ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[Emmanuelle83]

I actually replied to it this time, and included a link for this thread.

Oh, that's good. I didn't think of that. Instead:

Me: "You seem quite pleased with yourself. We live several thousand miles apart. I don't see the point."

AH reply: "I travel and I bet your worth it!"

Me: "You lose."

 

[katherineotica]

I imagine every woman on here gets the same one.
I can remember every man that I've had a good conversation with, and I must say that I really do miss them!

My favorite ones are the ones along the lines of "Hey, wanna chat with a smart guy with a dirty mind" and then proceed to send me several links to nude pictures of random women.

 

[Ahlam]

My favorite Asshat sighting this week:

Internet Stranger: I am so hard right now, fml. U look like ur legs are strong. Getting kicked in the balls makes me so hot.

Me: I recommend whacking off to America's Home Videos! It's full of bad things happening to the groins of foolish but otherwise decent people, probably not unlike you.

 

[Torinona]

Oh vey...

...I introduced myself on the Lit boards around Sept 7 2013... he sent that very scenario my way with the subject heading "READ THIS OUT LOUD"
T.

He is still sending this stuff?!
You and 40+ other lit ladies will have received it, and judging by the writing style, I have received many from this asshat over the years

 

[elli1]

title of the PM: 'I like your name'

i can spell it
,here goes, care to chat on yahoo?
i have
red hair blue eyes
6/3
230
6.5
big round balls-i cum like a sperm fountain

 

[satindesire]

My favorite Asshat sighting this week:

Internet Stranger: I am so hard right now, fml. U look like ur legs are strong. Getting kicked in the balls makes me so hot.

Me: I recommend whacking off to America's Home Videos! It's full of bad things happening to the groins of foolish but otherwise decent people, probably not unlike you.

Hahaha!

 

[satindesire]

When an asshat gets put in his place

http://i.imgur.com/LyMwxTC.jpg

 

[Aurantica]

When an asshat gets put in his place

http://i.imgur.com/LyMwxTC.jpg

It's a shame he didn't reply back to ease his new butthurt.

 

[Primalex]

It's a shame he didn't reply back to ease his new butthurt.

How do you know?

 

[Aurantica]

How do you know?

I'm omnipotent, didn't you know?

If he did write back the OP would have added that in too.

 

[Aurantica]

I think the word you're looking for is omniscient.

Though perhaps I should be careful in correcting you; being omnipotent, you could punish me for that. Assuming you were omniscient enough to find me.

Aww I wont be too hard on you. I usually just give hangnails if people piss me off.

 

[satindesire]

Aww I wont be too hard on you. I usually just give hangnails if people piss me off.

Calm down Satan!

 

[Aurantica]

Calm down Satan!

ALL HAIL HANGNAIL SATAN!!


* evil laughter*

* stops laughing to sip my tea*

 

[satindesire]

ALL HAIL HANGNAIL SATAN!!


* evil laughter*

* stops laughing to sip my tea*

Like.

 

[Aurantica]

A polite asshat is still an asshat, if the person he's PMing is known to be owned.

Recently, before and during sex, my girl has been getting really turned on by the thought of sharing my own cum with me. Whether by kissing me after giving me a blowjob or even telling me to lick my cum off of her. She loves the thought of me licking my load from her breasts or pussy once I shoot my jizz.

However, so far, up to this point, I have lost interest once I cum. This has happened a few times now, regardless of how horny I am before I cum. So, I am trying to somehow get used to the taste of my own cum and thought practicing on my own might help.

Perhaps, having you help me explore this kink will result in me taste myself after I cum. For instance, by following your detailed instructions here and letting you possibly hear and watch me masturbate and lick up my cum. However, you desire I do so, I will follow your exact instructions and finally follow through with tasting myself. Even writing this is getting me quite turned on and hard.

Possibly, something like what is show in this video?

PORNOLINK2000

 

[satindesire]

A polite asshat is still an asshat, if the person he's PMing is known to be owned.

This guy was spreading this copy/paste on Fetlife. He's also said that here on How To forum. xD

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

A polite asshat is still an asshat, if the person he's PMing is known to be owned.

Couldn't agree more!

 

[elusive_buttrfly]

I find it incredibly amusing when cyber stud muffins send me cyber messages. They have to brag and boast about their sexual prowess ONLINE. I think this is their reality and they feel the need to lie about their fantasies happening in real life. Boasting that you have a bevy of Lit women hanging on your every word doesn't do a thing for me. LOSER!

 

[Aurantica]

And on the other end of the spectrum, I got this from a guy who does minimalism to the extreme. at the time of sending, this guy had a grand, whopping total of one post. In the days after, he upped his game to three posts.


What are your fantasies?

What do you long for? What do you want more than anything else?

* sigh*
Really, guy? No. Just no.

 

[xxxLunaxxx]

title of the PM: 'I like your name'

i can spell it
,here goes, care to chat on yahoo?
i have
red hair blue eyes
6/3
230
6.5
big round balls-i cum like a sperm fountain

I got this one the other day too. I wrote back, asking him what a sperm fountain was and if I could buy one online. Sometimes you just have to mess with them!

I also got one which included a rather long story about raping me.....I chewed him a new asshole.

 

[jack80]

I got this one the other day too. I wrote back, asking him what a sperm fountain was and if I could buy one online. Sometimes you just have to mess with them!

I also got one which included a rather long story about raping me.....I chewed him a new asshole.

Okay, this made me chuckle.

 

[SexyTabby]

I've been a member for an hour, hadn't posted a single thing or made myself interesting in any way and I already have pm's. Not sure I wanna read em after seeing this thread

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I've been a member for an hour, hadn't posted a single thing or made myself interesting in any way and I already have pm's. Not sure I wanna read em after seeing this thread

There's a good chance that you *don't* want to read them if they came in that quickly after you established your membership

BUT... save the best (worst?) of them, and share them here so we can laugh at them with you, k?

ETA: Don't forget to anonymize the senders' screen names in accordance with Lit's TOS. For some reason, Laurel and Manu think HNGs deserve to be protected from their stupidity and crassness...

 

[SexyTabby]

There's a good chance that you *don't* want to read them if they came in that quickly after you established your membership

BUT... save the best (worst?) of them, and share them here so we can laugh at them with you, k?

ETA: Don't forget to anonymize the senders' screen names in accordance with Lit's TOS. For some reason, Laurel and Manu think HNGs deserve to be protected from their stupidity and crassness...

You're right I didn't want to read some of them. I'm still surprised people wanna screw someone they know absolutely nothing about just cuz they joined...that's not gonna happen

Don't think any are the best/worst worthy lol just impractical.

 

[Ahlam]

During the weekend, both my Literotica and Fetlife inboxes are hammered by messages from Asshats. Where do the asshats hide during the business week?