slip, but I really sincerely appreciate your noticing and commenting on this.

Etoile - i agree with the observation made, and think i may have to jump on the fan band wagon as well. i am member in another group and posted, just this week, as to why is it that some cannot seem to share intelligent discussion (even if it is opposing pov's) without letting their emotions get embroiled in the mix. Some of the best discussions i have had, and learned from, have been with someone that did not share the same pov as me.