Desultory and Impulsive

[y=mx+b]

I am feeling quite rather out of shape.

 

[tallguy78]

Well... between you, me, and everyone lurking along, I think it would be an all out riot to fuck a guy in the ass while twisty double-fisting his cock like I was churning butter. Edging him along with my own orgasm until finally blowing my load in him a split second before getting him to blow his own load. It'd be like a great ejaculatory relay.

Sounds like fun to me.

 

[y=mx+b]

...and old.

 

[y=mx+b]

Feeling pretty much like a big ol' ball of Just give it up already.

 

[y=mx+b]

And I could you know.

Give up my body
My thoughts
My emotions.

Give up sharing.


I could turn to reading rather than writing. Compartmentalize everything. Push it all aside. Get lost in the lives of fiction outside of that within my own mind.

I could pull this plug out of the back of my neck and put another one in. And be gone. Completely.

 

[y=mx+b]

But could I?

I really want to you know. It's not like I actually like cutting myself open like a goddamn idiot. Sharing thoughts I am not all that bright enough to think. Expressing feelings best kept to myself.

 

[y=mx+b]

Why can't I just hide behind the vanity of achieving success?

 

[y=mx+b]

Intermission

 

[y=mx+b]

Ever wake up in the middle of the night and be all like... "fuck. I guess I'm awake now." ?

Yeah.

I just did that.



I guess I'm just going to mindlessly scroll for the next 5 hours of my life.

 

[y=mx+b]

I'm rather concerned though.

Because it wasn't a casual waking of up.



It was more BAM! AWAKE! Like some disturbance happened in The Force.

So I'm all like... "Fuck's going on?"

 

[y=mx+b]

Today she is having reconstructive surgery.

She said during one of our last lunches together how she was looking forward to feeling like a whole woman again.

That feeling for her starts today.

 

[y=mx+b]

She is laying next to me topless.
Sleeping.

I came inside of her not too long ago.

There is probably still some semen
Coating her walls

Swimming
Blindly

Tails flittering
Whipping about.


My orgasm was good
But feeling the mechanics
Of my ejaculation
Was better.

The spurting inside of her
Seeing it in my imagination
The swelling of my cock
The bell of it's head
Throbbing ejaculate

Her thighs spread
Pelvis tilted
Fully accepting me

Then her body closing around me
As I came

Her embrace like a warm blanket
Ever so womanly
And whole

...and home.

 

[y=mx+b]

This reeeeeeeaaaallly makes me want to masturbate this morning.

 

[y=mx+b]

Fucking beautiful.
And beautiful lighting

 

[pantyboidoe]

This reeeeeeeaaaallly makes me want to masturbate this morning.

ooh, see this makes me want to lick her up! Annnd for that i don't really know how that makes me feel but it is a feeling that i'm learning to sit with and process

very sexy!

 

[y=mx+b]

I am honest to fuck tired of my successes feeling like failures.

I've no goddamn idea how to change that about myself.

Fuck.

 

[y=mx+b]

My skillz are pretty fucking majikal tho.

 

[y=mx+b]

You know.

This makes me feel less alone..

 

[y=mx+b]

...in that it's always portrayed as a predominant male issue.

 

[y=mx+b]

Countless men in the public eye have come clean about such issues. But oft times it's an after-the-fact worthless excuse and weak explanation for their shitty behavior.

 

[y=mx+b]

And even when there isn't some kind of bullshit precipitating the... "I'm addicted to porn/sex" excuse. The reaction is usually.... "well... you are a guy so of course this is an issue with you. Buck up sunshine. There'll be brighter days"

 

[y=mx+b]

So it's nice to see a women go "Hey.
I struggle with this too."

 

[y=mx+b]

I still remain skeptical that it qualifies as an actual addiction.

I know I know research says blah d'da... research says a lot about cbd/thc too

Addictive? No.
Highly habitual? Yes.

 

[y=mx+b]

Reflecting on my own relationship with porn, masturbation, and sex...

I cannot think when the last time I went a day without seeing a sexually provocative nude image.

There has been days I've not masturbated. But I don't think I've ever gone more than 3-4 days in a row. At least not in the past year.

I don't recall what my record was for how many times per day that I've jerked off. I want to say back in my 20s..... 8 times?

Most hours spent in a row looking at porn and edging? Certainly 6-8hrs. Again... back in my 20s

Would I say that it has interrupted my sexual relationship? Yes. Some times more than others.

Did it adversely shape what I thought sex was supposed to be like? Yes

BUT!!! That said there's been a lot of porntastic moments where afterwards I was like... "fucking hell I feel sorry for all those that have said that porn is not real sex. Because... yo, here I am naked and the sheets are soaked through to the box spring. So... yeah."

Motherfucker. Now I'm horny.

 

[y=mx+b]

Seems like there was something else about this topic of which I was going to discuss.