Disappointments

[BlueSugar]

'now what would you like me to do next?'which really didn't feel dominant for me. As you say those discussions of how things went and where they may perhaps go are better outside the play session.

C

:: chuckles to self:: I'm starting to realize that for a sucessful session it needs to be prepared for like an AD&D session. Mapped out, planned, the story line in mine, with an outcome in mind and rewards for the players ultimately.
I'm in a quirky mood today, ignore me lol

 

[deepstare]

Watch for this

There are times when a dom feels down. It happens. We all have moods and we all have bad things that happen sometimes. The sub in this case actually got angry with him not being in "control" and whatnot. She found it weak of him.

This isn't good. The sub really should've been supportive and caring. A dom/sub relation needs to be one of love and support, not just "beat me, hurt me, be superman all the time." For you subs out there...take care of your doms. They're not invincible.

 

[MissTaken]

Interesting to read the threads I participated in almost a year ago.

Since the time that this one thread started, I have faced far fewer disappointments in terms of relationships and especially in terms of BDSM.

I think that prior to that my expectations were unrealistic which always leads to disappointment.

Maybe I am growing up?

 

[FungiUg]

:: chuckles to self:: I'm starting to realize that for a sucessful session it needs to be prepared for like an AD&D session. Mapped out, planned, the story line in mine, with an outcome in mind and rewards for the players ultimately.

AD&D + B&D? Hmmm... could be fun!

My sessions are usually planned out in advance -- I can't just go in and "wing it". I have to think through things so everyone gets what they want, no one feels excluded, etc. Plus, so I get what I want too!

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Watch for this

There are times when a dom feels down. It happens. We all have moods and we all have bad things that happen sometimes. The sub in this case actually got angry with him not being in "control" and whatnot. She found it weak of him.

This isn't good. The sub really should've been supportive and caring. A dom/sub relation needs to be one of love and support, not just "beat me, hurt me, be superman all the time." For you subs out there...take care of your doms. They're not invincible.

And the relationship should be built on open communication. From the beginning, I would be interested in knowing what a potential partner's "warts" are, his flaws etc.

Then, a situation as indicated above might be avoided with a brief statement such as, "Remember how we discussed *insert*. It isn't the best time for me."

People have needs, which too many translate as "weaknesses." A Dom or sub can approach these times in their partner by recognizing the need and helping their partner to meet that need. Example: The weakness is moodiness. The need is alone time.

Communicate this and be patient with one another.

 

[MissTaken]

AD&D + B&D? Hmmm... could be fun!

My sessions are usually planned out in advance -- I can't just go in and "wing it". I have to think through things so everyone gets what they want, no one feels excluded, etc. Plus, so I get what I want too!

I have a skeletal plan for scenes, but truly enjoy when the scene takes on a dynamic of it's own.

 

[FungiUg]

Maybe I am growing up?

Hopefully you're still young enough to be thown across a knee and spanked soundly!

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: Re: Watch for this

People have needs, which too many translate as "weaknesses." A Dom or sub can approach these times in their partner by recognizing the need and helping their partner to meet that need. Example: The weakness is moodiness. The need is alone time.

Communicate this and be patient with one another.

It never ceases to amaze me how many simple things can be solved by people just TALKING to each other.

duh.

~anelize

 

[deepstare]

Well said MissTaken...in fact, what I've been reading in your posts are usually dead-on...you really should change your name!

But seriously, partners should communicate at all times. And sometimes needs will arise mid-relationship and these should be understood, not just dismissed as "Well you never told me about this up front."

 

[FungiUg]

Re: Re: Re: Watch for this

It never ceases to amaze me how many simple things can be solved by people just TALKING to each other.

Communication isn't a cure-all, but it is one of the more common failings in a relationship.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Ok, Deepstare. You look like you might be hanging around for more than a day LOL.

Welcome to the Community. I'm your resident Librarian, in case you haven't figured that out yet *grin*. Here's a few links for your viewing pleasure....why don't you start by checking out our welcome sticky--not only does it have the usual rules and regs, but its got a couple of great essays. We have a great Library, filled with threads on all sorts of BDSM topics. Check it out sometime, and just browse!

I'll be reading your stuff, getting to know you through your posts. Welcome

~anelize

 

[deepstare]

Thanks for the intro...I'll be sure to check out the library. And I am looking to stay, though my schedule always rears its ugly head. You all seem like a lovely bunch of coconuts.

I thought of something when I read your name...Real eyes realize real lies. You can keep that quote if you wish.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Thanks for the intro...I'll be sure to check out the library. And I am looking to stay, though my schedule always rears its ugly head. You all seem like a lovely bunch of coconuts.

I thought of something when I read your name...Real eyes realize real lies. You can keep that quote if you wish.

Not a bad play on words LOL. Thanks for the quote. Enjoy the Board.

~anelize

 

[hurtme]

lol...yeah, some ppl seem to forget that occasionally doms have bad days, feel insecure, so on, they are human to ya know, and unless you have entered into a relationship where you are dom/sub 24-7 (in which case I would have no idea since i never have and don't have any interest in) you can't really blame your dom for not being on the ball all the time...everyone has off days...lol

 

[SweetDommes]

We prefer to not dwell on our disappointments either (like EB), and I'm sure that people can read about them on other threads, but in general, it has been a lack of maturity and commitment on the part of various boys.

 

[Princessintrng]

Re: Just a random thought

Disappointment seems to lead to self doubt, almost indubitably.

Even with the flip comment about the clumsy Dom, it made me doubt myself, my judgement in people and my choices.

Does anyone agree?
Disagree?

Yes Miss T, I had the same problem with my first attempt at a D/s relationship and felt if I had been better, more experienced etc it would have worked out. The truth is, he thought he wanted a D/s relationship, but once it left the computer and entered into reality he realized he really didn't. I learned alot from that disappointment and I think it has made my current relationship so much better.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

Dissapointment...
Yes theres been dissapointment in my life. A failed marriage, due to lack of communication, common interests, and the fact she preferred sleeping around to staying home with me.

A Domme who wasn't a Domme in New Mexico, who lied to me about her true feelings for me, and never made the attempt of forming a real relationship with me, not to mention used me to pay 1/2 her bills.

As I grow older, I have come to the conclusion that, I will only live once, and may as well try to be as happy as possible.
Take the time to find what makes you happy and pursue it til you do.
Get as much living out of life as you can, you only get one chance at it.

I am a male submissive, always have been, always will be, and decided instead of standing on the outside looking in, I wanted to find happiness, and pursue my dream.

Life is full of choices, and we all make mistakes....it's what you learn from them that makes you grow as a person.

Dissapointment breeds self doubt, and you begin to wonder what you did wrong. Most of the time it's not what you did or didn't do, it was a choice the other person made in their life. It's ok to reflect on the past, and use it as a tool to learn from, but it's not ok to use the past to flog yourself into depression, and misery.

thus sayeth the sub