Daddy's Little Girl - Fourth Edition

[ChloeOfCascadia]

Welcome Chloe. I think you will find that the littles here can be very helpful.

Thank you, Bunnys for the kind welcome.

I appreciate that. I want to say, I am a mature and empathetic person and while I am single, I can have a respectful conversation with a little about this topic and not make it about pursuing them.

I am genuinely curious, I know that's probably shocking and unbelievable but

I didn't know much about D/s relationships at all and wasn't part of any such community

Learned I was trans, began talking to people about sexuality and relationships and open relationships, and eventually actually got to talk to a domme woman who explained a lot of things to me I had as misconceptions.

I learned what a service dominant personality was, that's me, I had been erroneously categorizing myself as a submissive because I thought all dominants were sadists or hurtful, because... outside of the BDSM community, looking in, with no info, the stereotypes are all we think we know.

I've been called daddy and papi and other names before-
I have absolutely been a dominant partner before-
I've been in age gap relationships almost exclusively with an older female partner, I have done younger maybe once. I'm 42, so it makes sense someone might think of me as a daddy or mommy at this point. I just haven't accepted that role before as part of a lifestyle. I also know age gaps not required, it's more of a mindset and roleset than an age thing. I get that much.

I think I understand what is involved but, i am missing information. This hasn't been my thing before, not officially and not intentionally, but it has happened, so I am curious to know what it entails.

Hopefully this explains why I'm interested and curious, but also, missing a lot of knowledge.

It's like I've dipped my toes into this quite a bit before, but without knowing that is what I was doing, so.... maybe information would help.

I am a kind and loving person and if I should be so fortunate, I'd like to have a better idea what I'm doing. I figure, the DD of the relationship is expected to know what they're doing whereas, maybe it is more forgiving of the lg?

But who knows, I could be still making assumptions. Knowledge wouldn't hurt, is all I'm ultimately saying.

Thanks again, Bunnys.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

Okay, I like winter and snow, but −50°C is a bit too much! I really hope you’re doing alright over there.

We got a bit of snow this winter too, but most of it has already melted. The lowest temperature we had was around −18°C, so I honestly can’t even imagine what −50 must feel like!

Many of us try to stay home but it isn't an option. Layers and if possible, don't be outside long as frostbite is fast at that temperature.

 

[dreamysub]

I am proud of you for sharing your story. I have learned that putting words to your experience and sharing it openly can be challenging. Loving Bunny had taught me that sharing those difficult experiences is a part of the healing process.

I’m sorry your Ex shamed you for the way you feel. His cheating behavior is abhorrent to any REAL man. The way he ended it, there in bed with you, is to me a sign that he was deeply disturbed. A man who threatens the woman he supposedly loves isn’t a man at all; he’s a child. The same with the other men who have mistreated you. Though I don’t truly know you, and can only address what you have written here, I am confident that you do not deserve the mistreatment you have suffered through. I say that because I believe that no one, man or woman, could do anything to justify what you have experienced. Fortunately, it sounds like you have not allowed your experiences to harden your heart. I applaud you for that.

You remind me so much of my Bunny, though in many ways your story is more tragic. She only suffered at the hands of one man. Please don’t take this as an insult, but in my opinion, you should try to figure out why you are attracted to men who ultimately mistreat you, and why you stay with them. I encourage you to seek help from a trained professional. Women’s shelters can often provide low-cost counseling. Fortunately, Bunny was able to afford a therapist after her assault left her with PTSD and severe anxiety. Healing from something like what you and Bunny have been through is a long process.

When we first started in DDlg, Bunny wanted to “explore it all,” as she would say. All the flavors of BDSM. I had to slow her down a bit. We’ve been married for just over four years, and in our dynamic for just less than two years now, and we’re still exploring what works best for us. Early on, she felt that in order to “truly submit to me” (whatever that means), she needed to be open to me hurting her. If you’ve read our story and followed her posts here, you know that my sub’s desire for pain and injury was what ended my last relationship, and things did not go well when Bunny begged me to spank her. I caution you and your Daddy to go slow if you want to introduce pain play into your dynamic. Your Daddy sounds like a true gentleman in the way he cares for you and takes joy in seeing you happy. Bunny made a post here not long ago that said, “The real power of a Daddy is revealed by the sıze of the smile on the face of his little,” and I absolutely believe that.



I hope things turn out well for you, regardless of how it turns out with your Daddy and your boyfriend. Love yourself first!

I am sorry my post was that long. I don't wanna bore anyone here with my past nor my curent situation. Honestly, most of the time the only person I talk about my feelings is Daddy or chatGPT when I don't wanna bother him with myself. Must say I find the chatGPT app quite therapeutic. You get things out of your chest without being a burdon for anyone.

I don't post on this site much, because this site is where I get to know my bf with whom I currently live and the last thing I want is to hurt him by anything I've said. I don't ever wanna make him feel like he's not good enough, because he is good enough. Just wish he felt the same way about me, but such is life. He's a nice decent guy that would never hit me or yell at me. It’s just his coldness that is wearing me down, but maybe its what happens when you are with someone for that long. We are together nearly for 18 years now and eventho it might sound that I am complaining in my post above, I am not. Theres just things that makes me sad. The more when I know he refuse talk about them, so we could fix them. Any conversation about "us" he takes like an attack on him self. And I know it makes him feel like he's not doing enough, or isn't enough. Me sharing my feelings with him just adds weight on his shoulders and drags him down. He doesn't take it as me being open. He takes it just as complaint and that he failed. I know how these things work. I know there must be a reason why he reacts to me this way. But since he refuse to communicate about it with me, we don't. He keeps it inside of him and it eats him alive and me, well I need good amount of pain every now and then, so I could deal with the other pain I feel. If that makes any sense. I think our relationship turned me into a masochist who craves lots of pain. Good he doesn't know, as I know he would hate himself for it.

The thing you said about you and Bunny, that she's a beautiful mess - my bf used to think that about me as well. He wasn't always this cold and distant. Idk what happend.

I’m probably the most contact-dependent person when it comes to the one I love. I need that contact. That closeness. That deep connection. I don’t like superficial relationships — I truly long for an honest, deep bond and intimacy. And he pushed me onto a sidetrack somewhere, without any explanation. When I asked him why things between us are the way they are now, he said he must have been a monk in a past life. That we’re too old for sex now and he’s not in the mood for it. I told him we don’t have to have sex if he doesn’t want to — we can just touch and hold each other. He started going to bed so late that he was sure I’d already be asleep by then, even though he knew very well I was waiting for him. So I did something I normally really don’t do in a relationship — I gave up. I have absolutely no need to force anyone to touch me or to be around me. I thought this was normal in a relationship. It should be normal. I don’t want to judge him for whatever led him to this, and I’m not blaming him. Somehow I’ve grown indifferent. When I think about our relationship — if it can even still be called a relationship — I just feel sad now. I’m okay, it’s just that my eyes probably don’t shine the way they did when I still truly believed his “I love you.” Actions speak louder than any words. Still, I haven’t given up on him yet and I keep wondering what might be behind this change. I’m not one of those people who finds a simple explanation and throws someone away. I just can’t do that. I try to put myself in his shoes and understand him somehow. I don’t want to hurt him. There were times when we were truly close, and I don’t forget that. He was there for me after my breakup with my ex-husband, and that was a very hard time. If nothing else, I at least owe him being here for him now too — whatever he’s been going through these past eight years. Eventho it kills me inside. I think theres no easy explanation why someone suddenly changes. Maybe I will figure it out one day.

As for me and Daddy, he knows I crave pain. When we met our playtime was about pain a lot, because it was what I craved the most. Once we grew closer I must say Daddy doesn't give me that much pain anymore. He still use the cane and whip on me, but I can tell he's more gentle with it now. Before I get lots of bruises, now I get pain, but no bruises and he gives me pain only when I directly ask for it.

For me theres two kinds of pain. Theres this playful kind of pain. Pain that makes you twitch, but you still giggle, tease and beg for more. It's pain that excites me, eventho I try to escape from it most of the time, so it's a bit of catch me if you can! I am up for this pain anytime.

And then theres pain thats pain only and I crave that one too every now and then. I crave it when I am in a very dark place. And I never know how to ask for it. I mean, how messed up it is to ask someone to make you cry? I was with Daddy since Thursday night and only today I manged to get it out of me what I need from him to do. I didn't tell him. I didn't know how to ask him to give me so much pain that I burst in tears. I can imagine it's a very hard thing to ask from someone who genuinely loves you, even if the person is a sadist. I couldn't get it out of my mouth, so I simply handed him his short whip and said please. I couldn’t get it out of my head. That image of someone whipping me while I twist and writhe in pain. I felt like a pressure cooker ready to explode any second if I didn’t let the steam out. Those tears.

We were playing and Daddy reached for the cane. I handed him his whip too, only managing to whisper “please”. I probably couldn’t have handled much more anyway. He gave me exactly what I so desperately needed, but was too ashamed to say out loud. He whipped my back and ass until I broke down crying. I didn’t scream — I just held it in and sobbed. Finally I could let my emotions out and let the tears carry away everything I’d been choking down inside.
It didn’t end with just the beating — Daddy doesn’t do “just a beating”. He gave me the pain I was craving, and then he played with me until I was screaming in pleasure instead.

Afterward I apologized to him so much. For what I’d asked of him. For wanting him to whipe me until I cried. I was terribly ashamed of it. He wasn’t upset at all. He told me that’s simply how I’m wired, and that he’s glad he can safely give me what I need.

Considering how my brain works, I feel incredibly lucky that I ended up with exactly this Daddy. I used to fantasize about someone beating me unconscious, and I’m very aware that’s not exactly “normal”. Daddy understands me, and his sadistic side keeps my dark side in perfect balance. I’m so deeply grateful to him for that.

I had to talk to him then. Had to tell him how messed up things run through my head sometimes and how much I crave someone beat the hell out of me. Daddy wrapped me in his arms and kissed my forehead. I told him I am sorry that I am weird. He said I am not weird and that he understands. And then I fell asleep in his arms like a pup.

 

[Bunnys_Wolfie]

Well, it certainly sounds like you have a good grasp on the relationships that matter in you. That’s important. I hope that things work out for all of you.

 

[dreamysub]

Well, it certainly sounds like you have a good grasp on the relationships that matter in you. That’s important. I hope that things work out for all of you.

Thank you, I hope so too.

 

[melimelissa]

a good grasp on the relationships t

A good grasp of relationships helps:
When the strength of Sir's kiss means one melts:
It may make Daddy sure
That he will find his girl's cure,
For the welt from his belt is quite svelte...

*moustique*

 

[dreamysub]

I would like to share something with you that happened to me three weeks ago.

Daddy and I went shopping and we had a small disagreement at the self-checkout. The machine froze twice and Daddy was convinced it was my fault. If I had thought it really was, I would have stayed quiet — but I didn’t think so, so I asked the store assistant whether it was my mistake that the cash desk kept freezing. She said it wasn’t. Daddy got really upset — at me and at the assistant — muttered something under his breath about both of us being useless, and stepped away to calm down.

I continued scanning the items, but my hands were shaking badly because one thing I really can’t handle is when someone is angry with me. I asked Daddy if he wanted to finish it himself. He said "You know what? Actually yes." So I let him take over and stepped aside, trying hard not to cry because there were a lot of people around. Mostly I didn’t want Daddy to notice that I cry.

We paid and went to the car. I was completely silent — not out of fear, I had just lost my voice. I wanted to be anywhere else but there. We put the groceries away and drove to his place. He asked if I was okay because I seemed withdrawn. I said yes, but tears started streaming down my face.
He sighed and asked if it was because he snapped at me. I just nodded quietly and pretended I needed to concentrate on driving, but the stupid tears kept coming. He apologized and said that when he knows he’s right, he pushes through no matter what. I just said okay and didn’t comment further.

I know disagreements happen. I know people lose their temper sometimes. That’s normal. I’m not complaining about him — I just want to ask whether something like this has ever happened to you and how it turned out. Because I completely shut down and wanted to be anywhere but there with him, and I really didn’t like that feeling.

It was supposed to be our shared weekend full of naughty fun — we were both looking forward to it — but it turned into grave silence and a sea of tears. He apologized more than once, and I wasn’t angry at him, I really wasn't. I was just very sad and wanted to be alone. Every time he cuddled up to me, I started crying again. In the evening he asked if we would go out take photos and when I said I didn’t care, he said “Oh come on,” because he knows I love photography. I wasn’t doing it on purpose… I just truly didn’t care at that moment.I was still stuck in that store in my head, replaying what I had done wrong, and each time I came to the same conclusion — nothing. That made it even worse.

Daddy is used to certain things with me — how I react to his touch, how playful and smiling I am, how I always want it. It all disappeared and only coldness, heaviness in my chest, and that terrible silence remained. We struggled with it for three days. I was completely unsettled by myself and kept scolding myself inside because it was getting close to the time I had to leave and I didn’t want things to stay like that between us — but I just couldn’t help it. I had no desire for sex at all.

On the last day before I left, we slept together, but more for peace of mind than because I had truly resolved it inside myself. When I got home, for a few days I didn’t even know when I would want to go see him again. For the first time ever, I didn’t feel like going there — and I really didn’t like that. It passed after a few days and I calmed down again, but what the hell was that? Has anything like this ever happened to you? I’m not used to reacting to Daddy like that and I really didn’t like it.

 

[barefootgirl69]

You're probably not going to like what I have to say, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Your reaction was totally normal. Your daddy was an ass, he was verbally and emotionally abusive, and I don't care how many times he apologized. You can't take back words and you can't take back the hurt and emotions you felt at that time.

I taught my children about the damage words do by crumbling a piece of paper. No matter how you try to straighten it out, it's never the same.

"You seem withdrawn" well no doubt.
"Sighs and says he snapped"

See, I'm not the best person to answer this. I lived with a guy like this for 20 years, and it only escalated. If I said anything, I was the cause of the argument. I had to live in fear of what he was going to be like when he got home from work. It only got worse until things got physical.

My point is this: it was a weekend that was supposed to be fun, and he ruined it. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

Please take time to determine if it's worth continuing.

 

[dreamysub]

Thank you for your answer, Bfg.

It was the first time something like that happened. Daddy usualy treats me with much love and respect, maybe thats why it was such downer for me, but still, atm I felt like I don't know that man at all for a moment. It came out of nowhere and because of such silly thing, really. I still don't understand how can someone get so moody because of frozen cashdesk.

Anyways, I am definitely more aware of things now. Me same as you, I have been in abusive relationship before, so if something like that should happen again, we would seriously talk about it me and him and I would mostlikely leave this relationship no matter how much it means to me atm.

I still hope it was just one thing only for now. Just a bad day or whatever yanno? We all have them. I am not trying to defend Daddy, I just hope something like that won't happen again. I don't mind when someone is mad at me if I actualy do something wrong, but I didn't. Thats why I asked the shop assistant if it was my fault. I thought me and Daddy will laugh about it together and move on, but I think me questioning him made it even worse. I am not the kind of a girl you can treat like that and think you will get away with it. I remember things like that.

I hope it was just a bad day, but I am as well ready to leave if it wasn't. Just time will show I guess.

 

[barefootgirl69]

*runs in, jumping up and down*

I did a thing! I'm so proud of myself! We talk about emotions and growing a lot in here, right?!

I've grown!!! Today proved it.


Ten years ago, if my ex called my parents house to talk to me, I'd cry in fear. He's real good at verbal abuse. Many Litsters through the years have built me back up and given me tools and encouragement. I still get fearful and have nightmares when I've had to deal with him through the years, even though I've felt stronger. All that time with a Dom in the UK whose focus was getting me to organize and practice how to say "fuck you" to my ex without sounding like a mouse (yes, I'd stand in my room on the phone as he taught me how to say it with meaning). But, today, I had no trepidation, no fear. I didn't argue when he became argumentative, but I was firm and didn't back down - simply repeating what I needed to say. Even as he spiraled into "this is your fault," I stood firm. I sat here laughing because he was acting like I knew he would because he couldn't control the narrative and I wasn't backing down, and I wasn't afraid anymore!!!

I'm very proud of myself.

 

[13Fantasies]

Congratulations!

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

Ten years ago, if my ex called my parents house to talk to me, I'd cry in fear. He's real good at verbal abuse.

Glad he is an ex, then.

Many Litsters through the years have built me back up and given me tools and encouragement.

That is encouraging to hear, all by itself. Glad forum based communities can actually provide support.

I still get fearful and have nightmares when I've had to deal with him through the years, even though I've felt stronger.

The damage that abuse does to you can linger. Mine's lasted over 30 years.

You don't put up with being abused anymore, neither do I, that's all we can do. Good for you, no one deserves it.

All that time with a Dom in the UK who's focus was getting me to organize and practice how to say "fuck you" to my ex without sounding like a mouse (yes, I'd stand in my room on the phone as he taught me how to say it with meaning).

Nice. Glad to hear a Dom is in the business of building up their partner, not tearing them down.

Good person.

But, today, I had no trepidation, no fear. I didn't argue when he became argumentative, but I was firm and didn't back down - simply repeating what I needed to say.

Calm and undeterred is the best way to handle abuse, in my experience, yeah.

It's not about shouting them down. I always get careful with abusers. They are the most likely to turn to hitting if their shouting doesn't do what they want.

But yeah, calm and undeterred. Good!

Even as he spiraled into "this is your fault," I stood firm. I sat here laughing because he was acting like I knew he would because he couldn't control the narrative and I wasn't backing down, and I wasn't afraid anymore!!!

I'm very proud of myself.

Very nicely done.

An inspiration to us all. Bravissimo!

 

[Apisto42]

*runs in, jumping up and down*

I did a thing! I'm so proud of myself! We talk about emotions and growing a lot in here, right?!

I've grown!!! Today proved it.


Ten years ago, if my ex called my parents house to talk to me, I'd cry in fear. He's real good at verbal abuse. Many Litsters through the years have built me back up and given me tools and encouragement. I still get fearful and have nightmares when I've had to deal with him through the years, even though I've felt stronger. All that time with a Dom in the UK whose focus was getting me to organize and practice how to say "fuck you" to my ex without sounding like a mouse (yes, I'd stand in my room on the phone as he taught me how to say it with meaning). But, today, I had no trepidation, no fear. I didn't argue when he became argumentative, but I was firm and didn't back down - simply repeating what I needed to say. Even as he spiraled into "this is your fault," I stood firm. I sat here laughing because he was acting like I knew he would because he couldn't control the narrative and I wasn't backing down, and I wasn't afraid anymore!!!

I'm very proud of myself.

You are awesome and strong and powerful. Never forget that.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I'm very proud of myself.

Bunny sticks her nose under the wall of the blanket fort, then slips inside.

Wolfie told me about this post, and I could not let it go by without telling you that I am immensely proud of you! Laughing at him as he melts down is the ultimate show of emotional strength and proves that you have no fucks left to give when it comes to him.

Bunny leaps with joy and then scurries back under the wall. Don't worry, she'll return eventually.

 

[dreamysub]

I am so happy for you, Bfg! Well done!!

 

[Mudfan]

I love when a guy lets me drive his truck.
I love mudding.

Perfect! But have you ever tried mudding outside of the truck? Like parking next to the mud flat and wading in barefoot?

 

[barefootgirl69]

Perfect! But have you ever tried mudding outside of the truck? Like parking next to the mud flat and wading in barefoot?

That member is no longer here (notice "guest" under her name). You're commenting on a post from three years ago.

And, no, I haven't.

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

Today I gave some advice to some new to the community LGs over on Fetlife.

18-25 and they're just getting started, wanted to let them know that someone is not a daddy just because they enter your PMs and start ordering you around and being insulting. If anything that's an immediate disqualification. Dom is a status that the sub bestows upon you willingly and without coercion, or it is not real, it's just a form of manipulation and abuse.

Borrowing the term "daddy" for a second to use it inappropriately in this context, but as a real dad in real life, if you treat your children or anyone under your protection including your wife or guests abusively, insult them, demand things and disrespect them, that isn't being a dad. That is being a bag of shit.

Being a dad is spending time with someone and being loving and nurturing and helping someone through their journey through life.

Now, the sexual relationship homonym Daddy is similar, except, this is a relationship between adults that has a positive masculine and nurturing similarity, but is a dom and sub relationship between someone and their partner.

But the same stuff that would make you a terrible dad makes you a terrible Daddy. Never do that to anyone.

Similar to the secondhand shame I feel as a man who dates women and hears about all the horrendous things the women feel like sharing about their previous male partners, I also hear things their previous doms / dommes / and daddies have done to them which are abusive.

I know there are other nurturing men and daddies out there. I wish there were more of us and fewer assholes.

Sorry for the random rant, but if "Daddy" makes you feel fear, shame, anxiety, stress, when he comes home or has a disagreement with you, or if you don't feel safe around him, he's fucked up. Big time. Daddy should be the one person in your life who you can be absolutely sure will treat you right. And if he isn't, he shouldn't be called Daddy.

Daddy should be a mature enough adult to handle his own emotions and not lash out at you like a child, he should be calm and able to handle disagreements when they happen.

I had an easy solution for disagreements that have worked for the past 24 years. When my partner and I disagree on something trivial, she's right.

When something is very very important to me and I don't have time to discuss it because it is urgent, I ask that we follow my lead.

When we have time to discuss it, and it's very important, I explain my position and if I am not persuasive, she's right.

So, in an emergency, we follow me, every other time, she gets her way and if it doesn't work out, we try something else.

Just.... no deadlocks, no anger, no struggle, no argument. We talk things out if they're that important. Otherwise, and even so, we have a tiebreak system.

We're partners, and both adults, so, this is how it works.

Never had to yell at a partner ever. No one has ever been afraid of me coming home or even when something upsets me.

I am actually a rather emotional man. I have a lot of empathy and my own emotions as well. But I keep them in check. They are not for dumping on my partner. If I need to do that I will get a therapist.

Just thoughts on the subject of being a Daddy. Either get your shit together and be a good one, or don't bother.

 

[Bunnys_Wolfie]

Today I gave some advice to some new to the community LGs over on Fetlife.

18-25 and they're just getting started, wanted to let them know that someone is not a daddy just because they enter your PMs and start ordering you around and being insulting. If anything that's an immediate disqualification. Dom is a status that the sub bestows upon you willingly and without coercion, or it is not real, it's just a form of manipulation and abuse.

Well said, good sir! Accepting the title of Daddy is a responsibility, just as being a dad is a responsibility. A Daddy should hold space for their little where they can fall apart then pull back together; a space where they can experiment and either succeed or fail without consequence; a space where they can grow into the best version of themselves. If a “Daddy” is not ready, willing, and able to do that, then they are not a Daddy in my opinion.

One concern I’ve had since I joined is that there is little information on vetting. That bothers me because of the multiple “looking for Dom/sub” posts I see on multiple Forums. I do recognize that many of those will be virtual, but even then, I believe everyone involved should be educated and have a good experience. I’ve collected some information on vetting from several sources, as well as my own experience, and I present it below. This is geared more toward a general D/s relationship, but based on my experience is applicable to all. I apologize for the length, but I do have some passion about this topic. I would appreciate your input.

——————

This list is geared toward the submissive.

Questions for the submissive to ask themselves. You must know yourself and have an understanding of why you are pursuing a power exchange relationship.

What excites you most about submission?
What desires or fantasies are calling to you?
What experiences have shaped your views on power exchange?
What are your hard and soft limits? (Physical, emotional, and mental boundaries)
What values do you want in a Dominant?
How do you want to feel in a dynamic? Safe, cherished, challenged?
How do you handle vulnerability? What kind of care do you need
in high-emotion moments?

Questions for the Dom (submissives should not be surprised if the Dom ask them some of these as well).

How do you define dominance and submission? What does that mean to you personally?
What is your experience in D/s dynamics? Have you had previous submissives? If so, what were those dynamics like?
How do you approach training a submissive? What does learning and growth look like in your dynamic?
What does leadership mean to you in a D/s relationship?
What are some ways you keep your skills as a Dominant sharp and evolving?
What dynamics excite you the most? Do they align with my interests?
Do you prefer structure and protocols in a dynamic, or a more relaxed and intuitive approach?
Are there any kinks you have little or no experience with but are interested in learning more about?
What are your hard and soft limits? Yes, Doms should have limits too!
How do you feel about fluidity in dynamics (switching roles, evolving preferences, etc.)?
How do you ensure ongoing consent in scenes and daily life?
Tell me about a time you had to handle a submissive’s limits being reached—how did you react?
Have you ever had to end a scene or dynamic due to consent or boundary issues? What did you learn from that experience?
How do you handle a situation where a submissive withdraws consent mid-scene?
How do you like to check in after play or high-intensity scenes?
What does aftercare look like for you?
How do you ensure your submissive is physically and emotionally well after play?
How do you handle emotional drop or unexpected reactions after a scene?
How do you like to receive aftercare as a Dominant?
Can you tell me about a time you really needed aftercare well outside of a scene?
How do you communicate expectations and desires within a dynamic?
How do you handle conflict within a D/s relationship?
Have you ever been in a disagreement with a previous submissive? How was it resolved?
What are your expectations for daily life vs. scene dynamics?
How do you balance discipline and support with a submissive partner?
How do you approach discussions around STI testing and safer sex practices?
When is the last time you were tested? Can we compare results/get tested together?
What precautions do you take to ensure physical and emotional safety during play?
Have you ever taken formal BDSM safety courses or first aid training?
Do you have any injuries/physical limitations or emotional needs that are important to consider when it comes to safety?
What does trust mean to you in a D/s relationship?
How do you ensure your submissive always feels valued and empowered in their role?
What do you believe is the most rewarding part of being a Dominant?
Are you available for a long-term dynamic, or a short-term dynamic?
What are your expectations regarding exclusivity vs. openness in dynamics?

Red Flags to Watch For:
Pushy behavior, dismissing your boundaries, or getting upset at vetting
Rushing into a dynamic before trust is built
No online presence, unwilling to provide basic safety information
A history of negative reputation in kink spaces
Resistance to discussing their own limits, safety practices, or past experiences

Green Flags:
Open to discussions and respects your boundaries
Self-awareness of their strengths and limitations as a Dominant
Encourages your self-trust, not just reliance on them
Has a clear understanding of safety, risk, and emotional responsibility

And finally:
Social Media Sweep: Do they have a public presence? Who engages with them? Do they have a reputation (good or bad)?
Google Search: Ask for their full name and do a search. Look at news mentions, forums, or anything relevant.
Criminal/Offender Checks: Look up local sex offender registries!
Community Standing: Are they part of local or online BDSM spaces? How do others speak about them? Don’t be afraid to ask for references and chat with people who have played with this Dom before. A good Dom will gladly send you references.

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

Questions for the Dom (submissives should not be surprised if the Dom ask them some of these as well).

How do you define dominance and submission?

Submission means my partner, as part of her romantic and sexual roleplaying, voluntarily and without coercion, gives me permission to take the lead in our bedroom activities or everyday life, gives me permission to ask her to do things for me (for us, actually), gives me permission to have a form of control over her body, voluntarily gives me trust, gives me her love, gives me her devotion, and in return, expects that I use all that I give her, to return to her all that love, all that affection, and give her untold amounts of pleasure in a form she can't get any other way or from any other kind of relationship, unlike any other man.

This form of trust and intimacy forms a special romantic and erotic bond, that shall not be treated as trivial, nor does it actually grant me any real form of unequal power in our relationship. If she says no, that means no.

Dominance is the role my partner grants me, as a way of serving her romantically and erotically.

It is NOT something you take. It is a gift that is given.

It should only be given to someone worthy of that trust, who will return the devotion you give.

What does that mean to you personally?

It is the most romantic form of romance I can think of. It created the deepest intimacy and bond between me and my partners.

They were mine because their hearts chose me, and my heart chose her, so we belonged to each other.

I have felt love outside of the D/s relationship.

But this only enhances things for me, and fulfills all of my partner's deepest needs and fantasies for her, so...... it is very important to me.

I don't do this because I need to be in charge, or to soothe my masculine ego.

Fuck all of that. ALL OF THAT is bullshit.

I do this because she wants me to, and it pleases me to serve her.

I happen to serve her from the top, in a dom role, but it is still a form of service.

What is your experience in D/s dynamics?

About 14 total years, and not counting the marriage, that accounts for almost 100 percent of my entire dating and romantic experience.

It didn't apply to one woman, but it applied to all the others and it was glorious every time.

Have you had previous submissives?

Informally they all were as they all quickly entered into a similar comfortable pattern with me, but no one said to me they were a submissive or formalized our relationship.

I have been called Daddy spontaneously, without being asked to be called that.

I was always honored and turned on by this. It meant I had reached a level of romantic partner she holds in the highest respect in her heart.

If so, what were those dynamics like?

I am a pleasure dom, service dom, soft dom, not sadistic or masochistic.

So, think of a completely submissive pleasure giver, except, they're also in charge.

That's me, I tie up my partners and put them in submissive positions and then I service them like I'm their trained pet.

I love it.

I'm sort of in charge but she's really in charge, she just doesn't have to say anything.

Technically I'm still doing the domming, since I'm making all the decisions and taking the lead.

How do you approach training a submissive?

Positive reinforcement. Every time she trusts me, she will be lavishly rewarded with all the orgasms I can give.

And I don't withhold them so.... she's going to have fun anyway.

I find she just tends to assume the positions I ask because theyre too much fun not to.

Please get on your hands and knees on the bed for me, my sweet girl.

Yes, Daddy, and she does. And then I make her night very special. And she loves it.

What does learning and growth look like in your dynamic?

It takes a lot to convince a woman from no relationship that you are the sort of special person she can completely trust.

Unfortunately most men have ruined the concept of trust for her.

It takes a while, but she needs to realize over time, I will never hurt her, and seek to pleasure her like I have a mental illness that compels me to make her happy.

Once she gets that, the learning curve is very easy. You trust, you tell me your limits and your desires, and I make them happen, and you learn to follow my lead, and correct me when I need a nudge in a certain direction.

She can test me by saying stop, and I will stop. I'm a bit like Forrest Gump in that regard.

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

What does leadership mean to you in a D/s relationship?

Anyone can bark orders.

People follow real leaders voluntarily.

I have never failed to convince a woman to follow me in the bedroom and my relationships have lasted 6 months, 3 years, 10 years, 10 years....

So, I'm doing something right. My partners stay with me out of love and happiness, not fear.

No one is ever afraid of me. Not after they get to know me for a day. A day is all it takes really.

Some folks may be able to fake being like me longer than that, so they should be more cautious, but.

Leadership is inspiring that devotion, by cultivating it, rewarding it when it exists. And being someone worth it.

What are some ways you keep your skills as a Dominant sharp and evolving?

That is a good question, I haven't.... considered that. I was still discovering deeper and deeper depths of my partner's fantasies and imagination and desires 10 years in, so I must have been doing something right to have her continue to trust me with that for that long---

So I never hit a wall where I felt I needed to adapt or change what I am doing

So if I ever hit such a wall I would be open to suggestions.

A generic response is, I listen. I am always learning.

Everyone in this world has something to teach you, by positive example or negative example, or by relaying skills or knowledge you need.

EVERYONE is your mentor.

And no one is a more valuable instructor than your partner. No one but her will know her body from her perspective.

I will be the person in this world who knows her body better than anyone else, might know it nearly as well as she does, and help her discover stuff about her body she didnt even know.

But I will never presume to know more about how she feels in her own body than she does.

So by default, communicate with your partner and always be willing to learn.

When you think you know everything that's when you are at your most foolish.

What dynamics excite you the most?

Orgasm control.

I like to have full control over my partner's body and learn how to make her cum without any assistance or instruction, in as many different ways as possible.

Oral sex, oral sex and toys, oral sex and fingers, anal play, nipple play, vaginal penetration, penetration plus toys..... every way I can possibly make her orgasm, I will learn.

It can take years, which is why I love the relationship as a deep investment.

I love that these bonds and skills take years to develop. It makes every night insanely satisfying for both of us.

Do you prefer structure and protocols in a dynamic, or a more relaxed and intuitive approach?

I would be neutral or chaotic leaning good on the alignment chart, I do not believe in stuffy protocols, no offense to those who appreciate rigid structure.

I intuit and go by whims based on the playbook we've already agreed to that I know she likes and sometimes, expand the playbook with her permission going by whatever my creative kinky mind can come up with.

I improvise the dance and she follows, because we're very experienced at following the lead of a random dance, and improvising the dance.

The lack of structure works for us because she can always change course by telling me slow down, stop, let me out, let's do X, harder, softer, faster, slower..... etc.

No structure or planning needed. Just creativity.

Are there any kinks you have little or no experience with but are interested in learning more about?

Oh my yes.

What are your hard and soft limits? Yes, Doms should have limits too!

I do not take.
I do not abuse.
I do not leave marks.
I do not injure.
I do not humiliate or degrade in any manner she doesn't want, basically, if she wants me to call her a dirty slut, I can do that, but that's not natural for me. That's me adapting to her wants.

I think being spoken to in a dirty manner can be thrilling. That's what that has to be, otherwise it will not happen.

I sound like I am made of sugar and not spice, there's plenty of cinnamon in this sugar candy of a Daddy, I can be hot.

But I will not do pain and abuse and degradation, especially just for the sake of doing so, especially double triple never if my partner says no to those things, or is neutral about them.

They're somewhere near a hard limit for me anyway.

I sort of hope she says no so I can stick to sweet things.

If her thing she has to do to be happy is be called names and be peed on, a part of my heart sinks and wonders if I say no, who she will end up with who will do that to her.

Better that she gets it from me, a person who doesn't mean it, and would shower her off.... but I still.... this is not for me. At all. It makes me feel bad, actually.

A lot of that stuff hovers around hard limit territory. I need to entirely understand why she needs this, and that she really needs it, otherwise its not even okay, and goes directly to hard limit. Soft limit would be, well.... she's convinced me this has to happen for her to be happy with me. So I'm making sacrifices.

But this is really like, abusive, and I don't do abuse, so I'm very uncomfortable.

How do you feel about fluidity in dynamics (switching roles, evolving preferences, etc.)?

I will do absolutely everything for my partner I would ask of her, even if it isn't my kink.

I do not like being spanked, but I will, if she likes to be spanked, and then says she wants to do it to me.

I will not do anything to my partner I can't handle being done to me.

If she wants to switch and be a dom, hell, fuck me in the ass with a strapon, go for it.

You trusted me with your body, I will trust you with mine.

We are equals, deep down. Thank you for trusting me.

How do you ensure ongoing consent in scenes and daily life?

I listen.

I can tell if she is having a good time and SHE KNOWS I will not be offended if she says stop, or slow down, or gentle or hard.

We learn this the first time we try spanking. I explain, I WANT INSTRUCTIONS and you need to tell me if you want it harder, or to stop.

How I teach that, simple. I spank you too lightly on purpose.

It wouldn't frighten a bunny. So, you want to feel pleasure, all tied up, tell me to spank you harder.

Tell me that's okay. And then I do a little bit more, a little bit more.

Tell me when youre getting close to too much.

Also, I can see your body react.

I know what a pleasure reaction is, and what is pain. If I am confused, these erotic spankings will train me your specific signals.

And you can turn around and slap my ass all you want. Not my thing, but I deserve it if I even came close to hurting you.

Tell me about a time you had to handle a submissive’s limits being reached—how did you react?

I have had a partner tell me I was sucking her nipples too hard.

I reacted like I had touched a hot stove.

I stopped immediately.

We don't do pain.

I learned and was very gentle from now on, and had to be told I could go harder again. That's better, to err on the side of too cautious.

Have you ever had to end a scene or dynamic due to consent or boundary issues? What did you learn from that experience?

Never.

We dont start the scene without consent and knowing her boundaries and I listen, so it never ended entirely, ever.

I would, its not a point of pride or anything, but ideally this shouldnt happen much. But if it does happen I need to react properly, not worry about the streak, so to speak.

Just end the scene if it needs to end. Dont let ego get involved.

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

How do you handle a situation where a submissive withdraws consent mid-scene?

You end the scene. No consent, no scene, no game, no touching.

How do you like to check in after play or high-intensity scenes?

I ask my partner if she is okay. We cuddle and snuggle and I kiss her after. I help clean her up if need be. We shower, I take good care of her.

Also the scenes I have done have never been too intense I think for anyone. Exciting yes, but I havent had like, a masochist or a pain kink person, so.... it hasn't been needed except to remind her this is a game and I care for her in the romantic sense and I am her friend.

The dom and sub thing, is a game, and its over. we are friends and equals and lovers.

What does aftercare look like for you?

Everything that makes her calm, comfortable, and feeling respected and loved, also see above.

How do you ensure your submissive is physically and emotionally well after play?

I ask and I offer, and we talk outside of the bedroom and she knows I am constantly trying to improve and I LISTEN to criticism and dont take it personally.

these are the cheat codes. these are the instructions on how to win. as a gamer, I listen.

thats a metaphor, if a woman is telling you how to pleasure her better, fucking listen.

How do you handle emotional drop or unexpected reactions after a scene?

Ummmmmm I'd probably handle it the same way I would if she was upset or sad or stressed about something else.

Hasn't happened so couldnt say specifically, but.

Same reaction. I am here for you.

How do you like to receive aftercare as a Dominant?

I want cuddles and snuggles the most.

Also, a drink or a shower, I can get it myself, but gosh.... I love being catered to same as any other human being does.

Can you tell me about a time you really needed aftercare well outside of a scene?

not applicable, just standard im thirsty, I need a shower, let's cuddle. nothing special here.

How do you communicate expectations and desires within a dynamic?

during scenes I keep the communication simpler so as not to disrupt the scene itself

But

outside of it, I tend to write things out, and I am an effective communicator in text.

I may err on the side of too much detail, but frankly, it has served me very well so far.

Hard to change tracks when it always works well.

How do you handle conflict within a D/s relationship?

There is no conflict. We do what she consents to, I suggest things and she agrees or gives me an explicit no.

No means no and I agree with her.

You know why it is so easy- i get like 95 percent of my pleasure through vicarious means.

If my partner isnt happy during sex, I sense that so much, and it absolutely KILLS my ability to feel pleasure with her.

Thats why my loveless marriage went straight to sexless almost right away, she had no sexual desire at all, so... i couldnt be happy having sex with her so I stopped trying.

No consent, no ethusiastic consent, means no sex to me.

No sex is lonely and horny, but it's infinitely better than assault.

Have you ever been in a disagreement with a previous submissive? How was it resolved?

All couples disagree.

On stuff that matters more to her, I just agree with her. If she wants my opinion I give it, if it isnt persuasive, we go with her opinion.

On stuff that matters more to me, I argue my position, and if she still doesn't agree, we go with her opinion.

on stuff that is an emergency we dont have time to discuss it, follow my lead. Im a worry wart and always have an escape route planned. If this were death road to canada, im the guy that leads everyone out of the burning building through the fire escape route I planned in my head.

So, follow me in an emergency, I know how to calmly handle stressful situations.

I am numb to the anxiety and stress, so I just think rationally.

So, also, this makes it more equal and we remember that my input does matter too.

Its my responsibility to keep us alive and healthy in dangerous situations. everything else, is her call if she doesnt agree with me.

Easy. Life is a lot easier without stupid arguments over shit that doesnt matter.

What are your expectations for daily life vs. scene dynamics?

whatever my partner wants.

I have no specific need to be her daddy dom outside of the bedroom but if she wants me to continue calling her my sweet baby girl, then fine.

We can continue the roleplay in a romantic, and nonsexual, manner.

How do you balance discipline and support with a submissive partner?

Discipline- if she did something truly wrong or upsetting we talk about it as equals outside of dom and sub roleplay and I explain in logical words why I felt it wasnt the best choice.

If she doesnt agree, then I've failed to articulate my argument well.

Please understand, we are both adults and she is under no obligation to ever agree with me.

How do you approach discussions around STI testing and safer sex practices?

Long term monogamous relationships made that moot

as for avoiding pregnancy, well.... we didnt have penis in vagina sex unless we were prepared to accept the consequences of me pulling out and oops, the precum was still too potent.

It never happened but, we took the risk.

When is the last time you were tested? Can we compare results/get tested together?

none of my partners ever had a any symptoms and ive been with 2 women in 20 years and only a few before then, so.

Hadnt come up.

 

[DaddyLovesKitten]

What precautions do you take to ensure physical and emotional safety during play?

Listening and reading my partner's expressions.

Checking comfort levels. Generally if you restrain a partner its okay as long as youre not overextending a limb or putting them in discomfort.

Letting them out if they need to be out.

Have you ever taken formal BDSM safety courses or first aid training?

No, our play has never been dangerous enough to warrant it. I havent even used ropes, just fuzzy handcuffs, so.... no worry about circulation issues either.

Do you have any injuries/physical limitations or emotional needs that are important to consider when it comes to safety?

No not yet.

What does trust mean to you in a D/s relationship?

everything, see all above.

How do you ensure your submissive always feels valued and empowered in their role?

1. before we ever engage in any sex, as part of getting to know each other, i explain my moral and ethical practice- negative consequentialism. its my "religion" in the non religious sense.

2. before we ever engage in any sex, I explain how my role is to serve and please her and I need her to tell me if she has needs I am not meeting, or if she is afraid, uncomfortable, needs to get up and go to the bathroom, ANYTHING. communicate, always communicate. the safe word is stop. end of story, since we don't do CNC or I havent yet.

3. I always listen to her body and her words. I never don't obey.

if that happens for 10 years straight youre gonna feel pretty fucking valued and empowered.

What do you believe is the most rewarding part of being a Dominant?

My partner being content with me for a huge portion of her life, going to bed every night fully satisfied.

Are you available for a long-term dynamic, or a short-term dynamic?

Long term, always. I want one special woman.

What are your expectations regarding exclusivity vs. openness in dynamics?

After my marriage failed due to her sexual orientation being aroace, I realized I could have been trapped in a loveless sexless marriage.

My partner granted me the right to go seek romance. We then separated.

But if my partner wants permission to seek out pleasure and romance elsewhere, she need only ask.

I want her to be fully happy.

I want one woman, who treats me like I am the only man she could ever need, but if I falter, and I can only be 99 percent of what she wants in a partner and she needs to go get that 1 percent somewhere else

or if I should become paralyzed and the only way to express my love is to give her full permission to date whoever she wants

its all granted.

I just want her happiness. im happy when she is. if she really did give me a solid chance at being the only man for her.

Red Flags to Watch For:
Pushy behavior, dismissing your boundaries, or getting upset at vetting

I've only ever experienced this from partners, where it didnt last long and I moved on.

Rushing into a dynamic before trust is built

heh.

I might be too slow for some folks. I am open about kinks and fantasies but actually sexting or getting together..... is different.

No online presence, unwilling to provide basic safety information

heh

ive offered to screenshot and photograph my ID, myself, today's date, their screen name, and video and voice call.

tell them where I live.

I know women are taking most of the risk here. I try to mitigate that by being entirely open.

A history of negative reputation in kink spaces

I wish women could have full knowledge of my sexual history. I might not be single right now if so.

Resistance to discussing their own limits, safety practices, or past experiences

heh, try to shut me up about it.

Green Flags:
Open to discussions and respects your boundaries

the most basic bare minimums.

Self-awareness of their strengths and limitations as a Dominant

I am a mortal man and I need to learn before I'm any good, but my strength is listening and communicating and learning. So I hope thats self aware and not delusion but history has suggested im being self aware on that. Willing and open to the idea I'm wrong about that.

Encourages your self-trust, not just reliance on them

Oh god yes.

Being a Daddy, I explained in the previous posts, is about nurturing my partner so theyre the best most confident and capable and happy version of themself ever.

I do not gaslight my partners into thinking theyre helpless or they can only rely on me

I will die or be too sick one day. I hope to fuck they help me get to a hospital and are self reliant and miss the hell out of me when im gone.

But also, realize, they never needed me. They just wanted me nearby.

Which is an honor, but still. They dont need me, they just want me in their life.

Has a clear understanding of safety, risk, and emotional responsibility

Think I am okay on that, happy to be told if I am wrong.

ok I think i answered all of your dom questions.

 

[barefootgirl69]

One concern I’ve had since I joined is that there is little information on vetting. That bothers me because of the multiple “looking for Dom/sub” posts I see on multiple Forums.

I agree so much with this! But, how do you know to vet someone when you're new or exploring? Unless you actually meet someone who takes the time to inform you and slow things down, instead of the "be my daddy in three days" in Lit instant gratification. When it doesn't work out, then we hear "they're a fake dom" when in truth, y'all just weren't compatible.

I need to finish reading through these posts, but needed to say this right away!

 

[BiBunny]

Hi, guys.

I'm sorry I've been MIA. Between work and life and seasonal depression, I really haven't been doing much else.

Also, my Daddy--who's pretty much just one in name only, at this point--is a gigantic douchecanoe, and I never have anything positive to add on this thread. So I try not to come in and spread negativity.

I miss y'all, though, so here I am.