Dear X:

[midwestyankee]

You are my first mouse hero since my toddler years, when it was Mighty Mouse.

The difference? You're real life.

And a helluva lot better looking.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dear X.

You are fighting your way out of a repressed linear upbringing. I get that. And you are attracted to people like me because we seem flashy and entertaining and our Wild Child™ spirit is something you want to have a part of. I get that.

But you don't get to pick and choose among the parts of me, and if I hear you make any more judgement calls about my life -- I was NOT put on this earth to be your entertainment. There's letting myself be vulnerable, and then there's letting myself be your reality show.

 

[knot_sweet]

Dear J

Soooo, you're gone, off into your new life.

And you say you still need me and want me to be your friend.

You say it was harder than you thought it would be to watch me walk away after you dropped me home for the last time.

You say you considered me above all things when you made this decision.

I say bullshit.

I say you're just good at telling nice lies to make other people feel ok.

I didn't expect to feel like this. I know you don't.

And when I'm there at march out, and you're ignoring me so you don't have to explain me to your mother, or to the girl you'll fall in love with on course, I'll still feel like this.

I wish I could dislike you for it, but I can't.

It's not your fault and I have no-one to blame but myself for you taking the easy option I gave you.

I always knew I wasn't worth more, so expecting you to see something that isn't there is just unfair.

Thanks though, for the last few months.

Sun rays and saturdays right?

 

[Babyslave]

For no one in particular,

Words I wish I could say to those around me.

I think that like with D/s, there are hard limits when battling cancer. There is a point when one says – enough is enough. I'm not to that point, but I can't deny that there is a STOP point in my head. When the fight simply has to come to an end. I can't do more than I can manage while remaining able to care for myself. Yes, I have help. There are people willing and wanting to take me to the doctors appointments, to do my shopping to help with household chores, laundry, when I can't do these things myself.

To date, I've been willing to compromise with my medical team. Not refusing treatment, but asking to hold off until I know I'm able to handle it. Until I can make arrangements for care for my parents, to find a place to stay until I can manage on my own, here. I love my team of doctors. But, there are times when they forget about ME, the person housing this disease, and only see the cancer. Hey, I get it. That's their job. But, I'm not a bunch of numbers, I'm not a film, I'm not a test result. I am more than the cancer. Already it pisses me off. That cancer plays a part in so many decisions I make. Things I MUST do, because of the cancer, things I can't do because of it. I refuse to be ONLY the cancer inside me.

Instead, I have these thoughts in my head, and feel guilty for them. I fear that when; IF -I reach that point when I say “Stop. I can do no more” I will be perceived as a quitter. I am NOT. But I refuse to die trying. I'd rather stop, and spend time doing things that please me rather than being in a bed, or a hospital room, or crouched over a toilet heaving my guts out. To be with those who matter, to be outside, not cooped up. I don't consider that giving up. I consider that making a choice to live. Live MY life in a way that I want to. Please don't me feel like shit if this comes to pass.

FYI? I plan on kicking cancers ass, and all of this will be moot, but I would rather have an idea in my head of how far I'm willing to go. How much of me I'm willing to lose. I look back over the last year, and fuck, but I miss the me I was then.

For one who may read this and worry – don't. There is no new news. I'm not hiding anything. I appreciate you standing by me, even when I've tried to push you away. That you've been willing to let me lead, to take what I need, give what I can. I adore you.

 

[redslady]

Dear Babyslave,

I've been thinking about you a lot and wondering how things were going with you. You are right, you will beat this bastard. However, I know exactly what you mean about having that stopping point. I have mine. I also know what you mean about sometimes feeling like those around you think of only the disease and not the person fighting it. Almost as if you are only cancer and nothing else.

I'm very glad you have a strong network around you, that your doctors work with you, but...and here's the thing I learned. You have to have a quiet place, a place where you can be alone with your thoughts and gather your strength for what comes next. It's also very okay to say to everyone around you that you need some time to figure things out. That can be hard because we end up feeling guilty, or selfish, or ungrateful when we do this after all they have done for us and are willing to do. But, Babyslave, it is so necessary for our own sanity.

We have to remember what and who we are fighting for. Yes, we are fighting for our family and friends, because the loss of us would hurt them, and sometime we use this to keep fighting. But, ultimately, we are fighting for our lives.

Keep up the fight, Babyslave and know that there are people who've never met you and still care and worry about you.

Red.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Dear Babyslave,

First, please know that I've doubled up on your positive vibes antennae, and that you are in my thoughts.

Second, please *do* tell those around you how you feel. You have the right to feel as you do, and they have the right to try to understand how you feel and why you feel that way. Take some chocolate (for tranquility and just because chocolate's a good thing, and sit down with them, one at a time, or all together, and do your best to get them to try to see things from YOUR point of view. After all, it's your body, your life. You might actually be pleasantly surprised at the proportion of them who are able to understand, at least to some degree.

Last, know that you are in my thoughts, and your antennae are broadcasting away full blast.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Dear Babyslave,



*repeat as needed*

 

[Babyslave]

Dear Babyslave,

Keep up the fight, Babyslave and know that there are people who've never met you and still care and worry about you.

Red.

Thank you, lovely lady. I've been thinking about you too. I appreciate the love, and the thoughts. I will find 'my place' to go to when I need to just....be.

Dear Babyslave,

First, please know that I've doubled up on your positive vibes antennae, and that you are in my thoughts.

Last, know that you are in my thoughts, and your antennae are broadcasting away full blast.

Right back 'atcha, Sir. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. *kisses*

Sigh. I will try. My parents are BIG into denial, and the few times I've tried to start a conversation like this, I've gotten shut down. But, perhaps...with my closest friends... an invite for a girls nite, complete with ice cream (chocolate with xtra chocolate on the side), maybe a bottle of wine....maybe a sleepover.

It's a great idea. Thank you.

Dear Babyslave,



*repeat as needed*

You. Yes, you, DGE. I think, I really do..that if I were to ever have had a brother, I would have wished for him to be just like you. Someone to have gone tramping about the green spaces with, someone to tell me 'boys have cooties', someone to tag along after, to pester beyond belief with questions like "Why is the sky blue?" Someone to love and cherish for simply being himself. Supportive, incorrigible and a rock. That's why I feel icky when I drool over your delicious Avatars. It feels indecent and improper. (grin)

Sniffle.

This is why I don't come 'round here much. Crying like a damn baby. I lurk, when I feel strong enough. I gotta keep my eye on Sir Winston (cough), MWY and DVS. To make sure the girls are doing all right and keeping you Dommy ones in line.

My ability to focus is pretty much zip, and this place has a way of sucking me in. But, in time, I'll be me again. I will. And, I'll be acting all goofy like I used to. Until then? I love you all. I really do.

I feel the love, and the vibes, and the support. And it means....everything.

xoxo bsv

 

[gypsy*seer]

To bsv,
Hugs, love and light! See you when you get back, hunny! We'll all be waiting for you.


D

 

[satindesire]

For no one in particular,

Words I wish I could say to those around me.

I think that like with D/s, there are hard limits when battling cancer. There is a point when one says – enough is enough. I'm not to that point, but I can't deny that there is a STOP point in my head. When the fight simply has to come to an end. I can't do more than I can manage while remaining able to care for myself. Yes, I have help. There are people willing and wanting to take me to the doctors appointments, to do my shopping to help with household chores, laundry, when I can't do these things myself.

To date, I've been willing to compromise with my medical team. Not refusing treatment, but asking to hold off until I know I'm able to handle it. Until I can make arrangements for care for my parents, to find a place to stay until I can manage on my own, here. I love my team of doctors. But, there are times when they forget about ME, the person housing this disease, and only see the cancer. Hey, I get it. That's their job. But, I'm not a bunch of numbers, I'm not a film, I'm not a test result. I am more than the cancer. Already it pisses me off. That cancer plays a part in so many decisions I make. Things I MUST do, because of the cancer, things I can't do because of it. I refuse to be ONLY the cancer inside me.

Instead, I have these thoughts in my head, and feel guilty for them. I fear that when; IF -I reach that point when I say “Stop. I can do no more” I will be perceived as a quitter. I am NOT. But I refuse to die trying. I'd rather stop, and spend time doing things that please me rather than being in a bed, or a hospital room, or crouched over a toilet heaving my guts out. To be with those who matter, to be outside, not cooped up. I don't consider that giving up. I consider that making a choice to live. Live MY life in a way that I want to. Please don't me feel like shit if this comes to pass.

FYI? I plan on kicking cancers ass, and all of this will be moot, but I would rather have an idea in my head of how far I'm willing to go. How much of me I'm willing to lose. I look back over the last year, and fuck, but I miss the me I was then.

For one who may read this and worry – don't. There is no new news. I'm not hiding anything. I appreciate you standing by me, even when I've tried to push you away. That you've been willing to let me lead, to take what I need, give what I can. I adore you.

I'm not clever enough to say anything profound and meaningful. But here's a hug and prayers for you.

 

[Babyslave]

I'm not clever enough to say anything profound and meaningful. But here's a hug and prayers for you.

Snort. Not clever enough, Ha! I'll take those hugs, and offer some back. Thanks for the giggles and guffaws that more than a few of your clever posts provide.

*hugs*

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Babyslave.

Cancer has cooties. It must leave. Now.

It can never define you. You're right to not let anyone, doctors included, hand that part of you over to it.

Keep fighting.

 

[Bramblethorn]

.....

 

[Babyslave]

You. Yes, you, DGE. I think, I really do..that if I were to ever have had a brother, I would have wished for him to be just like you. Someone to have gone tramping about the green spaces with, someone to tell me 'boys have cooties', someone to tag along after, to pester beyond belief with questions like "Why is the sky blue?" Someone to love and cherish for simply being himself. Supportive, incorrigible and a rock. That's why I feel icky when I drool over your delicious Avatars. It feels indecent and improper. (grin)

xoxo bsv

Babyslave.

Cancer has cooties. It must leave. Now.

It can never define you. You're right to not let anyone, doctors included, hand that part of you over to it.

Keep fighting.

Came here to see if there was any new(er) news on SW. He was on my mind when I woke up this morning. - Found the latter instead.

DGE - Stop telling me what to do! God, you're so demanding. (grin) Funny how you zeroed in on this, but made no mention of the sincere, sappy words of adoration and infatuation (in as much of a sisterly fashion I can manage) as to just how wonderful I think you are.

I'm not big on receiving attention, you're not good at public postings of appreciation. A truce then - I'll keep fighting as best I can - you acknowledge that you're just darn awesome and we'll never speak of either again.

Deal? Good.

Hugs to all.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Dear X,

I think it is profound how often you still cross my mind, how I immediately smile when I log in and see that I have a PM, how happy I am when it's from you and not some random male looking for wank-fodder. While I have less than zero desire to land back where we were, I love to fantasize about being just that stupid. It was thrilling, intoxicating...and dangerous.

Still curious, but not so stupid. I think.

Me

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Dear Babyslave,

I am working on a certificate in intermediate awesomeness, but it's a night, online thing, so it'll be awhile. I'll let you know.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Dear X,

I really do just feel like a number.

Number 247

 

[BiBunny]

Dear X,

Thank you for a great weekend. I love helping you decorate your new house. Sometimes, it's fun to show that I'm not nearly as white trash as I let people believe I am.

I love you. Maybe one day, I'll have the balls to tell you again...as long as I know it won't hurt you.

~Bunny

P.S. I'm glad you liked the pie.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Sometimes, it's fun to show that I'm not nearly as white trash as I let people believe I am.

Yanno (though this certainly wasn't written to me, I'm going to stick my nose in and yell at you anyhoo), I was pretty damn certain that you weren't white trash at all long before I ever met you and Kitty. Within five minutes of the time I walked in through that KY apartment door, I *KNEW* you weren't who/what you so often try to portray yourself to be ... and occasionally it pisses me off that you have done this and continue to do it at least to some extent. I consider you a Friend, a damn good, caring one, and don't like to see you put down, either by others who don't know you and your innate and developed intelligence, or by you yourself, in an attempt to keep perhaps a little lower profile (for whatever reason).

You are a young, intelligent, well-read, articulate person who is attractive both physically and intellectually. *Please* accept these facts in the spirit in which they are offered: with the hope that you will take them into your heart and continue to build the best you there possibly could be.

R

 

[gypsy*seer]

You are a young, intelligent, well-read, articulate person who is attractive both physically and intellectually. *Please* accept these facts in the spirit in which they are offered: with the hope that you will take them into your heart and continue to build the best you there possibly could be.

R

Brava...
the bunneh!

(what HE said...!)

 

[satindesire]

LISTEN TO THE MAN BUNNS!

 

[BiBunny]

Yanno (though this certainly wasn't written to me, I'm going to stick my nose in and yell at you anyhoo), I was pretty damn certain that you weren't white trash at all long before I ever met you and Kitty. Within five minutes of the time I walked in through that KY apartment door, I *KNEW* you weren't who/what you so often try to portray yourself to be ... and occasionally it pisses me off that you have done this and continue to do it at least to some extent. I consider you a Friend, a damn good, caring one, and don't like to see you put down, either by others who don't know you and your innate and developed intelligence, or by you yourself, in an attempt to keep perhaps a little lower profile (for whatever reason).

You are a young, intelligent, well-read, articulate person who is attractive both physically and intellectually. *Please* accept these facts in the spirit in which they are offered: with the hope that you will take them into your heart and continue to build the best you there possibly could be.

R

Brava...
the bunneh!

(what HE said...!)

LISTEN TO THE MAN BUNNS!

I all three of you.

I have my reasons for doing what I do, but sometimes it annoys me that I do the job so well, LOL.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Dear x,

It pains me to know that I made you feel less than you are. If there is anything I ever wanted for you, it was for you to understand your inherent worth.

I am sorry for that.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dear ex;

Sometimes I feel like I left because I was bad for you-- and then you do something to remind me of how bad you are for me.

Fuck you, asshole.