Desultory and Impulsive

She looked at him
She looked at the dog.

It was one of those black and white cattle type dogs mixed with some other shepherd type dogs. It looked happy given her circumstance. It also looked highly obedient... to him.

It was panting but not heavily. Not wantonly. But just as any other dog would. Relaxed. Nothing about this day was different from the last. Or the next. It was just a dog. Being a dog.


She didn't move
They didn't move.

"You can come 'ere an' make this all easy for the all of us 'er ya can't. The choice is yours."
 
A panic dry hot flush surged through her body. Her knees buckled and it felt like she fell to the ground

But she didn't
She remained standing and the realization fueled her with a sense of strength and confidence.

"You there thinkin' 'bout runnin'? Don't be doing that now. Don't be makin' me gettin' my dog all worn out on you, We's sheep all over these hills yet an' we's gotta get 'em in 'for sunsets."
 
She looked at him
Within reach of him she'd lose

Not that he was hulking strong
Or that she was weak

But that he looked... organic
Someone of the earth
Dirt poor hard

A steward of life... and death
Sewing of seed and reaper of crops

A man that knew the circle of life all to well and saw it all as just another day in his life.

She looked at the dog
It was as it was
Panting
Cute
Well kept like something you'd see on the face of a can of dog food

"Yer nothing but livestock..."
 
She ran.

She ran fast and hard through the fields
Birds scattered

She made quick ground and never let up
She didn't look back
Running was what she did
Running got her to where she was
And running would get her out
She calmed herself
She matched her breathing with her pace
She found her calm
She could do this forever

There was no noise
No bark
No bite
Just a black and white dart that fast out paced her and cut her off
 
The dog stopped
Stood
Looked at her

The stop was so sudden
And it wasn't until the when she realized that the pace she fell into was a sprinters pace

Her body was starved for oxygen and the blood that fueled her limbs rushed to her head.

The dog stood there
It's eyes locked on her in such away

It was reading her
Every breath
Every subtle move
Studied
 
She called out to it
Searching for an element of empathy

Nothing
It wasn't even panting

It just looked at her
Like a thing

She spoke out to it again
Stifling the urge to cry
And took a step

The dog crouched low in the weeds
Never breaking eye contact
 
She took a directional step and the dog sprung like a spring and cut her off.

She took off in a sprint
The dog did as well and this time it closed in behind her thigh and took a bite.

It was like lighting
Pure
Instinctual
No growl or bark
And it hurt but not in a terrifying way

It was stern
An order
And she stopped on the spot

She cried out to the dog quiet
There was no acknowledgement

Two sharp swooping whistles of different pitch sung out across the field and immediately the dog circled to the left behind her

Two more chirping whistles and the dog circled right

She froze
And realized that the bite she felt had also torn a hole in her leggings

The dog crouched low again
Poised
Waiting

She looked for a stick anything she could use
But there was nothing

She made the slightest motion to step again and the bite she received from the dog this time was a menacing one just above her ankle

She stumbled in fear and in the direction of the man

There were two quick clicks and the dog trotted towards her. It was almost a prance
 
Every attempt she made to escape or increase the distance between she and the man resulted in an attack from the dog.

There was a moment when she, the dog, and the man was equidistant away and she knew if she were to get away it was then.

She took off like mad and no matter how she turned the dog was their biting her thighs and feet ripping at her leggings she'd fall and kick and scream at the dog and the dog continued all the more precise in its method. Biting but not viciously. Not deadly. Skillfully and with purpose to keep her moving in the direction of the man
 
She felt she was in a field fighting off a shark

She got her footing and took off in a run directly into the man's chest and belted wrapped fist across her face.

She gasped on the ground for air
The side of her face felt as though it had been caved in by a rock. And though she was aware of where she was, how she was positioned in space and time there was a confusion, a dullness to her senses and a sharp ringing in her ear
 
The man didn't hesitate
He took hold of her face and pushed it into the ground.

He positioned himself behind her and pulled her leggings down. She cried out and fought as she felt the length of his thumb and forefinger forcibly cradle up and inside the crack of ass and crotch

His dry thumb hooked into her asshole with a deep tearing burn. And a thought about cleanliness shot across her mind. She was not clean she thought. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't... presentable for him and she cried out and tried fighting the whole thing... his actions... him. Her thoughts and insecurities. She was being raped and still her insecurity pierced through as though... as though even for her rapist her asshole should be clean and free of shit.
 
Two...
Three...
Then all four of his fingers pushed up into her vagina

Dry
Cracked
Calloused by the farmers life that he lived
It felt as though he were trying to shove a baseball mit up into her

He pushed and with each push she felt the folds of her labia fold and stretch up into her. Her mind couldn't make sense of it... of the pain... of where it all was coming from. His thumb was still hooked into her. Thoughts of a rusted tow hook, hooked to the lip of some kind of frame rail came to mind and with it came the image of steel slowly bending as he used his thumb as an anchor point to push the rest of his fingers deeper into her crotch.
 
"WHERE'S MY BABY..."

Was the immediate thought that pierced through her body and mind upon waking up in the hospital.

But that didn't make sense to her.

Her jaw was wired shut
And that didn't make much sense to her either

She tried to move
Nothing was making any sense

She swept her tongue across the back side of her teeth
Four were missing on the upper left side
And the discovery prompted a rapid flashback of a belt wrapped fist. She began thrashing about for in her mind she was falling face first onto the ground in some farm field stretched wide open my a hand, then a fist, then a man's cock hard and hot and dry... until it wasn't.

Her crotch hurt
She kicked out at the pain catching the catheter line
Tubing slid out of her

A nurses and hospital staff ran in and began holding her down, restraining her arms, legs, and feet... memories triggered.. she couldn't escape... she couldn't fight him off. She thought she was strong...

Her eye caught the needle of a syringe pierce a port-looking thing in her I.V. line... and things went... smooth. She was still alert... but there was a haze... a veil... just like things happened when she was with him.

With him... as if it where her choice. As if they were a couple.

She floated as the hospital staff frantically repositioned her and wheeled her off to wherever she was to be taken next.

Her mind...
It was alright again

His thrusting inside of her body
The rhythmic motion of it...
How she just... checked out...
It was like she was drifting upon a the ocean

Crashing though the double-door of the hospital hallway
The ceiling lights passing by like street lights at a steady pace
A bumblebee landing upon the purple blossom of clover

A dog...
 
As I read
Another story enters my head.

The noise
The loss of what I've written
The loss of the story which I am reading
..trying to read

Wanting to read.


There is this ...nothing

That does not want me
To pay attention

To anything.
 
Work conversations and social co-worker exchanges

Me: (minding my own business, keeping myself busy with my assigned task)

D, and DL come over to banter with me and otherwise derail my progress

D: "Say you got an inch of your dick in your mom, and your dad has an inch of his dick in your ass. Which way do you go to escape?"

Me: pause what I'm doing to think about it...

DL: "He's actually thinking about it!"

D: suppressing his laughter behind an increasingly widening smile regarding my stone-faced, unphased serious contemplation.

Me: "Well... if I back out I'm probably going to cum like that (snaps fingers)"

DL: "Omg..." steps out of conversation but not too far so as to still be around to hear the rest

D: composed, repeats question.

Me: "I guess it all matters how long they want me to last."

D: "..." "No one has ever actually answered..."

Me: "huh... interesting." (goes back to work)

D: "yeah." (leaves to work on his own task)
 
Later...

D comes back around to bullshit and is hanging out watching me work

He pauses his mouth to chill and observed what I'm doing as that's what we do. You know... take a small break from your bullshit struggle to watch someone deal with their bullshit struggle.

And... as his luck would have it, I'm struggling with an otherwise ordinarily easy task. In spite of it, I succeed...

D: "Retard..."

Me: I turn to him (again unphased and stone-faced) "I will bitch-slap your face..." (walks to other side of truck) "...and fuck your mom in front of your dad."

D: "can I watch?"

Me: "No. You'll be knocked the fuck out."
 
I had...

...the most satisfying, self-induced orgasm right now. It was amazing.

I actually feel clean inside.
 
As I read
Another story enters my head.

The noise
The loss of what I've written
The loss of the story which I am reading
..trying to read

Wanting to read.


There is this ...nothing

That does not want me
To pay attention

To anything.

Yep.
 
And when she didn't show up
I felt lost.

Like an anchor
At the bottom of a lake.
 
I knew exactly where the fuck she was.
I could feel it.
Feel her.
See her
Laying there like a child
On the couch.

A mere thing
That I had been watching
Waiting
...and wanting

And I struck the door...

BANG!
 
And like the child she longed to be once again
...she hid under the blanket like I knew she would.

And standing still
In the dark
I let her

I let her
To let her fear grow
And feed me
And fill my body with an absolute need


...to decimate.
 
But I did not come this far
To have it all end so quickly.

I stepped over to where she was laying
...where she was hiding

And I watched her
Sink into her self
And disappear within my grasp of her shoulder.
 
My grasp became a clutch

My fingers dug into the muscle flesh of her body
And I ripped her as well as the blanket she was hiding under off of the couch.

And I saw her
For real
For the first time

And she was
Everything
My cock had been wanting to tear into
 
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