Desultory and Impulsive

[y=mx+b]

I watched him...

...walk about his own house. He was quiet. Pensive. But... social. Aware of my company.

He touched the frame of a picture. A brief caress. I thought he was going to pick it up to hold. To ponder. There was a wistfulness about him. Always.

It was comforting and warm. However; he didn't pick it up. Not right away. He just looked at it. It was a black and white photo of a woman and her dog who both looked happy. Playful. Quiet and at peace.

The quiet called me out to ask a question. So I did.

"What do you miss most about being a werewolf?"

There was a pause.
He brought the cup of coffee he was holding up to his lips and pulled a slug of the hot liquid fast into his mouth and swallowed.

He picked the photo up. Looked at it.

"It's a draw."

He took another drink of coffee. Swallowed and spoke again.

"Killing..."

He placed the photo back upon the shelf. But he did so in a manner that left it laying neatly... poetically, face down.


"...and fucking women in my alternate form."

 

[raindancer]

I enjoy your perspective and insights. And your honesty is refreshing. I hope you continue to share your words, always.

 

[y=mx+b]

He made his way into the kitchen and dumped the rest of the contents in his coffee cup into the sink. That of mine I found a yet too hot to adequately take a drink from and continued my tentative sips.

It was good coffee.

He exited the kitchen. Tended to an African violet plant that was in an absurd state of bloom.

It was rather surreal. The moment that is. I had questions. Things I wanted to know but I didn't want jump all in like some fanboy.

He made his way toward a bay window and looked out at nature.

I know this is all pretty much me saying I watched him watch things... But fuck you. I did. What the fuck people. He's a goddamn supernatural being. He's killed shit. Raped women. Longs to do it again. I'm in his fucking house. Give a guy a break!






























"Do you want to hear a love story?"

 

[y=mx+b]

"Some time ago now
I had given up on living the life of a human being.

It happens from time to time.
You see all the bullshit out there

You try and do the right thing
Live the right life
Make something of yourself
With what little you've been given...

You'd think
Given how long I've been around
How much I've seen and have done and have had to do; you'd just fucking think, that something would have stuck.

But no.

And so after a life of battling the battle of who I was. And what I was I made my choice. And put a barrel into my mouth.


Woke up in a kennel. Again.

Tame, domesticated, and flea bitten. Quarantined. But clean."

 

[AlliaPotestas]

"Do you want to hear a love story?"

Don’t mind me - I’m just going to make myself comfortable in the corner. It’s a rainy bank holiday here in Blighty and I’m in the mood for a love story, there’s a happy ending right?

 

[y=mx+b]

"You will have to forgive me. I am not the best at articulating my thoughts. My emotions. Few; and with good reason, have I come to trust."

I didn't say anything
But I felt he knew how I felt. How I was there for him. And how honored I was to be in his trust.

"I was in the kennel for some time. Families came and went. Puppies found homes. The elderly got their hospice wishes met. It wasn't my first go around. I just waited. And waited for the want of a plan to escape slowly creep into my skull.

And then she walked in.

From where I was I could just make out a bit of her. Her leg. Her thigh.

The echo of her voice resonated. Bouncing off the concrete floors and walls...

It wasn't enough to get my hopes up
But it was all so beautiful."

 

[y=mx+b]

"I was to be the first dog she'd own on her own. Her parents had dogs as pets. Her roommates, her boyfriends... now that she's on her own...

That's what I was able to make out over the yipping din of the over enthusiastic and the whimpering of the shy and socially anxious.

I always kinda marveled at how owners choose their pets. I never been given the chance. Oft times I'd escape, eventually be put down, or quickly snatched up for... shall we say... questionable sporting reasons"

He looked down
Shook his head

"Do you know what it's like
To feel the blood of a dogs beating heart shoot into your mouth? Your teeth rip into it's throat? The rubber-like crunch of it's larynx as your jaw squeezes the last bit of life out of it fading flailing body?"


"No..."


"Me neither.

But I do know what that of twelve guys in a garage feels like.

It's rather orgasmic."

 

[y=mx+b]

He cleared his throat.
Collected himself.

 

[y=mx+b]

"As she began to make her way, I felt this draw to present myself. To make myself be seen.

Cage doors opened
So much happiness to be had.

Cage doors closed
Pangs of being abandoned once again
Took hold.

They got to my kennel
And I sat up.

The person said it was a first
That I've never really expressed an interest in anything

Feelings of having betrayed myself crept in
I didn't like it
I felt weak
And out of my element.

The door opened up
I didn't move

They didn't move

There was a static in the air
It was a stand-off

The static began to take on the stench of doubt

Doubt is good
Was something familiar to me
Thrashs a path wide open for unpredictable behavior

Charge the door--
Snarling bare toothed
Frothing drool and spit and barking
--feeling my face and body slam up against the chain-link panel door... feeling it bend against my form just as they shut it in time...

Do it.
Now!


But there was no now

There was just her

And her hand under my muzzle
The scent of her wrist
The beating of her pulse

She felt like home to me."

 

[y=mx+b]

" the ride to her place was weird.
Weird in that I was effectively hers.

I belonged to her. Period.

I didn't know how I felt about that.
I didn't know her
She knew little about me
And there we were.

She would look over from time to time
Would give me ear skritches
Said some things about all the fun things we would and could do.

I looked out the window.

She continued on about walks in woods, playing fetch..."

 

[y=mx+b]

At work...

once the bleeding stops...

 

[y=mx+b]

Speaking of work...

So things ran a little late last night and a friend who already came in early to try and knock some of the shit out to help avoid such a reality asked me to help him out

So I did

And as we are working some other work friends came around to hangout and bullshit because that's what we do.

So I'm in there trying to thread a bit onto a bracket. It's in a very tight space surrounded by wires and warm metal parts and i can't see anything and I gotta do it all by touch.

They are all bullshitting and I am all bullshitting and the task at hand is all fucking bullshit because it's late, I'm tired, I can't see what the fuck I'm doing and the last goddamn thing I want to do is something that has,to get done and is far than less-than-straight-forward.

But whatever. We're all friends and in the same boat

But as they are bullshitting... I'm the one that's working and the end of the night kinda depends on me to get this one goddamn bolt thread into place

So I stop bullshitting, go quiet, and start focusing on the task.

After that didn't work, I shut my thoughts down and kinda gave up while still working at it.

It was nice. Kinda like that moment you are drifting off to sleep and know you are and are okay with it.

And just like that the thread caught and I said aloud "huh... it's just like fisting a woman. You just gotta let go and let it happen."

To that my friends stop and are like "wait what... goddamnit!" And start laughing because i say such things as i do.

And I continue working and they are all like "fuck you're funny" and I'm all like... "well... it's true" and they are all like "Ha! THERE YOU GO AGAIN!"

And I'm like. "Okay."
And go back to finishing my task at hand.

And while I'm doing it a lull takes place and all calm down again and that's when my friend says...

"I think I would go immediately impotent if I could get my fist in a woman that I was with."




My brain shut the fuck down.

All my goddamn thoughts just stopped


It was one of those moments I felt like I needed to argue but realize it's just fucking stupid and I knew if I tried I'd end up saying. "Fuck you are dumb in the area of life that which you speak of." Or some shit like that. To which he would defend his reasoning with stupid ignorance and antiquated misogynistic beliefs about women and their bodies.

And so what's the point right?


Fuck.

Don't you hate it when you got a person you like and like being friends with and they all go and ruin part of it for you even though you already assumed such things about them?

 

[AlliaPotestas]

once the bleeding stops...

Fuckedy, ouch and fuckedy again....

 

[y=mx+b]

Fuckedy, ouch and fuckedy again....

The day continues.
The show goes on.

 

[y=mx+b]

"We got to her place

I was a thought out purchase
Or rather... new addition into her home

A new addition into her
Life


I had my own little place set up
Little food and water bowls
A pillow-like bed
Toys...
Plush ones
Hard rubber ones
A rope to play tug-o-war
Some even squeaked

I walked right past it all.


I'd go further into detail about the first few days... the first few weeks for that matter

But you get it right?

She made such an effort
To make me feel at home
And provide me with the things she thought I'd like

And perhaps had I been; normal, I would have.

But I just wanted to level with her
Take her aside and say... 'I just don't... dog'


I did sleep on my little pillow bed though. Wasn't the most comfortable, but it was set out for me... that it was to be where I slept. So I did and I made do.

It wasn't long
Nor did it take much of a genius to realize that I wasn't what she wanted me to be

I admit to being lost in my distance
She took me home to be a part of a home

And I wasn't.


I am not sure what it was
Or why I did...

But there was a night
That for some reason felt rather darker than normal

Not... emotionally dark
But in a starless, moonless dark

And I felt her feel what she felt
For as long as she did
Before she found me

...alone.


Alone.

And I didn't like it.



The tags of my collar softly jingles as I quietly nosed the door to her bedroom open.

I stood there
Then slowly made my way to edge of her bed

The room was quiet
She was quiet.

I curled myself up near her nightstand
My body tight close to her bed



I felt her reach down.
Her hand touched me.

Between my shoulders.

And I promised her
...she would never feel alone ever again."

 

[AlliaPotestas]

And I promised her
...she would never feel alone ever again."

 

[y=mx+b]

Sitting in the backyard in an urban environment
During a holiday weekend

I miss the feeling
The electricity

The nativeness

 

[y=mx+b]

Drunk

...again.

Friends and food.
Me and socializing doesn't happen often

Social circle is small
Intimate
The way I like it.



Arm wrestled
Took my shirt off for theatrics

Good times
That will certainly be felt in the morning




Time took place between first writing this
And posting it.

Am sober now.
Good night.

 

[y=mx+b]

One of the more enjoyable things I like to do with my wife while driving long distances is resting my hand on her thigh near her crotch and drive tandem to a semi-truck for quite some distance.

She's always dressed and mostly assumes nothing of it herself because I'm not really doing nothing... but yet I am. Or... I could be. At least from the truck driver's perspective.

Most of the time it goes unnoticed. But every so often I'll hover along side a truck for a bit and when I go to speed up... so does he. And when he does... my hand slides just-that-much-closer to her crotch. And if I'm not too assertive about it and not too passive about it she will ever-so-slightly part her legs so as to allow the tips of my fingers to run up along the seam of her crotch.

Again... I'm not fingering her. I'm just there. Quietly driving along, being casually affectionate with my wife while discussing the day as it had thus unfolded, and making plans for the remainder.

 

[y=mx+b]

"It was...

...something I was avoiding, to tell the truth.

To go to her
To assure her...

I could have written her off
Wandered my way back into the shadows
Sovereign
Owing nothing
Full aware that in due time she would have moved on

Albeit feeling like failed pet owner

And perhaps that is what I didn't want her to experience.
Another sense of failure... another justification for her feelings of aloneness.

Who knows?
It matters not.

What matters was the change that took place between she and I.

And the change that took place within me.

You see...there are certain codes. Behaviours between the species. Intrinsic codes that cannot be broken. Codes all species share but none share alike.

Obedience...
Loyalty...

Two words humans have an idea of. But that idea is nothing more than a mere notion. A ripple of a wave atop the dark waters of a rolling ocean easily erased by a fleeting glance of passing pretty young thing; or a strong, independently stable, capable individual.

You... humans... know nothing of obedience and loyalty.

When I went to her
I gave up that lush luxury of ignorance."

 

[y=mx+b]

She was born in the fall of my graduating year of high school. Had I held her I would have remembered. Had I been less responsible she very well could have been my own daughter.

 

[y=mx+b]

Morning made my mind meander
Where wandering winter walks
Work thoughts of thinking through
A heart heated by memory
About a field blanket by dew.

I could not see
Not with my eyes
And I could not feel
Not with my hands

Her skin so warm
And lips so sweet
Time kept ticking away
At a heart my words wish to keep.

 

[y=mx+b]

Metal slivers...

There's worse things... but nevertheless, still annoying.

 

[y=mx+b]

Ever find yourself realizing how vanilla you actually are?

Not in a way that makes you wish that you weren't... or glad that you are

But rather in a way where you come to understand how pointless and dumb all your kinks, fetishes, and fantasies really are?

 

[y=mx+b]

Shop Talk

"Moist Seepage."