catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2002
- Posts
- 18,730
Kailey_86 said:
K the big difference I see between you and I and how we get/got our experience is I did get advice or opinions from lots of people with and without asking, and though I still chose my own path (and often knew it was going to be the wrong one), I didn't usually feel the need to get defensive or justify myself in a way which basically sounded like it was saying 'butt out'. LOL, with my parents when I was young it was more confrontational, but not with other people, especially the older age group who I knew were not ultra conservative, but also didn't think my path was laways that good...and I eventualy learned how to say 'thanks but no thanks' politely to my parents when needed and respect them for their opinions without feeling pressured. I fucked up plenty and often was aware that was going to be the outcome but made the choice anyway, but I also acknowledged it was my choice and was still happy people felt they could say what they thought without me pushing them away. No matter what age we are (even 90yo), there are always people who have more experience, more knowledge, perhaps more insight than we do ourselves, and always different though not totally unrelated and irrelevant, sometimes simply because they are standing on the outside looking in where the view can be a lot clearer and unobstructed. Even though I am a grandmother and close to 50 I still have people who will say if they think I am misguided about something I am doing, even my own children, and I don't have a problem with it. I much prefer having the experience of hearing from others what they are thinking, what has been their experience, than the more unpleasant alternatives of having them say one thing to my face and another to everyone else only for me to hear about later, or feeling they are thinking different to what they are saying but they cannot be open about it, or finding out later they could have warned me through their own stories, or them just plain not caring enough to mention anything. You do not have to push people away to have your freedom or choose your destiny, you just have to have the strength to do what you feel is right for you and take responsibility for it.
There are a lot of people in this world who will come along later and tell you they thought you were nuts etc., for doing something (as you have experienced here because there have been some of us who have voiced our concerns and you have sometimes found were well grounded, and many who came out all back patting and then later 'oh dear' after the fact), few who care enough or have the guts and respect to tell you upfront in the interests of giving you another perspective from perhaps a clearer mind. Sometimes I dearly wish people had told me what they saw or thought before I fucked up more than smiling falsely and appearing supportive while they were expecting disaster, and sometimes I wished I had listened and thought more carefully. Listening to the experiences and thoughts of others is often a good way to feel out your own thoughts and emotions, spark some unthought of ones, learn, and make decisions from there, it is not an obligation to follow the path of whoever is giving it. I envy you that you have so many people who do not know you but are concerned enough for your welfare and future to bother to speak up and keep speaking even when it is rejected....my last bit of unsolicited advice would be to use that and value it in the manner it was intended, not to feel you are being victimised. You don't have to jump off a bridge onto rocks below to know it is going to hurt a lot if not kill you, sometimes actually experiencing something first hand is not the only way to gain experience and learn in this world...observation and thought can be greater teachers than totally fucking yourself up in all ways so you have a nice big load of baggage to carry into each relationship and new experience.
Catalina
Last edited:
