Changes in Who You Are

poppy1963 said:
So glad you have a sense of the "curiousity" of it and a sense of humor about it all as well...these things HAVE helped me cope along the way to a large degree. :D

LOL...I haven't taken any of the "tests" online again for a while...that may be good for a laugh about it one day I'm feeling crapppy and afraid. :)

Sense of humour is a must, otherwise we would all be quite mad.

Dolf (Andaraste) has a sense of humour and she is mad in such a good way :)
 
shy slave said:
It is a sad state of affairs in that I see you and ADR as the most sane, stable people I know.

Maybe I am a lost cause :kiss:

More than me? :eek:

Uh oh I'm in trouble.
 
Well shy slave...again...I am grateful to have found this thread. Reading and reviewing it have not only been very relieving and helpful to me on a personal level but a bit exciting on a professional level as well. That being said, mostly I am empathetic to those experiencing these things and also with those who seem to be in clinical depression of one sort or another. I have been through both and, while the clinical depression is definitely worse in many ways, this "new thing" is a bit more baffling because I suspect it remains "unnamed" as yet...*sighs & smiles*.

I'm coming to suspect that perhaps there is a new "diagnostic category" between "Adjustment Disorder with depressed mood" and "Major Depressive Disorder". I'm not going to go into all that in detail here but will, instead, describe what I've been going through and briefly comment from a professional background...I sure am not in a position to pursue anything with it on a professional level at present but maybe there's some young psych student here that can explore it more and present it in a term paper or something...:cathappy: That.......would be very cool!

Anyway...here's what's seemed to develop for me and for some others who have responded to this thread.

1. Shared Characteristics

-Period of intense or multiple "losses" over last few/several years"; mine :
a. my own illness (breast cancer)
b. death of both parents within one year
c. 9/11
d. multiple pet deaths
e. employment losses/changes (mine: career change, bankruptcy, reorganizations)
-Intelligent
-Perfectionistic tendencies; mine: inability to maintain high standards due to challenged coping; decreased energy, mood disorder
-Strong sense of humor
-History of resiliency; mine: multiple recoveries from depressive episodes; two successful interventions in stabilizing substance abuse disorder (includes current episode of 3 months so far)
-Strong analytical interest/ability
-Strong sense of self-worth despite "flaws"
-Willingness and ability to utilize "tools" to make the best of "what is good"; mine: treatments/support groups for mood disorder, substance abuse
-History and recognition of depression with or without a history of "treatment"; mine: history of dealing with depression on both a personal/professional level
-previous beneficial "treatments" not working for this problem

2. Life Lessons recognized making the experience "worthwhile"

-Acceptance of self "as is" and life on life's terms; less need to FIX or CONTROL at this stage
-Patience with learning process to some degree
-Applying the "lessons" externally - improving tolerance towards others' differences/flaws/changes

3. This experience of "mood destabilization" different from clinical depression in many of the same ways for those describing it

-sad/angry mood is not "chronic"
-loss of pleasure (anhedonia) in all/most activities is not "chronic"
-blame of others/self-pity minimal
-continued curiosity/interest in learning and understanding what is happening
-notas characterized by shame and self-doubt
-mood less "reactive" to negative responses from others - able to recognize this is likely part of the "life process" rather than something terribly "wrong"

So...this has helped me confirm and have some relief that perhaps I am not alone here in the Halls of Literotica. Perhaps I can recover enough that I can live a better way despite my inability to return to the "way it was". Perhaps learning to "accept" that is a very good lesson though bittersweet as well.

I am so glad to have opened this thread! It confirms for me that once again...my basic navigations have been on track despite some choices that have been whack...lol...gotta keep that rhyming in tact! :D

I'm sure I'll have more to say on it all but what a thesis this might make for someone...a potentially new diagnostic category!

If somebody looks up the symptoms and there IS a diagnosis already, please let me know. :) I left my DSM IV with the rest of my "library" at my old job...for the next person to use...as I kinda knew I'd not be returning to the field...even then I knew on some level.
 
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shy slave said:
Forgive me pleeaaaseeeee.

Or I will never cry magic ears on your boobs again :p

You are of course right, decent choc will make all my thoughts melt away :cathappy:
if they get any bigger i'll have trouble walking :rolleyes:

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...magic chocky...
 
Guess what?

I suddenly find myself flying into bouts of extreme, loud with cussing, anger. This is not like "me." I don't know wtf is going on. I spout and it goes away. Then I'm mad about something else. This is absolutely anathema to my internal sense of who I am.

My husband says it's the chronic pain.

I dunno.

I've tried to cut all changes and drugs out of my life. I have to keep up the therapies though. Can electrical shocks cause something like this? I rather like the tens unit. I just don't like having to spend at least an hour and a half on ME each night. That's also anathema to me.

*grr*

Fury :rose:
 
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FurryFury said:
Guess what?

I suddenly find myself flying into bouts of extreme, loud with cussing anger. This is not like "me." I don't know wtf is going on. I spout and it goes away. Then I'm mad about something else. This is absolutely anathema to my internal sense of who I am.

My husband says it's the chronic pain.

I dunno.

I've tried to cut all changes and drugs out of my life. I have to keep up the therapies though. Can electrical shocks cause something like this? I rather like the tens unit. I just don't like having to spend at least an hour and a half on ME each night. That's also anathema to me.

*grr*

Fury :rose:


FF

This sounds exhausting.

I hope you get some respite from it soon.

Never heard of a tens unit doing that to someone, have you talked to your Dom about it? Does he think it is cronic pain?
 
shy slave said:
FF

This sounds exhausting.

I hope you get some respite from it soon.

Never heard of a tens unit doing that to someone, have you talked to your Dom about it? Does he think it is cronic pain?

Thanks, Shy Slave.

I am exhausted. That's absolutely true.

I only realized I was doing this yesterday.

My online Dom is on the road, out of touch right now. So, we haven't talked about it yet.

Fury :rose:
 
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