Cuckold Appreciation

[HumpDayHoratio]

Thanks for the kind words.

I’ve really approached this from many angles and I’ve, and she, have been very open and honest about this whole situation. This is definitely more an emotional journey for her, and I’ve made every effort to support that. I’d be lying if I said it was purely emotional on my side! I have most certainly enjoyed the extra attention she’s given me by the charge she has from him! That being said, I think I’ve personally grown as a person, not only sexually from this experience.

Your assessment is spot on. We’ve discussed at length the finiteness of love and what it means for us going forward. We fell in love. We’ve never fell out of love. After thirty plus years together, we’ve just questioned the monogamy paradigm and how/will it fit in with our new found sexual desires? She most certainly questioned what it meant for her feelings for me and through much reassurance from me she’s moved on from those insecurities.

Both of us had many lovers before we married. This was during the height of the AIDS scare in the late 80’s so maybe on some level we were ready for a more traditional monogamous relationship? Now I think after all these years of faithful duty to one another, it’s time to embrace a side of our sexuality that hasn’t been explored since our youth.

 

[policywank]

I personally think that a woman needs this kind of support, understanding and acceptance to fully enjoy another man. Rules and limitations can sap the experience of its spontaneity and joy. And believe me if a woman finds that she spends more time worrying about do's and don'ts there is a risk that she will resent them and her husband's efforts to control the experience. If a husband can't handle her being with another man it is best to just accept that as it is - a few more rules won't change it.

Obviously there may be practical limitations. But it helps to think in terms of "what is this 'rule' for?" If it is just there to assuage a husband's insecurity or convey a degree of control to him they will be count-productive and they won't work. For instance, if my husband wanted to be kept fully apprised at all times. For me that is a hard no. Yes of course I need to communicate and take onboard the responsibility to ensure my husband never feels left behind, but I am a grown woman who doesn't need a man monitoring my every move or attempting to control the experience.

My view is "Look, I am fucking him and having intimate relations with him." If my husband isn't ok with that then knowing exactly when, where and how many times he fucked me isn't going to change that. And if he is ok with it then he needs to think of it more like he would be if I were with one of my girlfriends (platonic). I am happy to talk about what we did, after the fact when the time suits me and as a matter of casual interest.....not need to know details and justifications.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Hopefully I’ve greased the skids enough for her to not feel any remorse or regrets moving forward. I think I have and I‘m certain she knows that.

My view is "Look, I am fucking him and having intimate relations with him." If my husband isn't ok with that then knowing exactly when, where and how many times he fucked me isn't going to change that. And if he is ok with it then he needs to think of it more like he would be if I were with one of my girlfriends (platonic). I am happy to talk about what we did, after the fact when the time suits me and as a matter of casual interest.....not need to know details and justifications.

One of our ground rules was we’d give a blow by blow of any trysts going forward. She has since voiced concerns about knowing details about me with another woman. After some thought about this, I think I’ll take your advice and just let it organically happen and let her determine the when where and how…if she even wants to let me peak behind the curtain.

 

[policywank]

Hopefully I’ve greased the skids enough for her to not feel any remorse or regrets moving forward. I think I have and I‘m certain she knows that.


One of our ground rules was we’d give a blow by blow of any trysts going forward. She has since voiced concerns about knowing details about me with another woman. After some thought about this, I think I’ll take your advice and just let it organically happen and let her determine the when where and how…if she even wants to let me peak behind the curtain.

I think that for me the challenge was always the idea of it being an obligation. It isn't that I have anything to hide and even if I was inclined to hide something, that alone would suggest to me that it is something that I need to tell him. But the constant full disclosure also sort of suggests that I can't be trusted to disclose the things that he should or would want to know.

Per my analogy it is kind of like if I went to lunch with a friend or relative. I have no problem with the premise that if something happened or was discussed that he reasonably had the right to know I would tell him. But I don't want to be interrogated on every single little detail the minute I get back from lunch or be constantly providing a full report on everything that transpires when I am not with him.

Obviously there is a different level of potential anxiety or sensitivity in a hot wife scenario. That is why it is so essential that the husband trust his wife and her judgment, including knowing what is fair for him to know.

 

[lc69hunter]

I think some rules should be in place (relationship preserving rules). However, I agree that too many rules ruin the spontaneity of what is happening. I prefer to look at these kind of relationships as a team sport, where both parties are getting fulfilled, versus one spouse saying, I am going to be fucking around, and I may or may not give you any satisfaction or anything else out of it.

 

[Islander55]

I think some rules should be in place (relationship preserving rules). However, I agree that too many rules ruin the spontaneity of what is happening. I prefer to look at these kind of relationships as a team sport, where both parties are getting fulfilled, versus one spouse saying, I am going to be fucking around, and I may or may not give you any satisfaction or anything else out of it.

What kind of rules are you suggesting? Assuming both parties agree to the arrangement, there should not be a need for too many rules.

 

[policywank]

What kind of rules are you suggesting? Assuming both parties agree to the arrangement, there should not be a need for too many rules.

I agree with this. For the most part when I hear men on here saying things like "I am ok with it as long as X", the X they are referring to is a rule designed to assuage their jealousy/insecurity or exercise some sort of control over their wife's sexual liaisons. That is not to say that there shouldn't be any parameters or boundaries but I think one needs to look at each and really understand it's purpose and effect.

 

[Islander55]

I agree with this. For the most part when I hear men on here saying things like "I am ok with it as long as X", the X they are referring to is a rule designed to assuage their jealousy/insecurity or exercise some sort of control over their wife's sexual liaisons. That is not to say that there shouldn't be any parameters or boundaries but I think one needs to look at each and really understand it's purpose and effect.

We got into this lifestyle with little knowledge and without really setting any stated rules. We do have some rules but they are the basic rules for a couple living together. Let me know where you are going and when you will be back. That said, I do make a point to let him know who I am seeing and will listen to any suggestions that he might have. He says he does have one rule. Have fun and enjoy.

 

[policywank]

We got into this lifestyle with little knowledge and without really setting any stated rules. We do have some rules but they are the basic rules for a couple living together. Let me know where you are going and when you will be back. That said, I do make a point to let him know who I am seeing and will listen to any suggestions that he might have. He says he does have one rule. Have fun and enjoy.

I'm not even sure if that qualifies as a rule in the sense that it is a common courtesy that we exercise in all aspects of our life together. It is not like we ever sat down and put that on a list.

It is kind of like the way neither of us makes big financial decisions without the other or we close the front door when we leave the house. Yes of course they are necessities, but there doesn't need to be a rule about it.

I think the key for me is that basic courtesy you describe covers the need. And if something more is suitable you will both have a sense of that. It doesn't need to be codified into strict do's and don'ts. On another thread a guy mentioned how he wants to know where his wife is at all times during her date. That takes things to another level of specificity and rigour that I think is unnecessary and intrusive. His point was that it was all about safety. But you are a grown woman. You are capable of avoiding dangerous situations and if you feel that your circumstance does justify providing some additional information to your husband (or a friend or loved one) you are capable of identifying when that might be and take appropriate steps. You don't need him to track your whereabouts anymore so than a single woman needs a relative to track her whereabouts while she is on a date - you are perfectly capable of making that judgment without a preset rule as to how to do so.

 

[SlutAddicted]

I'm not even sure if that qualifies as a rule in the sense that it is a common courtesy that we exercise in all aspects of our life together. It is not like we ever sat down and put that on a list.

It is kind of like the way neither of us makes big financial decisions without the other or we close the front door when we leave the house. Yes of course they are necessities, but there doesn't need to be a rule about it.

I think the key for me is that basic courtesy you describe covers the need. And if something more is suitable you will both have a sense of that. It doesn't need to be codified into strict do's and don'ts. On another thread a guy mentioned how he wants to know where his wife is at all times during her date. That takes things to another level of specificity and rigour that I think is unnecessary and intrusive. His point was that it was all about safety. But you are a grown woman. You are capable of avoiding dangerous situations and if you feel that your circumstance does justify providing some additional information to your husband (or a friend or loved one) you are capable of identifying when that might be and take appropriate steps. You don't need him to track your whereabouts anymore so than a single woman needs a relative to track her whereabouts while she is on a date - you are perfectly capable of making that judgment without a preset rule as to how to do so.

My wife is very dialled in to my needs and priorities as well as her own and that of her lovers. She is curious, and inquisitive. She listens and endeavours to achieve balance. She doesn't need rules to manage it all maturely. The absence of rules doesn't mean anything goes. It means I trust her judgment.

 

[Islander55]

I'm not even sure if that qualifies as a rule in the sense that it is a common courtesy that we exercise in all aspects of our life together. It is not like we ever sat down and put that on a list.

It is kind of like the way neither of us makes big financial decisions without the other or we close the front door when we leave the house. Yes of course they are necessities, but there doesn't need to be a rule about it.

I think the key for me is that basic courtesy you describe covers the need. And if something more is suitable you will both have a sense of that. It doesn't need to be codified into strict do's and don'ts. On another thread a guy mentioned how he wants to know where his wife is at all times during her date. That takes things to another level of specificity and rigour that I think is unnecessary and intrusive. His point was that it was all about safety. But you are a grown woman. You are capable of avoiding dangerous situations and if you feel that your circumstance does justify providing some additional information to your husband (or a friend or loved one) you are capable of identifying when that might be and take appropriate steps. You don't need him to track your whereabouts anymore so than a single woman needs a relative to track her whereabouts while she is on a date - you are perfectly capable of making that judgment without a preset rule as to how to do so.

I did not consider it a rule either but was really trying to say that we have no rules in terms of what I want to do and when. It just can not work well, if you set a whole bunch of rules. I talked with one person that had a rule of no kissing. That seemed silly. I am going to let a guy fuck me but I will not kiss them. Seriously.

 

[policywank]

I did not consider it a rule either but was really trying to say that we have no rules in terms of what I want to do and when. It just can not work well, if you set a whole bunch of rules. I talked with one person that had a rule of no kissing. That seemed silly. I am going to let a guy fuck me but I will not kiss them. Seriously.

Seriously? That seems ridiculous to me. But to each their own I guess. Personally I find all of those kinds of rules to be a bit childish because they imply an utter inability to make good judgments in the moment. Of course I have boundaries and red flags that I look for, including when my own judgment may be impaired. But I don't need rigid, prescribed rules to keep me out of trouble. And every now and then a little trouble may be just what I want/need.

Plus my reality is that my desires aren't controlled that way. If I feel like doing X with a man but their is some prescribed rule against it that won't change the fact that I want to do X. It will more than likely just make me resent the limitation. We don't control how we feel or what we want. Some people say a kiss is too intimate. Well if I am with a lover it is going to get intimate. If my husband can't handle that then this lifestyle won't work.

 

[Islander55]

Seriously? That seems ridiculous to me. But to each their own I guess. Personally I find all of those kinds of rules to be a bit childish because they imply an utter inability to make good judgments in the moment. Of course I have boundaries and red flags that I look for, including when my own judgment may be impaired. But I don't need rigid, prescribed rules to keep me out of trouble. And every now and then a little trouble may be just what I want/need.

Plus my reality is that my desires aren't controlled that way. If I feel like doing X with a man but their is some prescribed rule against it that won't change the fact that I want to do X. It will more than likely just make me resent the limitation. We don't control how we feel or what we want. Some people say a kiss is too intimate. Well if I am with a lover it is going to get intimate. If my husband can't handle that then this lifestyle won't work.

 

[Islander55]

As usual, we are in complete agreement. Personally if I felt like doing something and there was a rule against, I would probably just do it anyway. If we are going to be in this lifestyle, the only rules should be my rules and they involve being safe and sane. If my husband has an issue with something or someone, I am going to listen to him and discuss it. He has been more than reasonable so there is no reason not to respect his thoughts.

 

[CuttingEdge]

I never understood the introduction of a lengthy rule book either. Myself, I am not even sure how one would be developed, as it would be based on a preconceived set of ideas about how, why, and when they would happen, and those preconceived ideas could be completely wrong. In the right set of circumstances, that one devious sexual act you never thought you would do, suddenly becomes intriguing and needed, and that is how sex works; its exploratory in nature. If the timing feels right, roll with it, and if my wife is with another man, why would she hesitate, or why would a previously derived rule book come into play at all?

I will admit that sex is a huge part of a marriage, but it is not all that marriage is made up of, either. While another man might get the sexual pleasures of my wife, ultimately its but a tiny fraction of her life. We are choosing houses to buy, making renovation changes, and working on landscaping the houses better. On the saddened side of life, there is spending time in hospital rooms during illness, or going to funerals of our extended family members. In short, marriage is about a choice to experience life with another person together; good and bad, and I feel saddened for the other men because they will never get to see the totality of my wife, just her sexual expressive side. For many men, that is enough, and that is good; for him, for her and for me, because it becomes a problem when another man thinks she needs to share the totality of her life now with him instead. She chose to share her life with me, and me with her, and it is a very silly man who thinks she is going to leave all that we have, including an immense amount of trust, for someone based on a sexual tryst.

Granted, it is a risky lifestyle, but in life; the greater the risk, the greater the reward.

For those that have a regimented rule book, they do not realize all the are missing out on.

 

[policywank]

As usual, we are in complete agreement. Personally if I felt like doing something and there was a rule against, I would probably just do it anyway. If we are going to be in this lifestyle, the only rules should be my rules and they involve being safe and sane. If my husband has an issue with something or someone, I am going to listen to him and discuss it. He has been more than reasonable so there is no reason not to respect his thoughts.

I feel as though that is how mature adults handle most things in life and relationships. Every aspect of my relationship with my husband involves understanding one another's priorities, preferences and limits. I can't really think of any situations where doing so requires rigid rules. And any of the things that either of us might consider unacceptable is too obvious to need to make a rule.

 

[Islander55]

I feel as though that is how mature adults handle most things in life and relationships. Every aspect of my relationship with my husband involves understanding one another's priorities, preferences and limits. I can't really think of any situations where doing so requires rigid rules. And any of the things that either of us might consider unacceptable is too obvious to need to make a rule.

Well said. You really do not need rules to tell you how to be a good partner.

 

[LadyAdonia17]

As my husband and I ventured into an open marriage, we took things slow and explored various things like..going to a sex club, then I watched him have sex with a woman......and then he watched me with another man. He was extremely turned on by watching another man fuck me. When I asked him what he liked about it, he said he got to see me in a different light. I mean...for years he has seen me as a mother and wife. When I am with another man, he sees this sexual creature in me. We film my play dates with other men, of course with their consent. My husband watches those over any porn...they turn him on.

 

[peter49parker]

We all have multi faceted personalities. When we are at work we have our work personality, when we are with our children, we have our Mom or Dad personality. And yes, when our wives have a lover, they can openly be the 'sexual creature' they want to be. Bless our wives. I would love to watch my wife and her lover., in real time or recorded. With permission, of course. Keep making yourself, your lovers, and your husband happy, LadyAdonia17.

 

[RIPAphrodite]

Reading this chat is such a turn on….such sexual freedom hehe

 

[Damanhere]

In much of porn and the broader world I believe that the role of the cuckold is poorly understood, especially in the way it is regarded with derision. For this purpose I take the view that any man who supports his wife having sex with other men but does not himself have sex with other women (or is restricted in this regard) is a cuckold. I know there are differences of opinion on terminology but that really isn't the point of this thread.

Amongst people engaged or interested in this dynamic and in any literature that takes it seriously the cuckold is a man who appreciates his wife and is very much appreciated by his wife. Some couples engage in fetish play while others don't. For those that do it is a sort of psychological BDSM. Regardless of how it appears to the observer it is fully consensual, both partners enjoy it and underneath it all is a genuine mutual appreciation. I have never actually met, talked to or heard of a hotwife who actually views her cuckold with derision and disdain or who would stand idly by while another man is being genuinely abusive and hurtful towards him.

Do other people have a different experience?

Why are people who can comprehend a couple who has an open marriage (even if it isn't their thing) seemingly unable to comprehend this lifestyle?

Why are people who can comprehend a couple having a penchant for BDSM unable to comprehend a desire for cuckold fetish play?

You know I think you're right there's not a woman that is in an open marriage that I think would let her husband get hurt either physically or mentally in any way by someone she was with also when you mention that she's not trying to hurt him or anything else I think him being involved and being there and giving his consent only heightens her enjoyment of the sexual aspect of it

 

[Damanhere]

I personally think that a woman needs this kind of support, understanding and acceptance to fully enjoy another man. Rules and limitations can sap the experience of its spontaneity and joy. And believe me if a woman finds that she spends more time worrying about do's and don'ts there is a risk that she will resent them and her husband's efforts to control the experience. If a husband can't handle her being with another man it is best to just accept that as it is - a few more rules won't change it.

Obviously there may be practical limitations. But it helps to think in terms of "what is this 'rule' for?" If it is just there to assuage a husband's insecurity or convey a degree of control to him they will be count-productive and they won't work. For instance, if my husband wanted to be kept fully apprised at all times. For me that is a hard no. Yes of course I need to communicate and take onboard the responsibility to ensure my husband never feels left behind, but I am a grown woman who doesn't need a man monitoring my every move or attempting to control the experience.

My view is "Look, I am fucking him and having intimate relations with him." If my husband isn't ok with that then knowing exactly when, where and how many times he fucked me isn't going to change that. And if he is ok with it then he needs to think of it more like he would be if I were with one of my girlfriends (platonic). I am happy to talk about what we did, after the fact when the time suits me and as a matter of casual interest.....not need to know details and justifications.

And if you think of it if your husband is setting up so many rules he needs to know where when and why and how and who then he's really not comfortable with he's just basically voicing his concerns that you're doing it or who you're doing it with in a way to try and change your mind or change his but if there's that many roadblocks thrown down then he's really not into it and he's just looking for another way to say that

 

[policywank]

And if you think of it if your husband is setting up so many rules he needs to know where when and why and how and who then he's really not comfortable with he's just basically voicing his concerns that you're doing it or who you're doing it with in a way to try and change your mind or change his but if there's that many roadblocks thrown down then he's really not into it and he's just looking for another way to say that

As you say that behaviour suggests that he really isn't ok with this at all. But it could also be that he trying to make it all about his fetish and have his wife play a support role in his fantasy rather than seek her own sexual fulfillment. The rules are an indirect means of trying to control things. By compelling a wife to give every little detail the husband creates a situation where she is extra cautious to not do anything of which he might disapprove and seek to do the things of which he approves. The constant feedback allows him to direct changes by micromanaging rather than by openly making it all about what he wants..

If he truly supports his wife he will not seek approval rights. For me it is kind of like I am out with a friend. My husband knows I am mindful of his perspective but he doesn't have any rights to approve/disapprove or even be aware of all the little details of our interactions.

 

[Damanhere]

As you say that behaviour suggests that he really isn't ok with this at all. But it could also be that he trying to make it all about his fetish and have his wife play a support role in his fantasy rather than seek her own sexual fulfillment. The rules are an indirect means of trying to control things. By compelling a wife to give every little detail the husband creates a situation where she is extra cautious to not do anything of which he might disapprove and seek to do the things of which he approves. The constant feedback allows him to direct changes by micromanaging rather than by openly making it all about what he wants..

If he truly supports his wife he will not seek approval rights. For me it is kind of like I am out with a friend. My husband knows I am mindful of his perspective but he doesn't have any rights to approve/disapprove or even be aware of all the little details of our interactions.

You're right it's almost like he is using her to satisfy his fetish or his thoughts on how it should go it doesn't seem like there's any agreement it's either you do it my way or no way where it should be either she can do it or she can't I can see your point

 

[Islander55]

I will add one thought here. Once you get into this lifestyle, I don't think either partner should be able to pull the plug. Once you get going, it would be so difficult to give it up. Not sure how you would resolve that. Maybe talk it out and reach some sort of compromise.