Desultory and Impulsive
- Thread starter y=mx+b
- Start date
DéjàNu
Call me Grail
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2002
- Posts
- 17,751
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
Chainsaw
Cutting wood
How it feels to cut down into the logs
The saw
The chain
Cutting.
It's a subtle constant struggle
There's the weight of the saw
The awkward positioning of ...everything
The unpredictable nature of the saw
How it jumps
Jitters
Kicks back...
It reminds me of holding her
Fighting her
Feeling the grasp of my hands around her wrists
The constant struggle of having to pull them out of the way of her body so that I could kiss her neck
Her chest
Her lips
--fighting as she turned her head
The unexpected burst of force of her arms
Trying to break free
Having to subdue her with a counter force
Feeling the muscles of my forearms engage
And overpower those of her torso
As another last ditch effort to throw me off
Torques her spine in such a way her back arches up off the floor and thrusts the flesh of her breast into my mouth
So many things
Remind me of her
Of being with her
And of my want to be with her
It's maddening
And I think... am I the only one?
What about the other men that have been with her?
I have secret moments of wanting to seek them out so that I can ask them--do you think of her?
Cutting wood
How it feels to cut down into the logs
The saw
The chain
Cutting.
It's a subtle constant struggle
There's the weight of the saw
The awkward positioning of ...everything
The unpredictable nature of the saw
How it jumps
Jitters
Kicks back...
It reminds me of holding her
Fighting her
Feeling the grasp of my hands around her wrists
The constant struggle of having to pull them out of the way of her body so that I could kiss her neck
Her chest
Her lips
--fighting as she turned her head
The unexpected burst of force of her arms
Trying to break free
Having to subdue her with a counter force
Feeling the muscles of my forearms engage
And overpower those of her torso
As another last ditch effort to throw me off
Torques her spine in such a way her back arches up off the floor and thrusts the flesh of her breast into my mouth
So many things
Remind me of her
Of being with her
And of my want to be with her
It's maddening
And I think... am I the only one?
What about the other men that have been with her?
I have secret moments of wanting to seek them out so that I can ask them--do you think of her?
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
Things were different this time
More comfortable
Less clandestine
More... scary.
More scary
Because I have more fears
Fears come with love I guess
I could sit here and tell you about my fears
I could sit here and speculate how all this could be lost
And tell you how I would be the cause of it
I don't want to lose her
I don't want to feel a day without her in it
I don't want to miss her any differently than how I miss her now
Because how I miss her now
--as painful as it is
It is beautiful
The depth of absolute longing I have for her...
It stops me in my day
And I swim in it.
I swim in her
She surrounds me.
To the right of where I am writing this right now is the couch I had her body bent over backwards by her head--her hair.
In my mind was the want she wanted
And my fist wanted to give it to her face
She calmed me down
And she did so in such a measured manner
Simply by saying my name
She said it so beautifully
I wish I could bring you all inside us
I wish I could have you feel how we feel when we are together
I wish that
So that when I say how I wish we could be together you all could feel how painful it is knowing how we can't be.
I wanted to give her
--her want
Even though her want was just a fantasy of hers--I wanted to beat her
Close fist
Repeatedly across the face
In my head she deserved every bit of it
I fell so much in love with her
And it hurt
It still hurts
Her blackened eyes would show everyone
And they wouldn't know
They would see only what they saw
But I would see it
I would see it when she would look up at me
And the discomfort of others would serve to drive the passion for each other all the more
But her voice...
My name...
We are not together
She is not mine to hurt
And I touched her face
Like one touches the canvass
Of a painting
And I was back home
Inside of myself.
More comfortable
Less clandestine
More... scary.
More scary
Because I have more fears
Fears come with love I guess
I could sit here and tell you about my fears
I could sit here and speculate how all this could be lost
And tell you how I would be the cause of it
I don't want to lose her
I don't want to feel a day without her in it
I don't want to miss her any differently than how I miss her now
Because how I miss her now
--as painful as it is
It is beautiful
The depth of absolute longing I have for her...
It stops me in my day
And I swim in it.
I swim in her
She surrounds me.
To the right of where I am writing this right now is the couch I had her body bent over backwards by her head--her hair.
In my mind was the want she wanted
And my fist wanted to give it to her face
She calmed me down
And she did so in such a measured manner
Simply by saying my name
She said it so beautifully
I wish I could bring you all inside us
I wish I could have you feel how we feel when we are together
I wish that
So that when I say how I wish we could be together you all could feel how painful it is knowing how we can't be.
I wanted to give her
--her want
Even though her want was just a fantasy of hers--I wanted to beat her
Close fist
Repeatedly across the face
In my head she deserved every bit of it
I fell so much in love with her
And it hurt
It still hurts
Her blackened eyes would show everyone
And they wouldn't know
They would see only what they saw
But I would see it
I would see it when she would look up at me
And the discomfort of others would serve to drive the passion for each other all the more
But her voice...
My name...
We are not together
She is not mine to hurt
And I touched her face
Like one touches the canvass
Of a painting
And I was back home
Inside of myself.
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
To touch her breasts
And suck her nipple into my mouth
While my hand
--my fingers
Feel for the fuck of her crotch
Wet
Hard
Smelling my spit
Her sweat
Hearing her breathing
Beating against my body
Fingers laced
--interlocked
Squeezing
Pressure
Running hot thoughts
Of her lips around my cock
Nursing
And suck her nipple into my mouth
While my hand
--my fingers
Feel for the fuck of her crotch
Wet
Hard
Smelling my spit
Her sweat
Hearing her breathing
Beating against my body
Fingers laced
--interlocked
Squeezing
Pressure
Running hot thoughts
Of her lips around my cock
Nursing
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
Through the mirrored window he watched her position her phone on the table in such a way that allowed it to best record the account.
He took a sip of coffee
Doing his best to dismiss external distractions and shut down the system that makes us all human--and long to connect.
She had been the lead detective in dealing with crimes of sexual assault
A profiler he'd been assigned to be her partner a couple years now
He read the lips of the victim
Her gaze cast downward towards numb battered hands holding onto a weak cup of coffee. Trying to extract from it a level of security she would never get to feel. Not from it. Or from anyone. Ever again.
He watched her lips
Studied her
Steadied her in his mind as she lipped words like "spread" "punching" "inside"
"please don't... please..." "splitting me" and "hurt so badly"
Words that had become numb like her hands trying to grasp at his heart. He knew it was fucked up, but she was dead to him. She had to be. It made it easier for him to become the man that put her where she was sitting right now.
It wasn't enjoyable
He wanted to hold her
And swaddle her in a blanket
And rock back and forth with her in his arms
It wasn't enjoyable
It was a necessity
His attention turned to the other woman in the room. He always shut her out of his thoughts but up until recently.
He didn't like it. He knew it was a coping mechanism for a slipping brain about to break.
He didn't know how much more he had in him. How much longer it would be before he requested a transfer
He didnt like reading her, but he couldn't keep himself from doing so. And whenever he did he felt like a drug sniffing dog for the narc unit who's handler was slowly becoming a user.
It wasn't like...
She wasn't....
Her questions. The amount of detail she needed. The kind of detail. The subtle side shifting in her seat. Pulling her hair over the front of her shoulder unknowingly exposing what she could of herself without exposing herself at all.
Her drive for serving the public--protecting the public was becoming something else.
Victim envy.
He took a sip of coffee
Doing his best to dismiss external distractions and shut down the system that makes us all human--and long to connect.
She had been the lead detective in dealing with crimes of sexual assault
A profiler he'd been assigned to be her partner a couple years now
He read the lips of the victim
Her gaze cast downward towards numb battered hands holding onto a weak cup of coffee. Trying to extract from it a level of security she would never get to feel. Not from it. Or from anyone. Ever again.
He watched her lips
Studied her
Steadied her in his mind as she lipped words like "spread" "punching" "inside"
"please don't... please..." "splitting me" and "hurt so badly"
Words that had become numb like her hands trying to grasp at his heart. He knew it was fucked up, but she was dead to him. She had to be. It made it easier for him to become the man that put her where she was sitting right now.
It wasn't enjoyable
He wanted to hold her
And swaddle her in a blanket
And rock back and forth with her in his arms
It wasn't enjoyable
It was a necessity
His attention turned to the other woman in the room. He always shut her out of his thoughts but up until recently.
He didn't like it. He knew it was a coping mechanism for a slipping brain about to break.
He didn't know how much more he had in him. How much longer it would be before he requested a transfer
He didnt like reading her, but he couldn't keep himself from doing so. And whenever he did he felt like a drug sniffing dog for the narc unit who's handler was slowly becoming a user.
It wasn't like...
She wasn't....
Her questions. The amount of detail she needed. The kind of detail. The subtle side shifting in her seat. Pulling her hair over the front of her shoulder unknowingly exposing what she could of herself without exposing herself at all.
Her drive for serving the public--protecting the public was becoming something else.
Victim envy.
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
She watched the beat cops try and process the scene.
Although they were already there an hour ahead of her they were yet to settle within themselves.
They put on a good front periodically stepping out to collect themselves
She knelt down by the woman
Caucasion
28 to 33
Brunette
Her head lulled lifelessly back
Blood, and snot crusted around what looked to be brain matter coming out from the left nostril of her nose
The right orbit of her eye was crushed in.
She pointed her pen light towards the victims mouth and proceeded to open it with the metal pointer she kept for such occasions.
Three teeth slid out of her mouth strung together by saliva, blood, and semen
She pointed her light up and illuminated the woman's face.
She felt him around her
In the room
Studying
Breathing in the air
Taking in the environment before the environment became what it was
Seeing the victim for what she was.
A woman
Being a woman
Before becoming a body.
Although they were already there an hour ahead of her they were yet to settle within themselves.
They put on a good front periodically stepping out to collect themselves
She knelt down by the woman
Caucasion
28 to 33
Brunette
Her head lulled lifelessly back
Blood, and snot crusted around what looked to be brain matter coming out from the left nostril of her nose
The right orbit of her eye was crushed in.
She pointed her pen light towards the victims mouth and proceeded to open it with the metal pointer she kept for such occasions.
Three teeth slid out of her mouth strung together by saliva, blood, and semen
She pointed her light up and illuminated the woman's face.
She felt him around her
In the room
Studying
Breathing in the air
Taking in the environment before the environment became what it was
Seeing the victim for what she was.
A woman
Being a woman
Before becoming a body.
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
Do you think you will ever know
The thought of another?
The depth of meaning and feeling
They bury into the words...
I love you.
?
There is a coldness about the air
A solitude
A type of -one-
That is all there is
And no more
It is a type of oneness that comes with being apart
Far
Away
A step beyond where hearts-grow-fonder
And almost
...just almost outside of an outstretched touch-of-the-fingertips
And being---okay
again.
A different -again-
Yet
One that is so familiar
And familiar inside of you
A raw natural crispness
Like that--
Felt in old clothes
Dried on the line
A raw natural crispness
That buries you
And buries you deep
Into three words
Strung together.
The thought of another?
The depth of meaning and feeling
They bury into the words...
I love you.
?
There is a coldness about the air
A solitude
A type of -one-
That is all there is
And no more
It is a type of oneness that comes with being apart
Far
Away
A step beyond where hearts-grow-fonder
And almost
...just almost outside of an outstretched touch-of-the-fingertips
And being---okay
again.
A different -again-
Yet
One that is so familiar
And familiar inside of you
A raw natural crispness
Like that--
Felt in old clothes
Dried on the line
A raw natural crispness
That buries you
And buries you deep
Into three words
Strung together.
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
It is difficult to walk the line between what is and is not acceptable.
I don't like the fact that I am a guy
One that is so easily lead to believe my actions are okay. Often times by reasoning I know is flawed.
I do what I can to combat this
I'm doing what I can assess the drive of my thoughts--my actions--to determine if such a drive is rooted in speculation or assumption.
I don't like the fact that I am a guy
One that is so easily lead to believe my actions are okay. Often times by reasoning I know is flawed.
I do what I can to combat this
I'm doing what I can assess the drive of my thoughts--my actions--to determine if such a drive is rooted in speculation or assumption.
A
AlliaPotestas
Guest
I’ve always felt a little conflicted reading your thoughts, but now you’re not here I miss it... weird...
I hope you are well.
And this is beautiful:
“I don't want to lose her
I don't want to feel a day without her in it
I don't want to miss her any differently than how I miss her now
Because how I miss her now
--as painful as it is
It is beautiful”
I hope you are well.
And this is beautiful:
“I don't want to lose her
I don't want to feel a day without her in it
I don't want to miss her any differently than how I miss her now
Because how I miss her now
--as painful as it is
It is beautiful”
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
Corbal
Cereal Killer
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2010
- Posts
- 27,281
Take the trash out more without prompting and surprise anal will be better received.
...it’s a trending conversation in my home.
I
Interested_Girl
Guest
Desperate romantic.
oldasspussy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2015
- Posts
- 2,335
What ever happened to Skippy? I so wanted him to turn out to be a great guy but kinda figured he'd most likely turn into a dick so I figured it was probably best you didn't finish the story ... but months later I still wonder about hIm
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
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She wasn't young
She wasn't old
But he was older
Older
Dumber
But.... stronger
And it was his strength
That kept her stupid
At least.... that was his best guess.
He thought deeply about it.
There really wasn't any other reason for her to be around him
Not like she was
When she was
Which was when she wanted to get hit
And hit hard
Which is what he did
He hit her
Hard.
He hit her hard across her face
And across her heart
He made sure
Both would hurt
How she wanted them to hurt
In private silence
In the company of just him.
She wasn't old
But he was older
Older
Dumber
But.... stronger
And it was his strength
That kept her stupid
At least.... that was his best guess.
He thought deeply about it.
There really wasn't any other reason for her to be around him
Not like she was
When she was
Which was when she wanted to get hit
And hit hard
Which is what he did
He hit her
Hard.
He hit her hard across her face
And across her heart
He made sure
Both would hurt
How she wanted them to hurt
In private silence
In the company of just him.
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
Would you like me to tell you?
Or would you like me to continue on and probably never get around to finishing--because I'm like that?
y=mx+b
___________
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2003
- Posts
- 25,624
If so, then why do I want to gag-fuck a cunt and leave her for dead in a ditch somewhere with chemical burns on her clit?
A
AlliaPotestas
Guest
This is the reason I feel conflicted reading your thread... and yet I am here... reading it....
