Bottoming and body image issues

[midwestyankee]

Thank you, Yanks.

Flattery will get you anywhere.

Quoted because all guarantees should be available for when they're needed.

 

[redslady]

I realize that I'm very late to this party, but I wanted to add my few cents.

@redslady, please think about the courage you showed in agreeing to bottom to this friend. On some level you knew before you agreed to it that you were going to be facing up to your body image. Now it's time to let the rest of you go through with the plan that your subconscious agreed to earlier.

@BiBunny, your honesty is more attractive than any men's magazine "10" could ever be. That you're also lovely is a bonus.

For anyone who suffers from body image problems, I hope that your partners will all come to share in the belief that I learned a long time ago: the best thing about my partner's body is that it is attached to her.

This is why I have the biggest lurker crush on you

I've backed out a couple times already, but the support, caring, and encouragement has helped me a lot. I won't back out this time.

 

[midwestyankee]

This is why I have the biggest lurker crush on you

I've backed out a couple times already, but the support, caring, and encouragement has helped me a lot. I won't back out this time.

Good for you. I sense this is going to be a terrific experience for you. Even if the bottoming turns out to be bleh, the whole experience will have been a good one.

 

[redslady]

Good for you. I sense this is going to be a terrific experience for you. Even if the bottoming turns out to be bleh, the whole experience will have been a good one.

I'm hoping it turns out to be a painful experience in the best way possible

It is the first time I'm actually bottoming, all my experience is from a long term relationship in which pain and play were part of the whole. Not sure what to expect.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm hoping it turns out to be a painful experience in the best way possible

It is the first time I'm actually bottoming, all my experience is from a long term relationship in which pain and play were part of the whole. Not sure what to expect.

I hope you have a great time. Expecting only that you will keep your mind in the moment may help you enjoy it as much as possible.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

After reading all the similar stories and fears like mine, I decided to be honest with him about what my hang ups were. Lol, aside from telling me that I was wasting my time worrying, he said that it really didn't matter to him, unless there were spots that needed to be avoided. It really doesn't matter to him what my skin looks like, so long as it bruises, lol.

Thanks all, for helping me get my head around the fact that how I see myself isn't necessarily how someone else sees me.

And Stella, I told him about your comment regarding hardons and he said you were absolutely right, so I really have nothing to worry about, lol. Guess he's got a hard on for me, who knew?

redslady again you gathered your courage and faced your fears and again you won. You won a battle against your most fearsome enemy, your own fears. We really do not know each other but non the less I can not help but tell you how proud I am of you and your courage and bravery.

You done good girl. Have a great time with your friend.

Mike

 

[redslady]

I had recieved a nasty pm, regarding worrying over burn scars when I should have been worrying over only having a half of "tit", gee thanks for that. But I took it as someone who didn't bother to read that the bra was staying on, no way am i near ready to expose those scars, can hardly stand to look at them myself yet. But it got me thinking of what I was worrying over.

So I did the "suck it up, buttercup" thing and did my best to put aside my fears. Took a heck of a lot of talking before hand. Guess it's like everyone says, communicate, communicate. Now I'm bruised, welted, aching and more relaxed and contented then I've been in a long time.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and giving me the boost of courage I needed. Now, if anyone has an ice pack I could borrow???

 

[midwestyankee]

I had recieved a nasty pm, regarding worrying over burn scars when I should have been worrying over only having a half of "tit", gee thanks for that. But I took it as someone who didn't bother to read that the bra was staying on, no way am i near ready to expose those scars, can hardly stand to look at them myself yet. But it got me thinking of what I was worrying over.

So I did the "suck it up, buttercup" thing and did my best to put aside my fears. Took a heck of a lot of talking before hand. Guess it's like everyone says, communicate, communicate. Now I'm bruised, welted, aching and more relaxed and contented then I've been in a long time.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and giving me the boost of courage I needed. Now, if anyone has an ice pack I could borrow???

Bravo!

 

[interrobang]

Thanks

I enjoyed reading this thread. I don't know y'all, but these are amazing stories I'm glad to have come across.

I've been with a woman with 'deformities' that were a burden for her but didn't detract from her beauty. I'm dating a woman whose tiger stripe stretch marks cause her a lot of anxiety (and have for more than a decade) but she is fucking hot. Both of them are beautiful women, and both have a 'thing' that keeps them from being able to see that themselves sometimes, but I could see the beauty and hardly noticed the thing that they were preoccupied with.

Find someone who's about the whole, not the parts, that's my opinion. Both of them were able to overlook my bad skin, beer gut and vericose veins as well.

 

[Etoile]

I had recieved a nasty pm, regarding worrying over burn scars when I should have been worrying over only having a half of "tit", gee thanks for that. But I took it as someone who didn't bother to read that the bra was staying on, no way am i near ready to expose those scars, can hardly stand to look at them myself yet. But it got me thinking of what I was worrying over.

So I did the "suck it up, buttercup" thing and did my best to put aside my fears. Took a heck of a lot of talking before hand. Guess it's like everyone says, communicate, communicate. Now I'm bruised, welted, aching and more relaxed and contented then I've been in a long time.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and giving me the boost of courage I needed. Now, if anyone has an ice pack I could borrow???

Glad you had so much fun! Put that bastard who PM'd you on ignore.

 

[twister947]

Glad you had so much fun! Put that bastard who PM'd you on ignore.

Better yet, out the bastard, and we'll all put him on ignore. What a dick!

 

[redslady]

Glad you had so much fun! Put that bastard who PM'd you on ignore.

Better yet, out the bastard, and we'll all put him on ignore. What a dick!

I did put him on ignore, but when I checked I couldn't find any post for him.

But on the bright side, it did make me think. Why was I worrying so over scars that I earned?
That's right I EARNED them. They weren't caused by cancer, they are badges of my having BEAT cancer.

Not only did I have fun, I spent time admiring my bruises and not once did I focus on the scars, like I used to when I looked in the mirror...So a big WIN WIN for me

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

But on the bright side, it did make me think. Why was I worrying so over scars that I earned?
That's right I EARNED them. They weren't caused by cancer, they are badges of my having BEAT cancer.

Not only did I have fun, I spent time admiring my bruises and not once did I focus on the scars, like I used to when I looked in the mirror...So a big WIN WIN for me

That's great to hear

 

[Kurokami]

I did put him on ignore, but when I checked I couldn't find any post for him.

But on the bright side, it did make me think. Why was I worrying so over scars that I earned?
That's right I EARNED them. They weren't caused by cancer, they are badges of my having BEAT cancer.

Not only did I have fun, I spent time admiring my bruises and not once did I focus on the scars, like I used to when I looked in the mirror...So a big WIN WIN for me

That's the way! Good for you, Red!

Although, personally, if I had gotten a PM like that, I would have stopped worrying about my scars just to prove that asshole wrong. Then again I am an angry, twitching man.

I guess my question is this: how does one go about changing their thought process so that they can view their scars as something positive? Because when I see mine, they're just a reminder of bad things. I've read here a couple of folk who see them as proof of a victory over something life threatening, but I just can't bring myself to think that way. These are things that were inflicted on me by another human being, who was supposed to love me. Even if I can stop myself thinking about what caused the scars, I've never been able to escape the reminder that I never had a father worth a damn.

That said, I would like to be able to associate these things with something positive. Maybe I need to take this up with my therapist...

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

That's the way! Good for you, Red!

Although, personally, if I had gotten a PM like that, I would have stopped worrying about my scars just to prove that asshole wrong. Then again I am an angry, twitching man.

I guess my question is this: how does one go about changing their thought process so that they can view their scars as something positive? Because when I see mine, they're just a reminder of bad things. I've read here a couple of folk who see them as proof of a victory over something life threatening, but I just can't bring myself to think that way. These are things that were inflicted on me by another human being, who was supposed to love me. Even if I can stop myself thinking about what caused the scars, I've never been able to escape the reminder that I never had a father worth a damn.

That said, I would like to be able to associate these things with something positive. Maybe I need to take this up with my therapist...

You survived *him* and you're living a full and loving life. That's a victory.

 

[redslady]

That's the way! Good for you, Red!

Although, personally, if I had gotten a PM like that, I would have stopped worrying about my scars just to prove that asshole wrong. Then again I am an angry, twitching man.

I guess my question is this: how does one go about changing their thought process so that they can view their scars as something positive? Because when I see mine, they're just a reminder of bad things. I've read here a couple of folk who see them as proof of a victory over something life threatening, but I just can't bring myself to think that way. These are things that were inflicted on me by another human being, who was supposed to love me. Even if I can stop myself thinking about what caused the scars, I've never been able to escape the reminder that I never had a father worth a damn.

That said, I would like to be able to associate these things with something positive. Maybe I need to take this up with my therapist...

You survived *him* and you're living a full and loving life. That's a victory.

So true Lizzie.

Just because a man has a sperm with a good sense of direction, does not make him a father.

Love makes the best fathers, and from what I've read of your post, you will be the most loving father to your two little girls when they get here. Try looking at your scars as lessons on how not to be. When your girls drive you crazy, and beleive me they will, look at them and see what you won't become.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I did put him on ignore, but when I checked I couldn't find any post for him.

But on the bright side, it did make me think. Why was I worrying so over scars that I earned?
That's right I EARNED them. They weren't caused by cancer, they are badges of my having BEAT cancer.

Not only did I have fun, I spent time admiring my bruises and not once did I focus on the scars, like I used to when I looked in the mirror...So a big WIN WIN for me

You so totally rock, you know that right? Take your victory lap! That calls for at LEAST 23 hard fist pumps, a few booty waggles, and an OH YEEAAAAH if ever I read one. Yay!

You survived *him* and you're living a full and loving life. That's a victory.

Agreed!

 

[LisbethElliot]

I had recieved a nasty pm, regarding worrying over burn scars when I should have been worrying over only having a half of "tit", gee thanks for that. But I took it as someone who didn't bother to read that the bra was staying on, no way am i near ready to expose those scars, can hardly stand to look at them myself yet. But it got me thinking of what I was worrying over.

So I did the "suck it up, buttercup" thing and did my best to put aside my fears. Took a heck of a lot of talking before hand. Guess it's like everyone says, communicate, communicate. Now I'm bruised, welted, aching and more relaxed and contented then I've been in a long time.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and giving me the boost of courage I needed. Now, if anyone has an ice pack I could borrow???

I did put him on ignore, but when I checked I couldn't find any post for him.

But on the bright side, it did make me think. Why was I worrying so over scars that I earned?
That's right I EARNED them. They weren't caused by cancer, they are badges of my having BEAT cancer.

Not only did I have fun, I spent time admiring my bruises and not once did I focus on the scars, like I used to when I looked in the mirror...So a big WIN WIN for me

I've been following this thread since you began it, and being the happy ending junkie that I am, I just want to say 'YAY for you!"

And Kurokami, I agree with what others have said here...surviving and moving on IS victory.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Redslady!

Whoo hoo!

 

[eastern sun]

my heart to you, redslady

(I have always loved the scoundrels. )

 

[bhndblueyes88]

I just thought you all would like to know that you are rather inspirational.

 

[Kurokami]

So true Lizzie.

Just because a man has a sperm with a good sense of direction, does not make him a father.

Love makes the best fathers, and from what I've read of your post, you will be the most loving father to your two little girls when they get here. Try looking at your scars as lessons on how not to be. When your girls drive you crazy, and beleive me they will, look at them and see what you won't become.

That's good advice, thank you. I guess it's just a trick of perspective; I'll never be able to look at my back in a mirror without getting at least a little queasy, but my scars will certainly be useful as a tangible reminder of exactly the wrong path to take as a father. Becoming my dad is literally the biggest fear I have, and given the odd ways coming from a violent upbringing sort of normalizes violence for you, I think I quite like having a signpost close by to tell me to stop, if I need it. And I hope I never will.

Also, big thank yous to everyone else who chimed in with a bit of support to brighten my day

 

[redslady]

my heart to you, redslady

(I have always loved the scoundrels. )

Hello my friend I've been wondering how you were.

I think I'm becoming a big fan of him as well. So many wonderful people on here

 

[redslady]

You so totally rock, you know that right? Take your victory lap! That calls for at LEAST 23 hard fist pumps, a few booty waggles, and an OH YEEAAAAH if ever I read one. Yay!


Yeah baby...booty waggles!!!!!

 

[redslady]

I've been following this thread since you began it, and being the happy ending junkie that I am, I just want to say 'YAY for you!"

And Kurokami, I agree with what others have said here...surviving and moving on IS victory.

Redslady!

Whoo hoo!

I just thought you all would like to know that you are rather inspirational.

You guys are the bestest ever. So glad I came out of lurkerville.