Calling for a Change or maybe just being passive aggressive...

[NightL]

I'm reminded of the time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogfhIAXmdEU


see blulilacgrl - simple humour - does this mean I'm not giving jim-bob a fair go?

Am I belittling him or is he doing it all by himself?

You may not smile, we all know jim-bobby never smiles, jim-bobby is just bad-ass, just nasty...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

If you can't laugh occasionally you end up being cranky. In some cases, not referring to you here blulilacgrl, some get so cranky they spend the whole time trying to validate an online presence with constant repetitive stories of their career, education and exploits of lust and war in an attempt to somehow prove superiority over - well over the universe.

I choose to laugh and be happy rather than die a death of crankiness.

 

[twister947]

lol. Pitch perfect.

 

[NippleMuncher]

If the regulars have the right to be hostile and express their opinions so do others. CHECK MATE.

So you DO enjoy people crapping in your livingroom.

Good day to you sir, buh-bye!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So you DO enjoy people crapping in your livingroom.

Good day to you sir, buh-bye!

It aint your living room, ciao

 

[bailadora]

It aint your living room, ciao

It would appear that it is...and that the board's moderator agrees.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It would appear that it is...and that the board's moderator agrees.

Its not in the rules. I suspect you and the others will keep it up, hoping for a different outcome, but the way these pissing contests playout is: newbies keep coming along, and the regulars fade away with their influence. When I joined the AH 7 years ago the reception was awful, but over time the old gang evaporated, and its a much friendlier board today.

 

[bailadora]

Its not in the rules. I suspect you and the others will keep it up, hoping for a different outcome, but the way these pissing contests playout is: newbies keep coming along, and the regulars fade away with their influence. When I joined the AH 7 years ago the reception was awful, but over time the old gang evaporated, and its a much friendlier board today.

It's in the rules established by this board's moderator. Call me crazy, but I'm thinking since Laurel saw fit to grant AND sustain her moderator status, she has no quarrel with how Lady G runs the board.

 

[LadyG]

It's common courtesy. BTW...if you like the AH so much and it's a friendlier board, why not post there?

Just a thought

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It's common courtesy. BTW...if you like the AH so much and it's a friendlier board, why not post there?

Just a thought

So long as I dont INTEND to annoy the gang why I'm here doesnt matter. It seemed interesting to me when I came across it, and then the gang started the name calling and making comments about my genitals etc. I assume references to genitals are okay here while resurrecting old threads is disruptive. The rules dont obligate me to please the gang, nor obligate me to embrace the orthodoxy; mostly I should avoid intentionally pissing people off, to get a rise out of them.

BTW common courtesy is a two way street.

 

[LadyG]

It is a two way street ...something to remember.

Feel free to link me to where people were commenting on your genitals without prior provocation. Contrary to what you may think, there are rules posted for this forum and are quite accessible at the top of the page. If you aren't familiar with them, that is. If the rules are broken, then feel free to report the thread.

If it's one on one trolling/arguing/etc. that you are looking for, then please partake of the GB or the Playground (this applies to everyone).

Pretty simple and pretty much enough said! If you wish to continue, pm me! I will not debate or argue here...that would be breaking the rules

Thanks for your consideration!

 

[blulilacgrl]

Okay, please explain this to me. If it is indeed all about respect... what did Beck3! do that was so disrespectful that he deserves to be snickered at made the butt of jokes even in threads he isn't posting in?


How does a statement like "This thread should be retired" suddenly bring on comments of a poster's AV. Mean nasty little digs that have nothing at all to do with the comment itself. This of course lends to the poster responding in a like fashion and suddenly you have a thread fight. But of course the regular posters are not to blame. No no! It is the newbie! I mean they couldn't be expected to simply ignore a dig like "This thread should be retired." Why them's fightin' words doncha know.


And as for Angie... that was probably the single most f'ed up thing I ever saw. A mentally unbalanced woman. Come on guys, don't pretend you didn't see it. That young woman had issues. And okay you flamed her. You let her know what you thought of her. Drummed her right off of the How-To board, right? Fine. You said your peace and made your point. And I said nothing. You had a right to your opinion.. And honestly in many ways I agreed with what you guys said. But then it went a step too far.

How many of you then followed her over to the thread she started on the Fetish/Sexuality Board? How many of you went onto other threads and juuuust couldn't stop yourselves from making a dig? How many would then come back to the How-To board to giggle and report how you got her that day? How many of you fanned the fires of the young woman's mental instability for your own fun and amusement?

I am not saying what she did was right. I am not even condoning it. What I am saying is that you guys are (or at least I once considered you) adults of reasonably sound minds and intellect. And the young girl was clearly, CLEARLY unstable. And it takes 2 to ( and in this case more than 2~ and yes 3 of those were probably multiple personalities of her own) to create the situation that happened. At any point you could have walked away. You could have ignored her, blocked her, anything to just let the situation die. But you didn't. And maybe some of you did. Or maybe some of you just twittered and laughed which was all the encouragement others needed to continue their own actions.

So you see this is not just about whether or not people are respectful in their postings, nor is it about whether or not you agree with their questions. It is about how you treat people like the Joshes, Becks and Angies of the world. You don't have to agree with them. Hell you don't even have to like them. But do some of you have to be so damn vicious and cruel?

And you can say what you like about reading past posts in order to verify a posters true intent or authenticity and handing their asses to them for being "disrespectful" but the other stuff? To me, that smacks of the GB. And when did the How-To forum become the GB?

So there, I've said my peace. Some will agree with me. Some will take umbrage. Some will claim I am passive aggressive and still others will ... well I don't know what others will do. But it's out there. Do with it what you will.

 

[LadyVer]

Okay, please explain this to me. If it is indeed all about respect... what did Beck3! do that was so disrespectful that he deserves to be snickered at made the butt of jokes even in threads he isn't posting in?


How does a statement like "This thread should be retired" suddenly bring on comments of a poster's AV. Mean nasty little digs that have nothing at all to do with the comment itself. This of course lends to the poster responding in a like fashion and suddenly you have a thread fight. But of course the regular posters are not to blame. No no! It is the newbie! I mean they couldn't be expected to simply ignore a dig like "This thread should be retired." Why them's fightin' words doncha know.


And as for Angie... that was probably the single most f'ed up thing I ever saw. A mentally unbalanced woman. Come on guys, don't pretend you didn't see it. That young woman had issues. And okay you flamed her. You let her know what you thought of her. Drummed her right off of the How-To board, right? Fine. You said your peace and made your point. And I said nothing. You had a right to your opinion.. And honestly in many ways I agreed with what you guys said. But then it went a step too far.

How many of you then followed her over to the thread she started on the Fetish/Sexuality Board? How many of you went onto other threads and juuuust couldn't stop yourselves from making a dig? How many would then come back to the How-To board to giggle and report how you got her that day? How many of you fanned the fires of the young woman's mental instability for your own fun and amusement?

I am not saying what she did was right. I am not even condoning it. What I am saying is that you guys are (or at least I once considered you) adults of reasonably sound minds and intellect. And the young girl was clearly, CLEARLY unstable. And it takes 2 to ( and in this case more than 2~ and yes 3 of those were probably multiple personalities of her own) to create the situation that happened. At any point you could have walked away. You could have ignored her, blocked her, anything to just let the situation die. But you didn't. And maybe some of you did. Or maybe some of you just twittered and laughed which was all the encouragement others needed to continue their own actions.

So you see this is not just about whether or not people are respectful in their postings, nor is it about whether or not you agree with their questions. It is about how you treat people like the Joshes, Becks and Angies of the world. You don't have to agree with them. Hell you don't even have to like them. But do some of you have to be so damn vicious and cruel?

And you can say what you like about reading past posts in order to verify a posters true intent or authenticity and handing their asses to them for being "disrespectful" but the other stuff? To me, that smacks of the GB. And when did the How-To forum become the GB?

So there, I've said my peace. Some will agree with me. Some will take umbrage. Some will claim I am passive aggressive and still others will ... well I don't know what others will do. But it's out there. Do with it what you will.

Interesting. I don't know who Angie was but I know who Beck was and I liked him. He had some issues like everyone does but I stiill liked him even with his problem of creating threads and then regretting it. He never seemed hostile or rude. I haven't seen him around lately. Many of his threads were interesting though.

I have noticed that what seems to he going on over here is going on over on the author's forom. and I only noticed that because I've recently checked out threads that looked interesting over there..It looks like they have a few people here who seem to be there only to cause havoc and then turn around and play victim to those who call them on their bs.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Interesting. I don't know who Angie was but I know who Beck was and I liked him. He had some issues like everyone does but I stiill liked him even with his problem of creating threads and then regretting it. He never seemed hostile or rude. I haven't seen him around lately. Many of his threads were interesting though.

I have noticed that what seems to he going on over here is going on over on the author's forom. and I only noticed that because I've recently checked out threads that looked interesting over there..It looks like they have a few people here who seem to be there only to cause havoc and then turn around and play victim hy those who call them on their bs.

Angie (or Killjoy or any other name she wanted to call herself by) was a very screwed up young woman. And if you read Breeze's post you will get a pretty accurate account of what she posted here on the How-To board and how it played out. Well how it played out here on that particular thread. And from what I surmise (I can only guess from comments of people) that constant taunts and comments on other forums (from both her and various posters) fueled a fire that included inappropriate and even threatening PMs from her which then led to her being removed or banned. I didn't see the PMs nor did I ever receive one from her, so I can't say exactly what was said. But I would stipulate to it. Like I said, she appeared to me as mentally unstable and highly erratic.

But that's the funny thing I guess. None of those people played the victim. At least not here, not that I can see. Okay...Angie/Killjoy/etc... did. Again, VERY screwed up, mentally unstable person. But the others... no they don't. And even I don't claim to be a victim. I'm not. I am just annoyed and disgusted with the behavior on this forum at times. And I was told to... well... I guess "Put up or shut up?" Maybe that is an accurate sentiment? [laughs]

Anyway, this was my way. *shrugs* Eh.. some will see it and be motivated to do something. Voice their annoyance like me, maybe some will feel vindicated in their own feelings or at least not so alone if they feel they have been made to feel unwelcome, maybe some will even do a little bit of soul searching and ask themselves if they have done any of the things I have listed. OR they might just shrug, write me off as a bitch and move on with their lives. Either way, like I said, I did what I was asked to do. I stated and "owned" my feelings. Everyone should be happy.

 

[Keel_to_breaker]

It looks like they have a few people here who seem to be there only to cause havoc and then turn around and play victim to those who call them on their bs.

"Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own."

-Nora Ephron

 

[LadyVer]

oh ok, I know who killjoy was. She was run off the gb. No one wanted someone into incest commenting over there about anything. Apparently Litsters can read incest stories just not talk about their incest lifestyle and stories or anything else. I'm not promoting this lifestyle though nor defending Angie's way she talked about it but to target someone on a pornsite and then run her from a forum for even voicing opinions on other things is hypocritical to me. I saw her threads and just ignored them.

 

[LadyVer]

"Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own."

-Nora Ephron

Deep. Brings to mind Steubenville.

 

[blulilacgrl]

It would appear that it is...and that the board's moderator agrees.

Umm... Bailadora?

If you can't answer questions without being sarcastic and rude, then please save your comments for the General Board or the Playground!!.

This was bolded and italicized in that post.

That isn't just for newbies to the forum. It applies to regular posters as well.

This is also perhaps where SweetErika and FireBreeze put us all to shame, as I don't think they ever dip down into sarcastic or rude comments.

 

[silverwhisper]

blu, i think there's 3 things going on here:

1. spring break so lots of new-to-lit people are posting.
2. people's patience is shortening due to the newcomers.
3. no erika.

while i don't generally put a whole lot of stock in what james b has to say, he's absolutely right about one thing: that newcomers do have to establish themselves with those who've been here a while. i've been part of discussion forums for going on a decade and a half. believe me when i say that every online discussion forum is like this. in this respect, HT isn't any different.

the absence of sweeterika for the past half-year or so is also almost certainly exacerbating any friction a newcomer might experience.

you're right that people were hounding angie and it wasn't cool. i never knew of the harassment until after the fact, by which time it was way too late. those responsible for the harassment know who they are and i hope they realize their behavior was atrocious.

ed

 

[shiny5437]

One of the things that's interesting to notice about the board is how it's the newcomers that post question and the old-hands that answer them. Maybe if the old-hands posted more of their own questions this might change the dynamic.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

blu, i think there's 3 things going on here:

1. spring break so lots of new-to-lit people are posting.
2. people's patience is shortening due to the newcomers.
3. no erika.

while i don't generally put a whole lot of stock in what james b has to say, he's absolutely right about one thing: that newcomers do have to establish themselves with those who've been here a while. i've been part of discussion forums for going on a decade and a half. believe me when i say that every online discussion forum is like this. in this respect, HT isn't any different.

the absence of sweeterika for the past half-year or so is also almost certainly exacerbating any friction a newcomer might experience.

you're right that people were hounding angie and it wasn't cool. i never knew of the harassment until after the fact, by which time it was way too late. those responsible for the harassment know who they are and i hope they realize their behavior was atrocious.

ed

I'm absolutely right about most things. I dont brag about my dancing or singing or my blue eyes, but pretty much what I post I know for certain. If you live long enough some things kinda start to make sense.

 

[blulilacgrl]

blu, i think there's 3 things going on here:

1. spring break so lots of new-to-lit people are posting.
2. people's patience is shortening due to the newcomers.
3. no erika.

while i don't generally put a whole lot of stock in what james b has to say, he's absolutely right about one thing: that newcomers do have to establish themselves with those who've been here a while. i've been part of discussion forums for going on a decade and a half. believe me when i say that every online discussion forum is like this. in this respect, HT isn't any different.

the absence of sweeterika for the past half-year or so is also almost certainly exacerbating any friction a newcomer might experience.

you're right that people were hounding angie and it wasn't cool. i never knew of the harassment until after the fact, by which time it was way too late. those responsible for the harassment know who they are and i hope they realize their behavior was atrocious.

ed

You know, I will admit it wasn't until someone said something that I realized how much her absence has maybe affected things. She did have a very calming an soothing presence even online. That sounds weird but it's true. It's like Breeze. Something about when she posts puts me on my best behavior, makes me sit up straight, and want to say "yes ma'am". [laughs]

Breeze~ that's what I mean about "low"

And thank you for the validation. For a long time I have felt like I was alone in feeling the way I did. I am not saying Angie didn't play a role in it, I just don't think she was playing the "game" by herself. Ya know?

 

[bailadora]

Umm... Bailadora?

If you can't answer questions without being sarcastic and rude, then please save your comments for the General Board or the Playground!!.

This was bolded and italicized in that post.

That isn't just for newbies to the forum. It applies to regular posters as well.

This is also perhaps where SweetErika and FireBreeze put us all to shame, as I don't think they ever dip down into sarcastic or rude comments.

Um, Blu? Check your PM box. Trust me - I have more common sense than you might think I do.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Um, Blu? Check your PM box. Trust me - I have more common sense than you might think I do.

I got your PM. I apologize if it seemed that my response was aimed at your specific post. I was speaking in a general sense and that was not at all my intention.

This entire time I have been trying to get at and even discuss the sense of civility that I sense is sometimes lacking on this forum. My response was meant to convey the notion that if one does not have advice or a valid point to make, better to say nothing than to make rude or sarcastic comments~ as LadyG said, save those for the GB and the Playground.

I apologize that I was not clearer with my words or meaning.

 

[blulilacgrl]

The thing that I find really difficult to swallow is that you're preaching civility and yet your first post on this thread and elsewhere are hostile (openly or otherwise), aggressive, outright bitchy and look a fair bit like the behaviour you're rallying against. What makes you so different to those you're pointing at? Nothing as far as I can tell....you're civil to those you deem worthy, and entirely unpleasant and closed-minded to the rest. Like "us" your intentions might be good but your delivery is severely lacking. You're asking "us" to take a look in the mirror and entirely unable to see your own reflection and how you have behaved in bringing this issue to light. It's really hard to swallow, really hard.

Edited to add: I apologise If I am sounding bitchy also, I'm simply incredibly frustrated by this whole thing.

Rainshine, let me ask you something...

When have I called you anything? When have I commented on your AV, made insulting comments about you personally, called you a name, followed you to other threads to dig at you, posted about you on threads you do not frequent, or anything like that? I would say that I have behaved exactly as I ask others to. I have even gone so far as to keep my comments general and have not named specific posters as to allow them privacy and to allow posters the opportunity to do a bit of self reflection and see for themselves if they feel this is something that applies to them. I have stated that some will shrug and move on, some may change and some may simply think I am a bitch. And I accept that.

I have responded to your comments here and on the other thread in what I felt was a civil manner. I did not get mean or rude or devolve into personal attacks on your character or your motivations, I did not question your gender, your authenticity, your right to post your thoughts, or whether or not you were being "honest"

In return you have called me hostile, passive aggressive, high handed, questioned my motivations and told me to leave if I didn't like how things were. You then challenged me to call for a change and I did so. And yet still you are not satisfied. At this point I cannot think of a single thing I can do to help you understand where I am coming from.

I am not angry. I am not upset. I am not hostile. As I said before. I am at peace. I made my point, regardless of whether you agree with me or not.

 

[NightL]

blulilacgrl when you said so many posts ago - "so we agree to disagree" - then please just accept some will, and do have the right to disagree with you.

Quite frankly I feel that you have insulted some of the most amazing posters I have seen here for years. I consider them every bit as caring and compassionate as SweetErika and if you had bothered to just look you will have seen evidence of that over and over again.

Most importantly, they bring smiles and laughter. They are a breath of fresh air. Don't randomly pop in and start attacking - if you have a particular problem with any one post or indeed more of them, gather evidence and present them to LadyG.

Here is an example on how to use Google - put the follow string of words into Google:
site:http://forum.literotica.com NightL angie gender blulilacgrl
See - it will go straight to the post I made in December that you objected to and that you raised again with me a couple of days ago.

Hunt down your facts - not innuendoes and vague claims - hard solid facts. Don't dart and weave, don't shift your focus, don't shift it back to just Beck when you clearly stated to me that you were upset by how the male poster who called themselves angie/killjoy and Josh as well had been unfairly treated. Apart from alluding to my post from December you also mentioned another person by name. So search for anything I have done - search for anything that any one of the "inner group" (as you call them) has been anywhere near what you claim. Evidence - clear and simple - you don't need to justify it here - if it is so damning provide it to the admin and moderators. Just like the very people, of who you accuse of wrong doing, did when it came down to threatening PMs. They provided proof - complete irrefutable evidence.

Beck got ribbed - he never was threatening - he never promoted - illegal activities, he never insulted, he never was snide, he never displayed any false-hoods - he was actually very good natured and all correspondence directed toward him was as well. Basically the posters offered guidance, he took it on board and last I saw was posting very worthy threads and comments.

Gather your evidence. Don't jump in half way through events and then start criticising before using the in built search, better yet Google and getting a full picture of how things have started.

Every single time I suspect a troll, the very first thing I do is to check on their past posting history before I make comment. If, by every thing they have written, reads FALSE and TROLL I will lay it right out in front of them - and often try and do it in a humorous fashion. I make no apologies for that what so ever.

What is your average when comparing your posting of complaints, grumbling and criticisms to the How To... to genuine offers of advice and guidance?

Gather your evidence of wrong doing, research the background before insulting very genuine people who have the biggest hearts I have ever come across both online and in the outside world.