Asking for more

[Etoile]

I don't have anything constructive to add Etoile, but I just wanted to post and tell you that you are not alone in this situation, and the way you have handled it has been an inspiration to me.

Not every post has to have helpful constructive comments - this is helpful in its own way, too.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I can not, of course, speak for your Daddy, Etoile, but from my own perspective I feel it is part of the "communicate, communicate, communicate!" process to allow my partner the freedom to express herself. I don't ever want her to feel like she cannot approach me.

In spite of that, I know that fear and anxiety about being honest with me about her needs and desires still plague her. Since she's a human being, feeling those things is okay too. I might not enjoy what she has to say, I am not required to like it. But I feel I am required to LISTEN to her and consider what she has shared.

And then, as her Owner, I decide what is best not only for her but for myself. Because I want her happy, healthy and feeling loved, cherished and needed. Sometimes that means putting what I want on the back burner and fulling her needs. Sometimes it means fulling a desire.

And sometimes it means telling her to quit her bitching, and do what I tell her to do. *grins evilly* Because she needs me to be the heartless bastard every now and then too.

Ain't relationships grand?

What you did took courage and strength, and sharing it with us took some too. Thank you for sharing of yourself and your relationship, and this part of your journey and growth!

 

[Etoile]

It hasn't been going terribly well, I'm afraid. Things are just the same old same old. I just sent a really huge long letter to em outlining specifically what I want, how I feel without those things, how I would feel with them, how we can do them. And I did feel terribly guilty for wanting things for myself, but I'm sure Daddy must want me to be happy. Of course e used to be able to see what I needed by emself, and e was always right, but I guess e has lost that skill and now I have to spell it out. At the end of the letter I promised I was going to do something that e has wanted for a long time but which I haven't been ready for - having all three of us (Daddy, me, my wife) have a sexual encounter. We've each been paired with em but I haven't been able to integrate the two. But Daddy really wants it, and so I promised em I would do it even though it would hurt me, because I do miss hurting for em. This is a different kind of hurt, but I want to give Daddy what e wants.

Sigh...I hope this works out. I want to be happy.

 

[Chicklet]

*hugs*

I'm sorry that this is weighing you down. Truly.

 

[catalina_francisco]

It hasn't been going terribly well, I'm afraid. Things are just the same old same old. I just sent a really huge long letter to em outlining specifically what I want, how I feel without those things, how I would feel with them, how we can do them. And I did feel terribly guilty for wanting things for myself, but I'm sure Daddy must want me to be happy. Of course e used to be able to see what I needed by emself, and e was always right, but I guess e has lost that skill and now I have to spell it out. At the end of the letter I promised I was going to do something that e has wanted for a long time but which I haven't been ready for - having all three of us (Daddy, me, my wife) have a sexual encounter. We've each been paired with em but I haven't been able to integrate the two. But Daddy really wants it, and so I promised em I would do it even though it would hurt me, because I do miss hurting for em. This is a different kind of hurt, but I want to give Daddy what e wants.

Sigh...I hope this works out. I want to be happy.

I hope it works out OK for you Etoile, as you do deserve to be happy in the ways which work for you, but please be careful with your and your wife's emotional welfare and think carefully beforehand just how you will handle any fallout that may or may not occur. Could it be that e has not so much lost the skill of knowing what it is you want/need, but as a sadistic measure is denying you the indulgence? I know F can do this at times to the point I begin thinking he has lost it and get very agitated, but it is usually at that point he laughingly delights in spelling it out exactly for me how much he does know and how much he enjoys watching me suffer without being fed what I desire....then he might throw me an appetiser to keep me craving but not quite satisfied, if it pleases him to.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

I hope it works out OK for you Etoile, as you do deserve to be happy in the ways which work for you, but please be careful with your and your wife's emotional welfare and think carefully beforehand just how you will handle any fallout that may or may not occur. Could it be that e has not so much lost the skill of knowing what it is you want/need, but as a sadistic measure is denying you the indulgence? I know F can do this at times to the point I begin thinking he has lost it and get very agitated, but it is usually at that point he laughingly delights in spelling it out exactly for me how much he does know and how much he enjoys watching me suffer without being fed what I desire....then he might throw me an appetiser to keep me craving but not quite satisfied, if it pleases him to.

Catalina

I wish that was it, but I don't think it is. This has been going on for a long time now. It started a couple of years ago, I guess, and I started acting out a lot trying to provoke em into taming me, but it just made em angry (understandably). Once I finally realized why I was acting out (after about six months) I had a conversation with em about what I wanted. Nothing really happened as a result of that. So for at least a year the sex has been rather boring for me, there has basically been no domination, no training, nothing hard. (Wow, I'm spilling my guts here, heh!) When I finally spoke up about it a few months ago I was told that my training was just going well - I think I mentioned this before. But really I think it's laziness on eir part. I really don't think e's aware of my needs anymore, and I don't think e's listening when I tell em either. E keeps thinking I want em to hurt me physically - I have asked for various things, yes, but only because that's the only way I know how to encourage dominance in em. I guess I'm hoping that if e is more violent with me e will find it exciting and want to do more dominant things. It's exceedingly frustrating because I still love em so much.

Another reason this is so hard for me right now is that I am starting to see em dominate my wife. I have had huge major issues with the idea of seeing her submit at all, but I think I have overcome those for the most part. Now I am smacked in the face by the unfairness of em dominating her (she is toppish herself and is only going along with the game because it's the way e wants it and she wants a peaceful relationship) and NOT dominating me when I am the one who so desperately wants/needs it. *sigh*

I am very secure in my relationship with my wife though. We are unquestionably primaries, and even though we are striving for an equal triad (with equal involvement and responsibility) we will always be each other's primary, I think. We have discussed it and Daddy's personality is such that e prefers to orbit us rather than join us at the center. Present, but separated.

 

[FurryFury]

Hi Etoile!

I'm sorry things haven't gotten better.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[Caitlynne]

Oh, I'm so sorry things haven't improved. So very sorry!