Do all Dom/mes collar?

[SexyChele]

When I first started looking into BDSM seriously a year and a half ago, I thought the whole concept of being "collared" a romantic one. At the time I had just met a man right here at Lit who I found myself attracted to, and the feelings were returned. We discussed collaring, and he admitted to me that he had "collared" a couple of women online. My romantic ideals in full swing, I asked him why he had never offered one to me. His answer was telling: "They [other women he "collared"] amuse me and make me laugh - they are such silly creatures. You [meaning me] are special. You are a friend, a confidante, and hopefully lover one day. If things are right, we'll talk about it then."

His words sunk deep. We talk, exchange snail mail, send gifts all the time. We both know more about each other than most of our friends. And, no, we've never met. But his friendship is vital to me, as I hope mine is to him. We might roleplay "Master/slave" for arousal, but neither of us wants it to be reality if or until we meet and see if we are as combatible in RT as we are online/LDR. That means a great deal to me.

In the intervening time, I've seen women in chatrooms, and right here at Lit, who are practically begging to be collared. For what? I don't know. Acceptance? Belonging? Fantasy fulfillment? However, I do suspect the men giving these "collars" are less than genuine, and to that I say - "Go for it!" If these women cannot see they are being made fools of, they have bigger concerns than begging for that piece of leather around their neck.

I have learned over the year and a half that that piece of leather has a very significant meaning, and carries much weight. While I see nothing wrong (of course) with wearing a play collar, something more serious needs to be thought about and understood in its completeness. Even if I were to meet this special man next week, and everything click, and even having known him a year and a half, I believe I would respectfully decline. I still don't know him well enough to take that step. And for those who might be wondering, if I were to meet him and all "clicked", I would be willing to move half a country away just to be with him.

Collars are significant and important, if people put that onto them. To undertake this step lightly, is to be made a fool of, and possibly experience the most intense hurt imaginable.

 

[MissTaken]

_____________________

as always Rose you hold such "high" opinions of me as if ... anyways I am soo sure no man could keep you collared and as for my ex-relationship , let's just say we are both better off and see if YOU can leave it at that shall we? I doubt it cause you have such a mundane life that ya seem to have to pick at mine .. it's ok I 'm a big girl and I CAN take it lol

Personal attacks are what keep DR and others "picking" on you.

I nicely suggested that you don't feed into negative comments. Ignore them and they will stop.

Post about BDSM and everyone will leave you alone.

Just reminding you, once again.

 

[MissTaken]

Another incredibly Sexy Chele post!


You said what I would have had the words been at my finger tips.

hugs

 

[Breatheagain]

So getting your sub collared for most of the people who are into BDSM means great deal of commitment, like for people who are not into BDSM, lets say, getting a ring, symbol of eternal and neverending love? How about if Dom gets you collared, cuffed on the wrists and ankles, is that the sign of "more" commitment, or cuffing is just an "everyday" thing?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Personal attacks are what keep DR and others "picking" on you.

I nicely suggested that you don't feed into negative comments. Ignore them and they will stop.

Post about BDSM and everyone will leave you alone.

Just reminding you, once again.

Yes, I think everyone who knows me can attest to what a "flamer" I am. The only explanation I will give for my behavior is this one: I am tired of tolerating the ill-behaved and the rude among us. And I will speak out at it.

In the name of civillity and politeness, we have all become too tolerate of bad behavior. I won't do it anymore. Art has been nothing but a gentleman and I will speak up when I see others being unkind and unfair to him, or anyone else.

Hijack is over....

 

[A Desert Rose]

That brings a question to my mind, DR.

Does a collar only have a place in 24/7?

Or can a collar play an equally important role in a lesser intense relationship?

I admit to being naive about collaring, Missy. What I do understand about it is that those who involve it in their lives, take it very seriously and it seems to be part of a lifestyle that is constant (as in, actually living together) and permenant. And is a serious statement of the relationship. As I said before, when it is not taken seriously it becomes a parody.

I am sure for some, in a "lesser" relationship it can work for them, too. I am in no position to judge what is workable for others. Just for me. ;-)

 

[lilredwolph]

So getting your sub collared for most of the people who are into BDSM means great deal of commitment, like for people who are not into BDSM, lets say, getting a ring, symbol of eternal and neverending love? How about if Dom gets you collared, cuffed on the wrists and ankles, is that the sign of "more" commitment, or cuffing is just an "everyday" thing?

being collared and using a collar during play are 2 totally differant things. many play with collars that are used for leading and in bondage scenes -

a collar used during play is just that a play collar with no commintment attached

being collared is full and total commitment

here is my collar

 

[lovetoread]

I've thought deeply about this subject.

Yea, a funny thought. Me and thinking deeply.

I did the online collaring thing, it never felt real. I have not been collared on purpose in real life.

To me, that would be like being married. A very serious thing to happen. Not for a casual relationship.

A play collar is something else though. Although it can be a pain with long hair.

 

[zipman]

being collared and using a collar during play are 2 totally differant things. many play with collars that are used for leading and in bondage scenes -

a collar used during play is just that a play collar with no commintment attached

being collared is full and total commitment

here is my collar

I think this is an excellent post in that it clarifies the two ways that "collars" are used.

Collaring as a sign of committment is a very serious thing.

I would not give a sub a collar unless the following criteria were met:
1) She had a complete understanding of the significance of the act and of the collar as a symbol for that committment
2) She completely understood all of my expectations with regard to our power exchange and was dedicated to meeting them
3) I had spent a lot of time with her in r/l so that I could see her actions, reactions and discussed BDSM with her on a variety of levels.
4) I planned on having her in my life for a long time.

Others may have different criteria, nor would I want to claim that mine are the right ones, just that they are the right ones for me. I have been considering collaring my current gf/sub, but have held off as I believe it is too soon. I would rather wait until I am certain of it, rather than rushing it and making a mistake.

 

[lilredwolph]

zip,
i agree that waiting is for the best. the collar (ring) pictured above was given and accepted to early, by my last Dom who was my first Dom (not just my Top) which lasted 7 yrs in which i was a collared 24/7 sub, then he was my 3rd Dom for a year uncollared and living apart, and just past he was my 5th Dom for 2 yrs, 6 months of which i was collared but living apart.

when the first collar was removed i was ok because i knew we had run our course and it was time to move on, this last time was way more messed up because thing went fast and got confusing - but in the end we had to face reality and remove the collar because it was done to soon

 

[eastTNbbw]

When I first started looking into BDSM seriously a year and a half ago, I thought the whole concept of being "collared" a romantic one. ..........You [meaning me] are special. You are a friend, a confidante, and hopefully lover one day. If things are right, we'll talk about it then."

His words sunk deep.

Collars are significant and important, if people put that onto them. To undertake this step lightly, is to be made a fool of, and possibly experience the most intense hurt imaginable.

Thank you for your insight. I hope you don't mind me editing the quote....but those are the words that spoke to me....esp the that His words sunk deep.

It is just such a reason that the threads here are so important to someone like me who is searching, learning, evaluating.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Collaring is a serious affair for this Domme. I was in a 2 year 24/7 relationship before I even began to consider the possibility of a permanent collar. he wore My training collar during all of O/our private moments including when he slept. The relationship between us felt right from the first moment but to have given or accepted a permanent collar at that time would have devalued its meaning to both of us.
Today he proudly wears a collar that W/we both expect to last a lifetime because W/we both are committed to working very hard to ensure growth and continuing depth.
Eventually I will take him to eternity with a Ceremony of Roses.
I use play collars with those I train and allow them to experience the feeling of safety and contentment that small strip of leather can produce. An opportunity to feel a temporary ownership. One step deeper into a fantasy that could become reality.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Collaring is a serious affair for this Domme. I was in a 2 year 24/7 relationship before I even began to consider the possibility of a permanent collar. he wore My training collar during all of O/our private moments including when he slept. The relationship between us felt right from the first moment but to have given or accepted a permanent collar at that time would have devalued its meaning to both of us.
Today he proudly wears a collar that W/we both expect to last a lifetime because W/we both are committed to working very hard to ensure growth and continuing depth.
Eventually I will take him to eternity with a Ceremony of Roses.
I use play collars with those I train and allow them to experience the feeling of safety and contentment that small strip of leather can produce. An opportunity to feel a temporary ownership. One step deeper into a fantasy that could become reality.

My God, you write so beautifully and so well. What a wonderful post and what wonderful thoughts.

I know nothing about collaring, save the information I have read here. It has never been an option or a point of discussion in my personal life.

 

[Shadowsdream]

My God, you write so beautifully and so well. What a wonderful post and what wonderful thoughts.

I know nothing about collaring, save the information I have read here. It has never been an option or a point of discussion in my personal life.

Thank you rose and as always I look forward to sharing many more conversations with you.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Collaring is a serious affair for this Domme. I was in a 2 year 24/7 relationship before I even began to consider the possibility of a permanent collar. he wore My training collar during all of O/our private moments including when he slept. The relationship between us felt right from the first moment but to have given or accepted a permanent collar at that time would have devalued its meaning to both of us.
Today he proudly wears a collar that W/we both expect to last a lifetime because W/we both are committed to working very hard to ensure growth and continuing depth.
Eventually I will take him to eternity with a Ceremony of Roses.
I use play collars with those I train and allow them to experience the feeling of safety and contentment that small strip of leather can produce. An opportunity to feel a temporary ownership. One step deeper into a fantasy that could become reality.

I totally agree with you. I look with dismay on people who collar and uncollar on a whim.

None of my subs are collared. And I have no plans to collar them. It is a step that is just on in the cards at this time.

They have training and play collars, but that is all.

 

[zipman]

I totally agree with you. I look with dismay on people who collar and uncollar on a whim.

None of my subs are collared. And I have no plans to collar them. It is a step that is just on in the cards at this time.

They have training and play collars, but that is all.

Eb,

Could you elaborate on the training collar? I am wondering some ways that it could be used.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Eb,

Could you elaborate on the training collar? I am wondering some ways that it could be used.

I like continuity and ritual, and so, if you have a plain leather collar that is designated for when a sub is in training, it sends a clear message what is going to occur.

In my case, (others may do things differently), I have a collar for subs who have put themselves under my protection. Usually, it means we have negotiated some type of relationship. It is an inexpensive leather collar on which you can attach a leash.

In some instances, it signifies that this submissive is off limits to other Dom/mes.

Does that answer your question?

 

[zipman]

I like continuity and ritual, and so, if you have a plain leather collar that is designated for when a sub is in training, it sends a clear message what is going to occur.

In my case, (others may do things differently), I have a collar for subs who have put themselves under my protection. Usually, it means we have negotiated some type of relationship. It is an inexpensive leather collar on which you can attach a leash.

In some instances, it signifies that this submissive is off limits to other Dom/mes.

Does that answer your question?

Yes, perfectly in fact. Thank you!

I want to recognize my gf for her incredible submission to me. To be honest, even though she is new to BDSM, she has submitted better, more thoroughly and with a better understaning of why than many subs I have been with who have a lot more experience.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Yes, perfectly in fact. Thank you!

I want to recognize my gf for her incredible submission to me. To be honest, even though she is new to BDSM, she has submitted better, more thoroughly and with a better understaning of why than many subs I have been with who have a lot more experience.

I hear that happens. She has no assumptions or baggage to get past.

The collar almost always belongs to the dominant, so you can buy her one, for show like a necklace, and then one for play that is leather.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Collaring is a serious affair for this Domme. I was in a 2 year 24/7 relationship before I even began to consider the possibility of a permanent collar. he wore My training collar during all of O/our private moments including when he slept. The relationship between us felt right from the first moment but to have given or accepted a permanent collar at that time would have devalued its meaning to both of us.
Today he proudly wears a collar that W/we both expect to last a lifetime because W/we both are committed to working very hard to ensure growth and continuing depth.
Eventually I will take him to eternity with a Ceremony of Roses.
I use play collars with those I train and allow them to experience the feeling of safety and contentment that small strip of leather can produce. An opportunity to feel a temporary ownership. One step deeper into a fantasy that could become reality.

You literally sent shivers through my spine. This is what I'd love to experience someday, and in one way, my heart is saddened, cus I don't think I will, as the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with is dedicatedly 'nilla. But, in the end, I know that our love is something strong enough to withstand the change into BDSM, if we ever choose to go there.

 

[Shadowsdream]

You literally sent shivers through my spine. This is what I'd love to experience someday, and in one way, my heart is saddened, cus I don't think I will, as the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with is dedicatedly 'nilla. But, in the end, I know that our love is something strong enough to withstand the change into BDSM, if we ever choose to go there.

Training collars can also send shivers up your spine. When I begin a training the submissive knows that after a four month period the possibility to be Mine may occur if the trainee and I develope some very good magic.
Therefore the training collar is used with ceremony and reverance to a certain degree. If I know this training will last more than a single time or two I choose a very special collar that the sub will wear immediately when entering My home or going to events on My leash.
I only use a thin strip of leather normally used on a puppy, if I am certain the sub and I will not be striving for anything more than an experience together.
Using one of My trainees and his collar as an example. The collar itself is very wide and ornamented with small silver spikes and three rings. It makes a very definate noise every time he moves. When he drops to his knees and bends his head to accept My Domination I can literally hear his breath catch when I buckle the collar he feels so atttached to around his throat. I see the peace and calmness settle over his face as he drops his eyes and savours the experience. I also watch the slight sadness return when the collar is removed to send him home. This collar has a huge impact because it is taken seriously. It is not just an ordament (sp?). Training and consideration collars can have a huge impact and increase the value of an earned permanent collar simply by allowing each party to progress at the right speed for their individual relationship. Even if a permenant collar never materializes the impact has been felt, of the band of leather or chain has shown a degree of ownership all along.

 

[Ebonyfire]

<snip>When he drops to his knees and bends his head to accept My Domination I can literally hear his breath catch when I buckle the collar he feels so atttached to around his throat. I see the peace and calmness settle over his face as he drops his eyes and savours the experience. I also watch the slight sadness return when the collar is removed to send him home.

This is exactly what I see. This is expressed so well. Since all of my subs are part-timers, this occurs each time we meet.

 

[Shadowsdream]

This is exactly what I see. This is expressed so well. Since all of my subs are part-timers, this occurs each time we meet.

You and I have a lot in common Ebony...We both appear to have the desire to make all experiences memorable. To take D/s beyond an orgasm of the body to an orgasm of the mind.
Not to play down orgasms! But to play up the mind!

 

[Ebonyfire]

You and I have a lot in common Ebony...We both appear to have the desire to make all experiences memorable. To take D/s beyond an orgasm of the body to an orgasm of the mind.
Not to play down orgasms! But to play up the mind!

Orgasms are very good, however submission of the body is a lot easier than submission of the mind, don't you think?

I prefer the mind, it is more of a challenge. I have yet to meet a physical (submissive) body that I could not control. It is a matter of knowing how the male anatomy works.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Orgasms are very good, however submission of the body is a lot easier than submission of the mind, don't you think?

I prefer the mind, it is more of a challenge. I have yet to meet a physical (submissive) body that I could not control. It is a matter of knowing how the male anatomy works.

Agreed...it takes some intellect to control the mind...but a simple glance at a cock can have it dripping its submission.
Refer to the chastity thread lol.
O no I can't believe I said lol!