Can you talk about it?

[KINKYCanada]

I still have fetishes I leave in the dark! I don't have a logical reason for it. As I always preach about being open. Oh well.

I can say that I talk about almost everything with my wife.

KC

 

[SandraMustard]

I just broached the subject of literotica with my current partner after a conversation with another member. It was hard and we hadn't been together thr long so I wasn't sure how she'd respond. I was honest with her about it and how it's been a major part of my exploration of my desires, fantasies, and sexuality. She was really pissed at first but then curiosity got the best of her and she's been on here reading my posts and checking things out. She admitted to me last night that the site has a lot of interesting information and got ambit flushes when she admitted some of my posts had actually turned her on. We are still repairing things but I am feeling positive about it so far now that I know she's not going to cut my balls off when I'm sleeping. Hopefully...

Let's all raise a glass to another successful conversion.

Her reactions are normal. Her adjustment after seeing the light speaks well for her getting a broader sense about sexual relationships and the future for both of you. You'll probably get a blowjob as a reward for your efforts. If she doesn't maybe I will. Check that, I better not get crazy with this.

 

[Freya69]

That's very sad, for many reasons. I would have never thought that open communications could be possible after not being there for so long. We don't value time enough 'til we get older.

I think it is more about getting wrapped up with kids,, careers, family, etc. and just not taking the time to do the things that are important as a couple. Once we retired and had time and were together a great deal, the conversations were not that hard. We did have the advantage of retiring and taking off in a motorhome together so we had lots of time with just the two of us.

 

[Hipshot1554]

I think it is more about getting wrapped up with kids,, careers, family, etc. and just not taking the time to do the things that are important as a couple. Once we retired and had time and were together a great deal, the conversations were not that hard. We did have the advantage of retiring and taking off in a motorhome together so we had lots of time with just the two of us.

That sounds great, but my wife is even more into our grand kids than she was our kids, if that's possible.

I take the blame for a lot of our problems. She came from an abusive marriage, but at, first it seemed as if we could talk about anything. She was a little reluctant to talk about sex, but I thought that with time and a lot of TLC she would get over that. As it turns out she is very vanilla and likes it that way.

I say I take the blame because I thought I could change her.

 

[Bamaguy1]

We have been together almost three years now and share alot. Im afraid of her reaction when I tell her I wanna try swinging,or anal because she can't take me in the ass but I have had the feel of a dildo and cock,both felt great!!! Would love to tell her but don't wanna lose her

 

[Bamaguy1]

I would love nothing more than to feel a nice hard dildo or strap-on used by her or even her watch me take on a hard cock

 

[LegsOpenedWide]

I just broached the subject of literotica with my current partner after a conversation with another member. It was hard and we hadn't been together thr long so I wasn't sure how she'd respond. I was honest with her about it and how it's been a major part of my exploration of my desires, fantasies, and sexuality. She was really pissed at first but then curiosity got the best of her and she's been on here reading my posts and checking things out. She admitted to me last night that the site has a lot of interesting information and got ambit flushes when she admitted some of my posts had actually turned her on. We are still repairing things but I am feeling positive about it so far now that I know she's not going to cut my balls off when I'm sleeping. Hopefully...

How long you been together with her before you bought it up?

 

[OpenMouth]

Yeah, I can discuss about 90% of my kinks with my wife.

She knows I like panties and stockings, she doesn't know I'd like to be completely feminized in pink lingerie and a chastity cage.

 

[5watcher]

Very hard to open up about my desires.

When I first told her that I wanted her to use the dildo on me, I was embarassed. It was like time stood still. Nothing really was said at that time. I felt like a weight was off my shoulders and it was up to her. Then she made a joke about it the next day. That was the only way I knew that she heard me.

She has told me recently that she likes doggie style with her hair pulled. About a week later I discovered she will try some hand spanking.(tried with a hair brush but she said it hurt to much)

So after knowing each other for 20 years, we are still not open about our desires and wishes. It is very hard for me, evidently it is hard for her. I come here is to learn and discover what is out there. Thanks to everyone!!

 

[SCcouple1990]

I'm wondering whether you folks here can talk openly with your SO about anything sex related. If you can, great, if not why? Are you afraid of their response or are you embarrassed about being open yourself?

We are open in talking about anything sexual be it past, present, or future desires. I think being open keeps our sex life fun. I would say past relationships would not have been as open because we were not as mature, and probably had doubts what our partner would think. It is nice to be able to be open.

 

[Hipshot1554]

We are open in talking about anything sexual be it past, present, or future desires. I think being open keeps our sex life fun. I would say past relationships would not have been as open because we were not as mature, and probably had doubts what our partner would think. It is nice to be able to be open.

You would think that maturity would play a large part in being able to open up about what you want.

I think "LIT" is doing a lot of good it helping with that.

A huge part of being able to be open is knowing you aren't the only one that feels as you do.

 

[sterculius]

.....

 

[submit4pleasure]

My man doesn't want to know

He actually tells me that. I can't talk to him about sex, my desires or needs. I came to the relationship with alot more experience, & he's very judgemental about how "slutty" I was in the past. The only desire he cares to know about is how much I love to worship his cock with my mouth. Lol! I love it, but would like to vary things up once in awhile. Or at least have him teturn the favor more than once every 2-3 years!

 

[mikendel]

We talk about everything. Sex talks are the best.

 

[Southerncple]

We have always had great communication and being able to share our darkest and kinkiest desires with each other is one reason we have a great relationship. Most people seem to think its odd how open and willing we are to share with each our sexual thoughts about each other's friends, family members, or even strangers we see. But its fun to us and helps us to fulfill each others wants and makes us both happy.

 

[Purelez]

I'm able to more and more. It's easier here obviously

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

I have a weird situation. We have a lot of open and honest communication around sex, but he's honestly not interested in a lot of what I am. So for the most part, I'm not *hiding* stuff as much as just not filling in subtle details beyond the broad contours--i.e. he knows I have a thing for some BDSM stuff, but he's never shown an interest in knowing exactly what in that arena gets me going, and I know from the stuff that I have brought up that he's really not interested. It's not that he's judgmental, it's more like trying to discuss the intricacies of a Desperate Housewives plot with a die-hard documentary watcher. So coming here and discussing stuff IS easier. The stuff where our interests DO collide though, those areas get talked about more.

But there are other areas that don't get brought up for a different reason that I haven't seen mentioned much on this thread--I don't want to make a laundry list of complaints about stuff that the other person either can't or won't change. Airing your unhappiness is a great idea for the things that can be compromised over and fixed. But some things can't. And after you've been together a long time, with decent communication, you kind of know what's pointless to bring up and ask for. Not that you shouldn't try occasionally--push the boundaries, surprise yourself with their response, allow for difficult conversations--but trying too much, too often can be disruptive to harmony and to personal happiness.

Finally, there are a couple of things that I don't bring up because I know he wouldn't approve. And that's okay too. It's okay to have things that entirely private even within a relationship. As long as its just fantasies, it's okay to have an imagination that takes you beyond the confines of what your partner would deem okay and it's okay to not mention that private life as long as it's not impacting the day to day. Just my two cents.

 

[Hipshot1554]

He actually tells me that. I can't talk to him about sex, my desires or needs. I came to the relationship with alot more experience, & he's very judgemental about how "slutty" I was in the past. The only desire he cares to know about is how much I love to worship his cock with my mouth. Lol! I love it, but would like to vary things up once in awhile. Or at least have him teturn the favor more than once every 2-3 years!

I have to ask...in the beginning, did you believe he would eventually open up?

I thought that, was I wrong!

 

[Hipshot1554]

I have a weird situation. We have a lot of open and honest communication around sex, but he's honestly not interested in a lot of what I am. So for the most part, I'm not *hiding* stuff as much as just not filling in subtle details beyond the broad contours--i.e. he knows I have a thing for some BDSM stuff, but he's never shown an interest in knowing exactly what in that arena gets me going, and I know from the stuff that I have brought up that he's really not interested. It's not that he's judgmental, it's more like trying to discuss the intricacies of a Desperate Housewives plot with a die-hard documentary watcher. So coming here and discussing stuff IS easier. The stuff where our interests DO collide though, those areas get talked about more.

But there are other areas that don't get brought up for a different reason that I haven't seen mentioned much on this thread--I don't want to make a laundry list of complaints about stuff that the other person either can't or won't change. Airing your unhappiness is a great idea for the things that can be compromised over and fixed. But some things can't. And after you've been together a long time, with decent communication, you kind of know what's pointless to bring up and ask for. Not that you shouldn't try occasionally--push the boundaries, surprise yourself with their response, allow for difficult conversations--but trying too much, too often can be disruptive to harmony and to personal happiness.

Finally, there are a couple of things that I don't bring up because I know he wouldn't approve. And that's okay too. It's okay to have things that entirely private even within a relationship. As long as its just fantasies, it's okay to have an imagination that takes you beyond the confines of what your partner would deem okay and it's okay to not mention that private life as long as it's not impacting the day to day. Just my two cents.

I was surprised to see this thread resurrected. Now that is has been, I would like to know what others do in these "I want/I don't" relationships. Does the frustration get the best of you at times?

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

I was surprised to see this thread resurrected. Now that is has been, I would like to know what others do in these "I want/I don't" relationships. Does the frustration get the best of you at times?

There are two other really great threads on the topic:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1104111&highlight=marriage

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1189499&highlight=marriage

And in both of those a TON of people spoke up about their frustration, which yes, does get the better of people at times. It's a hard disparity to have.

 

[Nightierub]

My ex we really didn't talk a lot about anything, and well, she was rather vanilla at times. My second wife, we talked a lot about things we enjoyed or wanted to try, but she was not open to say threesomes or my recent bicuriousity. Since I am about to be on the market within a few weeks, I hope to find a partner eventually who shares similar desires, as I am open about my fetish up front.

 

[Hipshot1554]

We have always had great communication and being able to share our darkest and kinkiest desires with each other is one reason we have a great relationship. Most people seem to think its odd how open and willing we are to share with each our sexual thoughts about each other's friends, family members, or even strangers we see. But its fun to us and helps us to fulfill each others wants and makes us both happy.

That sounds like what "normal" should be.

 

[Aglaopheme]

I'm wondering whether you folks here can talk openly with your SO about anything sex related. If you can, great, if not why? Are you afraid of their response or are you embarrassed about being open yourself?

Absolutely. I talk with him openly. Likely we've always been that way.

I read him stuff from here, and we both happily reap the rewards.

 

[Rawb138]

This is a great thread.
Perhaps one of the most honest I've seen here.

I am 100% honest with my wife.

I don't tell her every little thing that comes into my mind sexually--frankly there wouldn't be enough time to do the dishes since I have a sexual thought close to every minute of the day.
But when it's important though, I try to be direct.

She has issues that keep her from being as sexual a person as she'd like and
I have to be supportive and key into her level of comfort at any given time.
It's difficult since sex (everything about it) is one of the passions of my life but
I love my wife and I love our marriage so sometimes my inner life simple has to be a richer place than my outer one.

This place can be a helpful outlet.

 

[Pink_Milkmaid]

I love my wife and I love our marriage so sometimes my inner life simple has to be a richer place than my outer one.

This place can be a helpful outlet.

So very well put about inner/outer life.