Confidence and Courage

[A Desert Rose]

Oooh that is so typically female, : ) ~

Have we met? (wink~wink)



Been a while... how ya been? Hope things have been going well for you. ;-)

 

[TigerClaw]

: )

Yes, things have been great. Although I worked like a dog this summer at work the hard work seems to be paying off both in reputation and skill. It was just a great ending to a good summer.

Just been enjoying ppls company. Brother got married, was the best man. We kid around a lot and I took the chance at a "Speech" for the toast and it went over very well.

How have you been? You doing well I hope?

 

[hazel43]

I am always reluctant to post on threads because it seems as though I may be intruding. But I need some advice. I am choosing this thread because I am intrigued by the concept that a submissive is courageous. I have only recently begun to explore the fact that I am aroused by pain. I am extremely thankful to have found literotica so that I can explore these things at a distance, without actualy having to become physically involved with it, in the real world.
Here are two questions for anyone who is more familiar with the concepts.

Does being aroused by pain make someone a submissive?
Does a sub have the right to require his or her dominant one to appreciate their efforts to please?

Recently I have been involved in a PM role play. First he requested a story. It took the better part of a weekend to create it for him. Then he wanted another story about a fantasy about being raped. I don't fantasize about being raped. However, I wrote one and sent it to him.

Still he has not written any kind of thank you. He just continues to demand more submissive type stuff.
Its like golly gee, just because I like a little pain doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate a little kindness.
I am a woman who has never been married. I came from a lower middle class background and have worked in sewage treatment plants for most of my life. Whether I eat, drive, have an internet connection, or anything else is entirely dependant on me. The one thing I need more than sex, is to be appreciated.
I am 43 and have returned to college. I am set to graduate next spring with a dergree in environmental health. If I can do this. My life will be full of an overwhelming multitude of opportunity. It makes me almost cry. To me this is better than getting married. I am presently struggling hard to comprehend organic chemistry. I also have two classes that are writing intensive. All in all I am responsible for two scientifically oriented lab reports every week and 4 major research papers. Why in the world should I choose jeapordize this just to satisfy the whems of some selfish person whom I have never met.

Thank you folks so much for allowing me to get this off my chest. Just the process of writing it has given me an improved perspective.
I love you all. And may God bless you for all your kind hearts.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<snip>
Does being aroused by pain make someone a submissive?
No. It may make them a masochist, or one with masochistic tendencies, or "just" a kinkster.

Does a sub have the right to require his or her dominant one to appreciate their efforts to please?
No, with explanation/expansion. "Traditional" D/s does not give a sub the right to require anything of his/her PYL. However, a PYL who does not appreciate what he/she is given by the pyl will most likely lose it and the pyl.

<snip>
Why in the world should I choose jeapordize this just to satisfy the whems of some selfish person whom I have never met.
You shouldn't. Unless you have been collared and agreed otherwise, your life is your own, and your needs take priority over "some selfish person whom {you} have never met." The task you've taken on in going back to school to do something you want to do and that fulfills you is wonderful. Don't give it up or jeopardize it for some wannabe online Dom.

Please note CYA notice below

 

[NCShin]

Does being aroused by pain make someone a submissive?
Does a sub have the right to require his or her dominant one to appreciate their efforts to please?

No, i think you'll often see them refered to as painsluts, or a slightly nicer term of bottom.

For you second question, in my personal opinion this is a very hazy subject. Some would say that a submissive does not have the right to require anything of their dominant. However, I think that it is unrealistic to expect anyone living breathing person to not have expectations, needs and wants that must be met for any relationship to work.

Recently I have been involved in a PM role play. First he requested a story. It took the better part of a weekend to create it for him. Then he wanted another story about a fantasy about being raped. I don't fantasize about being raped. However, I wrote one and sent it to him.

Still he has not written any kind of thank you. He just continues to demand more submissive type stuff.
Its like golly gee, just because I like a little pain doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate a little kindness.

I'm not sure that i'd ever flat out thank a submissive for anything. I would however offer words of encouragement. I'd pick some things in the story that I liked and say a little bit about that part of the story. I might pick a part that was glazed over a bit, a part that i thought I'd like to hear more about and ask you to write a bit more detail about that part. Maybe a punishment, and ask you to get into your own head and tell me exactly what you think you'd be thinking and feeling during a scene involving that.

In other words I'd make it clear that you took the time to write it, so I took the time to read it. I'd also make it clear I was interested in what you had to say. I'd not force you to write about something that you had no interest in, because that just sets the stage for a chore and a poor story.

I am a woman who has never been married. I came from a lower middle class background and have worked in sewage treatment plants for most of my life. Whether I eat, drive, have an internet connection, or anything else is entirely dependant on me. The one thing I need more than sex, is to be appreciated.
I am 43 and have returned to college. I am set to graduate next spring with a dergree in environmental health. If I can do this. My life will be full of an overwhelming multitude of opportunity. It makes me almost cry. To me this is better than getting married. I am presently struggling hard to comprehend organic chemistry. I also have two classes that are writing intensive. All in all I am responsible for two scientifically oriented lab reports every week and 4 major research papers. Why in the world should I choose jeapordize this just to satisfy the whems of some selfish person whom I have never met.

Thank you folks so much for allowing me to get this off my chest. Just the process of writing it has given me an improved perspective.
I love you all. And may God bless you for all your kind hearts.

I'm happy for you on getting ready to graduate. Getting things you want in life on your own gives a great deal of satisfaction. Enjoy it.

 

[Netzach]

I personally elect to thank submissives all the time for things they do for me, for their service, for their time for just being there and being great.

I don't think manners are something we need to dispense with no matter who we are, one's mileage will vary.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I personally elect to thank submissives all the time for things they do for me, for their service, for their time for just being there and being great.

I don't think manners are something we need to dispense with no matter who we are, one's mileage will vary.

You know, between you and Shadows... I wish I weren't so DOM oriented. ;-)

 

[shy slave]

Isn't that just so weird? People do that to me too. I have no idea why -- I don't particularly think of myself as the fount of all wisdom or anything. I am a problem solver, sure. Maybe that's it? Anyway, I often think I must have this big neon sign flashing over my head saying "free relationship counselling here!"

I don't particularly view myself as lacking in courage, but I certainly have confidence. To the point where I sometimes think I am arrogant (not such a good thing.)

I can relate to this, my ex husband and my family think I have a sign that says "Lame Ducks Stop Here."

As a pyl I see myself as confident ~

1. Confident to wear a collar in public.

2. Confident enough to admit you want/need to be owned if challenged.

3. Confident enough to hold your head high metaphoircally whilst physically crawling in the gutter.

I see my Master (and other PYL's) with the courage ~
Courage to beat the hell out of an ass and know when to to,
stop.

Courage to know how to plan, execute and control a scene successfully.

Courage to know what to do if a scene takes an unexpected turn or goes out of control, which means courage to take risks.


Maybe it takes courage and confidence to be both a PYL & pyl.

O know its taken alot of courage for me to admit I want to be a slave and thats just the beginning.

 

[shy slave]

hazel43

Your post was interesting to read and made me think f 100's more similiar questions so thank you

Sir Winston pretty much covers my answer other than to add, that I would not wish to submit to anyone who did not see me as something of value (even the most humble of property has value).

I expect (rightly or wrongly) my Master to emotionally support me to achieve what I want in my working life.

If He can't or won't He is not worthy of my submission.

That may sound high-handed and several may disagree, but submiting to someone isn't easy, and it is precious whether its considered a gift or not, therefore a Dom needs to show they appreciate you ~all of you not just the available sex, on-line or otherwise.

Congratulations on your degree any man, Dom or not should be proud to be with someone who has recognised their self-worth and made a success of themselves.

Amazing and slightly jealous congratulations on even attempting to understand organic chemistry, I wouldn't even go near a book with those words written on!

 

[TigerClaw]

Does being aroused by pain make someone a submissive? No.

Does a sub have the right to require his or her dominant one to appreciate their efforts to please?

A sub is not a slave. So, Yes. I dont know much about what a slave should expect.

Recently I have been involved in a PM role play. First he requested a story. It took the better part of a weekend to create it for him. Then he wanted another story about a fantasy about being raped. I don't fantasize about being raped. However, I wrote one and sent it to him.

Still he has not written any kind of thank you. He just continues to demand more submissive type stuff.
Its like golly gee, just because I like a little pain doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate a little kindness. Yes, you will find all levels or gradiants of BDSM here. Some will be appreciative, others not.

I would not wish to submit to anyone who did not see me as something of value (even the most humble of property has value).

I expect (rightly or wrongly) my Master to emotionally support me to achieve what I want in my working life.
That is part of a relationship. As a dom I would think he should be there to support, guide, you as a teacher, mentor, dom should

If He can't or won't He is not worthy of my submission.
True, true

That may sound high-handed and several may disagree, but submiting to someone isn't easy, and it is precious whether its considered a gift or not, therefore a Dom needs to show they appreciate you ~all of you not just the available sex, on-line or otherwise.
This is not high handed. I agree totally

In my opinion submission is a very important gift. It should be honored as she is honoring the Dom. Also I am very well aware of reputation of the sub and unless it is part of exhibitionism, I think privacy is best.

 

[kitty4ever]

Re: hazel43

That may sound high-handed and several may disagree, but submiting to someone isn't easy, and it is precious whether its considered a gift or not, therefore a Dom needs to show they appreciate you ~all of you not just the available sex, on-line or otherwise.

I want to second what shy states. Submission is not always the easiest thing in the world, and to me, one of the worst things is a Dom who doesn't appreciate it. This is why I've not submitted to every man that I've been with. Yes, I may be more on the submissive side when with him, but I don't mentally submit. (I hope that makes sense)

<whispers to shy> O-chem's not that hard.