Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Farrah]

I'm just feeling down tonight, and rather than do what I want to do (which is curl up on the couch and hide), I'm reaching out for some support on here--or just wanting to realize that I'm not alone.

Anyway, I hope everyone's doing well.

Sweet girl...I'm so proud of you for not heading to the couch. We are all here for you. For me personally, your pain and fear are my pain and fear. You are never alone.

I had a pretty challenging day, too, but I don't feel like I should complain.

I spent several hours with a dear and long time friend who, in the last few months, has experienced several overwhelming personal tragedies. It was the first time we'd had a chance to sit and talk, one on one, since her challenges began.

I expected that we'd have an hour to chat, and then we'd be done. I knew it would be hard creating a safe space for her to open up and share what she needed to share, but I did it. As it turned out, though, she had more time than either of us anticipated, so her 'session' went long. Still, I let her express her anger, pain, grief, confusion, etc., and I'm really glad that she was able to share.

When I got home, though, I had to lay down for a while because her sadness and pain were overwhelming to me. It made me think of several folks here, who suffer so. I have my own small problems, but seeing her pain made me remember how strong you all are, even when it feels so big.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm blathering, but I just thought to share this....

xo

f

It's wonderful that this woman has a friend like you. I'm sorry for the pain she is experiencing. And I understand how watching someone you care about go through something can literally drain you. I hope you are rested and well this morning.

 

[celticbtrfly]

I had a pretty challenging day, too, but I don't feel like I should complain.

I spent several hours with a dear and long time friend who, in the last few months, has experienced several overwhelming personal tragedies. It was the first time we'd had a chance to sit and talk, one on one, since her challenges began.

I expected that we'd have an hour to chat, and then we'd be done. I knew it would be hard creating a safe space for her to open up and share what she needed to share, but I did it. As it turned out, though, she had more time than either of us anticipated, so her 'session' went long. Still, I let her express her anger, pain, grief, confusion, etc., and I'm really glad that she was able to share.

When I got home, though, I had to lay down for a while because her sadness and pain were overwhelming to me. It made me think of several folks here, who suffer so. I have my own small problems, but seeing her pain made me remember how strong you all are, even when it feels so big.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm blathering, but I just thought to share this....

xo

f

I don't take that as a complaint at all. Yes, we all have our challenges, and I think it's wonderful that you were there for your friend like you were, because taking that on in the way you did is exhausting. (There's a reason that they have now added research to the whole Secondary PTSD sort of diagnosis, for individuals who haven't been exposed personally, but are working with individuals who have been exposed to traumatic situations.)

Take care of yourself.

 

[rbone04]

My Dr put me on some anti-depressant and I took it for a week. Almost immediately I began to experience a common side effect: The inability to orgasm. Sex with my wife was working so well, and this side effect made it a drag. I went off them almost immediately. I feel like I might benefit from a low dose of some sort of anti-depressant, but I don't want to suffer any significant side effects. My depression/anxiety/ocd is manageable, mostly, so I don't want to give anything up.

Anyway, my two cents.

Going through the same thing here... I was placed on Zoloft about two months ago and have run into the same issues. In fact, "delayed ejaculation" is such a common side effect (I think like 67% of men and many women as well) that they are beginning to prescribe it for men suffering from premature ejaculation.

When the doc told me initially that this was a possible side effect, at first I was kind of excited. I've always been a little "quick". However, within 2 weeks it made climaxing damn near impossible! My libido was never higher and when I was lucky enough to orgasm, my ejaculatory volume was probably more than doubled...(sorry for that TMI), but despite this, sex was becoming more of a chore than anything. Went back to the doc last week and he decided to wean me off of the Zoloft and try Wellbutrin. No signs of change yet, but he said it should take a month or so... Fingers crossed!

Now if I were you, since you say your symptoms are manageable, I would try to mediate it with diet, exercise, and therapy if necessary. I know you've probably heard, considered, and maybe even tried this; but almost all antidepressants have sexual side-effects--even at a low dose. My anxiety is out of control, so I am willing to compromise in some of the most pleasurable areas of my life just to feel normal.

This is SUCH an important decision... and one that even my best psychiatrists have failed to emphasize the gravity of. Once you've entered the nasty world of medication for normalcy, it's hard to turn back. The decision alone might make you anxious, but always know you have choices and that your symptoms are often irrational and temporary. Also... from your most recent post, it sounds like you probably have wonderful friends to be so caring for them and I'm sure you know that surrounding yourself with the right people is as important for mental well-being as anything. You're already putting one foot forward. Good luck!

 

[Fflow]

Thanks for all the love and support. I guess that's why I posted.

I feel much better today, myself, but feel more dedicated to supporting my friend. In fact, a group of us are coordinating our efforts, and have committed to bringing meals over every day for the next week or two.

I've always struggled with empathy issues, eg too easily taking on the emotional baggage of others. It was a struggle for many years, and I know I'm still prone to it, even though I'm much better equipped, now, to cope with it. I knew that she needed to dump, though, and I knew that, whatever discomfort I'd experience, hers was about 10,000 times worse. Anyway, I'm glad I did it, and will probably do it again, although I'll try to do it in smaller doses.

The good thing is that she's seeking therapy. She may, too, be a good candidate for antidepressants, even though the idea of taking them seems scary to her. My wife had a terrible experience on prozac, and I didn't have much luck with them either.

Anyway, take good care, all, and thanks again, most sincerely, for the kindness and support.

*hugs*

f(s)

 

[celticbtrfly]

Is anyone else having any increase in depression or Seasonal Affective stuff going on? I've been so depressed and anxious lately (having thoughts I shouldn't be having), and trying to pull out of it. Winter tends to be more difficult for me because of all of the rain and fog we get here (I feel the loss of the sun so acutely), but it's actually been sunnier here this winter, so I'm not sure what's going on.

Maybe it's in the moon cycles...

 

[Fflow]

Is anyone else having any increase in depression or Seasonal Affective stuff going on? I've been so depressed and anxious lately (having thoughts I shouldn't be having), and trying to pull out of it. Winter tends to be more difficult for me because of all of the rain and fog we get here (I feel the loss of the sun so acutely), but it's actually been sunnier here this winter, so I'm not sure what's going on.

Maybe it's in the moon cycles...

I live in SoCal and I'm actually missing winter weather. It has been sunny and warm for far too long. Flowers are blooming and trees don't know what to do. Thankfully I'll be visiting the Pacific Northwest, where winter is winter.

Sorry you're feeling burdened, but spring is most assuredly on its way.

*hugs*

 

[celticbtrfly]

I live in SoCal and I'm actually missing winter weather. It has been sunny and warm for far too long. Flowers are blooming and trees don't know what to do. Thankfully I'll be visiting the Pacific Northwest, where winter is winter.

Sorry you're feeling burdened, but spring is most assuredly on its way.

*hugs*

Well, and I think that's something that's actually throwing me off, the warm, dry winter we've had. We had a few storms move through recently, but nothing that would normally set off the depression for me. (Generally, I like a good rainstorm and the possibility of snow in the mountains--I love getting those winter snow shots.)

Thanks for the response, though.

 

[Quoll]

Is anyone else having any increase in depression or Seasonal Affective stuff going on? I've been so depressed and anxious lately (having thoughts I shouldn't be having), and trying to pull out of it. Winter tends to be more difficult for me because of all of the rain and fog we get here (I feel the loss of the sun so acutely), but it's actually been sunnier here this winter, so I'm not sure what's going on.

Maybe it's in the moon cycles...

Depression is very cyclical (I don't often make definite statements, but this is one thing that has come up repeatedly in this thread), tracking your own personal cycle and working out which is random shit that set you off and which is part of the cycle, meh, not so easy (well not for me anyway, I always manage to lose interest at the peak (worst) of the cycle).

Yeah, thanks Q, that was really great, but this helps how?

Smartarse; It helps (a little bit) because cycles are, well cyclical (frickin' genius or what) and eventually we pass back into a better phase, something to hold on to when the faeces is flinging off the fan.

 

[Fflow]

Butterfly,

I wish I had more to offer. I've been feeling depressed, but that's because of some stuff going on with people I care about. I'm trying to be very mindful of my feelings, and their source. I don't want to slip too far, lest it required treatment.

So... Have I been feeling depressed lately? You becha. Is it due to the weather, or lack of it. I don't think so.

 

[rowseyone]

wow

big hugs to everyone who posted here. I am struggling again with some issues. Hope to even them out. Anxiety is very high.

 

[boredVAwife]

We have never met but I am sending out a big cyber hug to you. I have been down that road and will attest to the pain it causes. Best of luck to you.

 

[BlueNightingale]

Wow, just wow

I'm not going to pretend to have read everything that is posted on this thread but I suspect over time I will. So much of it is, well, me.
I am on 5 different meds all together.
Without them I am useless.
For myself, I have decided that a little crazy is a good thing, trying too hard to be sane will drive you nuts. I'll never be like everyone else but since I don't want to be, that's not a problem anymore!

 

[JustSkye]

For all the love, compassion, and help you and others gave here...

You helped so much and lifted us up, Quili. I love you and I will miss you so very much. This world will be so much less without you in it. Thank you for blessing me with your guidance, love, and friendship. My heart hurts so very much knowing I will never have the chance to speak to you again, tell you thank you, or laugh and joke with you anymore. You were gone far, far, too soon.

Sweet Slumbers, Quili. Thank you for everything.

 

[bobsgirl]

For all the love, compassion, and help you and others gave here...

You helped so much and lifted us up, Quili. I love you and I will miss you so very much. This world will be so much less without you in it. Thank you for blessing me with your guidance, love, and friendship. My heart hurts so very much knowing I will never have the chance to speak to you again, tell you thank you, or laugh and joke with you anymore. You were gone far, far, too soon.

Sweet Slumbers, Quili. Thank you for everything.

I'm glad you bumped this up, Skye. I'm so very sorry for the loss of our friend. We are all diminished by his passing.

Write me and let me know how you are.

 

[Cathleen]

He was (I hate using 'was') a presence, even when he was here.

 

[bailadora]

I don't want to believe he's gone. Cate, I too, hate the term 'was' in reference to Q.

Q-man - wherever your kind soul now rests, know that I'm raising my glass to you in salute, although I can barely see through the tears. You will be dearly missed.

 

[gagginforit]

I'd fill up a whole page if I told my story. I just wanted to say hello to everyone and offer you all my best wishes.

I'm not doing well right now at all. My meds seem to have stopped working completely and I've been miserable. Plus with Christmas stresses coming up...

 

[pseudologicalk]

I'd just like to say how grateful I am this thread exists. I've suffered from depression for almost 8 years now - for reasons I don't want to go into in public - and just knowing that I'm not alone is comfort to me.

If anyone wants to chat at anytime, about anything, I'd be more than happy. I've found that talking about my experiences with this disorder has helped a little so if anyone is happy to listen to my inane ramblings please come and say hi

All the best, London (Call me Tu) x

 

[NightL]

I close
Shut the world away
I need not or want to be bothered today
but time replays and replays
So I know - I so know
I need to lift today
My head burns
barbed-wired Logic is not so easy
logic
LOGIC
breathe
Step STEP
Distract DISTRACT
step
distract
distract
step
distract
DISTRACT
and time replays and replays
it's not so easy today

 

[bobsgirl]

Hoping I can feel a little of Q's presence here.

 

[NightL]

Lately I have been thinking there needs a door open to a comforting environment where depression through to mental disorders can be discussed. I remembered this thread with the valued support offered and just being a place to express thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment.

My participation here at How To... started well after many had long established a bond with Quoll or developed the highest of respect for him. To this day he is referred to in communications with a "I really miss him". I think it important to revisit this thread in the memory of Quoll and for all whom were touched by his warmth of emotions and guidance.

I had forgotten of my last message here and seeing it today was a stark reminder of my own battles with depression, for which I try so hard to hide but find impossible to ignore.

For those venturing here for the first time please take a look at the first post in this thread.

 

[Fflow]

I've come close, a few times, to moving from thinking bad thoughts to doing bad things. The vulnerability expressed here gave me the strength to find my own, and to reach out and seek help. Thank you.

 

[NightL]

Fflow, I know how difficult asking for help can be. Wonderful you reached out. Maybe time to change your User Title to "hello".

Everyone reading this thread will be coming from their own experiences or maybe for a spot of voyeurism, that is OK as well as they may learn a little more about health issues that so many deal with.

I can only offer up my own experiences which some may relate to. I was in a relationship for the best part of a decade where a good part of that I was basically in a carer, protecting and supportive role, using all the intuition I could muster to hold everything together. This also included educating extended family and friends. When landing in such a situation you suddenly realise that all the intuition in the world will not prepare for an area where I had no previous experience or training. Throwing a whole bunch of my 'logic' at the situation was a massive drain in energy for all.

Fflow, you mentioned the word vulnerable and it rears up in overwhelming proportions in many situations. My partner was vulnerable and I blindly ran around trying to calm and solve with all my logic. My partner's logic was not of mine - took a while to understand my simple realities made no sense at all to them.

In the years since that relationship (we are still very close friends) I learnt first hand about feeling vulnerable. During the time of being a carer to my partner I had to put a strong block on anything that I felt would detract me from assisting. Unfortunately there was a highly narcissistic person continually prodding the situation then and since. Along with other life events imposed I was left feeling completely drained. I thought I was practised at keeping my sense of feeling vulnerable hidden or at least controlled. I was wrong.

I didn't want to burden friends or family as I felt it would be too overwhelming for them, as it was for me, so I continued desperately to hold it back. I have at times felt that if I owned up to the internal chaos I would lose all - everything dear to me and scare everyone close away. So I would block and hide further. There was such a overwhelming fear that to acknowledge my own sense of vulnerability would automatically start the slide into that big unknown scary as hell place.

To any reading this far who know they are hiding emotions of feeling vulnerable and of not coping it is actually time to talk to someone. Family and friends maybe more understanding than you realise. Try them out, but if unfortunately you are concerned about them dumping a whole lot of their logic on you make an appointment with your GP. Be honest and ask for a referral for counselling. Your GP will have enough knowledge to point you in a direction that fits your needs.

I found just talking to a therapist helped immensely - I was not going to overwhelm the therapist and it didn't matter if I fell in a heap in the corner. They knew that I was struggling with my own conflicts of logic and they didn't impose judgement. It helped and I was exceedingly relieved and thankful for it. Huge amounts of stress lifted. The insurmountable became achievable again. For me it was not about a cure or solving the insolvable, but I certainly wanted the anxiety attacks to fuck off - they did.

To those who are in a carer role - seek professional assistance asap, find support groups. Make appointments for yourself with the professionals - educate yourself as much as possible to the situation you are involved with. Arm yourself with brochures and balanced website information and distribute that material when necessary to those close whose well intentions/ignorance are not helping. Looking after yourself is essential if you want to offer the best to the person you may love and who is suffering. Don't feel guilty if you need a break sometimes and organise so you can.

Knowledge can help take the fear away. This applies to sufferers, carers and family. It can be fear of the unknown alone that cripples emotions. Ask for help sooner than later. Seeking professional help is SO much better than going it alone. Get the best possible education for the situation.

"I need some help..." can seem so incredibly scary to say, but once you do you may kick yourself for not saying it much sooner. I know my own journey is not over yet and when I need help again I will not be such pig-headed fool as in the past. I know the warning signs now and will ask for help when they come along.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I sent a note to LAUREL, work it out.

 

[Fflow]

Thank you for sharing, NightL. I'm still struggling with the truth of my story, and feelings of shame. Maybe, one day, I'll share it here.