Do all Dom/mes collar?
- Thread starter Ms_Lilith
- Start date
A Dommes' 2 cents
I am even hesitant to propose a training collar.
To the subs who wonder "why", even through marriage and committment ceremonies, why collaring remains so elusive:
Some of us Dominants are still human enough to admit that we are still learning. There it is, the ugly truth. It isn't always about the submissive.
I know many Dom/mes who have my back here when I admit that to be the best top I can be, I need to keep learning and discovering more about the everchanging and evolving needs of my sub and myself and how to keep that smooth process going smooth as possible.
To me personally, again, collaring is more than a commitment to exclusivity. It is a commitment to accept the inevitable- change, the only thing anyone can ever count on.
The ugly truth is that I as a Domme am not absolutely certain that I can live up to my potential as a Domme at this time.
Sure, I am confident, self assured, and self contained. Like a cat...but, is this sub really able to take what I need to put out and keep themselves together? Can they deal if and when I can't keep myself together? Can they actually empty the catbox and wash it out or will they just put in clean litter because it seems fine to them?
The analogy may very well piss a lot of people off but it is the best I can come up with right now.
The issue is not whether or not the commitment is there...the issue is can we be good enough providers of what you need....can we push those limits in a safe and sane, consentual way...can we integrate our need to dominate FLAWLESSLY with your need to submit...can we perform...and if it doesn't work right, can we deal with it and still keep the dynamic healthy and intact.
I as a Domme have trust issues just as a good thoughtful submissive has. I might marry and/or commit to my man, but collaring is a whole new ball of wax.
Trust me, it is delicious that you might want to have my collar...but I need to feel secure in my abilities to live up to and surpass your expectations regarding such a situation.
There is a prevalence of the Velcro-collar-syndrome in the internet community...frankly, some take it less seriously than others. Those of us who choose to hold off from collaring are still trying to become better people. We are the ones who have not satisfied our own potentials...we are the ones who are pushing ourselves to become even better Dommes than we thought existed. It sounds like a tall order, but we are the ones who can live up to it. We are also human, and some of us will take longer than others.
When it is right, it will happen. Really.
~None in Collars at this time,
~Mlle. Purr
~*SSC*~:
I am even hesitant to propose a training collar.
To the subs who wonder "why", even through marriage and committment ceremonies, why collaring remains so elusive:
Some of us Dominants are still human enough to admit that we are still learning. There it is, the ugly truth. It isn't always about the submissive.
I know many Dom/mes who have my back here when I admit that to be the best top I can be, I need to keep learning and discovering more about the everchanging and evolving needs of my sub and myself and how to keep that smooth process going smooth as possible.
To me personally, again, collaring is more than a commitment to exclusivity. It is a commitment to accept the inevitable- change, the only thing anyone can ever count on.
The ugly truth is that I as a Domme am not absolutely certain that I can live up to my potential as a Domme at this time.
Sure, I am confident, self assured, and self contained. Like a cat...but, is this sub really able to take what I need to put out and keep themselves together? Can they deal if and when I can't keep myself together? Can they actually empty the catbox and wash it out or will they just put in clean litter because it seems fine to them?
The analogy may very well piss a lot of people off but it is the best I can come up with right now.
The issue is not whether or not the commitment is there...the issue is can we be good enough providers of what you need....can we push those limits in a safe and sane, consentual way...can we integrate our need to dominate FLAWLESSLY with your need to submit...can we perform...and if it doesn't work right, can we deal with it and still keep the dynamic healthy and intact.
I as a Domme have trust issues just as a good thoughtful submissive has. I might marry and/or commit to my man, but collaring is a whole new ball of wax.
Trust me, it is delicious that you might want to have my collar...but I need to feel secure in my abilities to live up to and surpass your expectations regarding such a situation.
There is a prevalence of the Velcro-collar-syndrome in the internet community...frankly, some take it less seriously than others. Those of us who choose to hold off from collaring are still trying to become better people. We are the ones who have not satisfied our own potentials...we are the ones who are pushing ourselves to become even better Dommes than we thought existed. It sounds like a tall order, but we are the ones who can live up to it. We are also human, and some of us will take longer than others.
When it is right, it will happen. Really.
~None in Collars at this time,
~Mlle. Purr
~*SSC*~:
Last edited:
Shadowsdream
Dream Maker
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2002
- Posts
- 3,173
mlle_purr
Thank You for adding such eloquance (sp?).
You are correct in that it is not an issue of simply adorning a sub that *lives up to* Our needs or desires but also that We can be all and more than they need and deserve as well.
A sincere Dominant will admit that learning never ends and re-creation may be necesary to a certain degree..which is why when the moment finally arrives when there is no doubt...the collar has earned its place
Thank You for adding such eloquance (sp?).
You are correct in that it is not an issue of simply adorning a sub that *lives up to* Our needs or desires but also that We can be all and more than they need and deserve as well.
A sincere Dominant will admit that learning never ends and re-creation may be necesary to a certain degree..which is why when the moment finally arrives when there is no doubt...the collar has earned its place
sweetnpetite
Intellectual snob
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2003
- Posts
- 9,135
Ebonyfire said:
ebonyfire, I miss your old av.
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
My boy has a collar, a couple, actually. They are, to me, not wedding rings, vows or sacraments, they are tools. They are a part of the same kit the floggers come out of. They mean "ok, I operate your ass." No more, no less. That is a vital and critical *aspect* of our relationship, note I say *aspect.*
I have a small training collar on my left hand, fourth finger. When it becomes a permanent collar and I give M his permanent finger-collar that is the commitment I have in mind. That says to me "we are committed to the same life together" and to me that contains the Miss/Daddy/boy/girl/Jeeves of it as well.
At that point I might consider a collar that locks shut for him. As a token. And a ring that goes through some sensitive skin. But these are byproducts and outcroppings of the whole relationship to me.
My reluctance to collar is that, to me, it's not an appropriate symbol of the wholistic, the entire enchilada, and to *me* it is not as totemic and huge as it is to a lot of people.
Maybe the symbol just dosen't speak to your friend's Dom. Simple as that.
I have a small training collar on my left hand, fourth finger. When it becomes a permanent collar and I give M his permanent finger-collar that is the commitment I have in mind. That says to me "we are committed to the same life together" and to me that contains the Miss/Daddy/boy/girl/Jeeves of it as well.
At that point I might consider a collar that locks shut for him. As a token. And a ring that goes through some sensitive skin. But these are byproducts and outcroppings of the whole relationship to me.
My reluctance to collar is that, to me, it's not an appropriate symbol of the wholistic, the entire enchilada, and to *me* it is not as totemic and huge as it is to a lot of people.
Maybe the symbol just dosen't speak to your friend's Dom. Simple as that.
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