Do Doms like subs to rebel?

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina, i am still inexeperienced and i am still a virgin, it's true. my Dom knows this and He also knows that what i say i can do now might not necessarily be what i can actually do in RL. We have discussed this. i think that He is trying to help me figure out if i really am the masochist i say i am. He helps me do this by asking me why i think i am a masochist what have i done in the past. Have i ever caused myself pain during masturbation? (yes) What are my fantasies? (all involve pain) When did i start using pain? (when i was 8) And so on and so on. He knows that i might not be able to submit to everything but He is also willing to stretch the limits that might possible exist and that is the fun part. Getting over the fear and apprehension is part of the thrill.

Happy I was not mistaken and did not offend you. You can never hurt yourself the way another can, and saying you will submit to everything need not mean just pain. For instance, osg acts as personal toilet paper for her Master....are you able to do that if asked to? It is normal in the initial rush of finding this world exists to feel you will gladly submit to anything, but the reality becomes much more difficult, especially when you are opened to the possibilities, and there will be times when you find you can't no matter how much you want to unless you have a Dom who only asks what they know is easy and that is no fun. Guess after talking with many subs over time it just gets jaded hearing over and over about how they will do anything and then hearing that wasn't actually what they meant in real terms. We tend to deal in truth and real terms so don't bother with believing wishing and fantasy makes it so. Be honest, enjoy your journey and growth, and understand what it is you are saying and agreeing to first before doing it.

Catalina

 

[rexfelis]

Happy I was not mistaken and did not offend you. You can never hurt yourself the way another can, and saying you will submit to everything need not mean just pain. For instance, osg acts as personal toilet paper for her Master....are you able to do that if asked to? It is normal in the initial rush of finding this world exists to feel you will gladly submit to anything, but the reality becomes much more difficult, especially when you are opened to the possibilities, and there will be times when you find you can't no matter how much you want to unless you have a Dom who only asks what they know is easy and that is no fun. Guess after talking with many subs over time it just gets jaded hearing over and over about how they will do anything and then hearing that wasn't actually what they meant in real terms. We tend to deal in truth and real terms so don't bother with believing wishing and fantasy makes it so. Be honest, enjoy your journey and growth, and understand what it is you are saying and agreeing to first before doing it.

Catalina

Wise words, Catalina. Hopefully, Kailey has a wise Dominant, as well.

 

[SpectreT]

Wise words, Catalina. Hopefully, Kailey has a wise Dominant, as well.

Sounds to me like they've got their heads screwed on straight.

 

[Kailey_86]

Sounds to me like they've got their heads screwed on straight.

i think so.

 

[John048]

i have been wondering this for a while. i hear that "true" Doms don't like it at all when a sub rebels in any way. For some reason i think that they would though. What do you think?

What about being afraid? i know for a fact that a lot of Doms like to see genuine fear of and pleasure in pain and humilation. Does it please you more when a sub admits that they would be ok with something because they are Yours or would you rather see them squirm in fear and anticipation? Do you want them to fight back?

Basically, i fear that i will be boring because i willingly submit to EVERYTHING. i live to serve but i also want to be sexy and interesting. How do i create a balance?

Hi kailey, Thanks for posting this thread, not able to say much (being new to role/ play) but am interested in seeing what others say, Doms /subs alike, and so far, it all looks really good! Thanks again

 

[shy slave]

You ask an interesting question Kailey, regardless of your experience within BDSM or sex.

Many PYL's say they enjoy a challenge, but actually what they are looking for is what they perceive as a challenge, not what a pyl may perceive as a challenge.

Spectre is right when he talks about balance and catalina makes sense when she talks about limits. It is difficult to know where a limit is if you have never tried it before in real life.
Personally that was, and continues to be, a difficulty for me, although the difficulty changes.
How can I say 'yes' or 'no' if I don't know what I am saying yes or no too?

Equally, how can a PYL say they do or do not want someone who challenges them if they do not know how that particular pyl would challenge them?
Someone who agrees with everything and has few limits could be a challenge in terms of how far is too far.

I was upfront in my profile on alt when Andante and I met, I said 'I will challenge you' I did not say how, because I did not know how. I am not a chameleon, I simply did not know enough about my own submission to be clear about the aspect of challenge.

I have views and opinions both BDSM and non-BDSM related, I find submission itself a challenge and therefore can struggle with it.

Some of my early behaviour stems from testing his limits, I needed to know how much I could trust him. Could he control me and stand up to me outside the bedroom? If not whilst the BDSM may be fun, D/s would not work. I need someone who is mentally stronger than me and more assertive than I am if I am to submit to them.

I am not sure how to describe the way I challenged him, I don't view it as being a brat or sammy; but I do know other Doms who have viewed discussions with me in that way.

I do know that he can use a particular look, or slow down his movements and voice and instantly take me out of my 'everyday persona' and move me to a place of submission. Not every submission leads to what is loosely termed 'sub space' but every submission is completely focused on him and obedience to him.

I have a friend who sounds more like you, she serves to the limit of serving. She has no wish to be anything other than the perfect slave and has a high pain threshold. She takes everything a Dom gives out and has in the past been taken advantage of by men who have used the guise of 'Dom' as a means to emotionally, physically or financially abuse her. She is so very trusting and so happy to serve that she is vulnerable to almost anyone.
Recently I introduced her to my ex, I am so happy that she is finally with a man who has a sadistic streak enough to satisfy her and who will not take advantage of her. I know he will look after properly.

I have no views on your Dom but from reading your posts it seems at times you have worries and insecurities about things. Your posts do reflect that you talk to him about these and that is the best way to deal with things; he can't do anything if he is not aware of what is troubling you.

I hope you continue to find the answers you need in order to be all that you want to be

*PYL = Pick Your Label: Dom/Top/Domme/etc
pyl = pick your label: sub/slave/bottom/etc

 

[Netzach]

There are enough challenges dealing with a human who can't read minds and is trying his best to do what I'm telling him to do. I don't need one who is introducing agendas intentionally to fuck that up even more.

I like a submissive who thinks. Sometimes that gets us all in trouble and that keeps it interesting.

 

[Aeroil]

There are enough challenges dealing with a human who can't read minds and is trying his best to do what I'm telling him to do. I don't need one who is introducing agendas intentionally to fuck that up even more.

I like a submissive who thinks. Sometimes that gets us all in trouble and that keeps it interesting.

What works best for that is a submissive who thinks, but doesn't think things through.

 

[kat_42]

Goddess told me *I don't want your surrender, I have that. I want your revolt.* She constantly pushes the limits until I rebel against Her. Of course, then things get interesting. It is one thing to revolt against the *norms* of the situation, She is very intolerant of that. But there is always a thread in our relationship that is pushing me up against something I won't or can't surrender.

 

[bashfull]

Perhaps "rebel" is too strong a word. Personally, I am attracted to a strong-willed, intelligent, confident woman. I like a little "spunk". A rebel, however, is (according to Dictionary.com) a person who resists any authority, control, or tradition. How can a sub resist authority and control and be a sub?

 

[kat_42]

Perhaps "rebel" is too strong a word. Personally, I am attracted to a strong-willed, intelligent, confident woman. I like a little "spunk". A rebel, however, is (according to Dictionary.com) a person who resists any authority, control, or tradition. How can a sub resist authority and control and be a sub?

Well, I am probably a sub, and I am usually in trouble for being a rebel of some sort. Perhaps it is just that all of us, even subs, have a limit, even unconscious. My relationship with Goddess seems to reside at this line, where I am going to rebel any second, and where surrender is a task I must accomplish.

I have noticed that, for instance, beatings have three phases, the first is the blissful warmth of filling my desire to feel the lash. Then the struggle and revolt of the growing pain and warmth turned to incredible heat, then, finally, the collapse into surrender when I finally realize I can do nothing but accept it.

Goddess seeks out this experience in everything. Giving me what fills my needs to serve is easy to do, but asking me to serve in some way I don't *appreciate* is where She finds true surrender, constant and on going.

 

[Kailey_86]

Well, I am probably a sub, and I am usually in trouble for being a rebel of some sort. Perhaps it is just that all of us, even subs, have a limit, even unconscious. My relationship with Goddess seems to reside at this line, where I am going to rebel any second, and where surrender is a task I must accomplish.

I have noticed that, for instance, beatings have three phases, the first is the blissful warmth of filling my desire to feel the lash. Then the struggle and revolt of the growing pain and warmth turned to incredible heat, then, finally, the collapse into surrender when I finally realize I can do nothing but accept it.

Goddess seeks out this experience in everything. Giving me what fills my needs to serve is easy to do, but asking me to serve in some way I don't *appreciate* is where She finds true surrender, constant and on going.

i love how you described this. It's so perfect. i feel like it sums up exactly what this kind of a relationship is about. Surrendering to what you don't want to for your PYL. Surrendering to your worst fears. This is so powerful to me.

 

[chris9]

What I noticed in post #1 and #14 you generalize about Doms. You say things like "Doms don't like it at all when a sub rebels in any way" and "i know that many Doms wouldn't agree". I'm wondering how much Doms do you know? And do you really know them so intimately as to be able to know such details about their preferences?
I don't know and I very well could be wrong. But to me it sounds rather as if you think about what Doms should/might/will probably like/want/hate. It's something that I thought I had always guarded myself from. Thinking that what I know I know from reading what others (especially here) wrote. In a way making up something that for me fits into the picture I have from the Doms here. Guess what? When talking with a friend about one of those things, saying that I wouldn't believe that any Dom would want/like/allow something, he just asked 'Why not?' which made me realize that there really is no absolute *all* or even *most* Doms want it this way or that.
Your posts just sounded going into this direction instead examining what your Dom wants and then thinking about if this is who you are.

 

[Kailey_86]

What I noticed in post #1 and #14 you generalize about Doms. You say things like "Doms don't like it at all when a sub rebels in any way" and "i know that many Doms wouldn't agree". I'm wondering how much Doms do you know? And do you really know them so intimately as to be able to know such details about their preferences?
I don't know and I very well could be wrong. But to me it sounds rather as if you think about what Doms should/might/will probably like/want/hate. It's something that I thought I had always guarded myself from. Thinking that what I know I know from reading what others (especially here) wrote. In a way making up something that for me fits into the picture I have from the Doms here. Guess what? When talking with a friend about one of those things, saying that I wouldn't believe that any Dom would want/like/allow something, he just asked 'Why not?' which made me realize that there really is no absolute *all* or even *most* Doms want it this way or that.
Your posts just sounded going into this direction instead examining what your Dom wants and then thinking about if this is who you are.

Hmmm. i didn't realize i did that. Thanks for pointing that out to me. i really have no experience with Doms. i am in an online relationship with my first Dom right now. i know how MY Dom is but i am wondering what others would do in the same situation. i like to get people's opinions and ideas. i like to learn what others are doing. i think it can help me in my own relationship. i appreciate everyone's input.

 

[chris9]

Hmmm. i didn't realize i did that. Thanks for pointing that out to me. i really have no experience with Doms. i am in an online relationship with my first Dom right now. i know how MY Dom is but i am wondering what others would do in the same situation. i like to get people's opinions and ideas. i like to learn what others are doing. i think it can help me in my own relationship. i appreciate everyone's input.

I'm not in any sort of D/s relationship, I'm here and at other places to learn. I had not realized I've been generalizing and just thought you might be doing the same. It's probably pretty similar to why so many don't like labels. I hear/read the word 'Dom' and have a very specific image in my mind's eyes which is mostly wrong and doesn't fit any single person. I'm not sure how it got there, it must have been very secretive about it because I thought I was paying attention that this would not happen.
I agree with all you said. I'm just saying that it might be difficult at times not to build those images. It helps a lot towards understanding if one doesn't have an image how another is supposed to be.

 

[Kailey_86]

I'm not in any sort of D/s relationship, I'm here and at other places to learn. I had not realized I've been generalizing and just thought you might be doing the same. It's probably pretty similar to why so many don't like labels. I hear/read the word 'Dom' and have a very specific image in my mind's eyes which is mostly wrong and doesn't fit any single person. I'm not sure how it got there, it must have been very secretive about it because I thought I was paying attention that this would not happen.
I agree with all you said. I'm just saying that it might be difficult at times not to build those images. It helps a lot towards understanding if one doesn't have an image how another is supposed to be.

i completely agree. i am slowly learning that every relationship is unique. It's not that i didn't know this already it's just that, like you, i had preconcieved ideas about what a D/s relationship was. i am still startled when my Sir doesn't do something that i expect Doms to do. i am still waiting for Him to do things that i read about Doms doing. i will become more comfortable with the way my Sir does things as time goes by. i am still adjusting to this new lifestyle and when things eventually become 24/7 i will have to adjust again.

 

[SpectreT]

Basic Philosophy, applies everywhere in life, kinked or otherwise:

"No one has The Truth. Everyone has A Truth."

edit to add:

"Corrolary: There will be Truths we can agree on, but there will be many more we do not."

 

[rexfelis]

i completely agree. i am slowly learning that every relationship is unique. It's not that i didn't know this already it's just that, like you, i had preconcieved ideas about what a D/s relationship was. i am still startled when my Sir doesn't do something that i expect Doms to do. i am still waiting for Him to do things that i read about Doms doing. i will become more comfortable with the way my Sir does things as time goes by. i am still adjusting to this new lifestyle and when things eventually become 24/7 i will have to adjust again.

You have me curious about what things you are startled that your Dom does not do,and what things you find yourself waiting for him to do, that you have read about Dominants doing? Is it a good thing when he startles you in these ways?

 

[Kailey_86]

You have me curious about what things you are startled that your Dom does not do,and what things you find yourself waiting for him to do, that you have read about Dominants doing? Is it a good thing when he startles you in these ways?

It is always a good thing when He startles me. Especially when it comes to things that i am not aware that He knows of or notices. i find myself expecting punishment for some things (like being unable to complete a certain task) and i ready myself for it but it doesn't come. i think that this comes from past experiences that went wrong. i find myself waiting for......not sure exactly. Maybe the physical aspect of the relationship that is not possible for me to experience yet. i am waiting to feel that insatiable lust when i am standing next to Him. i think that all the things i am waiting for will come when i am physically with Him. Until then...i am left to anticipate and daydream. i will patiently wait for those things to come.

 

[BrAvHeArT]

great thread! i question this as well, and i'm enjoying everyones input

 

[neonflux]

Basic Philosophy, applies everywhere in life, kinked or otherwise:

"No one has The Truth. Everyone has A Truth."

edit to add:

"Corrolary: There will be Truths we can agree on, but there will be many more we do not."

I love this quote - is it yours? D/s is an amazing means for uncovering one's own truth and that of one's partner(s). And of course, as many have already stated, communication is key.

And Kailey, I think your question is great. BTW, when topping I enjoy a bratty woman or FTM sub; while I like sarcasm in a man, don't tolerate outright rebellion. Not sure why just yet, but I suspect that it has to do with behavior I value in myself as a woman. What's funny, is that when I bottom, I am generally very obedient; the more I top the more compliant I become when bottoming...

Neon

 

[rosco rathbone]

Eh, not only do I enjoy it, I'm guaranteed to do whatever I have to do to incite it. That is why they call me the inciter.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Eh, not only do I enjoy it, I'm guaranteed to do whatever I have to do to incite it. That is why they call me the inciter.

Yeah... That's what they call you.

 

[SpectreT]

I love this quote - is it yours? D/s is an amazing means for uncovering one's own truth and that of one's partner(s). And of course, as many have already stated, communication is key.

And Kailey, I think your question is great. BTW, when topping I enjoy a bratty woman or FTM sub; while I like sarcasm in a man, don't tolerate outright rebellion. Not sure why just yet, but I suspect that it has to do with behavior I value in myself as a woman. What's funny, is that when I bottom, I am generally very obedient; the more I top the more compliant I become when bottoming...

Neon

It's mine. Modified and clarified a few times, boiled down to its essence, but it's mine. I used to preface many of my replies to threads looking for advice with something like: "I don't lay claim to the absolute truth, and anyone who does is trying to sell you an Everglades Ski Resort. I've got what works for me, Your Mileage May Vary. (YMMV)" Then I'd drop whatever introspection I have on them, and let them determine if it's useful for them.

 

[neonflux]

It's mine. Modified and clarified a few times, boiled down to its essence, but it's mine. I used to preface many of my replies to threads looking for advice with something like: "I don't lay claim to the absolute truth, and anyone who does is trying to sell you an Everglades Ski Resort. I've got what works for me, Your Mileage May Vary. (YMMV)" Then I'd drop whatever introspection I have on them, and let them determine if it's useful for them.

Very nice