Deal-breakers: Why the next date never happened

[pop_54]

Re: Re: Hmmmmmmmmm

I completely believed your whole story except for that last part. It just didn't ring true.

Damn you joe, you always suss it out, ever had a six finger tug, it's epic.

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: Hmmmmmmmmm

I completely believed your whole story except for that last part. It just didn't ring true.

It's no wierder than the ferret in the freezer, is it?

 

[Madame Manga]

Speaking of paperbacks, I once had a late-night conversation around a campfire with an obviously smitten fellow and we got on the subject of science fiction. I made an offhand comment about an interest in science fiction trilogies or longer series.

A few days later, I received in the mail a four-page hand-ruled and handwritten list of all the science fiction series he owned or had ever heard of, with titles, date of publication and a short synopsis. I'm afraid he got monosyllabic thanks and the cold shoulder the next time we met. Perhaps the fact that I was 19 and he was in his middle thirties had something to do with it, and also that he asked a friend of my mother's to fix us up, but that list had "dealbreaker" all over it.

MM

 

[Guest]

Madam, what a deal breaker. The hand-ruled and written were awfully red flags, eh?

best, Perdita

 

[pop_54]

Yeppers

Madam, what a deal breaker. The hand-ruled and written were awfully red flags, eh?

best, Perdita

You're so right darling, I never do hand ruled and written, it's a dead cert turn off

 

[Madame Manga]

I actually feel kind of bad about the whole thing. I was a cross-grained, untactful teenager and I probably could have let him down a little more softly, but since I wasn't in the least used to masculine attention (and especially not from men close to twice my age) I didn't have any relevant social experience and didn't handle it too well.

I wouldn't say that from then on I treated every guy with unfailing kindness and wisdom--some lessons need to be learned over and over--but I discovered that geeks are often loyal, sweet, tolerant men and certainly a better deal than your average bad-boy swinger. Eventually I married a Dungeons and Dragons player with a gigantic SF paperback collection.

MM

 

[Guest]

Re: Yeppers

You're so right darling, I never do hand ruled and written, it's a dead cert turn off

Aw, Pirate man, you can use whatever you like. Nib, hand, whatever.

Perdita

 

[bridgeburner]

First and only date with a guy whose name I don't remember:

We went to a friend's house with a group and he tried to hold my hand and get cozy while they played all 3 Faces of Death movies.


edited to add:

It's maybe a tie for the guy I met at a Gulf War protest rally on the capitol steps. We shared a sleeping bag quite nicely but later in the evening while treking to the public toilets he let me know that a friend of his had a nuclear holocaust bunker and he was allowed to bring one person with him --- would I go with him?

yikes.


-B

 

[shereads]

First and only date with a guy whose name I don't remember:

We went to a friend's house with a group and he tried to hold my hand and get cozy while they played all 3 Faces of Death movies.

-B

Ouch. You just triggered a buried memory:

A friend in high school talked me into a double-date with her boyfriend's friend. Both "worked" as emergency night shift at the local volunteer fire department which was afflicted with an unfortunate lack of any fires for months at a time. The boys' idea of a romantic evening was watching back-to-back episodes of a godawful low-budget 70's TV show called "Emergency" (featuring the actors who weren't good enough for C.H.I.P.S) while groping the girls. There was some really awful tongue-kissing in the aftermath of potato chips and canned onion dip.

I need counseling now. I feel like the woman in The Three Faces of Eve when she finally remembers the incident that triggered her sickness.

 

[bridgeburner]

Oh god! I used to love Emergency --- when I was 7. It came on right before Adam 12!


-B

 

[Vincent E]

It's maybe a tie for the guy I met at a Gulf War protest rally on the capitol steps. We shared a sleeping bag quite nicely but later in the evening while treking to the public toilets he let me know that a friend of his had a nuclear holocaust bunker and he was allowed to bring one person with him --- would I go with him?

yikes.


-B

I guess you were not sold on the six year supply of toilet paper and the ten thousand meals ready to eat.

Ladies there are some things you should have been told by your parents before you went to high school or college. For instance, 99% of the boys who go to anti-war protests are really only there to meet girls.

That gay male friend in whom you confide your inner most secrets and thoughts and whom you sometimes invite to the slumber party, well he probably isn't gay.

The "nice guy" whom you turn to if you've broken up with a boyfriend - you know the guy, he is that platonic friend of yours that you value so much - well he is glad that you've broken up with the asshole, and right now he is trying to figure out where the clasp is on your bra for future reference, because deep down inside he really isn't that "nice guy."

Finally, your boyfriend or husband's best friend, the one who is always coming over to help or to watch the game and who just can't seem to find the right woman and the one you keep trying to fix up with someone but it never works, well it never works out because he wants you.

Now that I've given away so many trade secrets the rest of the men are going to be really pissed with me, so use this information judic, jucidu, judicia, damn it...use it wisely.

 

[angela146]

...Ladies there are some things you should have been told by your parents before you went to high school or college. For instance, 99% of the boys who go to anti-war protests are really only there to meet girls.

I hadn't thought of that. So it's sort of like a "munch" but with signs?

That gay male friend in whom you confide your inner most secrets and thoughts and whom you sometimes invite to the slumber party, well he probably isn't gay.

We knew that, silly, we're just waiting for him to admit it so we can jump his bone.

The "nice guy" whom you turn to if you've broken up with a boyfriend

Sorry, NA, I've never broken up with a boyfriend...

...Finally, your ... husband's best friend, the one who is always coming over to help or to watch the game and who just can't seem to find the right woman and the one you keep trying to fix up with someone but it never works, well it never works out because he wants you.

...and this is the perfect guy to have a three-way with.

Now that I've given away so many trade secrets the rest of the men are going to be really pissed with me, so use this information judic, jucidu, judicia, damn it...use it wisely.

Um... We already knew this... (except the part about protest rallies). What do you think we talk about at those slumber parties?

 

[bridgeburner]

Vincent,

Oh, I didn't mind him wanting to get in my pants ----- I'd have been extremely disappointed if he hadn't --- but the whole "Let's go live in a fallout shelter because somebody has to repopulate the earth" thing was a bit much for me. What's wrong with having sex without coffee?

I suppose I'm a little weird that way --- or at least in the experience of a lot of men. I'm fine having an amicable bout of hot monkey sex without exchanging numbers and pretending that we want to chat later.


-B

 

[SlickTony]

If there are books but they are arranged by size and shape not author or type - ditto.

AAMOF, I once did have my books arranged by type and then alphabetically by author, and not only that I even had them cataloged in a shareware book-specific database, but then two things happened:

I foolishly got rid of the sheet-metal doublewide bookcase from Sears that my dad got me in 1978 because it was warped and losing its parts, because I thought I'd be able to replace it with another one just like it, and then, suddenly, I had a lot less shelving for my books;

We moved to a different place, the house I'm living in now, and ran out of wall space for bookshelves, and since I have to double-layer them on the shelves, and some of the bookcases have to be up in the bedroom, there just doesn't seem to be any percentage in trying to arrange them like I had them before.

I don't think the ferret story is that weird. It sort of reminds me of the storyline in the charming Canadian comic strip For Better or For Worse where the bunny, Mr. B dies, and since it's Canada in the middle of the winter, the ground is so hard they can't bury him, so they put his body in the deepfreeze, and it somehow later falls into the hands of Mike and Deanna's landlady and they're afraid she's going to cook him...but she realizes that he must have been a beloved pet and she provides a pretty box for him

.

bongs, any sort of weapons displayed on the wall, bookshelves full of paperbacks

I got my son a Japanese sword for Christmas, and he's going to put it on his wall as soon as we get around to buying the wherewithal for putting it on the wall with. But then he's interested in martial arts. It shouldn't be a deal breaker unless there are too many of them.

And what's wrong with paperback books? Not all of us can spring for $35 for a hard cover book every single time, not if we've got a serious reading habit.

 

[shereads]

I guess you were not sold on the six year supply of toilet paper and the ten thousand meals ready to eat.

Ladies there are some things you should have been told by your parents before you went to high school or college. For instance, 99% of the boys who go to anti-war protests are really only there to meet girls.

That gay male friend in whom you confide your inner most secrets and thoughts and whom you sometimes invite to the slumber party, well he probably isn't gay.

The "nice guy" whom you turn to if you've broken up with a boyfriend - you know the guy, he is that platonic friend of yours that you value so much - well he is glad that you've broken up with the asshole, and right now he is trying to figure out where the clasp is on your bra for future reference, because deep down inside he really isn't that "nice guy."

Finally, your boyfriend or husband's best friend, the one who is always coming over to help or to watch the game and who just can't seem to find the right woman and the one you keep trying to fix up with someone but it never works, well it never works out because he wants you.

Now that I've given away so many trade secrets the rest of the men are going to be really pissed with me, so use this information judic, jucidu, judicia, damn it...use it wisely.

I knew all of that except for the war protest one.

The gay friend one, I don't believe. All of my gay friends are certified by the Gay Friends' Association.

 

[shereads]

AAMOF, I once did have my books arranged by type and then alphabetically by author, and not only that I even had them cataloged in a shareware book-specific database, but then two things happened:

I foolishly got rid of the sheet-metal doublewide bookcase from Sears that my dad got me in 1978 because it was warped and losing its parts, because I thought I'd be able to replace it with another one just like it, and then, suddenly, I had a lot less shelving for my books;

We moved to a different place, the house I'm living in now, and ran out of wall space for bookshelves, and since I have to double-layer them on the shelves, and some of the bookcases have to be up in the bedroom, there just doesn't seem to be any percentage in trying to arrange them like I had them before.

I don't think the ferret story is that weird. It sort of reminds me of the storyline in the charming Canadian comic strip For Better or For Worse where the bunny, Mr. B dies, and since it's Canada in the middle of the winter, the ground is so hard they can't bury him, so they put his body in the deepfreeze, and it somehow later falls into the hands of Mike and Deanna's landlady and they're afraid she's going to cook him...but she realizes that he must have been a beloved pet and she provides a pretty box for him

.

I got my son a Japanese sword for Christmas, and he's going to put it on his wall as soon as we get around to buying the wherewithal for putting it on the wall with. But then he's interested in martial arts. It shouldn't be a deal breaker unless there are too many of them.

And what's wrong with paperback books? Not all of us can spring for $35 for a hard cover book every single time, not if we've got a serious reading habit.

When I owned a bong, I was popular inspite of it. Or maybe because of it.

 

[Guest]

When I owned a bong,

Now I need to build a little altar to you, ella. And keep a perpetual devotion candle lit in front of it, plus the usual daily food offerings, etc.

Perdita

Edit: Hold the altar! Was that a Dan or Jul bong, ella?

 

[shereads]

Now I need to build a little altar to you, ella. And keep a perpetual devotion candle lit in front of it, plus the usual daily food offerings, etc.

Perdita

Edit: Hold the altar! Was that a Dan or Jul bong, ella?

It was the 80's, okay? Didn't everybody own a bong?

Cash will be fine.

 

[SlickTony]

I used to own a bong, and only got rid of it a few years ago. It was cool: this guy we knew made them. There was a bowl, a couple of pieces of steel tubing, a rubber tube and a lucite mouthpiece, and a two-hole stopper and the whole thing plugged into the old-style family size Coke bottle they used to have before they started coming out with two-liters. You could take the whole thing apart and pack it in a small box. You absolutely got the best of everything you smoked in it.

 

[Guest]

Hi Tony. I was referring to a martial arts weapon, not a hookah thingy.

Perdita

 

[destinie21]

prior to my current marital bliss I had a few dates that were destined to be the first and last. The two that stand out the most are as follows

first was the woman who was checking out closet space. (on the very first date? WTF)

and the second is the grown woman who asked me in for a drink
and proceeded to show me an insane amount of stuffed animals that she had all over the place. I thought she was going to serve my drink in a sippy cup

 

[shereads]

I used to own a bong, and only got rid of it a few years ago. It was cool: this guy we knew made them. There was a bowl, a couple of pieces of steel tubing, a rubber tube and a lucite mouthpiece, and a two-hole stopper and the whole thing plugged into the old-style family size Coke bottle they used to have before they started coming out with two-liters. You could take the whole thing apart and pack it in a small box. You absolutely got the best of everything you smoked in it.

Oh, the nostalgia. Mine was a simple contraption of red plastic. Nothing fancy, but always the life of the party.

 

[SlickTony]

I was referring to a martial arts weapon, not a hookah thingy.

OK, Perdita, you'll have to enlighten me. I mean, I have some martial arts training myself, but I don't know what a bong is in that context.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

There are certain danger signs you should always look for when you go into someone’s apartment: any evidence of taxidermy, cigarette lighters made from hand grenades or other army ordnance, inspirational posters on the wall, toilet-paper cosies, engine parts in the kitchen, depilitory creams in the bath room, novel toilet seats, more than three pictures of desolate beaches on the walls, bongs, any sort of weapons displayed on the wall, bookshelves full of paperbacks, evidence of a Garfield fetish, themed sets of refrigerator magnets, a TV in the bedroom bigger than the one in the living room, mirrored tiles on the bedroom ceiling, too many scented candles, etc. etc..

I knew a girl who once went out with this guy, and the date went nicely. They went back to his apartment which seemed to have none of these danger signals until she started looking at the pictures on his walls. The guy was an artist, and all the pictures were of Barbra Streisand, cut from magazines. Then he started pulling his own Barbra Steisand paintings out of his closet and from under his bed. He had scores of them. Finally showed her, in another room, his studio where he had this big 5’X7’ collage of Barbra and her entire life that he was working on.

That did it for her. Out she went.

---dr.M.

Shit! I got to do some cleaning. I suppose the dressed up to look like human dildos have to go as well?


The only time I can ever recall not going on a second date with a woman.

She was fine, the date went excellent. She drove off toward home, so did I. When I reached home I figured she would be arriving home about the same time. I called to see she made it home OK. (really I was wanting to talk some more.)

Yea, her husband answering the phone was not what I expected. Nor the 50 million questions as to why I was calling his wife so late at night. "Duh, I dunno!"

Was not a good experience for me none the less.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

OK, Perdita, you'll have to enlighten me. I mean, I have some martial arts training myself, but I don't know what a bong is in that context.

"Bong" is the sound of the edge of your hand missing his head and instead hitting the kitchen sink.


Svenskaflicka
5th Kyu in Aikido