Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

"All the contortions we go through (are) just not to be ourselves for a few hours"
Keith Richards

A viewpoint worth considering when addiction often goes hand in hand with Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

"Dr. Gabor Maté talks about the root causes of addiction and how to deal with them."
https://youtu.be/T5sOh4gKPIg
 
Long post - just need to get it out

I always feel I'm doing something wrong if I post something that isn't asking a question or answering a question on discussion boards. But I've been really struggling with depression and anxiety lately, and feeling so tired of so many things and just need to put this out there where there might be someone else who can understand. h

I'm so tired of being alone and doing everything/making all decisions myself and feeling lonely. I'm so tired of feeling like there will never be anyone for whom I'm their first priority. I'm so tired of feeling scared and less than because I know I have hang ups about relationships and sex. And feeling like I'm a fraud or that I'm deceiving people if I don't say anything about my issues with mental health problems, sex, etc. in an online dating profile.

I'm so tired of trying to get out to meet new people, especially that I might be romantically interested in, only to never seem to be in a group with anyone who is appropriate or that I'm attracted to or can connect with or who is attracted to me. I'm so tired of meeting men who don't seem to want to have anything more than a surface relationship or to really get to know me. And who make me feel guilty for not responding the same way to them as they do to me because I make things easy for them and they don't bother to think about what I want or need.

I'm so tired of feeling paralyzed by my thoughts and feelings. I'm so tired of feeling guilty for not being who my parents want and for doing what I need to to be kind to myself instead of fulfilling their obligations. I'm so tired of having all of these conflicting thoughts and feelings about family relationships constantly swirling around in my head so that I can't ever figure out what I really believe is right and stick to that conviction.

I'm so tired of constantly feeling regret for most of my life. And for feeling constantly stuck or conflicted about what the next part of my life should look like. I'm so tired of feeling guilty for not taking advantage of all the opportunities around me. And constantly feeling like I'm wasting my life with all this bullsh*t. I'm so tired of always wondering if I'm just whining and lazy, and this is actually what it feels like to be 'normal', though it's always felt to me like I'm trying to do all the mundane day to day things while pushing through molasses, when most everyone else is just free in the air.
 
cheekygirl75
I don't know if you have ever seen people training for marathons dragging car tires
bondi-training.jpg


Feeling the exhaustion of carrying that weight on a daily tasks - when little things of life become monumental - then the person who should be your best friend, yourself, dumps burdens of self doubt on your shoulders - well it is crap isn't it!

Been there...

So here are some things that helped my situation, maybe there will be something in this that will offer assistance.

As soon as I finished reading your post I clicked through to your profile. I have a question for you to ask of yourself - what happened to your interests? I had lost my passions in my journey and I had to battle to remind myself that there were things that really mattered in my life - interests that were the essence of who I used to be. So even when I felt I had little reserves left and even when there seemed little inspiration I understood the logic that my past passions and interests were a vital part of prior happiness and levels of energy. I pushed myself back into those interest areas - it was hard work to find the motivation to get started and there were slip ups - but every single time I stepped back from participating in my former interests and passions a little more elation crept back. This, for me, has been the best drug ever - participating back in my interest activities leaves me on a high for days and the best part of it all there are zero downsides for the effort.

You have reached an age where - well to be honest, to hell with family expectations. Get back to the things that made you spark - letting those slip away will eat away at you far more than striving for the ideals of others. In most cases family only would wish for your happiness - they can be, however, a complete pain in imposing their values, especially if they have little understanding of depression.

I also noted your profession - take pride in that - you make such a positive difference in so many lives. You help shape lives - you build confidence, inspiration - you spark passion for knowledge and learning - that is kick-arse.

Yeah - I am an ocean person as well - take the time to walk/run along the shore as often as you possibly can - make it part of your exercise routine.

For the moment - forget romance from others - other people will not "fix" how you are feeling. Strive to bring back the passions that made you spark - build your own confidence again (I know easy to say hard to do). You have to get back liking yourself again - so the person to romance at the moment is yourself. When you are back liking yourself the romance from others will come.

Be honest with yourself and don't hide from being honest with others. People will step up to help when they witness you displaying an open appreciation of where you are at this stage and they witness a desire that you want change and are willing to fight for change.

Deep breath - pick up that camera and head down to the ocean.
 
Thanks so much for your reply & suggestions, NightL. That picture is very appropriate.

I know what you're saying about getting back to doing the things that I like and I am trying. It's just hard as the two activities that I'd like to get back to most, rock climbing and salsa/swing dancing, really would be much easier with a partner. A couple of friends will go once in awhile, but I'd like to be able to do something like that more regularly.

That's where the trying to get out to meet new people comes in... I'm not necessarily trying to meet someone for a romantic relationship, but just a friend who shares my interests and who lives close enough to be able to join me in them. But it would be nice to know there are options out there when I'm ready to look for someone to date, or even just people who I could enjoy flirting with a little bit, without it going anywhere. But that never seems to happen, either.

Anyway, I feel like I'm just listing reasons why nothing will work, which I know isn't true and makes me feel whiny. I do appreciate the advice, and I'm doing better since getting all of that out. I know it will just take time.

I hope things are continuing to go well for you. :rose:
 
A word in praise of our burdens. Whatever our burdens are strengthen us. Its how God makes us strong and fit. And the burden drops when the strength is needed.
 
I take it back. It hasn't been a bad week. It's been a bad month and a bad year. You know you're in trouble when you go to the gun store and start looking at the single shot shotguns. Had it in my hands but put it back.
 
Depression isn't like being sad. It doesn't go away in a day or two but drags you down week after week, month after month. Whole days are lost with crushing despair.
 
I take it back. It hasn't been a bad week. It's been a bad month and a bad year. You know you're in trouble when you go to the gun store and start looking at the single shot shotguns. Had it in my hands but put it back.

I'm sorry you're having a rough year and very glad you found that strength, Philos. :rose: Maybe write down the ideas behind that strength and post 'em up where you can remind yourself often. Mine is often 'ending my pain would begin a lifetime of pain for my loved ones' and what I might write is, "I'm lovable. Lots of people love and depend on me," (or something to that effect). It sounds stupid, but that kind of thing has pulled me out of many times of utter despair, and there's a lot of great science behind positivity being key in combating psychological issues.
 
Does anyone find the medication removes the problem, or just seems to dull the edges so extremes are not reached. Have tried different types with varied results.
 
Several therapists have told me I will always have mental illness. I am diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I honestly hate that I will always have this illness but I am trying my best to deal with it better. I think anyone with mental illness should have a journal. Try to write every day, as little or as much as you can. Try to exercise everyday, whether it be walking or biking, whatever you like. Listen to music that you love. Do your favorite hobby. Be out in nature. Focus on your breathing. Try to meditate. Try to focus on your positives. I'm always here for anyone who suffers from this. xo
 
Several therapists have told me I will always have mental illness. I am diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I honestly hate that I will always have this illness but I am trying my best to deal with it better. I think anyone with mental illness should have a journal. Try to write every day, as little or as much as you can. Try to exercise everyday, whether it be walking or biking, whatever you like. Listen to music that you love. Do your favorite hobby. Be out in nature. Focus on your breathing. Try to meditate. Try to focus on your positives. I'm always here for anyone who suffers from this. xo

That's very generous of you. I just can't seem to keep a journal. I've bought a few notebooks but that's as far as I get. I guess I feel I have nothing worth writing down. I guess it also helps to do good for others. I wonder if there is a connection between depression and being co-dependent.
 
That's very generous of you. I just can't seem to keep a journal. I've bought a few notebooks but that's as far as I get. I guess I feel I have nothing worth writing down. I guess it also helps to do good for others. I wonder if there is a connection between depression and being co-dependent.

Doing good for others in the sense of volunteering w/ healthy boundaries is beneficial, co-dependency and volunteering w/o good boundaries are not helpful.

In my mind, the big connections between depression and co-dependency are:
1) The emotional baggage/core issues that often drive both. Having a bunch of unresolved mental and emotional junk makes us ripe for depression and/or co-dependency.
2) Avoidance of those core issues. When we're depressed, we're scattered, raw, just getting by, and ultimately avoiding all of the junk we need to in order to get on the road to recovery. Co-dependents focus on others as an [even entirely subconscious] avoidance tactic.
 
What if there are no underlying issues or tragedies? I can be deeply depressed for little or no reason. Meds and therapy help a bit but I really think if my family wasn't so dependent on me I'd have checked out a long time ago.
 
That's very generous of you. I just can't seem to keep a journal. I've bought a few notebooks but that's as far as I get. I guess I feel I have nothing worth writing down. I guess it also helps to do good for others. I wonder if there is a connection between depression and being co-dependent.

Doing good for others in the sense of volunteering w/ healthy boundaries is beneficial, co-dependency and volunteering w/o good boundaries are not helpful.

In my mind, the big connections between depression and co-dependency are:
1) The emotional baggage/core issues that often drive both. Having a bunch of unresolved mental and emotional junk makes us ripe for depression and/or co-dependency.
2) Avoidance of those core issues. When we're depressed, we're scattered, raw, just getting by, and ultimately avoiding all of the junk we need to handle in order to get on the road to recovery. Co-dependents focus on others as an [even entirely subconscious] avoidance tactic.
 
What if there are no underlying issues or tragedies? I can be deeply depressed for little or no reason. Meds and therapy help a bit but I really think if my family wasn't so dependent on me I'd have checked out a long time ago.

That's a loaded question!

I think everyone has a past and some issues. Now for some those aren't enough to spur depression/anxiety, and for others, they are. For me, I do pretty well at my baseline, but I'm prone to depression with prolonged stressful situations and seasonal affective disorder (although melatonin year-round seems to have helped with that one). The effects of severe/chronic stress make me ripe for chemical imbalances of all sorts, including depression. That type of toxic stress can arise from issues with my health, marriage, family, etc.

What does your therapist theorize when it comes to your depression? Straight brain chemistry issue?
 
Nothing only has one cause. I know chemistry has a lot to do with it since I've had depression all my life. My other issues are generally pretty mundane and not worth mentioning.
 
FB popped this one up today - very powerful

A photographer took 12 stunning pictures to capture how depression and anxiety can feel.
http://www.upworthy.com/a-photograp...re-how-depression-and-anxiety-can-feel?c=ufb1

This was amazing and very accurate.

Fuck yeah it is. I missed this previously, and it captures the feelings exactly.

Sorry to bump an old thread, but a topic this serious and consequential to some of us needs to be kept visible.
 
I've been struggling with a variety of different emotional and mental health challenges in the last several years. They came to a head, first back in 2013, then again last year. In an effort to make some growth, and more deeply embrace vulnerability, I decided to write a book. It is a collection of new short prose and poetry. If anyone is interested in checking it out, send me a private message. I can send you a link to the book on Amazon or, if you're unable to purchase it, I can share a digital file with you.

The process was an interesting one. I used quite a bit of structure to help frame and focus my work. I encourage you to consider writing in this way. I came up with a list of thirteen topics that, to me, encompassed various aspects of the human condition. I used these as prompts, and wrote four 1 page pieces for each. My goal for each piece was to make myself uncomfortable, to push my boundaries into a place where the idea of sharing what I wrote sent me into trepidation. I have to say that, as I prepare to present the work publicly for the first time, tonight, that I'm both terrified and heartened by the response I've received from people. I've hid all this stuff for so long, from everyone, that opening up in this way feels... It feels good. Scary, but good.

Anyway, I just want to say that I'm grateful to have this forum, this small group, where we've been here for each other, if just to bear witness for each other. Thank you.
 
The last couple of years I've used meditation, aromatherapy, listening to nature sounds CDs, among other things to combat my depression. For the most part it does work; with a few exceptions I've done pretty well the last year or so. That said, the last few weeks I've been in a really deep blue funk that I haven't been able to snap out of regardless of what I've tried. It's not the first time it's happened; it just gets annoying as fuck, as it makes me feel really shitty to the point where I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. If I didn't have to work to pay the bills I'd probably be spending all day in bed. Glad there's at least some responsibility left in me.
 
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