Darkmaas' Chamber of Coital Horror

[WickedEve]

Albatrosses are big, verry wide and smell kinda fishy. Just sayin'.




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Yeah, yeah, right. I'm sticking with tissue albatrosses. Sounds poetic. I'll just leave out the fishy part.

 

[darkmaas]

Sorry, this chamber needs a dusting. Tomorrow's challenge:

A short po-em, haiku-like, incorporating an albatross (nature theme), bran (for bij) and at least one use of egregious enjambment (tanka U Arnold).


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[Sara Crewe]

Sorry, this chamber needs a dusting. Tomorrow's challenge:

A short po-em, haiku-like, incorporating an albatross (nature theme), bran (for bij) and at least one use of egregious enjambment (tanka U Arnold).


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Yeah. Sign me up for that one.

And right after that, can you pull all my finger nails out and then dust my digits with salt?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Yeah. Sign me up for that one.

And right after that, can you pull all my finger nails out and then dust my digits with salt?

Me too please.

bj

 

[The_Fool]

I just show up for the Whisky.

 

[Chefzilla]

Like this?

My albatross is
a God-awful wedding night
of bran-induced hell.

Let's see...short, haiku-like (check); albatross (check); bran (check); enjambment (not so much); bad sex (implied. Check)

 

[ArnoldSnarb]

Sorry, this chamber needs a dusting. Tomorrow's challenge:

A short po-em, haiku-like, incorporating an albatross (nature theme), bran (for bij) and at least one use of egregious enjambment (tanka U Arnold).


::

.

poor taxidermist
with his small store of nuka
carefully measured
now stuffs jessica alba-
tross, packed firmly with his tool​

.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Sorry, this chamber needs a dusting. Tomorrow's challenge:

A short po-em, haiku-like, incorporating an albatross (nature theme), bran (for bij) and at least one use of egregious enjambment (tanka U Arnold).


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what the feck is an egregious enjambment?

 

[Remec]

Sorry, this chamber needs a dusting. Tomorrow's challenge:
A short po-em, haiku-like, incorporating an albatross (nature theme), bran (for bij) and at least one use of egregious enjambment (tanka U Arnold).

Plummeting feathered
omen, struck the unguarded
cereal bowl
.....~so much for regularity

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Black leather target
below the lucky alba
tross loosing his bomb!


ETA: Damn. I just read up and noticed that I'd used the same egregious enjambment as Arnold. :s I'll have to try again.

Ozmandius, pig-
eon plastered karma awaits
your neckless, arrogant
head.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Bran fed albatross
uncontrolled shit-
ting overseas

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Tell the ancient mariner
his angst could be less weighty
if he'd indulge in rough-
age. Then he'd move with-
out a slouch toward Bethlehem.

 

[champagne1982]

I have swallowed the tale of Moby
Dick and watched as upon the stained
back perches albatross and sea-
gull. Shitty little pecker.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

I have swallowed the tale of Moby
Dick and watched as upon the stained
back perches albatross and sea-
gull. Shitty little pecker.

HAH! Beautiful.

 

[ArnoldSnarb]

Tell the ancient mariner
his angst could be less weighty
if he'd indulge in rough-
age. Then he'd move with-
out a slouch toward Bethlehem.

The Rheum of the Ancient Mariner
for bj and dm and anyone with sniffles

It is an Ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth one of three.
His doctor says That is not right.
You've fibre 'nough to eat?

That bran, the sailor says, is rough
Trade for my morning egg.
Especially since I've labored since
To pump my darling Meg

And that takes calories, my boy!
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.
(Whatever fucking that might mean
To Coleridge, S. T.)

Your nose, the doctor says, though drips.
Do you take Claritin®?
The seaman, smiling, thrusts his hips
And winks: She don't complain.

Now to Darkmaas, apologies.
This is not haiku form.
But I'll toss in an albatross
So all won't be forlorn.


.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Roflllllllll Champ and Arnold good start to my day!

 

[darkmaas]

Well it's Friday in the chamber and the maids have done with dusting. With a theological reference from bij and chefzilla in the house it must be time for ...

FISH on FRIDAYS​

... so today's po-em will focus on fish as metaphor. Now before we proceed I think we should remember that Eve is sensitive about fishy smelling albatrosses so let's leave her albatross for another day. We all seem to have mastered enjambment so again, refrain. Thanks go out to chefzilla who remembered that the dominant decor in the chamber is bad sex.

Enough blather. Get out your quills and build a po-em taking its theme from the following snippet of conversation overheard at that table over in the corner with the flower vase (which is really a hidden microphone):



He said: I have bigger fish to fry.

She said: I care about guppies. Put it back. Her husband is looking for her--they haven't had a kid in over a minute.



Obviously "fish" is a metaphor for something more "sinister".

Let's work on rolling rhyming couplets for this one and, as fish have no feet, forget about counting those pesky iambs.




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[ArnoldSnarb]

... today's po-em will focus on fish as metaphor....

Parodies Lost

Of man's Disobedience and the fruit
Of his o'erweeing lust and its pursuit

Of what we euphemistically call "fish"
(Fine tasting, but a very different dish

Without scales or fins) is writ here poem.
Within, one will find nothing about phloem,

Though sometimes we may speak of woody plants—
Or lumber, anyway—and perhaps chance

Upon some talk of vascularity
In male organs that begin with "P",

Excepting Pancreas. But we digress
And try to find a way out of this mess

And back to fish. Some things were overheard
At an adjoining table, like that word

And guppy, fry, and Darling, throw it back
That seemed to us to not be an attack

Upon some Roman piscatorium
But rather sexual, and not humdrum.

This is not unprecedented: take Yeats,
His Aengus wandering in search of mates

Who started life as little silver trout
Through hollow, hilly lands and all about

The Irish countryside. Now where was I?
Yeah. At the other table was this guy

Preening, leering, looking quite the creep
Not like anyone with whom you'd sleep

Unless involuntarily. Although
Some pretty sexy women sometimes go

For loutish sorts unlike refinèd me,
A circumstance I've never quite believed.

But was their conversation sex or fish?
A dream that would devoutly to be wished

Or merely tropical aquaria?
Wild and untopical—malaria?

I guess that we will never really know.
It seems this poem only goes to show

How much I'm always thinking about sex
Which is very odd, as I'm getting next

To none at present, less than I would wish
In any case. But even drunk I kish

The loveliness of your unscaly hand.
I'd spawn with you, my dear, at your command.


.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Fish for Dinner

We won't require butter
or citrus scented oil.
No use for an hibachi
or perforated foil.
I love to lick it tender
and suckle it still raw
(I wonder if in Kansas
that's still against the law!)

 

[ArnoldSnarb]

.....

 

[darkmaas]

While eating fish is healthy, so I think,
And salmon is quite lovely—wet and pink—

It's not a real midwestern thing to eat.
The Kansan I know really likes her meat.

It's sad you know, I really hate
to commennt on another's plate,

but I heard she liked her bran
and looked for fibre in a man.


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[ArnoldSnarb]

.....

 

[darkmaas]

We won't require butter
or citrus scented oil.
No use for an hibachi
or perforated foil.
I love to lick it tender
and suckle it still raw
(I wonder if in Kansas
that's still against the law!)

Kansas is the weirdest state
with laws about what's on one's plate

It really sticks in darkmass' craw
if sushi is against the law

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I've heard it said (though hopefully not of me)
there are still better fish aswimming in the sea,
and baited hook is all there needs to use
to haul one in, but watch for sharks that cruise
often it seems in shoals looking for newer meat
especially virgin in the ways of knowing how to cheat.
These mammoths of the deep with toothy grins
ne'er care in how they carry out their sins,
with sweeping tails and purpose for their fill
the line is set for capture and the speedy kill.

 

[darkmaas]

Sharks may be fine beneath
if you're careful with the teeth
but if it thinner than it's long
it's hummin' Priapus' song
so come on dahling how's it feel
try a piece of my electric eel
you'll be praisin' heaven above
this ain't no guppy love


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