BDSM Without Pain

[niteshade]

I don't think you are weird at all. Though I am a newbie, over the past several months I have learned a good deal about myself, and reaffirmed others. One of the things I reaffirmed is that I am NOT a pain slut. I am a wimp- certified whiner. If N just walks up behind me and lays his teeth into my neck, it hurts... and I smack the hell out him for it.

That said, if I am aroused it is an entirely different feeling. If I am hot, dripping wet, begging for more sensual torment, and he gives me that same bite, it feels good. He can bite me hard enough to leave marks that last more than a week, and I will either barely feel it, or it will feel wonderful.

He can wrap a hand in my hair and yank me off my feet, and it feels good - if I am aroused. Last night, he slapped me for speaking when I had been told not too... normally, that would have hurt, but it didn't then.

I hear women say all the time that they have to be prepared (i.e., graduated sizes of butt plugs, etc) for anal sex, that it hurts. For me, that only applies if he has not taken the time to drive me into a frenzy of lust. (Admittedly, this is not hard to do. LOL)

Granted, these things are nothing when compared with flogging or various other entertainments I see described on this board everyday, but for someone who has been known to cry over broken fingernails and tangled hair, it is a big deal.

I am seriously considering letting up on my prohibition on spanking, just for that reason. If the slaps and the teeth and the hair pulling feel good, might that not feel wonderful, too?


Oh, and btw... I love the whole "tied up and helpless while he torments me with pleasure" thing too... begging for him to stop because the pleasure is so intense that it actually can become pain?

And you think you aren't a sadist.

 

[ropeman64]

Re: bondage and pain

For me it totaly depends on the context in which the stimulus is delivered.

As an example when I am a bottom I enjoy having my nipples pinched and twisted. Yet the same pinch or twist, done while outside boundaries of a scene and in public is nothing more than pain. A bondage related example. For someone not into bondage the strain of having their arms pulled tighly behind their back and elbows squeezed togather is painfull. Yet to a sub who likes bondage this is a source of pleasure, as long as her limits are not exceeded.

In the end it is our mind that physically receives the stimulus. And it is our frame of mind at the time stimulus is received that determines whether or not that stimulus is pain or pleasure.

 

[Croctden]

Fuck this pain and bondage shit

I think I'll take the third lane. I relish a subs saltly tears (it's very possible I've done a Cartman lick in my day), sometimes I like to cuff a girl down to leave her helpless (I'm not into miles of rope wrapped around a girl over and over again, it's a pain to untie her). However both of these pale for me to the real reason I'm into BDSM: control.

I don't get that type of control in my life anywhere else. Who does short of a dictator? I hear subs occasionally talk about the release for worry and responsibility when they submit, I think I get it from the other side of the mirror. I just go wild, it feels very free. Sometimes I go so far I feel as though I'm drunk or high.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

I for one, do not delve into pain much at all, I Dom through pleasure and denial of pleasure... about the worst that I dish out are spankings... I enjoy tying my subs up, but only to allow for the torture of bringing them almost to orgasm and keeping them there in denial...

 

[BrightFlower]

I used to think B/s was just the thing, I enjoy giving up all my control to Him. But I have found one now that pushes what I THOUGHT were my limits. Biting, heavy handed spanking, and practially pulling my long hair out by the roots seems to be taking me on a journey down the garden path to...something more...

 

[Quint]

Croctden, I'm so sorry I know what you're talking about with the Cartman lick. (But T's done it too.)

Bondage...doesn't excite me. I'll look dispassionately at pictures of bound girls and think "hmm, that's pretty," but it doesn't makes me hot. Too planned and staged. But I'm mostly not into sensual sadism or pleasure doms.

 

[Krinaia]

The first time I experience a rope harnass, I was shocked at just how submissive it made me feel. I felt like another woman. And the feeling of the ropes vibrating against each other as it was placed on me ... what a wonderful sensual thing that was.

I'll admit to liking pain and also to having no have my limits pushed as far as I would like yet. I'm still relatively new.

And I must say thank you to JarringJoe and WriterDom for your tales and input ... I'll be sure to make sure certain dominant men in my life see this thread. It's been a wonderful turn on.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Croctden, I'm so sorry I know what you're talking about with the Cartman lick. (But T's done it too.)

Bondage...doesn't excite me. I'll look dispassionately at pictures of bound girls and think "hmm, that's pretty," but it doesn't makes me hot. Too planned and staged. But I'm mostly not into sensual sadism or pleasure doms.

Can be spontaneous too....but there is something very sensual, as well as tantalising, in being placed in a rope harness or even just a rope bra, then going out for the evening with it under your clothing. The bra gives a much better fit than a conventional one, and the way Master positions one of those knots in the rope harness allows for his constant control of my every move throughout the evening...not to mention driving me either crazy with desire or pain.

Catalina

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I started this thread back in November of last year. Since then I've broadened my repetoire considerably, and I'm into things that I never thought I'd be into when I wrote that last November.
Other people told me that this would happen: that you find yourself doing and wanting things that you thought you'd never be into. The line you draw between will do and won't do keeps moving farther away...

Now I'll say something that will probably get me a lot of flack from hard-core BDSM folk: my horizons have been expanded by my sub at least as much as hers have been expanded my me. I never really thought I'd want to use a flogger or whip on her untiil she asked me to, and then it was like, yes, of course! I've wanted to do this all along! How could I not know that?

I still don't think of what I'm doing as inflicting pain, and my motivation isn't to hurt her or really cause her discomfort. It's to take her to that place where she becomes a sexual animal, a totally sensual creature. This requires inflicting extreme sensation though. That's something I've learned.


---dr.M.

 

[Quint]

No flak from me, Dr. My relationship was much the same; I had more practical experience and a more active fantasy life than T, and he'd have missed out on a lot of exciting (and now regular) activities if he hadn't learned from me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I started this thread back in November of last year. Since then I've broadened my repetoire considerably, and I'm into things that I never thought I'd be into when I wrote that last November.
Other people told me that this would happen: that you find yourself doing and wanting things that you thought you'd never be into. The line you draw between will do and won't do keeps moving farther away...

Now I'll say something that will probably get me a lot of flack from hard-core BDSM folk: my horizons have been expanded by my sub at least as much as hers have been expanded my me. I never really thought I'd want to use a flogger or whip on her untiil she asked me to, and then it was like, yes, of course! I've wanted to do this all along! How could I not know that?

I still don't think of what I'm doing as inflicting pain, and my motivation isn't to hurt her or really cause her discomfort. It's to take her to that place where she becomes a sexual animal, a totally sensual creature. This requires inflicting extreme sensation though. That's something I've learned.


---dr.M.

Sounds good and healthy to me...have fun.

Catalina

 

[cellis]

I am sitting here thinking of meeting the fetish diva Midori this past summer and watching her presentation of a form of shibari or japanese bondage... I watched as she... for want of a better word... seduced her victim with the rope... It was more exciting than I could have imagined... watching her with the rope and rubbing the rope over the sub's face... watching her as she begin with gentle touches and ended up suspending the submissive...

I want and need the sensations that go with what we do and who we are... but there are times when I need the security of the bondage... I need Him to tie me to the bed and make me feel secure... it allows me to go way beyond when I can go when there is no or little bondage involved.

 

[Pure]

dr m said,

THEN
//But I'm really not interested in the pain and the discipline aspect of it. It doesn't do anything for me. I would much rather make use of her helplessness to explore what she likes and tease her with prolonged foreplay, make her beg and squirm from desire rather than pain.//

NOW

//I still don't think of what I'm doing as inflicting pain, and my motivation isn't to hurt her or really cause her discomfort. It's to take her to that place where she becomes a sexual animal, a totally sensual creature. This requires inflicting extreme sensation though. That's something I've learned.//


Sounds like a voyage into depravity to me!

Congrats.

Question: why make it sound so altruistic? do you want to
be a saint of depravity?

J.

 

[chiapetto]

I am new to being a submissive, but I find that I am more interested in bondage too. I think I like better being tied up by my Master, while He takes pictures of me for both of us to enjoy(He shows them to me). At first, while He's spanking me or flogging me, I enjoy it, but then it starts to hurt, and I get tense. Even He noticed it, and said the next time, He would not spank me. Anyway, that's just my humble perspective.

 

[InnerDarkness]

I like the pain a good deal...the feel of His hand or belt on my ass....but for me it is more about the exchange of power....the rush I get from feeling helpless, from knowing that his pleasure is my focus....his command holds my attention. So I guess I could have whole experiences (and have) that have involved no pain whatsoever....it was his control and dominance over me that drove me wild.

Bondage...havent quite gotten there yet

 

[JoseIsWild]

I am not into pain either. I just like to just be able to play and make out with her without her moving around alot.