Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Quoll]

Hello everyone.

I just wanted to drop a quick note to say hi...I think I might be ready to try and sleep now tonight (and just looking at the clock and seeing that it is 5AM it might be a good idea)

I've been dealing with my depression up front (more or less) for 5 years now. I suspect it was there before that time, but not as severe. I've got the family history to go with it as well.

For the past 2 years I have been seeing a therapist who has helped me immensely through some of my darkest times yet...I am slowly digging my way out. Currently I am taking 300mg of effexor daily...anyone else have any experience with this? The side effects are pretty nasty... In the past I've been on zoloft, wellbutrin and lexapro with no long term results of any notable nature.

I'm slowly coming to terms with my depression and finally finding some positive ways to deal with it...I am so happy to have found this thread. I look forward to reading more.

So hello everyone. Thanks for reading my little bio here...I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow.

Hi JL
Welcome aboard.
Gotta love the sleep thing huh, I think you are right about depression being there before the big one sets in, hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Glad to hear things are improving for you, sorry I can`t help on the meds side of things, I have been on zoloft from day one and up until now it has worked well. Lynxie might have some answers on this, as I know she has had some experience with side effects.
I hope you find something here to help in some way, you have already helped others just by sharing your "little bio".
Have a good sleep and see you next time you drop in.

 

[MercyMia]

It *is* a good thread, quoll. There's so much sincerity here, both on the giving and receiving ends.

I want to repeat my praise for the book, Depression Fallout, by Anne Sheffield, because it helped me understand my depressed husband's state of mind (at least a little bit) and how his actions and attitudes have impacted me and caused me great anxiety and that I am bordering on depression, too. But armed with knowledge, I can work against that tide and take more control of what happens to me, and hopefully, be a source of strength and support for him, when he ever gets around to admitting he has a huge problem.

Has anyone posted on here about alcohol abuse and depression? I read the entire thread a couple of weeks ago and don't remember seeing anything mentioned.

My husband has begun drinking in greater quantities and with more frequency lately. I've asked him as calmly as I can to slow down. He's not a very smart drinker and tends to quickly drink himself into a stupor. I've told him I'm worried about his liver and that I want to talk to his doctor. He told me very strongly NOT to talk to his doctor, either with him or without him. What is my responsibility in this? Do I just step back and let him continue? He doesn't become abusive to other people when he drinks so I can't use that as a reason for him to control himself.

He says the alcohol helps him think more clearly (which doesn't make sense to me) and that it relieves him from his dark feelings.

 

[Lynxie]

Has anyone posted on here about alcohol abuse and depression? I read the entire thread a couple of weeks ago and don't remember seeing anything mentioned.

Mia, you're right to be worried about your husband. Drinking excessively is a form of self-medicating that rarely has positive long-term outcomes. It may help him think more clearly and feel a little better, but over time he's just damaging himself and his relationship with you.

People with depression and anxiety are prime candidates for problems with alcohol and substance abuse. From articles I've read, most people feel better when they first start abusing - but after that it's all downhill. They start to become dependent, and the moments when they're not drinking (or using drugs, as the case may be) are far worse than their depression was to begin with. Many people end up feeling guilt over their habits, which just fuels the fires of depression. It's just a dangerous path to walk down, and if there's something you can do to curb it before it gets out of control, I suggest you do.

Those of us with depression tend to develop harmful addictions more easily than others. We tend not to care much about the future in general, so we don't really care about the long-term effects of our actions now. Whether it's alcoholism, drug abuse, self-mutilation, overeating (I'm guilty of the last two), or any other number of destructive habits, they may help relieve some of the despair in the short-term but hardly ever turn out good over time.

 

[Shotokan07]

Hey all. I'm surprised to see this thread but its good that it is here.

I'll have to agree with Lyn, abusive habit is very comforting in the beginning but then it basically takes over all other things in life. If alcohol was a living being, it would've been the smartest and cunning life in the world. ...Greedy too.

I've been depressed, I guess for a long period of time. Perhaps towards the beginning of junior highschool. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I think depression triggered once I was taking my first steps to adulthood. It sucks. I was basically detached from everyone in school, I still am. Yes, I have friends to have a friendly hi's... but to tell truth, I doubt I have anyone that would ever need me or care for me. It hurts me to know that. Why? Highschool years is when I started drinking heavily. Primarily not having a group to fit in (not even the geek club, how crazy is that? lol) and not having a love relationship. My lunch money was my bottle of Jack Daniels for the night. I ended up crying or working out 'til I fall asleep. I hated everything of how things been happening to me. I didn't have any self-esteem nor any encouragement from anyone. My education was the only thing I progressed, but that fell towards the end as well.

Now I'm in college and afraid to meeting new people. I get so nervous to come out of my shell. Not saying that I'm the same as high school, but the feeling is still there. I feel like things are going well, but it'll back fire. People usually can sense people who are insecure or depressed. Then they usually are not attracted to them to socialize or anything of that sense. I wish I knew how to change this... Because of this, I tend to get more depressed and angry.

Nowadays, I don't drink as much so I'm focused a little more. However my education in college is very bad. I've gotten so lazy, I feel like I've gotten numb. When I go out with the friends I have, I feel like I don't belong here hence can't enjoy the time I'm with them. I've been going to couceling forever and it seems that the more I get away from Depression, I need to get back into it. Using the same analogy of alcohol, depression somehow keeps me safe.


How can I change myself and this life?

 

[MercyMia]

Lynxie, thanks for your well-considered post. I'll look into ways to deal with his habits around alcohol and do what I can. Whenever I broach the topic, he clams up. I've learned not to push too hard because he can be an arrogant bastard (and I STILL LOVE HIM) and become even more self-destructive, as if to say, you think you can make me stop? Well, you can't! See? I'm drinking even more now. (Sigh.)

Shotokan, I've read your posts on other threads and I think you're a nice person. I can see your lack of self-confidence in what you've posted here. I am prone to low self esteem also but I've learned a few things that help me get over those hard moments. It might sound trite...but listing positive things about myself usually helps. I start with the smallest things, like I have two feet that help me get where I need to go. I have good teeth. Small, simple stuff like that. That gives me the courage to work up to more "conceited" things like "I'm a coherent writer," and "I have a cool sense of humor," and "I have a nice butt." Ha ha ha! Also, when I'm in the middle of mentally berating myself, I play a message in my mind over and over again until it takes hold: Mia, be your own best friend. Be kind and loving to Mia. So then I stop berating myself and move past my insecurities to the area of what do I need to do to help myself out of whatever jam I've been chastizing myself for getting into. These are just little things but they've helped me out of several tight and dark moments. And I'm a firm believer in small steps as opposed to sudden, enormous changes.

I really appreciate this thread. After reading the posts on this thread, it helps me understand better so I can be more compassionate with him, instead of slamming doors.

Thank you.

 

[Quoll]

Shotokan, Welcome aboard.

Mia, you seem to have the knack of reminding me of things I keep forgetting.
It`s sad that we have to make a definite effort to keep ourselves at an even level let alone be up.
I found this little piece, well can`t remember where, sent it to some friends and posted it on another thread. Interesting thing is it was written for something totally unrelated to depression and yet it really is a guide to living a good life for anyone.
I don`t remember where I got it but i do remember who posted it. Thank you Bandit this is a very powerful piece.

I am the world’s best authority on the subject – ME.

More than any other person, I know what is best for myself.

I can be an individual, who lets things happen to me,

or I can determine to be in charge of my life,

to be an autonomous and free person.

I can dream and also plan,

make choices and decisions,

express my wants and needs,

assert my individual self, my rights, and ideas.

I can create,

Play, and

share who I really am as a human being.

TODAY – I commit myself to be and act, as I know I can be:

the real me,

The best me possible.

I know I need to be close to another person – at times

I will seek to fulfill that need,

but love them no more than I love myself,

nor meet their needs at the sacrifice of my own.

In whatever conflict I experience,

I will meet the other person half way,

but will not be a loser that they might be a winner.

I will not put myself down or discount my feelings

or intelligence.

I don’t need my own criticism of myself.

TODAY – I make these commitments to myself,

to be my own best friend.

 

[Shotokan07]

Mercy, thank you for your feedback and suggestions. Small steps is a very crucial way of getting better. But getting of what? Its weird, but I feel like why do I have to go through this? I shouldn't point and blame but in psychological term, why am I the victim?

Putting positve things about myself is a good start, but it'll be hard. My bad sides will tend to grow to push me down as my esteem level accelerates. I'm a stubborn mofo, yes.

Your last statement caught my eye the most out of the whole. It is slamming doors that I've been feeling all my childhood. My mother in a passive way, family, friends and colleagues, ...girls. Unless I like being pushed around and getting hurt, I won't walk the same path nor come close to it. Does that mean: stay away from my parents as much as possible? make less friends? approach a girl unattractively or/and insecurely? Maybe. At this moment, I don't see another alternative.

 

[Cakegirl]

Hi Shotokan,

Judging by your name and signature, I'm guessing that you do/did karate. Are you still training? One non-medication way of coping with depression is to increase your physical activity. (Maybe you instinctively knew that back in high school when you were working out.)

Cakegirl (also a Shotokan girl)

 

[Shotokan07]

Yes, I have been doing Shotokan since highschool... still doing it, however not as strongly as before. I had this drive, a belief, that pushed me through high school. I still believe it, however, as everything else (school, work, karate, this belief, etc) has become numb to me. I know it is important in my life, also crucial for me to survive... where is my motivation to continue? The belief I am talking about is the true essence of Shotokan. I wanted to master the art to a point that my chi could be released metaphysically. I meditated everyday, but it stopped...

 

[MercyMia]

Anxiety
Pinned to my chair
Dark thoughts about what if
Running amuck in my head

I can barely breathe
Frozen and numb
Wanting to go out for a walk
But not alone

A drink of water
Would be so good right now
But I can't even stand up
Pinned to my chair
Heart beating hard and then slow
Burning me up

 

[curiousjen]

Hello. Just thought I'd swing by and introduce myself. I'm been lurking around lit for a while now, and am guilty of lurking far more than posting this thread strikes me as being a really good thing so I thought I'd contribute rather than lurk!

I was diagnosed two years ago with manic depression, social anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

As you can imagine, my life is somewhat a rollarcoaster.

I am on medication and very stable these days, but still have episodes from time to time and they serve to remind me how weak- yet strong- My mind can be.

 

[Quoll]

Shotokan,
the one thing above all else that I have learned from depression, is that I am not the only one.
It may not seem a big thing to others, but to know that there are other people out there who have the same feelings and thoughts is a great comfort, even though you might feel trapped in your own mind, just knowing that there are others who can truly say "I understand" goes a long way in helping to come to terms with it.
Anxiety and low self esteem seem to go hand in hand with it all.
As Mia said, positive talk does help, and yes it is damned hard at times, especially when the person you hate most in the world is yourself. (Talking from experience here) But there will be something, even one small thing that you can build on. If you can`t find something good about yourself find something you hate the least, even that can be a positive step.


{{{{{{MIA}}}}}} So sorry you had to go through that on your own.


Hi CJ,
That`s something I am still learning after all these years, the meds don`t stop everything.





[rant]
So sick of hearing "Meds are a crutch" "Get off the Meds" "Anti depressants, oh man you don`t need them"
To all the get over it crew. Get your facts right before you go telling people that what they are doing is wrong.

To those having a bad day, feeling a bit pissed off with life, but knowing that tomorrow will be ok, that is not depression, and to call it that is a great disservice to anyone who is suffering from it.

Depression, well fuck, if you really want to know what it is about, don`t just skim this thread, actually read it, learn what goes through our minds, learn what we have done and tried to do.
To tell someone who actually has depression to get rid of their medication, who the fuck are you to say that, (and yes it has been said many times here on Lit) will you be around to pick up the pieces afterwards. Do you think that we just go down to the nearest supermarket and grab some shit off the shelves just for the hell of it.
Probably wasting my time here anyway, this particular bunch of "know fucking everything" would just put this down to the ravings of a madman. Now there is a bit of irony for you, can`t really be a madman if it is just in my head.
Oh yeah my other favourite, and I have bitched about this one before, "Hey dudes the meds are just a crutch man" YES they are, that`s the point, get it, a crutch is something you use to help you along until you can get by on your own.
I guess the point I am trying to make here is. If you have nothing positive to say then shut the fuck up.
This may not make me very popular, but if you choose to interfere in someones life then be prepared for some sort of response. [/rant]

 

[MercyMia]

Hi everyone,

Wow, quoll, you sure wax articulately (and coherently) when you want to make a point. I hope you don't run into anymore idiots who tell you to get off the meds, as if they are poison. There is a reason they are prescribed and a doctor certainly knows better than the man on the street.

Shotokan, try to be happy for just one minute, just one blessed minute. Block out all those voices that tell you you're crap or worthless and take a deep breath and tell yourself, for the next 60 seconds I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY!

To everyone who is feeling depressed right now, a hug from me. I need some back, so please send one when you can.


Mia

 

[curiousjen]

MercyMia

For what its worth a <<<<<<<<<Hug>>>>>>>>>>>> from me.

Hope this cloud passes for you and you have something to smile about soon!

Jenx

 

[Shotokan07]

Mia, a huge big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

& a

SMOOCHeronie

Thanks for the great advices all. Especially you quoll, that rant actually gave me a smile.

I have taken a part of mine time to be good. I'm tired of what people of me and what they say about me. I don't care anymore. I'm in NYC and I should be glad. I have all types of people living here and that's a blessing, right? RIGHT. Yes, I wouldn't mind having a girl into my life who admires me and loves me... but I can't wait for her anymore.

 

[Shotokan07]

Just wanted to add to what I said couple of hours back. I had to run to class and couldn't continue...

Its not just about having a relationship that puts me down to depression. Its combination of lot of things from home life to society looking down on me. Personal wars inside me fighting of who or how to act infront of others, and *Sigh* So on.

Quoll, is it wrong of me? I mean it comforts me to know that there are others who understands me... but then I get this unusual feeling of being not unique. I feel like others are taking my uniqueness, let it be my melancholy. *Smirks* I'm sorry, I am such a drama queen (king). *Ducks before getting bopped*

Seriously speaking... I've been detach from the world around me. I'm in college yet, I single handledly don't have a friend I made from here. And I've been here for 3 years now. Perhaps only one, but seems like we've detached ourselves as well...

 

[Quoll]

Mia, a huge big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

& a

SMOOCHeronie

Thanks for the great advices all. Especially you quoll, that rant actually gave me a smile.

I have taken a part of mine time to be good. I'm tired of what people of me and what they say about me. I don't care anymore. I'm in NYC and I should be glad. I have all types of people living here and that's a blessing, right? RIGHT. Yes, I wouldn't mind having a girl into my life who admires me and loves me... but I can't wait for her anymore.

LOL and still laughing. Thanks Shotokan, it`s not often I get a compliment on one of my rants, but I have to tell you, that one has just lifted me right up.
Perhaps it is your unique perspective on life that allowed you to get a smile out of it.

Quoll, is it wrong of me? I mean it comforts me to know that there are others who understands me... but then I get this unusual feeling of being not unique. I feel like others are taking my uniqueness, let it be my melancholy. *Smirks* I'm sorry, I am such a drama queen (king). *Ducks before getting bopped*

I don`t think any body can take our uniqueness, we may share certain feelings, but (one of my most over-used sayings) "You are You",whatever you do, whatever you think, no one can take that from you.
At times I often despaired of being unique it was just another burden, another reason for me to not fit in. But I am beginning to realise that I would not have the life I have, nor the friends I need (such a disgustingly low number, but ones I would trust my life with) if I was not the way I am.

A smile, a smirk, and a couple of jokes, you are just bursting with positives.

 

[Quoll]

Hi everyone,

Wow, quoll, you sure wax articulately (and coherently) when you want to make a point.

Really? I have to say I didn`t feel particularly articulate, and definitely not coherent when I wrote it, but thank you so much, I will accept the compliment. (Now that was hard)

I need some back, so please send one when you can

Mia

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{MIA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Giving it everything I`ve got

 

[Shotokan07]

A smile, a smirk, and a couple of jokes, you are just bursting with positives.

Heh, in my book of mathematics. Positive + Positive = Negative

 

[MercyMia]

curiousjen, shotokan and quoll, thanks for the hugs (and the smoocheroni!). yesterday was a very dark day for me but i kept a simple mantra going in my head and somehow i got through. today was better, perhaps because i went for an hour-long massage. there is something so healing about massage, at least for me, and even though i ache a little the next day, i really enjoy getting kneaded and having my knuckles and joints stretched. i feel so light afterwards. i have a friend who was going through some really rough times and she made it a point to have massage every week. she decided to spend the money on massage instead of therapy. she said that a lot of times, during the massage sessions, she would break down and cry, just tears of release and letting go of whatever darkness was holding on to her.

human touch is so important and if it's given appropriately, it can provide a deep connection at a time you need it most.

mia, flexing her fingers

so...anyone need a back rub?

shotokan, don't despair about not having friends. be your own best friend first. other things and people will follow.

good luck to each of us on our journeys.

 

[Shotokan07]

Happy Fucking Saint Patrick's Day

Mia... that was the best advice I ever got in my life... thank you. I will definitely remember it for the rest of my life.


Now... for today's news. This day out of the rest of the year, for the last 17-18 years has been the worst day of my life. It is a great day for all the Irish decendants, don't get me wrong, but for me... it bring nothing but sadness.

Ugh... fuck this. *Going back to drinking*


Will talk about it later...

Cheers...

 

[Lynxie]

Mia... that was the best advice I ever got in my life... thank you. I will definitely remember it for the rest of my life.


Now... for today's news. This day out of the rest of the year, for the last 17-18 years has been the worst day of my life. It is a great day for all the Irish decendants, don't get me wrong, but for me... it bring nothing but sadness.

Ugh... fuck this. *Going back to drinking*


Will talk about it later...

Cheers...

Hope tomorrow brings a better day for you, Shotokan.

My anxiety is through the roof because I've been invited to a number of social events in the next month or so. Tomorrow, my in-laws want me to go to the dog track with them. My hubby and I are going, and I know I'll have fun...but there will be crowds, and in-laws prying about whether I'm looking for jobs and about how my physical therapy is coming along... ugh. I've also got a bridal shower next month to attend, and I won't know anyone there besides the bride...I hate that I can't bring my husband along. just had to vent.

 

[Quoll]

Hope tomorrow brings a better day for you, Shotokan.

My anxiety is through the roof because I've been invited to a number of social events in the next month or so. Tomorrow, my in-laws want me to go to the dog track with them. My hubby and I are going, and I know I'll have fun...but there will be crowds, and in-laws prying about whether I'm looking for jobs and about how my physical therapy is coming along... ugh. I've also got a bridal shower next month to attend, and I won't know anyone there besides the bride...I hate that I can't bring my husband along. just had to vent.

Lynxie, it made me uncomfortable reading what you have coming up. Why do we have to I know so far in advance? Then we have to spend so much energy trying to forget.
It does help when you have your other half with you, although you do get strange looks when you stick so close to them.

OH great, as I was typing this Possy has just read out an invitation to a fortieth B/day.

 

[Quoll]

Looks to have some good info for anybody willing to learn.

DepNet

Society

Help for depression

Help for relatives

DepNet Community

About depression

 

[babydoll2u]

I'm so depressed tonight I can't do anything but cry.......