Coming on Command

[Etoile]

*blinks*

Kailey...I hate to say this, sweetie, I really do, but it sounds like you are moving awfully fast. Please be careful with yourself, physically and emotionally. I say this out of care and concern for you. You posted about being released less than an hour ago, so it must have happened recently, and you're already having intercourse with someone else. It just seems awfully careless. Please, please, be safe.

 

[Kailey_86]

*blinks*

Kailey...I hate to say this, sweetie, I really do, but it sounds like you are moving awfully fast. Please be careful with yourself, physically and emotionally. I say this out of care and concern for you. You posted about being released less than an hour ago, so it must have happened recently, and you're already having intercourse with someone else. It just seems awfully careless. Please, please, be safe.

i know...i...don't really know what to say. i can tell You that i am being safe and careful though.

i have been learning a lot about myself recently on so many levels. It's a bit overwhelming. That's an understatement really. i am reeling. i feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me and i am left on the ground dazed and confused. There is a lot going on in my life right now.

This guy and i have made an agreement. No emotional attachments. He is helping me learn. He is VERY well known in the BDSM community here. He is a board member for one of the only munches in Vermont, Roses and Thorns. He is guiding me in a lot of areas in my life and i really need a mentor like that right now. Someone with an unbiased opinion. i know that emotional attachments might form but We are doing everything in our power to prevent that. i also know that every opinion is biased but He isn't going to get anything out of whatever decisions i make like others that i talk to might.

i will be ok. i promise you that. It may not seem like it but i analyze things to death. i knew very early in my relationship with my Dom that something wasn't right but i liked Him and i wanted to make it work. It didn't work though and i knew it wouldn't early on, no matter how hard i was going to try and make it work. i always figure it out though and usually i figure it out before i get into trouble.

Please be patient with me everyone. i am fragile right now and what i say may not be what is really going on in terms of my feelings and whatnot.

 

[catalina_francisco]

i know...i...don't really know what to say. i can tell You that i am being safe and careful though.

i have been learning a lot about myself recently on so many levels. It's a bit overwhelming. That's an understatement really. i am reeling. i feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath me and i am left on the ground dazed and confused. There is a lot going on in my life right now.

This guy and i have made an agreement. No emotional attachments. He is helping me learn. He is VERY well known in the BDSM community here. He is a board member for one of the only munches in Vermont, Roses and Thorns. He is guiding me in a lot of areas in my life and i really need a mentor like that right now. Someone with an unbiased opinion. i know that emotional attachments might form but We are doing everything in our power to prevent that. i also know that every opinion is biased but He isn't going to get anything out of whatever decisions i make like others that i talk to might.

i will be ok. i promise you that. It may not seem like it but i analyze things to death. i knew very early in my relationship with my Dom that something wasn't right but i liked Him and i wanted to make it work. It didn't work though and i knew it wouldn't early on, no matter how hard i was going to try and make it work. i always figure it out though and usually i figure it out before i get into trouble.

Please be patient with me everyone. i am fragile right now and what i say may not be what is really going on in terms of my feelings and whatnot.

If the guy you are mentioning as bing your mentor is the same one you had sex with last night, I would like to suggest you find yourself another mentor as for most people this is seen as being a huge breach of trust and also highly questionable to include sex in the mentoring relationship. As for no emotional attachments, sorry to say I think you are fooling yourself as like you already mentioned, you are fragile right now, which means you are vulnerable and open to looking to transfer your emotions to someone else which in these type moments often happen to be the worst choice of person for your wellbeing.

None of my business, but I do think you need to take time out to get to know you first, then what you really want, and along the way how to protect yourself in all ways and make decisions clear of emotional baggage. I get the feeling your reason for sleeping with someone else was to try and score some points, but I fear it may backfire on you in various ways. He should not have taken advantage of your emotional state to have sex with you, and you need to learn to respect yourself and who you choose to sleep with more than as a means to an end. No matter how many people you have sexual experiences with, and how much variety you manage to squeeze into them, they will not prepare you for sexual intimacy with someone you really care about and know cares about you.....it is a whole new ballgame once that happens and usually doesn't compare with fuck buddying.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

Please be patient with me everyone. i am fragile right now and what i say may not be what is really going on in terms of my feelings and whatnot.

This is very wise - it is so easy to respond a certain way because of how you're feeling at the moment, only to reconsider later. This is true not only of posting on boards (I do it all the time) but also of your actions in the time after a breakup. I saw in your "released" thread that you have also quit your job, and you're considering quitting school. Speaking as someone who has done the latter, I would counsel you against it. I dropped out of college after one year, when I was 17. It is SO hard to go back, you wouldn't believe it. Let school provide you with a source of stability in this crazy time.

You are getting a lot of good advice, what Catalina said a few posts up is very wise, and the comments in your other thread are good too.

Hang in there, don't move too quickly, and be flexible.

 

[Netzach]

Being mentored in anything by the guy banging your brains out is ...well I never say never, but I'll do it now....never a good idea. No matter how emotionally uninvolved you think you can keep it. It's sex, it's not waterskiiing.

 

[Kailey_86]

*tired sigh* Thank you all for your comments. i know that i made it sound as if He was mentoring me through sex but there is more going on than that. Sometimes i wonder if i should stop posting on here because i don't always include all information which leads people to ideas about things that aren't happening.

Edited to add: i am trying to be flexible and open to people's ideas, opinions, and advice.

i have decided not to continue with my schooling because i feel that it is wasting time and money. i am going for a degree that i don't want and am likely not to use. i need to do as Catalina suggested. i need to get to know myself, what i want, and then go from there. i need to get my life back into working order. Basically what is happening right now is that i am shifting into the life that i really wanted. i was living what others wanted for me. It is difficult to do this but once the shift is over and i am stable again, i know things will be much better. Things are already getting slightly better because i am slowly developing an idea of what i will be doing and what i want.

 

[catalina_francisco]

*tired sigh* Thank you all for your comments. i know that i made it sound as if He was mentoring me through sex but there is more going on than that. Sometimes i wonder if i should stop posting on here because i don't always include all information which leads people to ideas about things that aren't happening.

I didn't think he was mentoring you through sex....a mentor does not have sex with their mentored one unless they are abusing the situation in some way to meet their own ends, not yours.....that is what I meant. Though sex is often part of a D/s relationship, it is not the focus or where the desire/drive to submit should come from, so once again I would hope he didn't try and tell you it was part of the mentoring process to help you become a better sub. There are many Dominants out there who will drop interest in a sub if they sense or conclude their focus comes from a sexual place, that being what happens between your legs not in your head and heart. If he has offered to mentor you, he should have stayed out of your pants, simple. The fact he hasn't makes me very open to thinking he saw an opportunity and took it quickly before you had time to think or wise up, and perhaps the mentoring thing is to disguise it or make him feel better about using you. I would avoid him like the plague if I were you as he is far from trustworthy or honest.

Catalina

 

[Kailey_86]

I didn't think he was mentoring you through sex....a mentor does not have sex with their mentored one unless they are abusing the situation in some way to meet their own ends, not yours.....that is what I meant. Though sex is often part of a D/s relationship, it is not the focus or where the desire/drive to submit should come from, so once again I would hope he didn't try and tell you it was part of the mentoring process to help you become a better sub. There are many Dominants out there who will drop interest in a sub if they sense or conclude their focus comes from a sexual place, that being what happens between your legs not in your head and heart. If he has offered to mentor you, he should have stayed out of your pants, simple. The fact he hasn't makes me very open to thinking he saw an opportunity and took it quickly before you had time to think or wise up, and perhaps the mentoring thing is to disguise it or make him feel better about using you. I would avoid him like the plague if I were you as he is far from trustworthy or honest.

Catalina

He has never said anything about being my mentor and He was hesitant in having sex with me because of the state i was in. *i* am the one who sees Him as a mentor because of what He is teaching me outside of the bedroom. The sex is just something on the side that We are both enjoying. There DEFINATELY aren't any thoughts that mentoring through sex will make me a better sub. i think i would laugh if someone tried to use that on me. Sex IS part of D/s but far from the most important thing.

 

[amadaun]

I realize you don't know me from Adam, since I'm pretty new here, but I'm going to chime in with my own experience anyway. Feel free to disregard it, since I'm pretty much a random internet person for all intents and purposes who's butting in on this.

It is seriously almost impossible to maintain no emotional attachments in a sexual relationship with someone you care about in other aspects of life. I'm not sayin' no-strings-attached sexual relationships aren't possible or desirable - they can be awesome, and a great way to get some experience, especially if you're busy with other aspects of your life and don't want a relationship.

But with somebody who you see as a mentor-figure? And in a relationship where there will probably be some D/s elements (even if he's not *your Dominant*)? And one of your first lovers? It's probably going to be really difficult to avoid, and since you've agreed not to get attached, that could make things really awful. Friends-with-benefits seems like such a simple arrangement, but it's actually one of the hardest relationships to maintain, IMHO, because there's such a fine line to walk.

This is of course just my experience, your mileage may vary, and sometimes life's just gonna hurt you whether you're careful or not (or over-analytical, as I also am). Best of luck, and take care of yourself.

This guy and i have made an agreement. No emotional attachments. He is helping me learn.

 

[Kailey_86]

I realize you don't know me from Adam, since I'm pretty new here, but I'm going to chime in with my own experience anyway. Feel free to disregard it, since I'm pretty much a random internet person for all intents and purposes who's butting in on this.

It is seriously almost impossible to maintain no emotional attachments in a sexual relationship with someone you care about in other aspects of life. I'm not sayin' no-strings-attached sexual relationships aren't possible or desirable - they can be awesome, and a great way to get some experience, especially if you're busy with other aspects of your life and don't want a relationship.

But with somebody who you see as a mentor-figure? And in a relationship where there will probably be some D/s elements (even if he's not *your Dominant*)? And one of your first lovers? It's probably going to be really difficult to avoid, and since you've agreed not to get attached, that could make things really awful. Friends-with-benefits seems like such a simple arrangement, but it's actually one of the hardest relationships to maintain, IMHO, because there's such a fine line to walk.

This is of course just my experience, your mileage may vary, and sometimes life's just gonna hurt you whether you're careful or not (or over-analytical, as I also am). Best of luck, and take care of yourself.

i don't know you from Adam but i still respect and value your opinion.

It might be impossible to not develop feelings but if one starts feeling something the other "puts them in their place." Everytime We get together We talk about how We won't develop feelings for each other and why We can't. After We play and do Our thing We talk again about that so that it is never out of our heads. Constant reminders of why it can't happen. If, even with all of these preventions, We still develop feelings, why would that be wrong? It would probably take longer for a relationship to develop because We DO have these precations in place. That would mean that there was no jumping into things. i am just guessing here. i might very well be wrong.

 

[Etoile]

i don't know you from Adam but i still respect and value your opinion.

It might be impossible to not develop feelings but if one starts feeling something the other "puts them in their place." Everytime We get together We talk about how We won't develop feelings for each other and why We can't. After We play and do Our thing We talk again about that so that it is never out of our heads. Constant reminders of why it can't happen. If, even with all of these preventions, We still develop feelings, why would that be wrong? It would probably take longer for a relationship to develop because We DO have these precations in place. That would mean that there was no jumping into things. i am just guessing here. i might very well be wrong.

So many people have said the same thing before, and ended up with heartache. It's possible you and this man will work out, but the odds are against it, based on past experiences others have had.

 

[catalina_francisco]

So many people have said the same thing before, and ended up with heartache. It's possible you and this man will work out, but the odds are against it, based on past experiences others have had.

So true, it is so easy to fall into the emotional trap without realising, and often the emotions are not real as far as the person you are involved with, but more so for the person you end up fantasising they are. The first flag you might look at Kailey is why you both feel it necessary to remind each other why it can't be anything more each time you are together if it is something neither of you want ....usually if there is no inclination anywhere to make it more, the necessity does not arise to put out constant reminders why not. I think what concerns most apart from the quickness of this man to take you to bed knowing the situation, is that you are so obviously on the rebound. I know you say it is not solely his fault you ended up in bed, but as he is the Dominant and supposedly much more experienced in life, D/s and sex I tend to put 99% of the responsibility at his feet if not 100%. He would know how vulnerable you would be and he should hopefully be in more control of himself than to take advantage. Sounds tough but through experience I have realised that what a person says and what they really think and do are vastly different things, especially when it comes to sex and relationships... he could have made the choice to support you through this without taking his pants off no matter how much you made him feel it was OK with you, or needed, or wanted....unfortunately sounds like he is a man who doesn't have a problem with putting his needs first and using the opportunity given.

Catalina

 

[AvaAdore]

Hmmm... perhaps this should be changed to a "no strings attached" thread.

I've had a one night stand only once in my life. It was actually a threesome with my partner and another girl. The girl was an acquaintance. Obviously, you don't want to risk your relationship in this situation by being too emotionally attached to the other person.

Personally, I can't have sex with someone unless I feel some kind of emotional attachment. Not necessarily love, but I have to feel close enough to them to feel comfortable, and obviously I have to be attracted to them. I believe that friendship IS an emotional bond, and after the threesome I definitely felt closer to her. It did nothing to threaten my relationship with my partner, however.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say... I guess that it's impossible to not develop emotional connections to a person you are sleeping with. At least for me Then again, I know a few people, namely one guy, who sleep around a lot, but often just for sex... he doesn't usually care about the other person... so I guess I'm referring to people who aren't using others for sex.

 

[amadaun]

Personally, I can't have sex with someone unless I feel some kind of emotional attachment. Not necessarily love, but I have to feel close enough to them to feel comfortable, and obviously I have to be attracted to them. I believe that friendship IS an emotional bond, and after the threesome I definitely felt closer to her. It did nothing to threaten my relationship with my partner, however.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say... I guess that it's impossible to not develop emotional connections to a person you are sleeping with. At least for me Then again, I know a few people, namely one guy, who sleep around a lot, but often just for sex... he doesn't usually care about the other person... so I guess I'm referring to people who aren't using others for sex.

I don't think having a no strings attached relationship is necessarily "using someone for sex". I've had a few fuckbuddy relationships where I liked and respected the person, and cared about them to some extent, but we had no real relationship (friendly or romantic) outside of the fairly regular sex. It was fun, it was great, it was healthy and low-maintenance and required little to no emotional energy from me. A nice supplement to masturbation, essentially.

That said, I've also attempted to do the friends-with-benefits thing with men who were in my immediate circle of friends. Not cool, not cool at all. I fell for them, I wanted more, I pretended it was more than it was, I hurt myself needlessly, you know the story. Wouldn't recommend that one to anyone.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I've read through this entire thread again and am feeling a little of Kailey's frustration. Knowing how very young, and in many ways naive, you are, Kailey, I know how easily you can be duped. And having a daughter close to your age, I understand everyone's desire to protect you. By the same token, you are an adult who is trying to find her place. You can't do that without some level of risk. That's just the nature of life. While I agree that you seem to be really kind of turning your life completely upside down right now, it sounds to me like you're doing what you need to do in order to break free from what others expect of you to become who you believe yourself to be. It also sounds to me like you are using your head and doing a lot of hard thinking about things in your life. Good for you.

I agree with Etoile that it is difficult to make yourself go back and finish school if you drop out now. I quit college at 20, had a baby at 21, and went to work. I did go back and get my degree. Yes, it was harder because I was older and had more responsibilities. And while I wish I had finished when given the chance, I also realize that the break I took was part of what made me who I am today. I wasn't on the right path the first time I was in school, and so I wouldn't have been successful had I stayed anyway. By the time I went back, I knew what I wanted to do and I did it. So while it was harder, it worked for me.

Yes, many people do become emotionally involved with a person when they have sex with them. I'm one of those people who needs to feel an emotional connection in order to have sex, but that wasn't always the case. I agree that a mentor should not be someone you're having a sexual relationship with. But I understand what you mean when you call him your mentor. It sounds like you have a fairly good handle on what you are doing in this relationship. If it is a safe relationship, one where you know you won't be hurt either physically or emotionally, it could be a great opportunity for growth in many ways. But you need to be aware of your own feelings and emotions as things play out so that you can keep yourself from getting too deeply attached. Try to make sure you keep the lines of communication open with this guy so that you both are able to keep things on an even keel. Communication in this type of relationship is very important. (Of course, it is in all relationships, but many people don't feel it's as important in this type of relationship.)

Kailey, you know that you are young and a bit naive about some things, you don't need us reminding you of that. But many of the posts you've made suggest that you are really looking at things in a more healthy way than people may think. I truly hope that you will keep posting here and that you will try to keep an open mind when others post advice to you. The people who are giving you advice are doing it from the heart - and from their own life experience. What worked for me may never be the right thing for you. What worked for Cat or Etoile may never be the right thing for you. But you are being given a unique gift in that you are hearing from women, and some men, who have once been where you are. You are able to take what works for you from each of us. You sound like a very bright woman who is just trying to find herself. I wish you luck on that journey.

 

[shy slave]

Sex without emotional ties is much easier IMO.

I have done this and still had a good time. Sometimes I have had a great time, no hangs ups about getting my clothes off or if I pleased him. Just enjoyed what was on offer without any come back. No wondering what he thinks, if he cares if he used me. Mutual good time for the time it happened.
Foolish, probably, but it doesn't change the idea it was the right thing for me at that point in my life.

Like poly, watersports, oral and numerous other things, it works for some people, sometimes.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I didn't think he was mentoring you through sex....a mentor does not have sex with their mentored one unless they are abusing the situation in some way to meet their own ends, not yours.....that is what I meant. Though sex is often part of a D/s relationship, it is not the focus or where the desire/drive to submit should come from, so once again I would hope he didn't try and tell you it was part of the mentoring process to help you become a better sub. There are many Dominants out there who will drop interest in a sub if they sense or conclude their focus comes from a sexual place, that being what happens between your legs not in your head and heart. If he has offered to mentor you, he should have stayed out of your pants, simple. The fact he hasn't makes me very open to thinking he saw an opportunity and took it quickly before you had time to think or wise up, and perhaps the mentoring thing is to disguise it or make him feel better about using you. I would avoid him like the plague if I were you as he is far from trustworthy or honest.

Catalina

ok, i'm gonna chime in here and give my two cents, i do not agree with the above comments. when Master and i started out, He was only my Mentor, and i can gurantee you, when we met (if it had stayed Him my mentor) we would have had sex. i don't think that means He is using her in any way. they BOTH made a decision and i dont' understanad why everyone is coming down on her so hard here. yes, she was just released and she DOES need to be careful right now with her feelings and emotions and who she has sex with etc... but i don't think it's fair to say that this Dom is 'using' her simply because they had sex. maybe that's not right in your eyes, or someone else's, but we are all different, and it sounds to me as though Kailey is thinking things through, it doesn't sound like sub frenzy or anything like that. i could be wrong, and i KNOW that all of your concerns are because you care, but maybe let her make her own decisions, mistakes, etc... and be there for her, instead of constantly saying what she's doing is 'wrong'. i'm not trying to make anyone mad, i'm just going by what i see everytime Kailey posts something, i know you all care about her, i do too, but *i'm* not seeing any red flags that would make me be COMPLETELY worried about her to the point of needing to tell her 'to avoid Him like the plague' *shrugs* just my two cents and as i said it was not meant to make anyone mad, and i'm sorry if i did......

 

[SweetErika]

ok, i'm gonna chime in here and give my two cents, i do not agree with the above comments. when Master and i started out, He was only my Mentor, and i can gurantee you, when we met (if it had stayed Him my mentor) we would have had sex. i don't think that means He is using her in any way. they BOTH made a decision and i dont' understanad why everyone is coming down on her so hard here. yes, she was just released and she DOES need to be careful right now with her feelings and emotions and who she has sex with etc... but i don't think it's fair to say that this Dom is 'using' her simply because they had sex. maybe that's not right in your eyes, or someone else's, but we are all different, and it sounds to me as though Kailey is thinking things through, it doesn't sound like sub frenzy or anything like that. i could be wrong, and i KNOW that all of your concerns are because you care, but maybe let her make her own decisions, mistakes, etc... and be there for her, instead of constantly saying what she's doing is 'wrong'. i'm not trying to make anyone mad, i'm just going by what i see everytime Kailey posts something, i know you all care about her, i do too, but *i'm* not seeing any red flags that would make me be COMPLETELY worried about her to the point of needing to tell her 'to avoid Him like the plague' *shrugs* just my two cents and as i said it was not meant to make anyone mad, and i'm sorry if i did......

Rose, how do you define "mentor"? That is, when you say your Master was your mentor, what does that mean to you? I ask because I've heard people use wildly different definitions in the past, and am wondering if that could be the case here as well. Different definitions could explain the opposing opinions on sex, in my view.

Just an idea.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Rose, how do you define "mentor"? That is, when you say your Master was your mentor, what does that mean to you? I ask because I've heard people use wildly different definitions in the past, and am wondering if that could be the case here as well. Different definitions could explain the opposing opinions on sex, in my view.

Just an idea.

*nods* i understand what you are saying, and Master is answering this question for me becaue He has better words than i do and i dn't get my point across as well, but i will say that i seen Kailey in one post state that this Dom never said He was her mentor, she gave it that name as that what she felt He was to her, in what she was learning from Him. to me it sounds like just 'fun' with each other, and a chance for her to 'learn' more about the lifestyle, life, etc....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Rose, how do you define "mentor"? That is, when you say your Master was your mentor, what does that mean to you? I ask because I've heard people use wildly different definitions in the past, and am wondering if that could be the case here as well. Different definitions could explain the opposing opinions on sex, in my view.

Just an idea.

I can respond to that for her, since I was just passing though this thread.

My goal when we first started discussing BDSM, and her interest in it since she was one of those wacky 'nilla people.

My first goals with her were to teach her ABOUT the lifestyle so that she could learn to seperate a Dom from a domabee so she wouldn't just fall for anything. At the time, I was fresh out of a relationship and had no intention of making her Mine, but I wanted to give her a good foundation to learn from.

I saw My role as a teacher and guide to help her learn to navigate this lifestyle.

 

[catalina_francisco]

they BOTH made a decision and i dont' understanad why everyone is coming down on her so hard here.

One little word...experience....both in life and D/s. Unfortunately, this guy comes off as the stereotypical user with little effort to even disguise it because he knows K is inexperienced in many ways, and vulnerable, and wants to feel she is in control of her own destiny. I'm afraid I don't have a lot of respect for people in D/s or the vanilla world who will take advantage of anyone in that state, but it happens everyday and usually to young women in the mid teens to mid 20's age group who often feel and put across to the world they are aware of what they are doing and have made an informed and independent choice which is right for them. Invariably they come back later to say it wasn't, and the wise ones tread more carefully, the rest jump into yet another similar situational choice made in the heat of the moment and to assuage their injured pride, frustration, and disappointment. It is one of life's little lessons none of us are immune to in our youthful rush to be where we think we should be now rather than later when it might be a bit better timed and manageable.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sex without emotional ties is much easier IMO.

I have done this and still had a good time. Sometimes I have had a great time, no hangs ups about getting my clothes off or if I pleased him. Just enjoyed what was on offer without any come back. No wondering what he thinks, if he cares if he used me. Mutual good time for the time it happened.
Foolish, probably, but it doesn't change the idea it was the right thing for me at that point in my life.

Like poly, watersports, oral and numerous other things, it works for some people, sometimes.

Fuck buddies can be lifesavers at times.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

I remember when I first split from my husband. I had established some friends, who were slowly introducing me to BDSM, but because of my relationship they didn't go very far (slap and tickle was about the extent until we split). When one of these guys, whom I still concider a very dear friend of mine, found out that it was deffinitly over between my ex and I, the very next time he saw me he met me with a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. That was all it took I was totally crushing, and I dont' hide my feelings well. I knew that it wouldn't work out with us, for various reasons, but I was totally "in love". He knew my emotional state, and quickly backed off. He would still flog me until our hearts were content, and he'd let me heal him or kneel beside his chair and pet my head every now and then, but he was very careful to make it clear he had no intrest in taking our friendship to another level (this did not include any verbalization of the fact to me how ever, but it was deffinitly a clear message). He did teach me a lot, but there was never anything sexual about our relationship. It's something that my play partner and Master both have a little trouble understanding, but it worked for us and it worked well.

My current play partner, and also dear friend, have included sex into our play. He also has taught me a lot, and is expanding my safe zone with in a context that Master aproves of. This friend I care for very much, and he tends to fill in in times when and how Master just is not capible of right now. More important than anything sexual, he's there for me when I really need some one to be. He's a friend most of all, and neither one of us have any desire to change that. But again, this goes unsaid, it's well known by each of us, but we don't have to have a reminder every time we're together to keep that clear.

 

[Kailey_86]

One little word...experience....both in life and D/s. Unfortunately, this guy comes off as the stereotypical user with little effort to even disguise it because he knows K is inexperienced in many ways, and vulnerable, and wants to feel she is in control of her own destiny. I'm afraid I don't have a lot of respect for people in D/s or the vanilla world who will take advantage of anyone in that state, but it happens everyday and usually to young women in the mid teens to mid 20's age group who often feel and put across to the world they are aware of what they are doing and have made an informed and independent choice which is right for them. Invariably they come back later to say it wasn't, and the wise ones tread more carefully, the rest jump into yet another similar situational choice made in the heat of the moment and to assuage their injured pride, frustration, and disappointment. It is one of life's little lessons none of us are immune to in our youthful rush to be where we think we should be now rather than later when it might be a bit better timed and manageable.

Catalina

Let me ask you something. How did you get this "experience" that you are talking about. Trial and error, right? You made mistakes and learned from them. How will i ever learn if i don't make any mistakes? All of my life (no matter how short it has been) i have been getting opinions and advice from others on what i should do. This is because of the fact that i never did anything right in my stepdad's eyes. i am always walking on eggshells trying to please everyone. i am always trying to do the right thing. The thing is, whatever i decide to do, it will always be wrong in somebody's eyes. i will always be wrong in some way. Take my sleeping with this guy after being release for example, some here think it was ok and believe i won't develop feelings while you don't. No matter what i do, i will disappoint someone. i need to make my own mistakes. i need to learn on my own. Otherwise i am just following blindly. You experienced your life and learned from it. Your reactions are different from mine, your environment, your past, your everything was different from mine. i won't experience things the same way as you did and i won't necessarily have the same results. Some people are very happy with their lives having not gone to college while others regret it. Do you see my point?

 

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