Attention 24/7'ers: What misconceptions do people have about 24/7 relationships?

[Bandit58]

Reading through these posts again, I am thinking we may be more 24/7 than I realised Because of Master's health problems I am taking care of Him (giving meds, testing blood sugar levels, rubbing ointment into His itchy skin, setting up His dialysis machine every night).

He is always served first at mealtimes. I do the cooking, cleaning and most of the shopping. If He wants something I get it for Him (He has arthritis and in pain 24/7). I even give Him haircuts and trim His beard.

This is just how our relationship has evolved over the 11 months we've lived together. If asked Master would probably deny that we are 24/7 (meaning blowjobs every couple of hours and a spanking morning and night )

 

[catalina_francisco]

Reading through these posts again, I am thinking we may be more 24/7 than I realised Because of Master's health problems I am taking care of Him (giving meds, testing blood sugar levels, rubbing ointment into His itchy skin, setting up His dialysis machine every night).

He is always served first at mealtimes. I do the cooking, cleaning and most of the shopping. If He wants something I get it for Him (He has arthritis and in pain 24/7). I even give Him haircuts and trim His beard.

This is just how our relationship has evolved over the 11 months we've lived together. If asked Master would probably deny that we are 24/7 (meaning blowjobs every couple of hours and a spanking morning and night )

I know you have said before you are not in a 24/7 but I always think of you as being in one from what you say about your relationship. Guess it is one of those areas which is subjective to how people want to define 24/7 but IMO it is not about scening 24 hours of the day (fantasy BS), but being available for the Dominant whenever they require you and serving their needs in the interests of making their life better in whatever way fits be it sexually, domestically, academically, companionship, or medically. Their needs become your life.

Catalina

 

[garylee]

24/7-365 misguided ideas?

i came across the misguided idea some [people have that if you give up 100% control to a domme........you can do as you please, in your private time as you always did.
but only your domme says when and how long your alone time is..............i myself never left the house in 15 months i was there....never got to see a movie or go visit anyone just because.........or go bowling.....
i was on duty 24/7-----the 15 months i was there.........
the only time alone i had is maybe around 9pm to maybe 11pm,.............to play on the net.......usually.
my time is Her time.......period.....
but this is my experiences........
garylee

 

[Esclava]

I have comments for this thread, but am passing through an annual event which sinks me to the lowest level of fragility I believe it's possible for a human to attain.

And in that fragility, there is no room to absorb even moderate disagreement that seems to follow me through these boards. I shall return when it has passed.

Thank you for all your responses - you have no idea how much they have molded my outlook on what I search for.

Esclava

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[SweetDommes]

garylee - some relationships do allow for much more private time for the submissive(s) than yours apparently did.

I personally don't feel that it is healthy to demand that much time and attention of someone ... everyone needs their private time, not every day, not the same amount of time each time, but they do need time to get away ... get out of the house on their own - possibly with some restrictions, but still, on their own. I don't think it's really time for them to "be themselves" as some people have put it in other places ... because if they aren't being themselves as submissives, then what the hell are they doing there ... but hell, I don't want to be in that much control of someone, I need that time away from them sometimes. Maybe it worked for you and good for you, but I can't imagine that it would work for many of the people that I know.

Miss Karen

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

There are as many descriptions of 24/7 as there are people doing this type of relationship....I find that really pretty cool.

It would be really irritating if I had to conform to someone else's idea of what a 24/7 relationship was. LOL.

In my world, we do the relationship thing, and make sure and get THAT right. The D/s just ...overlays all of that. We don't have any fancy rituals, or inspections, or incantations. He dominates, I submit; He guides, I serve. You know that drill. I do what I'm told. When I don't like it. When I'm tired. When I'm aggravated. When it seems like an utterly stupid thing to do. I've learned to trust that he has a plan.

Sometimes I don't mind so well. Sometimes I'm resistant. It's progress, not perfection. He says that I'm wonderful because I give him honest effort every time.

24/7, to me, is about growing within your relationship, over time. Fostering not only the basic relationship, but the D/s stuff that really makes my life so fucking cool. When I have a day that just rolls by, and I've met my personal goals, submission-wise, that's a damn good day. There's always something more to reach for...

~anelize

 

[graceanne]

Well, personally I consider myself to be in a 24/7 relationship. I'm married to my dom, and I do what he says 24/7. I don't think that means we scene 24/7. What it means is that I have certain rules and guidlines that I follow all day that were set by him. No, I don't always do a perfect job, but i'm human and I pay my consequences. Also, when I go out, it's with his permission, and even then I follow certain expectations and rules.

I don't think that being 24/7 is about scening all day, frankly we both have lives, we can't scene all day. I wish that we had that much free time. Maybe someday when we win the lottery.

(Oh, wait, don't you have to buy a ticket to win the lottery? Well there goes that idea.)

 

[AvaAdore]

Because of my career choice, being a 24/7 sub would not work very well for me. I just do not have the commitment necessary. I just can't think about physics problems with a butt plug in my ass, ya know?

However, I would love to take a month off just to try it, to experience it. If i do it, i want to be able to give 100%. Anything less is just not enough for me.

 

[Miss Diva]

I am not is a 24/7 with my PYL because we choose (or chose, for the Nazi language) not too.

To OwnedSubGal, first I respect your choices of your way of life, however I was thinking about basic stuff if you could not go out, have your own friends, see your family, or even make decisions and my first thought was emergencies. How would deal if the police came over and said your Master was at the hospital or dead. At this point you need to be able to make basic decisions, you need your family and friends and you need your knowledge of the world to react. My only concern is that you need know what to do and this is provided by basic life experiences and going out to live. You may not have the tools to manage.

To Catalina and Francisco, I feel that Fancisco is allowing you to grow and have the tools to manage without him, if God forbid, something happened to him.

Please please do not flame me for my concerns.

 

[Esclava]

<snip>Please please do not flame me for my concerns.

I could never flame someone I agree with.

Esclava

 

[Miss Diva]

I could never flame someone I agree with.

Esclava

Thanks Esclava. When I began reading the posts that was my first thought and concerns.

 

[catalina_francisco]

To Catalina and Francisco, I feel that Fancisco is allowing you to grow and have the tools to manage without him, if God forbid, something happened to him.

Please please do not flame me for my concerns.

Yes he does, though he also knows I have survived and even excelled on my own before we met, and most of the time against the odds. That is one of the strengths which attracted him to me and which he often has to remind me of at times when I minimise my abilities.

Catalina

 

[Esclava]

I am not is a 24/7 with my PYL because we choose (or chose, for the Nazi language) not too.

<snip>

[brief hijack]

I believe either word works as you stipulate in the first part of the sentence that it is a choice you live in "in the present time." (I am not ...) Use 'choose' if it is a decision you make "in the present time" or 'chose' if it is is a decision you made in the past that has not changed.[/brief hijack]

Esclava

 

[garylee]

Miss Karen,...

yes'M...........understood Ma'amship........i do not wish to sound over-bearing....just trying to say what i have/have not done here/there.........Ma'ams.....

thank You
garylee

 

[Bandit58]

I am not is a 24/7 with my PYL because we choose (or chose, for the Nazi language) not too.

To OwnedSubGal, first I respect your choices of your way of life, however I was thinking about basic stuff if you could not go out, have your own friends, see your family, or even make decisions and my first thought was emergencies. How would deal if the police came over and said your Master was at the hospital or dead. At this point you need to be able to make basic decisions, you need your family and friends and you need your knowledge of the world to react. My only concern is that you need know what to do and this is provided by basic life experiences and going out to live. You may not have the tools to manage.

To Catalina and Francisco, I feel that Fancisco is allowing you to grow and have the tools to manage without him, if God forbid, something happened to him.

Please please do not flame me for my concerns.

My parents are going through this now. My father was seriously ill last year and Mum had to learn how to manage the finances and cope without him while he was in the hospital for weeks. They did have a joint account but she hardly wrote any cheques, or used her bankcard. I had to show her how to use the eftpos system at the supermarket checkout, and get cash out of the ATM. She has never learned to drive (which she now bitterly regrets). She relies on public transport or my brother (my parents are in a "granny cottage" right next to him).

Now she faces the prospect of Dad having to go into a nursing home. I am flying back to NZ tomorrow evening to see them for the first time in over a year. Luckily my brother and his family are there for her now.

I am in Australia and have a new life here with Master. I have my own money and an income. I also have the ability and the strength to cope should something happen to Him - He has been in and out of hospital in the last 6 months and I have had to cope on my own in a big city with no support network close by.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bumpity bump

 

[Chicklet]

Thanks for the bump, Catalina, good reading.

 

[Miss_Adagio]

Oh yes, thanks for the bump, this is a very helpful thread! As a newbie to the whole scene I have had a lot of trouble trying to grasp the idea of a 24/7. Sadly I was a victim to the idea that this required the whips, chains and cage 24/7 *slaps head for stupidity*. So to clarify, basically a 24/7 relationship is where in everyday life, sexual or otherwise, what the Dom/mme says goes, but the level of this depends on the relationship and what the couple wants ie: whether it's money wise, friends wise etc? Have I caught on yet?!?!

BTW what's TPE? (as I said, I'm a newbie!)

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Oh yes, thanks for the bump, this is a very helpful thread! As a newbie to the whole scene I have had a lot of trouble trying to grasp the idea of a 24/7. Sadly I was a victim to the idea that this required the whips, chains and cage 24/7 *slaps head for stupidity*. So to clarify, basically a 24/7 relationship is where in everyday life, sexual or otherwise, what the Dom/mme says goes, but the level of this depends on the relationship and what the couple wants ie: whether it's money wise, friends wise etc? Have I caught on yet?!?!

BTW what's TPE? (as I said, I'm a newbie!)

Sounds like you've got it!

TPE = Total Power Exchange

 

[esclave_PP]

Master and I are what I would consider 24/7. How I define 24/7 is that it is not limited to the bedroom. I wear an eternity collar (the ones that lock on the neck) at all times. He's always Master, I am always his slave. However, because we live with one another, there is plenty of vanilla, everyday ordinary stuff that we do together as well. However the mindset is always there.

From getting him dressed, to showering, to making food (we actually will switch on and off there - sometimes he'll make it and I do dishses, and vice versa) to sitting on the couch and watching TV at his feet (on the couch when it is my week with my son) it's always there and present. When my son isn't around, he's Master, when he is, he's called by his Vanilla name, but in private always Master.

I think a lot of people have misconceptions about 24/7, like thinking that Norman's "Gor World" is possible in reality -- well yeah right, your Master can just up and kill you if he's displeased? I don't think so. I believe that there is a balance that is necessary -- you can't be playing ALLLLL the time -- if you can, boy are you lucky! *giggle* However, as with any relationship, D/s or not, it is important to remember what reality is. Like Catalina and Franscisco, while we're not officially married, we're life partners. We're very in the lifestyle, it is us. It is like breathing -- it just is. My family knows about my relationship, and they are cool with it, but I am lucky because my parents aren't judgemental.

Because there is so much miscommunication in the media (TV, movies, articles, etc) and at fetish clubs, I think people believe that most D/s relationships consist of people in leather beating on one another 24/7 and that simply isn't the case.

As for every day things like money, work etc, Master knows I run my own company and that it's mine. He respects that and is proud of me. He gives me my work time during the day but when the workday is done, it's our time together. It just works.

 

[submissiveknight]

Hello Evreyone,(still a little new at this posting bit),The Wife and I,are in a 24/7 reationship in two ways.We are married w/children, marriage and kids are first.D/s comes second,although the D/s is a guiding force in Our marriage. I have full input in raising Our children and issues in family, but my Princess has the overiding say in it all. I don't know how other people live in a 24/7 relationship, but Ours developed over years of our marriage We were living a 24/7 without realizing how dominate She was over me. Once in awhile We would have a little power struggle. When I asked Her to dominate me,since it was the natural course in Our marriage, Our lives just seemed to fall into place. She doesn't have to try to be dominate, She naturally carries dominance! We don't live life in a scene, It's funny that people think that they can live that way. Our life is led by me serving Her,be it cooking,cleaning, pampering Her. I am rarely if ever on my kness, I am collerd when children are not present, needless to say I do have a life and I can go do things as long as I keep Her informed. But my place by choice is by Her side serving Her every wish and this makes me very happy. Since We have gotten involved in the lifestyle change, Our marriage has become more bliss than it ever was before.

 

[Kailey_86]

Wow, this is a great thread! I have learned so much. Even though there has been a lot of going back and forth I think this thread definately clears things up a bit. Just like every other aspect of the D/s relationship, everyone's idea of 24/7 is different. I think that in the end what makes you and your partner happy is what is right. If you choose to call yourself 24/7, so be it. Not everyone is going to agree on a set definition. I, just like most newbies, thought that 24/7 meant that a sub waits on her dom hand and foot at all times. This appears to be true for some which is great. I now believe that a 24/7 relationship would mean that I live with my dom and he makes decisions for me that would better myself, himself, and the relationship as a whole. This might mean that he thinks a certain friendship should be discontinued because the person is bringing me down or it could mean that he wants me to go to school so that I can learn and grow with him. I like the idea that the more a sub knows and experiences, the more they are worth. I also liked Catalina's analogy. To me, it just makes sense.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[Netzach]

Biggest misconception that it's a barrel of Romance and fun.

I don't believe in "always on" any more. What I want trumps what M wants because of inclination and necessity a lot of the time. M also suffers from depression, so there are certainly days where I can want, ask, order, and shake my fist at the heavens and all that will happen is I sound like a moron.