Desultory and Impulsive

[y=mx+b]

I keep looking at her photo
At her eyes
At her smile

I love how she has this look about her
An underlying wide-eyed wonder
Ready to pull out some sort of fabulous new experience
Out of what--for most of us--would have become ordinary

It makes me want to touch her
Just so I can see how I touch her--touches her.

 

[y=mx+b]

I sound like a broken record

I am sorry

But not really.

 

[y=mx+b]

Also...

Once I get my ass in gear and get the albatross that is my nieces engagement photos and A's friends wedding photos off my back--I may get to taking another photo or two for my little thread here.

Of what? Who knows. I'm open to requests/challenges/dares.

 

[y=mx+b]

I forget...

...how loud she is
Until we have the house
--the whole house
To ourselves.

 

[dirtywilf]

Once I get my ass in gear and get the albatross that is my nieces engagement photos and A's friends wedding photos off my back--I may get to taking another photo or two for my little thread here.

Of what? Who knows. I'm open to requests/challenges/dares.

Admittedly some of your writings aren't for me, but I lurk your thread anyway, because a lot of it is appealing. I like the overall masculinity about it, mixed with vulnerability. And the photos of course.

And to read the openness for requests, I was flooded with thoughts of seeing you in a submissive pose, on your knees. Maybe you've posted one before, and I missed it?

I like to think I'm relatively strong, and can defend myself; so seeing someone who clearly has the physical advantage, being submissive, spurs some nice switchy thoughts for me

 

[y=mx+b]

Admittedly some of your writings aren't for me, but I lurk your thread anyway, because a lot of it is appealing. I like the overall masculinity about it, mixed with vulnerability. And the photos of course.

And to read the openness for requests, I was flooded with thoughts of seeing you in a submissive pose, on your knees. Maybe you've posted one before, and I missed it?

I like to think I'm relatively strong, and can defend myself; so seeing someone who clearly has the physical advantage, being submissive, spurs some nice switchy thoughts for me

Admittedly I am told that quite a bit. That my writing really isn't their thing

I am told that so many times that I feel I should have learned by now that I shouldn't write what I do and learn more about what it is people want to read from me

I am told how that in spite of my rapist bent and fuck-all everything else... yeah... I'm open. I bleed

And I am
And I do

And so to honor both your diligence of seeing me through, taking the good with the bad, as well as taking the opportunity to take the reins and lead me in a direction you would like me to go...

This post is specifically for you dirtywilf
No one else

You

I want to write for you
I want to please you
I want you to be pleased by me

I am sorry what things I had written about in the past
Have been off putting
I am trying to be better
I am trying to be less dark
Less moody

But I will fail

I will fail because I am weak


...because I am human

Because I will try too hard for you
And I will get frustrated
And I will fall back on old habits

But I want to learn
I need to learn
I wish to be patient
...obedient

I want to look up at you
And see how I have to wait
still quiet
--in the strength of your eyes

And how you hold yourself
--your body
How you stand


I want to be made to be
--so I can feel my anger

I want you to make me kneel in it
I want you to well up my rage in the fiber of time
And bury it deep into the masculinity of my body
Telling me--No.
When I move
No
When I attempt to speak
No
When my eyes wish to look up
--or away

I want you to teach me
I want you to make me listen

Because....

 

[y=mx+b]

Sometimes I miss living in the city

Today is a city type day
Just to hang out on the street
Perhaps at the coffee shop
Listening to the new crop of hipsters
Talk their hipster talk
Living vicariously through them
Trying to keep my attention away from being attracted to the women of the group

--and losing

Then... fighting those inevitable feelings of having felt like I lost out

Like I never took advantage of my youth

I should have fucked more women
I should have done more drugs
I should have developed more of a want to socialize

 

[y=mx+b]

Few things...

...kill her replying to my texts faster than me telling her I thought about her

I know she knows damn well my thought--although not overtly sexual in nature--could be construed as such and fast spiral downward in such a direction

There once was a time it spurred curiosity. Now she shuts that shit down.

It's admittedly disheartening

It was wonderful to be able to be so openly free with little to no fear.

But I get it
Tip my hat
And keep such thoughts
Quiet
And to myself
Like I once had

For so many years.

 

[rubydlite]

...kill her replying to my texts faster than me telling her I thought about her

I know she knows damn well my thought--although not overtly sexual in nature--could be construed as such and fast spiral downward in such a direction

There once was a time it spurred curiosity. Now she shuts that shit down.

It's admittedly disheartening

..../QUOTE]

I don't want to speak for the masses or assume your situation but...sometimes we *shut that shit down* because time nor space will allow us to do anything with the result if we don't. Nothing worse then feeding a fire but never being able to feel the heat.
Maybe....
.....maybe ...this is less of a disheartening thought.

...
...
Or not.

 

[y=mx+b]

...kill her replying to my texts faster than me telling her I thought about her

I know she knows damn well my thought--although not overtly sexual in nature--could be construed as such and fast spiral downward in such a direction

There once was a time it spurred curiosity. Now she shuts that shit down.

It's admittedly disheartening

..../QUOTE]

I don't want to speak for the masses or assume your situation but...sometimes we *shut that shit down* because time nor space will allow us to do anything with the result if we don't. Nothing worse then feeding a fire but never being able to feel the heat.
Maybe....
.....maybe ...this is less of a disheartening thought.

...
...
Or not.

No matter
I fully understand

And I know such is the case

Just as she knows how I do such things
Just to be a provacative... ass?

 

[dirtywilf]

Another thing I enjoy about your thread is the honesty, and how uncensored you are. (I'm a bit envious of this...but that's another can of worms). I don't think you need to stop writing, anything. If something comes to you and that's what you want to write about, then write about it. People can take it or leave it, that's whats so great about choice. Omitting your feelings in your own thread just seems silly.

I put that comment in my response, about some pieces not being for me, because for some reason I felt the need to. It was nothing against you, or or writing. Since I was making a request, and have lurked for longer than I care to admit, I suppose I felt the need to somehow justify my non-interaction? I don't know, I guess that's the best way I can put it this morning without my coffee.

As for the photo and the response, thank you. This image (and the words along with it) as well as another you recently posted in the balls thread will provide a welcome distraction this week...an exploration into my seldom-had switchy thoughts

Admittedly I am told that quite a bit. That my writing really isn't their thing

I am told that so many times that I feel I should have learned by now that I shouldn't write what I do and learn more about what it is people want to read from me

I am told how that in spite of my rapist bent and fuck-all everything else... yeah... I'm open. I bleed

And I am
And I do

And so to honor both your diligence of seeing me through, taking the good with the bad, as well as taking the opportunity to take the reins and lead me in a direction you would like me to go...

This post is specifically for you dirtywilf
No one else

You

I want to write for you
I want to please you
I want you to be pleased by me

I am sorry what things I had written about in the past
Have been off putting
I am trying to be better
I am trying to be less dark
Less moody

But I will fail

I will fail because I am weak


...because I am human

Because I will try too hard for you
And I will get frustrated
And I will fall back on old habits

But I want to learn
I need to learn
I wish to be patient
...obedient

I want to look up at you
And see how I have to wait
still quiet
--in the strength of your eyes

And how you hold yourself
--your body
How you stand


I want to be made to be
--so I can feel my anger

I want you to make me kneel in it
I want you to well up my rage in the fiber of time
And bury it deep into the masculinity of my body
Telling me--No.
When I move
No
When I attempt to speak
No
When my eyes wish to look up
--or away

I want you to teach me
I want you to make me listen

Because....

 

[Bjerget]

Once I get my ass in gear and get the albatross that is my nieces engagement photos and A's friends wedding photos off my back--I may get to taking another photo or two for my little thread here.

Of what? Who knows. I'm open to requests/challenges/dares.

Requests you say? I'd like to see more of your arms. And your pretty words.

 

[y=mx+b]

The fact I don't like this pic tells me I've not posted it already.

But I very well may have

 

[y=mx+b]

I hope to hold you
Hard against my heart

I hope to hold you
And hold you
Like the night holds the moon
In the sky

I hope to hold you
In a time
That feels like forever
Sleeping
Sunk deep

Sunk deep into you
My hope is

Just as your's
Is sunk deep into me

And I hope to hold you hard against my heart
Where our lips can swim in the dark behind the closed eyes of our touching bodies

 

[y=mx+b]

alprazolam.

Because I'm out of Ambien.

It's a shitty substitute
And easily habituated

At least... for me.


That said... it's pretty fucking awesome.
It may not put me to sleep
But in a minute or two I won't give a fuck
And will be contented just laying here

And whatever pain I feel--physical pain--will go away
Even if I'm not aware that I'm feeling any

alprazolam is magical like that
It's easy to understand why it's so easily abused.

I got a shit-ton of it.
Because I don't take it
But still kept getting the scripts and getting them filled

Much to my wife's chagrin
But now I don't get the scripts anymore

My wife was curious about them and took one prior to sex... just to see.

I never banged a woman's asshole so hard in my life.
She loved it.

In spite of it
She has no interest in doing so again

She's weird like that

I actually think she could freebase heroin--Just to see--and be all like "well this is interesting"

Which was exactly what she said when she....


alprazolam kicked in. I'm done.

 

[Corbal]

Reluctantly took Ambien during an extended stay in the hospital.
Best fucking dreams, lifelike and mood altering.
Also woke up several nights in the bathtub, kitchen and closet.
After reading your post, I question if I got nailed in the ass and don't remember it.
Thanks.

 

[Corbal]

The fact I don't like this pic tells me I've not posted it already.

But I very well may have

Knock it off. I don't wanna think you're hot.

 

[k_m_d_]

Knock it off. I don't wanna think you're hot.

You'll never have that problem with me.

 

[y=mx+b]

Knock it off. I don't wanna think you're hot.

Going to gotta shatter the illusion that is that pic.

The reason I hate it is because my arms are so obviously not that big in real life.

It's all angles and lighting. It really is.

So yeah. I'll be drifting off the radar screen you have for hot guys now, to keep the notion of possibly being one for you to think about just that--notion.

 

[y=mx+b]

But...

If you wish to think otherwise and wish to finger yourself to the thought of me...

Be my guest.

 

[y=mx+b]

Because

Well... because I am pretty fucking sexy

 

[y=mx+b]

It's kinda weird seeing me interact online with other people. I have it in my head that I suck at it.

As it turns out... I'm kinda funny.

 

[y=mx+b]

My feelings for her are so ungodly stupid.

 

[y=mx+b]

I mean...

I can just sit here
And think about her
And get absolutely lost in her

Without her here.

And then I want her here
And I get sad
Literally teary eyed sad
And it feels so real

It's like catching yourself get caught up in a movie
--or a good book

But knowing
...that's all it is

A book.
A movie.
It's not real.

But this is real
It involves me
It involves her
We are not a story

 

[y=mx+b]

My suit arrived!