Can You Tell Me.......

[lil_slave_rose]

I think perhaps the punishment would be more about doing it secretly, than actually doing it. That being said, if a relationship is already established on some level many PYL´s, F included, do not welcome their pyl going elsewhere to ask about elements of their own relationship. What might be right for one person may not for another and so it is usually really only the people within the relationship who can fully answer any questions about the relationship dynamics and whether they are honourable or valid. I´m not sure if the PYL is inexperienced, though the OP says they themselves are.

Catalina

right and i agree with you, BUT what i'm saying is she doesn't really know this guy, she is just starting out she herself says she just recently met him, it seems to me that he would want her to get advice from other experienced people before making such a leap. i do understand that maybe it's more that she's doing it behind his back b ut if she has to do it behind his back then it also seems that maybe it wouldn't be allowed if she did ask him. *shrugs* i don't know. i mean when i was new to this lifestyle and had just recently met MP, He made sure that i did all the research, talked to experienced people, etc...before i made my decision to submit to Him. that's all i was saying. i do wish her the best of luck i just hope she's not in sub frenzy and jumping the gun...ya know?

 

[Etoile]

BDSM contracts are not legally binding, period. Owning another person is not legally possible in the United States (or anywhere, actually) and therefore he cannot adopt all of your possessions either. Any such agreement is between you and him. In the eyes of the law, what's yours is still yours.

That all changes if you get legally married, of course, because we DO have property laws pertaining to marriage. However you will not find a court in the land that will enforce a BDSM contract.

 

[LovelySlave]

right and i agree with you, BUT what i'm saying is she doesn't really know this guy, she is just starting out she herself says she just recently met him, it seems to me that he would want her to get advice from other experienced people before making such a leap. i do understand that maybe it's more that she's doing it behind his back b ut if she has to do it behind his back then it also seems that maybe it wouldn't be allowed if she did ask him. *shrugs* i don't know. i mean when i was new to this lifestyle and had just recently met MP, He made sure that i did all the research, talked to experienced people, etc...before i made my decision to submit to Him. that's all i was saying. i do wish her the best of luck i just hope she's not in sub frenzy and jumping the gun...ya know?

Please read carefully......I said I had recently found my Master, not that I had recently met him.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Please read carefully......I said I had recently found my Master, not that I had recently met him.

the difference being? semantics? ok so maybe you've 'known' him longer than He's been your Master, but still, you are new to the lifestyle and you don't even understand that which you are signing. not only that, but instead of asking Him all of these questions and concerns you come to complete strangers which honestly puts up more red flags for me because communication is key and if you feel you can't bring this stuff up to Him and have to go behind His back to ask strangers, what kind of M/s relationship are you already starting out with?

i realize i probably shouldn't be posting this cause it's really not PC to be giving 'criticism' of your relationship, especially when you've asked us not to. but i care and i am seriously concerned. i just don't see a Dom, going straight into a TPE relationship, especially one where you have no thoughts of your own, with someone who is new to the lifestyle.

 

[LovelySlave]

Thank You......

I must say it has been a little frustrating reading everyone's reply's to my post, thank you though to everyone who has left a response, especially those people that responded to my actual query.

It seems that I have given the wrong impression by my original post and I feel that I must clarify some points.

First of all when I say I am new to the BDSM scene I am not saying I stumbled across Lit last week and decided it sounded like fun and I'd give it a try. I have been around Lit for a while. My master calls me his 'lovely slave' so I thought I would start a new profile for this thread.

I am new to BDSM but I have been reading, researching, talking to people for several years now, and yes my Master is my first master but he is not the first person I have talked to or the first person I have met. I said that I had recently found my Master, not that we had recently met. And I did not say that this is my first BDSM experience either, you are making assumptions without thinking that there may be an alternative thinking or feeling behind what you read. I consider myself to be new to BDSM, to say that I have a few years experience/knowledge does not mean I am experienced or an old hand. I have been very, very cautious in my dealings with people and quite choosy who I accept. If I had known this post would raise so many 'red flags' I would have been more cautious in my wording or even thought twice about posting at all. I will consider that in the future. People seem to get an idea in their heads without considering possible alternatives and they run with it.

I am not 18 and in the first flush of love and lust, I got that out of my system when I was 18. I am young yes, only 30 but I have valid romantic and life experiences, that have taught me to be cautious in all my dealings with people I don't know well. I am not stupid and I have thought of many of the points that everyone has put forward and brought these issues up with my Master. Believe me I know there are many Doms out there who are not worthy of the title, I know because I have talked to some of them.

I say that it has been a rocky road to arrive at this point because it hasn't been easy, we have had disagreements, misunderstandings but certainly all things we have managed to sort out to the point that we are both happy.

I said that my Master's punishment would be harsh if he found I had made this post, but harsh is a relative term, what is harsh to me may be a walk in the park to another. My master punishes me for my transgressions, but he does not have to physically touch me to make me feel the sting of his displeasure, and indeed to this point he has not laid a finger on me to punish me. I feel the punishment would be more for doing it secretly as Catalina said, rather than the content, since I did not post this because of any doubts I was feeling or to request advice on things I should discuss with my Master. Indeed any concerns I have my Master is the first person I go to. My Master is understanding, he is my strength.

I have not directly disobeyed my Master in making this post, I am allowed to read what I like, talk to whom I choose, about any topic I choose. I did not think to ask for permission to make this post because I am not actually asking for anyone's advice about any of things my Master has asked of me. The detail of the oath was given simply to give some idea of the nature of the oath. I should add that my Master has not actually asked me to sign this oath, write it down yes, but not sign it.

The reason for the original post was:

1. I was interested in hearing from anyone who had asked or been asked to give an oath such as mine. Not because I was seeking advice or I am uncertain about giving my own oath to my Master, but I was simply curious to know others thoughts/experiences in this situation.

2. The second reason was simply seeking viewpoints on what people thought of the legalities of giving such an oath. I am not concerned for myself or my possessions that I currently have, but rather a situation has arisen in the last several days that has me wondering on this topic. A family member wishes to gift me with a share of her property so my thoughts have come to this point to protect her interests rather than my own. I honestly did not think there would be any legal standing on it, but thought I would see what the general viewpoint was on the matter and go from there.

I did say in my original post that I am simply seeking another point of view and some knowledge, at no point did I actually request advise. Thank you though to those that gave it, I know it was well meaning and given out of concern for me.

I am sorry if I have given anyone the wrong impression. My Master is a good man and one I am proud to call my Master. I did say he was understanding of my level of experience. To say that I am inexperienced, by this I mean actual Real Life BDSM experience, not general relationship or life experience.

Giving my oath to my Master is as much a sign of my submission to him as it is an oath binding me to him. It is no different than a Dom's hand around a subs throat controlling her or his stripes across her ass, and no he has not done either of these things to me. My oath is my promise or my vow to him, one I take very seriously, no different than the wedding vows a vanilla couple may make to each other, though lacking the legal binding.

The things my Master asks me to include in my oath are as much our goals as they are his current requirements. My Master will teach me to be the slave he requires me to be, he will train me so that I can get to a point where I will not hesitate when he gives me an order. He does not expect me to be able to 'jump off a bridge' as someone put it at this point.
When I say I am not allowed to have thoughts of my own unless my Master wishes, well perhaps badly worded by me, but common sense would suggest that it not be taken quite so literally. I am an intelligent woman with independent thoughts and opinions, I am allowed to maintain contact with family and friends, I am allowed to choose my friends, I am allowed to continue to pursue my career IF I choose to do so. When it comes to our BDSM related activities, or our life/relationship together, then my Master controls and takes care of these aspects, this is where my independent thoughts are not allowed. Having said this my Master welcomes my questions and discussion on any topic or situation, nothing is off limits. He loves that I am so full of questions for him.

To say that I am not allowed to have any limits that my Master does not set for me, simply means that I must trust and believe in my Master to know how far he can push me, and I do. If I am the one to tell him what I will and won't do, then who has the control, me or my Master? My Master demands that I trust him to know what I am capable of, to safely push my capabilities to improve myself, to believe that he will care and protect me at all times, and I do. He has proven himself worthy of my trust, the only one that I have ever spoken to, to do so. My trust is not an easy thing to earn and yet he has done it.

To give my loyalty to my Master above all others is not a difficult thing to do, that does not mean I do not love my family or friends or support them, but my Master is the one that cares and protects me against all others no matter what, including his family and friends, so he is the man I stand behind and support always.

My master asks me to say in my oath that all my possessions become his. Well that makes sense doesn't it? If I belong to him then what belongs to me therefore belongs to him. He has not asked me to sign anything over to him, he has not asked for details of bank accounts including balances, he has not even asked what I earn at my job. I don't think this is really any different to a regular vanilla couple coming together. When you get married, what was mine now becomes ours, right? Is it really that different?

My Master is not planning on moving in with me, my earning ability is that I can support myself in relative comfort but in no way can I support two people. My Master's earning ability far exceeds my own, he is planning to provide completely for me. I own very few things of any real value, the most expensive thing I own is my car, and really it could be stolen or written off in an accident tomorrow (and indeed has already happened to me, it is recoverable from), how is this any different than giving it to my Master, it is a small risk in my mind. Most of my possessions that have any real value to me are minor personal momento type things and if he really wants them, then I give them to him with an open heart. My Master is aware of all this, so I don't believe for a moment that he is after me for my money, there is none.

I must remember my place as his slave and that my status is beneath him does not mean that he doesn't respect me or value me as a person. Quite the opposite in fact, he values and respects me very highly, my experiences and my education are an asset to him, he considers me to be very intelligent, he often tells me how beautiful I am to him and what a precious discovery he has made in me. He considers himself to be quite clever in finding me. I feel valued by him, but I am his slave after all. The status of a slave is beneath that of the Master.

My Master does not want to hear no from me, what Master/Dom does want to hear this from their slave/sub, it is directly disobeying a command and will incur punishment, from my master anyway. But my master is open to discussing any difficulties I have with understanding or completing the tasks he sets for me. He will give me time to feel comfortable and able to complete his tasks. I am even allowed to allocate the time frame I need to do this.

My Master is a good man, I have said this before but I have no doubts on this point. As my oath is my promise to him he also promises me that he will protect and care for me, I am his precious slave. I trust him completely and I have no doubts about the quality of man that he is. I know that he pays attention to me, it is in the little things, the little details, which for me are quite important, as they are the things that are so often neglected. I know he really sees me, so I know I can trust him to set my limits for me, he proves it often. If I am sad he will talk with me until he sees me smile, if I sneeze he tells me to put more clothes on (it is currently winter here), he makes sure I get to bed at a reasonable time (I suffer from migraines if I sleep poorly), I have recently had a minor health issue to deal with, and he has shown such concern for me, he tells me that no matter what, good or bad health I am his slave and he will care for me. He shows concern for my family who are currently going through their own issues. When I make him angry he tells me that I can still make him smile. I find it quite amazing that he can still find joy in me even when I am being a right shit, that's not to say that being a right shit doesn't earn me some form of punishment though, even if he is smiling. He tells me often how much happiness he finds in me, he praises me when I complete the punishment/tasks he sets for me. This is not the limit of my Master's consideration for me, but you get the idea. These things may not be uncommon you might say, but for me they are.
My Master is strict, but not uncaring, his punishments can be harsh (in my mind), but he is not unkind. I know well my worth to him and it is high.

My Master does not want to hurt me in any way, not physically, emotionally or mentally. He is not into extreme physical BDSM activities, he wishes to control me, he wishes for my submission and that is what I want to give him. He is an experienced Master of many years, I am not his first slave and I am not the first slave he has trained from the beginning. I need a Master such as this, my Master must be very strong and he has proven to be the only one capable of handling me.

I know this post has become quite long, I have tried to address most of the issues that people have mentioned or the misconceptions that I feel may have come about, so apologies if it becomes tedious reading.

I am secure in my knowledge of my Master, I am happy with my decision to become his slave and give him my oath. Please read again carefully my original post, and please do not make negative assumptions, perhaps it is just I have written the original post quite poorly that has led to such concern. Your concern is not unwelcome, I do appreciate it, I was just surprised that my feeling came across so badly.

 

[rthnck]

if you're really going to sign an oath of slavery despite the non-legal nature and you have reservations about it (obviously or you wouldn't be posting) then you are not ready to sign. if you insist on going ahead I think a "trial period" should be written into the contract. A relationship such as this is certainly not to be taken lightly. take tiny steps and if it works for you you can renew the oath like an anniversary celebration. be careful. it's your life that's on the line here.

 

[LovelySlave]

if you're really going to sign an oath of slavery despite the non-legal nature and you have reservations about it (obviously or you wouldn't be posting) then you are not ready to sign. if you insist on going ahead I think a "trial period" should be written into the contract. A relationship such as this is certainly not to be taken lightly. take tiny steps and if it works for you you can renew the oath like an anniversary celebration. be careful. it's your life that's on the line here.

My Master has not actually asked me to sign anything, but simply to give him my promise in a written format. No I don't have reservations about giving him my oath, I was simply curious to know of anyone else who had asked/been asked to give something similar as I had not really come across it before. I was wondering how common a request it was. Obviously not very common considering the response.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I must say it has been a little frustrating reading everyone's reply's to my post, thank you though to everyone who has left a response, especially those people that responded to my actual query.

It seems that I have given the wrong impression by my original post and I feel that I must clarify some points.

First of all when I say I am new to the BDSM scene I am not saying I stumbled across Lit last week and decided it sounded like fun and I'd give it a try. I have been around Lit for a while. My master calls me his 'lovely slave' so I thought I would start a new profile for this thread.

I am new to BDSM but I have been reading, researching, talking to people for several years now, and yes my Master is my first master but he is not the first person I have talked to or the first person I have met. I said that I had recently found my Master, not that we had recently met. And I did not say that this is my first BDSM experience either, you are making assumptions without thinking that there may be an alternative thinking or feeling behind what you read. I consider myself to be new to BDSM, to say that I have a few years experience/knowledge does not mean I am experienced or an old hand. I have been very, very cautious in my dealings with people and quite choosy who I accept. If I had known this post would raise so many 'red flags' I would have been more cautious in my wording or even thought twice about posting at all. I will consider that in the future. People seem to get an idea in their heads without considering possible alternatives and they run with it.

I am not 18 and in the first flush of love and lust, I got that out of my system when I was 18. I am young yes, only 30 but I have valid romantic and life experiences, that have taught me to be cautious in all my dealings with people I don't know well. I am not stupid and I have thought of many of the points that everyone has put forward and brought these issues up with my Master. Believe me I know there are many Doms out there who are not worthy of the title, I know because I have talked to some of them.

I say that it has been a rocky road to arrive at this point because it hasn't been easy, we have had disagreements, misunderstandings but certainly all things we have managed to sort out to the point that we are both happy.

I said that my Master's punishment would be harsh if he found I had made this post, but harsh is a relative term, what is harsh to me may be a walk in the park to another. My master punishes me for my transgressions, but he does not have to physically touch me to make me feel the sting of his displeasure, and indeed to this point he has not laid a finger on me to punish me. I feel the punishment would be more for doing it secretly as Catalina said, rather than the content, since I did not post this because of any doubts I was feeling or to request advice on things I should discuss with my Master. Indeed any concerns I have my Master is the first person I go to. My Master is understanding, he is my strength.

I have not directly disobeyed my Master in making this post, I am allowed to read what I like, talk to whom I choose, about any topic I choose. I did not think to ask for permission to make this post because I am not actually asking for anyone's advice about any of things my Master has asked of me. The detail of the oath was given simply to give some idea of the nature of the oath. I should add that my Master has not actually asked me to sign this oath, write it down yes, but not sign it.

The reason for the original post was:

1. I was interested in hearing from anyone who had asked or been asked to give an oath such as mine. Not because I was seeking advice or I am uncertain about giving my own oath to my Master, but I was simply curious to know others thoughts/experiences in this situation.

2. The second reason was simply seeking viewpoints on what people thought of the legalities of giving such an oath. I am not concerned for myself or my possessions that I currently have, but rather a situation has arisen in the last several days that has me wondering on this topic. A family member wishes to gift me with a share of her property so my thoughts have come to this point to protect her interests rather than my own. I honestly did not think there would be any legal standing on it, but thought I would see what the general viewpoint was on the matter and go from there.

I did say in my original post that I am simply seeking another point of view and some knowledge, at no point did I actually request advise. Thank you though to those that gave it, I know it was well meaning and given out of concern for me.

I am sorry if I have given anyone the wrong impression. My Master is a good man and one I am proud to call my Master. I did say he was understanding of my level of experience. To say that I am inexperienced, by this I mean actual Real Life BDSM experience, not general relationship or life experience.

Giving my oath to my Master is as much a sign of my submission to him as it is an oath binding me to him. It is no different than a Dom's hand around a subs throat controlling her or his stripes across her ass, and no he has not done either of these things to me. My oath is my promise or my vow to him, one I take very seriously, no different than the wedding vows a vanilla couple may make to each other, though lacking the legal binding.

The things my Master asks me to include in my oath are as much our goals as they are his current requirements. My Master will teach me to be the slave he requires me to be, he will train me so that I can get to a point where I will not hesitate when he gives me an order. He does not expect me to be able to 'jump off a bridge' as someone put it at this point.
When I say I am not allowed to have thoughts of my own unless my Master wishes, well perhaps badly worded by me, but common sense would suggest that it not be taken quite so literally. I am an intelligent woman with independent thoughts and opinions, I am allowed to maintain contact with family and friends, I am allowed to choose my friends, I am allowed to continue to pursue my career IF I choose to do so. When it comes to our BDSM related activities, or our life/relationship together, then my Master controls and takes care of these aspects, this is where my independent thoughts are not allowed. Having said this my Master welcomes my questions and discussion on any topic or situation, nothing is off limits. He loves that I am so full of questions for him.

To say that I am not allowed to have any limits that my Master does not set for me, simply means that I must trust and believe in my Master to know how far he can push me, and I do. If I am the one to tell him what I will and won't do, then who has the control, me or my Master? My Master demands that I trust him to know what I am capable of, to safely push my capabilities to improve myself, to believe that he will care and protect me at all times, and I do. He has proven himself worthy of my trust, the only one that I have ever spoken to, to do so. My trust is not an easy thing to earn and yet he has done it.

To give my loyalty to my Master above all others is not a difficult thing to do, that does not mean I do not love my family or friends or support them, but my Master is the one that cares and protects me against all others no matter what, including his family and friends, so he is the man I stand behind and support always.

My master asks me to say in my oath that all my possessions become his. Well that makes sense doesn't it? If I belong to him then what belongs to me therefore belongs to him. He has not asked me to sign anything over to him, he has not asked for details of bank accounts including balances, he has not even asked what I earn at my job. I don't think this is really any different to a regular vanilla couple coming together. When you get married, what was mine now becomes ours, right? Is it really that different?

My Master is not planning on moving in with me, my earning ability is that I can support myself in relative comfort but in no way can I support two people. My Master's earning ability far exceeds my own, he is planning to provide completely for me. I own very few things of any real value, the most expensive thing I own is my car, and really it could be stolen or written off in an accident tomorrow (and indeed has already happened to me, it is recoverable from), how is this any different than giving it to my Master, it is a small risk in my mind. Most of my possessions that have any real value to me are minor personal momento type things and if he really wants them, then I give them to him with an open heart. My Master is aware of all this, so I don't believe for a moment that he is after me for my money, there is none.

I must remember my place as his slave and that my status is beneath him does not mean that he doesn't respect me or value me as a person. Quite the opposite in fact, he values and respects me very highly, my experiences and my education are an asset to him, he considers me to be very intelligent, he often tells me how beautiful I am to him and what a precious discovery he has made in me. He considers himself to be quite clever in finding me. I feel valued by him, but I am his slave after all. The status of a slave is beneath that of the Master.

My Master does not want to hear no from me, what Master/Dom does want to hear this from their slave/sub, it is directly disobeying a command and will incur punishment, from my master anyway. But my master is open to discussing any difficulties I have with understanding or completing the tasks he sets for me. He will give me time to feel comfortable and able to complete his tasks. I am even allowed to allocate the time frame I need to do this.

My Master is a good man, I have said this before but I have no doubts on this point. As my oath is my promise to him he also promises me that he will protect and care for me, I am his precious slave. I trust him completely and I have no doubts about the quality of man that he is. I know that he pays attention to me, it is in the little things, the little details, which for me are quite important, as they are the things that are so often neglected. I know he really sees me, so I know I can trust him to set my limits for me, he proves it often. If I am sad he will talk with me until he sees me smile, if I sneeze he tells me to put more clothes on (it is currently winter here), he makes sure I get to bed at a reasonable time (I suffer from migraines if I sleep poorly), I have recently had a minor health issue to deal with, and he has shown such concern for me, he tells me that no matter what, good or bad health I am his slave and he will care for me. He shows concern for my family who are currently going through their own issues. When I make him angry he tells me that I can still make him smile. I find it quite amazing that he can still find joy in me even when I am being a right shit, that's not to say that being a right shit doesn't earn me some form of punishment though, even if he is smiling. He tells me often how much happiness he finds in me, he praises me when I complete the punishment/tasks he sets for me. This is not the limit of my Master's consideration for me, but you get the idea. These things may not be uncommon you might say, but for me they are.
My Master is strict, but not uncaring, his punishments can be harsh (in my mind), but he is not unkind. I know well my worth to him and it is high.

My Master does not want to hurt me in any way, not physically, emotionally or mentally. He is not into extreme physical BDSM activities, he wishes to control me, he wishes for my submission and that is what I want to give him. He is an experienced Master of many years, I am not his first slave and I am not the first slave he has trained from the beginning. I need a Master such as this, my Master must be very strong and he has proven to be the only one capable of handling me.

I know this post has become quite long, I have tried to address most of the issues that people have mentioned or the misconceptions that I feel may have come about, so apologies if it becomes tedious reading.

I am secure in my knowledge of my Master, I am happy with my decision to become his slave and give him my oath. Please read again carefully my original post, and please do not make negative assumptions, perhaps it is just I have written the original post quite poorly that has led to such concern. Your concern is not unwelcome, I do appreciate it, I was just surprised that my feeling came across so badly.

sorry but this did not clear anything up for me. it only confused me more as there are MANY contradictions in this whole thing that i wouldn't even know where to start pointing them out. if i've offended you, i am truly sorry, but it seems to me that you asked for advice (you say you never did, but asking questions and wanting people to answer them IS, after all, asking for their advice) and then when given the advice, it wasn't what you wanted to hear so now you are back peddling and actually, in this post i've read some things word for word that other people said about THEIR relationships. you first say you are new to BDSM but that you have experience..then a few paragraphs down you say that you've never had any 'real life' BDSM experience that you've just read websites, and talked to people. this does not equal experience. anyway, there is ALOT more i could point out, but i'm done because it seems that you don't want to hear it anyway so i'm wasting keystrokes...all i will say is...good luck.....

 

[LovelySlave]

the difference being? semantics? ok so maybe you've 'known' him longer than He's been your Master, but still, you are new to the lifestyle and you don't even understand that which you are signing. not only that, but instead of asking Him all of these questions and concerns you come to complete strangers which honestly puts up more red flags for me because communication is key and if you feel you can't bring this stuff up to Him and have to go behind His back to ask strangers, what kind of M/s relationship are you already starting out with?

i realize i probably shouldn't be posting this cause it's really not PC to be giving 'criticism' of your relationship, especially when you've asked us not to. but i care and i am seriously concerned. i just don't see a Dom, going straight into a TPE relationship, especially one where you have no thoughts of your own, with someone who is new to the lifestyle.

As I said....please read carefully. At no point did I ask for advice. I said "I am simply seeking another point of view and some knowledge". Nor did I say I had been asked to sign anything, but rather to give my written oath. You are assuming I have not discussed any of these issues with my Master because at no point did I say I could not approach him with any issues/problems that I have. I did say I hadn't asked him for permission to post so yes I may be punished for that when he reads this, but not for the content, though he surprises me sometimes so maybe not. I don't pretend to know his mind on everything. Everyone has their own ideas about how they conduct themselves, just because someone doesn't automatically conform to what is 'acceptable' or 'usual' Dominant behaviour doesn't mean he is wrong or bad, just different. I'm pretty sure you have never met every Dom to know what they are all like, my Master manages to surprise me at times and he has managed to change some preconceived ideas I have had about how a Dom should be.
I have added an explanation to some of what I have said in the original post, if you haven't already read it, please do. It may ease some of your red flag concerns, I hope anyway.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

My Master has not actually asked me to sign anything, but simply to give him my promise in a written format. No I don't have reservations about giving him my oath, I was simply curious to know of anyone else who had asked/been asked to give something similar as I had not really come across it before. I was wondering how common a request it was. Obviously not very common considering the response.

actually a 'contract' is very common in the M/s, D/s relationships, what is uncommon is a Master taking a 'nilla partner and asking her right off the bat to be in a TPE relationship.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

As I said....please read carefully. At no point did I ask for advice. I said "I am simply seeking another point of view and some knowledge". Nor did I say I had been asked to sign anything, but rather to give my written oath. You are assuming I have not discussed any of these issues with my Master because at no point did I say I could not approach him with any issues/problems that I have. I did say I hadn't asked him for permission to post so yes I may be punished for that when he reads this, but not for the content, though he surprises me sometimes so maybe not. I don't pretend to know his mind on everything. Everyone has their own ideas about how they conduct themselves, just because someone doesn't automatically conform to what is 'acceptable' or 'usual' Dominant behaviour doesn't mean he is wrong or bad, just different. I'm pretty sure you have never met every Dom to know what they are all like, my Master manages to surprise me at times and he has managed to change some preconceived ideas I have had about how a Dom should be.
I have added an explanation to some of what I have said in the original post, if you haven't already read it, please do. It may ease some of your red flag concerns, I hope anyway.

sorry, but to me what i have highlighted is the same thing as asking for advice. i have read your other post explaining your original post, and again i'm sorry, but i still see many red flags and many contradictions, not just to your first post, but to that post alone. as my Master said, i think we could take parts of your last post and make it look like you are arguing with yourself, that's how contradictory alot of your words are. you say you do not know your Master's mind, well let me tell you, if you don't, then you should really re-think taking this TPE. i'm not saying that i completely know everything that is in my Master's head, but i can tell you, that i pretty much always know what a reaction to something i've done will be.

i am not attacking your relationship, and i am not saying that your Master is not a 'good man' i don't know Him therefore i cannot say any of those things, what i'm saying is that i'm not sure you know Him, nor He you, enough to take this huge of a leap, and it is a HUGE leap from a 'nilla life to a complete TPE BDSM M/s relationship. i am not saying what is right or wrong, i am just trying to caution you on jumping so quickly. in the words of my Master, "this lifestyle is a journey not a sprint, there is no destination, enjoy the path that you take." take time to slow down and know what you really need/want before making huge leaps and bounds to show just HOW submissive you are or what you are willing to do for your Master to 'prove yourself'.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... I am secure in my knowledge of my Master, I am happy with my decision to become his slave and give him my oath. Please read again carefully my original post, and please do not make negative assumptions, perhaps it is just I have written the original post quite poorly that has led to such concern. Your concern is not unwelcome, I do appreciate it, I was just surprised that my feeling came across so badly.

Well then... there is way too much to address in that post, although there are several points I'd like to address. I'll just say good on ya and good luck.

And if you've been around Lit as long as you infer, then you must know that when you post a thread like this, you will get advice and opinions... some you'll like and some you won't. I mean really, what would be the point of starting a thread that excluded advice and opinion, unless all you wanted was positive feedback. I can assure you, you won't get only that here.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Well then... there is way too much to address in that post, although there are several points I'd like to address. I'll just say good on ya and good luck.

And if you've been around Lit as long as you infer, then you must know that when you post a thread like this, you will get advice and opinions... some you'll like and some you won't. I mean really, what would be the point of starting a thread that excluded advice and opinion, unless all you wanted was positive feedback. I can assure you, you won't get only that here.

just nods......

 

[A Desert Rose]

As I said....please read carefully. At no point did I ask for advice. I said "I am simply seeking another point of view and some knowledge". Nor did I say I had been asked to sign anything, but rather to give my written oath. You are assuming I have not discussed any of these issues with my Master because at no point did I say I could not approach him with any issues/problems that I have. I did say I hadn't asked him for permission to post so yes I may be punished for that when he reads this, but not for the content, though he surprises me sometimes so maybe not. I don't pretend to know his mind on everything. Everyone has their own ideas about how they conduct themselves, just because someone doesn't automatically conform to what is 'acceptable' or 'usual' Dominant behaviour doesn't mean he is wrong or bad, just different. I'm pretty sure you have never met every Dom to know what they are all like, my Master manages to surprise me at times and he has managed to change some preconceived ideas I have had about how a Dom should be.
I have added an explanation to some of what I have said in the original post, if you haven't already read it, please do. It may ease some of your red flag concerns, I hope anyway.

This is semantics. This is parsing words. This makes no sense.
And no need to try to explain it to me. I don't want to get into some kind of war of words here.
You seem comfortable with what you're doing and no amount of concern/advice/opinions from me or these other posters will change that. And in fact, you've made it clear you don't want advice. Therefore, I personally, see no point in this thread even continuing.
Carry on and be happy.

But most importantly, be safe.

 

[CutieMouse]

Honestly, your initial post was full of statements/concepts/situational issues that tend to show up in people with little or not posting history on the board, who have for some idiotic reason decided that slapping a label of BDSM on a relationship means it's ok to let all common sense fly out the window. *Generally speaking* when someone starts a thread with those elements, people around here try to cover all the basis to attempt to help the OP avoid a shitty situation.

You didn't paint a full picture in your initial post (didn't mention openig a new profile to ask the question, didn't mention any study you'd done, that you'd known the man for a long time, etc), and are arguing semantics (seeking another point of view vs. asking advice) and getting upset that you didn't hear the answers you expected from your question(s). Wah.

I'm sure y'all will be perfectly happy, he has everything well in hand, and I suggest you sign whatever symbolic oath thingie he wants you to so y'all can Master/slave thing however you want. The odds it'll actually impact anything are slim to none. (No promises, though.)

 

[LovelySlave]

Well then... there is way too much to address in that post, although there are several points I'd like to address. I'll just say good on ya and good luck.

And if you've been around Lit as long as you infer, then you must know that when you post a thread like this, you will get advice and opinions... some you'll like and some you won't. I mean really, what would be the point of starting a thread that excluded advice and opinion, unless all you wanted was positive feedback. I can assure you, you won't get only that here.

Yes I know, I can't imagine what I was thinking. I think I was having a blank moment when I posted. I was hoping that I would just get some feedback on the couple of points I asked about rather than a complete dissection of my relationship, but people do love to share their opinions. I was hoping the second post might clear up some issues but apparently not. I guess there is just no convincing some people. Lesson learned.
Thanks for the well wishes.

 

[A Desert Rose]

You said: First of all when I say I am new to the BDSM scene I am not saying I stumbled across Lit last week and decided it sounded like fun and I'd give it a try. I have been around Lit for a while. My master calls me his 'lovely slave' so I thought I would start a new profile for this thread.

Why not dump this alt, come back as your old self and no one will be the wiser?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Yes I know, I can't imagine what I was thinking. I think I was having a blank moment when I posted. I was hoping that I would just get some feedback on the couple of points I asked about rather than a complete dissection of my relationship, but people do love to share their opinions. I was hoping the second post might clear up some issues but apparently not. I guess there is just no convincing some people. Lesson learned.
Thanks for the well wishes.

you don't need to 'convince' me of anything. this is your life, your relationship, but when you come on a MESSAGE BOARD, asking questions, you really need to remember that people ARE going to give advice/their opinions whether or not they coincide with what you want to hear or not. maybe you should open your mind a little bit and be willing to hear what other people have to say, you just may learn something. you can't expect to come on here and ONLY get positive feedback. *shrugs* cutiemouse and a ADR said everything i was thinking and trying to say on here, but they said it MUCH better than i....

and whether you are asking for advice or not, when you post something like you have, and people see red flags, they are going to point out those red flags, not to attack your relationship or tell you it's wrong, but to make you aware that it's probably not the 'common' way things are handled in the lifestyle. does that mean that it's not the 'right' way for you or him? no it means there are lots of people on this board that care about the people who are 'new' to the lifestyle and they want to help insure that said 'new' person does not end up in a 'shitty situation' as someone else put it....but if you can't take the constructive criticism and advice then i'm not sure why you'd even start a thread such as this...and if, as ADR pointed out, you are a 'regular' poster, or reader, on these boards, then you should already know that we give our advice and opinions quite often....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I Wasn't going to step into this thread, but something compelled me to do so, and here I am.

SLAVE "CONTRACTS" CAN NOT BE LEGALLY BINDING, AS SLAVERY IS ILLEGAL IN MOST OF THE WORLD.

Now that is out of the way, I have to say that your initial post sent up several red flags of concern, and your follow-up not only did not clarify my concerns, but it actually furthered my concerns.

You said that you are new to the lifestyle, and that is cool, we are all in varying degrees of newness, as there is no way anyone can ever learn all there is to know about this lifestyle. But then you said that you had years of expierence from talking to people and reading websites. I am sorry to say that while reading websites and talking to people ar a great way to learn, those activities do not equate experience. The only way to get the EXPIERENCE is to have lived it.

I am not going to say anything bad about your Master, as I have never met him, broke bread with him, or spoken to him. He is a complete mystery to me, so I have no opinion on him as a person one way or the other. I do wonder about the idea of taking you from vanilla to a complete 24-7 total power exchange that quickly. I am not saying its necessarily bad, but its something that I wonder about...

Please, not for us, but yourself make sure that you take the time to communicate with him so that you know exactly is expected of you, as your oath had strong but vague verbiage.

Don't take this as any kind of an attack, but a statement of concern. I pray that you are right about him, and he is everything that he seems. I have been in a LDR with a wonderful submissive for the last four years, and we are now in the process off transitioning from LDR towards moving together. We were together for three years on-line and on the phone having spoken HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of hours, but until 9-28-06 when I arrived at the airport and took her into my arms, we did not know how well it would transition. In fact, during our first scene which was not overly different from a scene we had done many many times over the phone, she reacted differently and was scared. It was happening, and she was not just hearing it... I was not speaking, I was doing... once I started speaking and giving her the anchor of my voice that she was used to she was able to fully enjoy it.... The point being is that if you have not met him face to face (You have not said either way on this yet, so I am not assuming.) there are many many factors that could come up.

I am not trying to discourage you, denigrate your Master or yourself, but I am giving some thoughts for you to ponder based on my experiences. Please be smart and be careful...

 

[catalina_francisco]

My Master has not actually asked me to sign anything, but simply to give him my promise in a written format. No I don't have reservations about giving him my oath, I was simply curious to know of anyone else who had asked/been asked to give something similar as I had not really come across it before. I was wondering how common a request it was. Obviously not very common considering the response.

Contracts are not uncommon....you will actually find nearly every man and his dog who wanted to go beyond the once a month playscene has at least toyed with the idea of one somewhere along the line, fewer actually turn it into a reality. A written oath is less common as it is not talked about as often so not considered by some I guess, and it takes time and a lot of thought on the part of the one having to write it if they have never even seen what one might include....sort of becomes a situation of 'am I going overboard here or should I perhaps be saying more...have I covered it all as well as expected/necessary?'...so even fewer will have done one or been asked to.

What you are finding is a response to your words from people who have various levels of understanding and various ideas on what is healthy and what is not, and then also given the initial post was a lengthy one, people have missed some of what you said...that happens. What also happens is that when you mention TPE which is what I would say you are describing, many are not comfortable with the idea and even more do not consider it healthy, possible, safe, or a realistic consideration, and even less have any real experience of it.....so they will immediatly see red flags, be cautious, raise concerns...we are all human, but at least it is done out of caring, not abusive.

As to what most seem to have a problem with being you are new to actual RL BDSM and that being a definite questionable point, that is also to be expected. That being said, I was relatively green when I entered into it, and that was what I wanted. I had played with a few Dominants to check whether my suspicions of what I wanted were realistic in terms of limits, but didn't submit to being anyone's because I felt to do that, possibly over and over would become routine and perhaps even disillusioning, thus lessening the depth of feeling I could apply to someone I wanted to live TPE with. Crazy way to go some think, but it has worked for me because I basically knew what I wanted, had decades of experience at relationships and knowing what I could expect in that way, and I believe for me because it was not just another one in the line of men I had submitted to, he was the only one and will remain that way. He did not ask it of me immmediately (and he was experienced), but it was understood from the beginning it was where we would be headed and I chose to submit to it sooner than he had planned to expect it. It is not adviseable for everyone, but I am not about to say you don't know enough to make that same call as I don't know you. From your posts you don't seem to be lacking intelligence though, so I have to trust you know what you are doing. All that being said, it is highly unlikely it will go smoothly as no relationship is without it's moments of conflict, bedding down, and becoming familiar with certain aspects. Ours has and continues to be a journey where we have exceptional days, good days, not so good days, and really bad 'wish they would go away' days.

When it comes down to it, as others have said, you will get opinions and thoughts which is what posting is all about...it is your decision to take from it what you feel works for you, and discard or put aside the rest which don't fit your situation perfectly. At least on this forum most people care enough to try and answer and in a constructive way rather than a BS manner I see on most other lifestyle related boards, and even if you fly in the face of what they advise, if you fall flat on your face they will usually be supportive and help pick you up without the 'I told you so' speech but a whole lot of caring and sharing to help you move forward. It isn't too bad a place, but like everyone, we all have our less than perfect moments.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

SLAVE "CONTRACTS" CAN NOT BE LEGALLY BINDING, AS SLAVERY IS ILLEGAL IN MOST OF THE WORLD.

I already said this! Then again she doesn't appear to have noticed it because she's still addressing everybody else and not saying how she feels about the answer to her question. *pouts*

Slavery is actually illegal everywhere. Even in countries like Sudan, where the government implicitly supports it, it is still techncially illegal. There is no place on earth where one human being can legally own another. In a practical sense, there are 27 million "real" (ie, non-BDSM, non-consensual) slaves in the world. But every one of them is owned illegally.

BTW, your signature is really evil...I wiped my computer a few times!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Actually the legality of slavery is a grey area as it is usually thought to be declared illegal via the supported votes for the Declaration of Human Rights which is part of the United Nations constitution and forbids forced labour and human trafficking. Although 48 countries ratified it and agreed to follow it's terms, no country ever actually signed it so it is not an official watertight international law. Translated this means that if any country decides to go against the DHR and participate in such practices, they cannot under international law be legally punished. Perhaps this slippery slope explains a little of why it has been so difficult to eradicate, even in today's world.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

Actually the legality of slavery is a grey area as it is usually thought to be declared illegal via the supported votes for the Declaration of Human Rights which is part of the United Nations constitution and forbids forced labour and human trafficking. Although 48 countries ratified it and agreed to follow it's terms, no country ever actually signed it so it is not an official watertight international law. Translated this means that if any country decides to go against the DHR and participate in such practices, they cannot under international law be legally punished. Perhaps this slippery slope explains a little of why it has been so difficult to eradicate, even in today's world.

Catalina

Most countries have their own laws, it's not just international law that outlaws slavery. Unfortunately, just about every country in the world is affected by slavery - slaves are either bought there, sold there, live there, or are trafficked through there. I suspect that the OP lives in the western world, though, so her contract would definitely be unenforceable.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Most countries have their own laws, it's not just international law that outlaws slavery. Unfortunately, just about every country in the world is affected by slavery - slaves are either bought there, sold there, live there, or are trafficked through there. I suspect that the OP lives in the western world, though, so her contract would definitely be unenforceable.

I wasn't disputing the legality of a contract as I have said many time they are not worth the paper they are written on in terms of legalities. What I was pointing out, just as an aside, is that though everyone keeps saying slavery is illegal everywhere in the present world, in the real sense of the word in many places it is not and it still exists in every continent of the world, the US included. That is why it continues to thrive, basically because despite laws for some countries, and their show of support for the DHR, not one of them has gone so far as to sign that particular agreement and make it legally enforceable...sort of makes it clear that every government on earth are still benifitting from the existance of slavery and no amount of posturing and words make it less so while they neglecte to sign to it and be held accountable.

Catalina