Body image and cams

[hotidhoguy]

Body Image

How could he not like you?

 

[minx1]

How could he not like you?

*giggles* you're making me blush now hoti. But thanks, really.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't cam but, 'm still working on this, being comfortable with my face and body. It only gets harder each year as I age. At some point I may not care anymore?

Years of being seen as beautiful and hot by my husband no matter what have helped some.

A pic thread on here helped some which is strange because it's not like I know these people really or they me. And also everyone on here gets great comments regardless but still it helped.

I actually like my face and body now better than ever but as I said I'm still working on my self acceptance.

Fury

 

[minx1]

I don't cam but, 'm still working on this, being comfortable with my face and body. It only gets harder each year as I age. At some point I may not care anymore?

Years of being seen as beautiful and hot by my husband no matter what have helped some.

A pic thread on here helped some which is strange because it's not like I know these people really or they me. And also everyone on here gets great comments regardless but still it helped.

I actually like my face and body now better than ever but as I said I'm still working on my self acceptance.

Fury

Thanks Fury

I think I have always had a pretty negative image of myself...well my body really, I like my face as it goes. I think I kinda grew into my look lol, so got better or at least more comfortable with it the older I got......I even like my laughter lines!
But never got used to my body....think there was only one timein my life I have felt really happy with it and that was when I was rock climbing, horseriding and doing tons of walking every weekend!
As a child and teenager I was always quite unhappy with it, not helped by a couple of bad relationhips that I think knocked my confidence even more.

I think you are spot on though.....I can see how a pic thread helps peoples self esteem. Lit members are really kind and supportive with their comments eh

 

[FurryFury]

You're welcome!

Also when I was exercising on a regular basis I always felt better about my body and everything else!

Fury

 

[minx1]

You're welcome!

Also when I was exercising on a regular basis I always felt better about my body and everything else!

Fury

Yeah perhaps its time for me to dig the climbing shoes and riding boots out again.

I agree, excersie makes you feel wonderful! I was outdoors so muchI had a real glow!

 

[FurryFury]

Yeah perhaps its time for me to dig the climbing shoes and riding boots out again.

I agree, excersie makes you feel wonderful! I was outdoors so muchI had a real glow!

That sounds niiiice!

*grins*

Fury

 

[minx1]

That sounds niiiice!

*grins*

Fury

*giggles* definitely great for the skin!

 

[CutieMouse]

I have come to accept we never see ourselves as others see us- that doesn't mean my view of myself is any less real than another's view of me, or vice versa.

I look at myself and see a woman with a body that has given birth eleventy-million times, nursed babies for years on end, who could really stand to drop another 15-25#, and has a few gray hairs (under the red)... and sees every single bit of the wear and tear Living in this body has created.

Others look at me and are amazed that I've given birth or nursed babies at all, have no clue where the 15-25# weight loss is supposed to come from, and don't think I could possibly be old enough to have even one gray hair.

The true reality is somewhere between one's own perception and how others see onself... I would imagine that accepting someone else can see you (general you) differently than you see yourself, and accepting that their opinion of you is equally valid (especially if it is a positive opinion ), might help with negative self images.

 

[minx1]

I have come to accept we never see ourselves as others see us- that doesn't mean my view of myself is any less real than another's view of me, or vice versa.

I look at myself and see a woman with a body that has given birth eleventy-million times, nursed babies for years on end, who could really stand to drop another 15-25#, and has a few gray hairs (under the red)... and sees every single bit of the wear and tear Living in this body has created.

Others look at me and are amazed that I've given birth or nursed babies at all, have no clue where the 15-25# weight loss is supposed to come from, and don't think I could possibly be old enough to have even one gray hair.

The true reality is somewhere between one's own perception and how others see onself... I would imagine that accepting someone else can see you (general you) differently than you see yourself, and accepting that their opinion of you is equally valid (especially if it is a positive opinion ), might help with negative self images.

Thanks Cutie, you are absolutely right.
I know how others see us can be far different to how we see ourselves.
And vice versa. Many of my partners wouldn't have what you would call 'classic good looks' (whatever that is lol) but I have found each one of them utterly gorgeous, for their looks, their mind, their manner and what they stood for.
I know, logically that my Master will think exactly the same thing...its just difficult to be logical with myself!
I was just saying to someone actually...I totally annoy myself that I have this hangup about my body and am overly critical. I know its unhealthy and I want to have a good self image...perhaps Fury is right, perhaps I need to do something practical to address the bits I find fault with and excercise....it might mean the cam waits but at least I'll feel better when I go on it lol

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Not much time

to read the other posts so please forgive me if I repeat someone.

Has he showed himself on cam for you? What about having him show his version of what he wants to see...and the two of you discussing what each of you find fault with in yourselves. If you see that even your "strong man" has similar feelings it may help you to relax a bit. I think it would help him to know specifically what is bothersome to you. For example is it your backside...your left elbow..what...that way he can reassure you in a supportive way. I think going part by part..could be helpful. I think all relationships are built on trust and this type is almost more so. I know it isn't easy but logically in the end if he doesn't like what he is seeing then he isn't right for you anyway. Trust him to lead you and maybe ask for more support and guidance here. As the Dom I think it's in his court to find what is going to make you comfortable no matter if it takes weeks or months or years. If you do it just to please him and do so before you are ready then it won't help anything.

Another thought...This is easy to say but when you walk out of the house every day you aren't followed by mirrors.....don't let the cam be your mirror and torture yourself. Someone mentioned not looking at your own cam image...I think it's smart as it can be distracting. Do you want him to know the "perfect"/"on" you...or the real you that may slouch or brush your hair from your face, or scratch an itch. I guess it comes down to either letting fear rule you or saying that being real (if it's what you are going for here) is more important. Of course if your SO isn't supportive in other ways I wouldn't start with this and expect him to be.

Good luck...one thing I have learned on lit....everyone has a different version of beauty or what is attractive..don't sell yourself short. We are all flawed.

 

[minx1]

to read the other posts so please forgive me if I repeat someone.

Has he showed himself on cam for you? What about having him show his version of what he wants to see...and the two of you discussing what each of you find fault with in yourselves. If you see that even your "strong man" has similar feelings it may help you to relax a bit. I think it would help him to know specifically what is bothersome to you. For example is it your backside...your left elbow..what...that way he can reassure you in a supportive way. I think going part by part..could be helpful. I think all relationships are built on trust and this type is almost more so. I know it isn't easy but logically in the end if he doesn't like what he is seeing then he isn't right for you anyway. Trust him to lead you and maybe ask for more support and guidance here. As the Dom I think it's in his court to find what is going to ake you comfortable no matter if it takes weeks or months or years. If you do it just to please him and do so before you are ready then it won't help anything.

Another thought...This is easy to say but when you walk out of the house every day you aren't followed by mirrors.....don't let the cam be your mirror and torture yourself. Someone mentioned not looking at your own cam image...I think it's smart as it can be distracting. Do you want him to know the "perfect"/"on" you...or the real you that may slouch or brush your hair from your face, or scratch an itch. I guess it comes down to either letting fear rule you or saying that being real (if it's what you are going for here) is more important. Of course if your SO isn't supportive in other ways I wouldn't start with this and expect him to be.

Good luck...one thing I have learned on lit....everyone has a different version of beauty or what is attractive..don't sell yourself short. We are all flawed.

Thanks HBD what you say makes a lot of sense. I have seen him and I think he's lovely lol...He is really lovely with me and tries to reassure me and tells me there are things about himself that he isn't happy with. In truth I cannot fault him at all in the support he has shown me, not just in this, but everything we have shared.
So I think your suggestion could be a good one to go part by part and actually be more specific about the problem area.

He has seen me from the chest up and he has seen the real me *laugh* fidgets and all! and thats what I want him to see..me as I am.
Even that was a struggle in the beginning...I couldn't let himsee me without makeup on *laugh* but he wanted me to know that I didn't have to be dolled up all the time and that he thinks I am beautiful without it, afterall I am his sub.
I do think the 'mirror' bit is really relevant as I do tend o focus on it when I'mon cam...so thanks HBD thats really helpful

 

[marieR19]

I have serious problems showing my body to anyone, so caming for someone is a concrete limit for me at this point... it might always be, but I'm hoping not.

About a year ago, I had started talking to a Mistress online who I was getting interested in, but it ended very badly because she would not understand/accept that being naked for someone was a limit of mine.


Heather

 

[Marquis]

This is an age old question with a really simple answer.

You need to accept or change the way you look. Whichever is easier, I guess.

You've only got one body, you owe it to yourself to love it.

 

[CutieMouse]

This is an age old question with a really simple answer.

You need to accept or change the way you look. Whichever is easier, I guess.

You've only got one body, you owe it to yourself to love it.

Sometimes doing one, enables doing the the other.

I had lunch with a friend and one of her friends the other week, and was really kind of surprised how negatively they both spoke of their looks/bodies... these are women who do yoga on a regular basis, eat organic, have multiple lovers, and fabulous bodies (especially for moms), but they both said they never ever have sex with the lights on, or completely unclothed, because they couldn't imagin letting someone actually see them... It hit me that although I still see my imperfections, and consider myself to be rather ordinary looking, that working on the bits and pieces I didn't like, made it easier to accept them and love myself. Will nude images of me ever be plastered all over the place? Heavens no- but because it's not in my nature, not because I dislike my body. (Hooray for prudery! )

 

[PreggoHottie]

I don't cam at this point, but I have huge body issues. Two c-sections in 2 years have left a horrible scar right at the top of my pubic area. (but I have two sons that I absolutely adore.) I need to lose 50lbs, and my ass is too flat. I like my boobs covered (like my av) but not naked because they look saggy....I could go on and on and on...

I find it very difficult to get naked, even semi in front of people. What helps for me is reassurance and knowing the person generally cares about me.

 

[ammre]

Oh one hand, I advocate getting out your cam, and experementing. Change the lighting, change poses, get used to walking moving etc on cam, figuring out how you look best to make you FEEL best. Take more nude pictures. Get used to seing yourself naked.
Oh the other hand, don't worry about that too much. Natural is also really quite beautiful. Basically, just be aware of your body... Don't be negative towards all your flaws, and don't think that laying any old way is going to be hot. Focus on how you can eccentuate what you like, don't focus on how to hide what you don't.

I go to a nude each a well. One would think I have nudist tendencies, but there's something really nice about having a breeze and sunshine on your bare breasts. That and I almost feel more self conscious on a bathingsuit beach. Walking aorund with all my chub stuffed into the lycra like a little pork sausage, while all the girls are skimping around in their string bikini's. People oogling eachother left and right, feling judged by everyone I pass. It's not really acceptable to oogle someone at a nude beach, because you're nude and they are nude and at that point, there's nothing left to the imagination and it almost becomes a moot point. I've also done naked slip-n-slide and really, I felt totally selfconscious running naked infront of about 100 people, but when you start running you mind stops thinking about your projectile fat and starts thinking, "Well i'm running a a big plastic sheet on the ground covered in soap, how the fuck am i suppossed to land"

Even after all of that, I still feel AMAZINGLY insecure in intimate situations concerning my body.

 

[minx1]

thanks for the posts guys....off to a meeting but will read when I get back!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Hey everyone

I decided to go ahead and start this thread after contributing to another thread and seeing from other posts that I don't think i am alone.
I'm wondering if there are others out there who have the same concerns as me or who have previously had them and managed to overcome them.

I am in a LDR with my Master, we are very happy and talk daily either on MSN, the phone or via email.
This is probably going to sound slightly ridiculous but hey ho! I regularly appear on cam for him, many times sexually but often so he can just see my face as we talk. The thing is I have never appeared to him fully...when we started our relationship going on cam was a real limit of mine for a couple of reasons, but things have moved on and now l enjoy it immensely. Obviously He would like to see me all in one go so to speak! but He has never pushed me and wants to wait until I am happy to show Him. I have taked to Him about my insecurities and He has told me He loves me and sees only good things....and I know He thinks I am lovely.

I really want Him to see me as a whole, my face and my body but I am so self conscious about my body....it stops me. Today is shining example of how I have planned to surprise Him, but as I was setting up the cam and caught sight of myself its made back out at the last moment.

To sum up....I really want to appear to Him, but I am overly critical of my body. When I am having a sensible moment I know I am not hideous, but I am still overly conscious about my imperfections....I always have been. I think could do with losing a bit of weight for example

Has anyone else felt this? If you did but managed to overcome it please tell me how.....tips, if there are tips for this are more than welcome!

Comments from Dom/mes appreciated too, particularly if they are in a relationship with a sub who has felt this way.

now that we've been together 'real time' it's not so hard for me to show off on cam for Him but it used to be very hard. He'd say "flash me" and i'd turn bright red and wouldn't be able to do it, then He just started demanding it and if i tried to give excuses He'd just go quiet, which is my cue that i better do what i'm told..LOL....ALOT of reassurance on His part was required for me to feel ok doing this, now though, it's nothing.....ok so i wasn't much help....sorry..LOL

 

[Toa_lin]

We solved this problem in a round-abotu sort of way. At first it was only her shoulders up, (god she's got a beautifull face and i love her eyes, so i wasn't complaining too much) but eventually she got comfortible letting me se eall of her in her normal every-day sort of clothing. And slowly, we worked together, me letting her know jus thow gorgeous I find her to be, till she wore a bit more revealing clothing each time. Tll eventually, it was nothing at all

This is a bit longer route, but it worked wonders.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Rose does have her own body image issues, but I took pictures of her during our scenes whilst we were together. She normally does not like the way she looks in pictures, but she does adore these.

I know this sounds pretty damn cliche, but the only way is to do it.

 

[minx1]

I have serious problems showing my body to anyone, so caming for someone is a concrete limit for me at this point... it might always be, but I'm hoping not.

About a year ago, I had started talking to a Mistress online who I was getting interested in, but it ended very badly because she would not understand/accept that being naked for someone was a limit of mine.


Heather

God Heather that really sucks! *hugs*

It sounds as though its a completely understandable limit for you and her lack of understanding and support....even gentle exploration to see if it was a limit of yours that could slowly, bit by bit be pushed really doesn't say much about her as a person and in my opinion as a Mistress either.

Sorry you had such a crap experience

 

[minx1]

This is an age old question with a really simple answer.

You need to accept or change the way you look. Whichever is easier, I guess.

You've only got one body, you owe it to yourself to love it.

Yeah I know Marquis, you are right.

Its odd really..for me its not that I have a downer on my whole body image as such...I actually really like my face and the fact that I am curvaceous. I'd even go as far to say that when I am clothed I feel damn sexy sometimes

Its the naked bit where I seem to hit a wall...it all looks slightly better clothed I guess.

I am thinking that its time I took control of the situation and started exercising again...perhaps its going to take practical measures to make me feel confident enough to be seen

 

[minx1]

I don't cam at this point, but I have huge body issues. Two c-sections in 2 years have left a horrible scar right at the top of my pubic area. (but I have two sons that I absolutely adore.) I need to lose 50lbs, and my ass is too flat. I like my boobs covered (like my av) but not naked because they look saggy....I could go on and on and on...

I find it very difficult to get naked, even semi in front of people. What helps for me is reassurance and knowing the person generally cares about me.

Yeah I am with you on that one PH. Infact my Master said today that it really didn't matter to him if I didn't show him more than he has already seen...which was really lovely.

*smile* Perhaps its actually more important to me than it is to him.

 

[Marquis]

Yeah I know Marquis, you are right.

Its odd really..for me its not that I have a downer on my whole body image as such...I actually really like my face and the fact that I am curvaceous. I'd even go as far to say that when I am clothed I feel damn sexy sometimes

Its the naked bit where I seem to hit a wall...it all looks slightly better clothed I guess.

I am thinking that its time I took control of the situation and started exercising again...perhaps its going to take practical measures to make me feel confident enough to be seen

Working out tends to have an effect on body image beyond the changes it makes to your body composition and your posture.

Knowing that you're doing something to improve your body will make you prouder of it.