Desultory and Impulsive

Heard this on a podcast I frequently listen to

The episode really got me all introspective about myself. About creativity. Thinking. Remembering. Recalling. Freudian slips. And baring one's soul.

My mom was/is an Elvis fan. I grew up with him. Fond memories of my early early childhood are and will always be set to many tracks sung by him.

Interestingly none of this is about that. That was just a bit of trivia I thought I'd share with you.

I can't really say what this is all about. I'm still processing it. All that I know is that it is difficult. And personal and caught up in between the walls of thought and emotion where all the words are but the motion to lay them out has stopped.

I've heard many covers of this song. Including that sung by my mother. Mindlessly to herself.

Hearing this version cut me both ways. It's a good song. Leave it to Jack White to really sharpen the edge of it like only he could.
 
In other news...

Don't you hate it when it hurts when you touch the parts that make you feel good because you've already touched the parts too much but you still want to touch the parts?
 
And while I'm voicing my wandering thoughts...

...I wonder how many days out of the year a woman feels pretty.
 
How so and in what way?

It will be influenced by how a woman sees herself and if her self-perception is realistic. It may be affected by how well a woman fits into the beauty standards of her time and place. The feedback that she has received on her appearance throughout her life, whether positive or negative, can affect how she sees herself and how she feels about herself.
 
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It will be influenced by how a woman sees herself and if her self-perception is realistic. It may be affected by how well a woman fits into the beauty standards of her time and place. The feedback that she has received on her appearance throughout her life, whether positive or negative, can affect how she sees herself and how she feels about herself.

You are probably right.

I am not a woman. I have no say.

But the reasoning strikes me as being sound.


My wondering of the matter came about whilst lurking Instagram. ...and Flickr.

Time and time again I will happen upon a guy (or woman) with a portfolio of photos they've taken of a number of women.

All of them studio pretty.

And they are pretty. They are pretty made to look pretty. And presented as pretty.

I look at them and am reminded of the meme that circulates among the female contacts of mine pretty much yearly on Facebook.

It's usually an image of an "older" woman made to look worn down, jaded. Sometimes it's just the words themselves which read...

"I wish I was as fat as I thought I was back in highschool."


My wife echoes the sentiment whenever we happen upon some of our younger pics. Or one of the few pics she had allowed me to take of her in naked repose prior too or shortly thereafter sex and she'll say something along the lines of... "You told me I was beautiful and I never believed"

To which I've replied "You still don't"

I've since stopped asking to take pics. Mostly due to how instead of comparing herself to others, she's comparing herself to her younger self.

It's frustrating
I can't win against that

And I wonder how many of those women 10-20 years from now will look back and think such thoughts of themselves
 
My want to lick a woman's asshole is off the goddamn charts today.

I fucking hate it.

There's no reason to lick a woman's asshole. It's the stupidest want and it makes me angry.
 
Of course...

...no reason with the exception that she wants it licked.
 
I find that production porn tends to come off as contrived and too... inauthentic to the subject matter?

Oft times I skip through the bullshit and get to the point I think will get me off


Except for this one.

This one I watched pretty fucking rivited from start to finish. All 42 minutes of it. I didn't even jerk-off the first time around.

The fucking in it is so well done I kept wanting to see what was going to happen next. What is he going to do to her? Make her do? Make her want to do.

It watches like a good lit story reads.

The dialogue is actually pretty good as well. The detail of his facial expressions while he's talking to her. How her cry-panting borders the edge of wanting it and hating it. How she looks at him. How they both stay in character. The signing of the cross on her forehead at the end...

Fucking love it all.

Those of you who were victims of sexual coercion and assult and follow me for reasons only you know why. I don't know what your threshold is. There of course exists more violent, more disturbing shit out there. No matter; how such is presented in this movie, might just ring a little too close.

The Sanctity of Marriage
 
How are we to keep passion from turning into pathology?

And in the event that it does, what will it take to turn it back?
 
I find that production porn tends to come off as contrived and too... inauthentic to the subject matter?

Oft times I skip through the bullshit and get to the point I think will get me off


Except for this one.

This one I watched pretty fucking rivited from start to finish. All 42 minutes of it. I didn't even jerk-off the first time around.

The fucking in it is so well done I kept wanting to see what was going to happen next. What is he going to do to her? Make her do? Make her want to do.

It watches like a good lit story reads.

The dialogue is actually pretty good as well. The detail of his facial expressions while he's talking to her. How her cry-panting borders the edge of wanting it and hating it. How she looks at him. How they both stay in character. The signing of the cross on her forehead at the end...

Fucking love it all.

Those of you who were victims of sexual coercion and assult and follow me for reasons only you know why. I don't know what your threshold is. There of course exists more violent, more disturbing shit out there. No matter; how such is presented in this movie, might just ring a little too close.

The Sanctity of Marriage

I don't particularly enjoy porn, or pro porn, but that was very well done. I liked that they were not "gorgeous", he was older, and a bit grizzled, she was cute, yet plump and had a little belly and some cellulite on her thighs. Made it believable for me.
 
I don't particularly enjoy porn, or pro porn, but that was very well done. I liked that they were not "gorgeous", he was older, and a bit grizzled, she was cute, yet plump and had a little belly and some cellulite on her thighs. Made it believable for me.

Yes. Exactly.
 
It's too goddamn early in the day to want to bury my face up into the crotch of a woman.
 
As a woman with a crotch, I have a difficult time believing it is ever too early.

You say that
But do you really mean it?


5 years down the road in a fictional relationship with me I imagine you saying something like "What? No. I've not had my morning shit and you know I shower at night and yes we are kinky but that's disgusting plus we made plans to meet up with family for breakfast this morning which I'm just telling you about now so we don't have time for your horndog nonsense. And I had a late night with 3 codes so if you could just let me sleep a little more--which is exactly what you are going to do--that would be great."
 
You say that
But do you really mean it?


5 years down the road in a fictional relationship with me I imagine you saying something like "What? No. I've not had my morning shit and you know I shower at night and yes we are kinky but that's disgusting plus we made plans to meet up with family for breakfast this morning which I'm just telling you about now so we don't have time for your horndog nonsense. And I had a late night with 3 codes so if you could just let me sleep a little more--which is exactly what you are going to do--that would be great."

This is all accurate
 
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