Do Doms like subs to rebel?

[ladyscottishwhore]

i want my sub to fight me alittle because it adds to the fun.

 

[Toa_lin]

for me, I'm a weird Dom. I like it when my pyl submits without a fight, I like it when she's a little bratty... AND I like it when she's actually rebellious.... In the end, it comes down to the fact we've talked about all three situations, the first two are obvious how it works, as mentioned often enough in this thread allready...

For when she's rebellious, I generaly have my fun by either A) "punishing" her until she submits. ((lots of fun)), or B) Fuck her rebellion out of her for the night. ((our personal favorite for when she does. Her favorite thing about me isn't that she submits to me, but that I MAKE her do so, and that I take control from her, not nescesarily she gives it to me... but she knows I won't go too far, and if I do by accident she has her safe-word. so tis all good )) And We both talked about it, enjoy it, and make use of it.

But I can see where other Doms and Dommes don't like the rebellion, it simply comes down to what works best for you... For us, it's total spontanaeity, and the fact I always seem to know what to do... Great communication between us is what I attribute to it, more so then most of my D/s relationships have been.

I hope this helps give you perspective on things, and helping to answer your questions.

 

[the captians wench]

One of my friends would always say he could never date a sub, tho he did enjoy playing with them.

In watching him, I did notice a patern. Once the girl came to the point where she would do anything for him, most often not even being asked to, would do anything he said, and never so much as rolled an eye at him, he lost interst in her. He enjoys the chase, but doesn't much care for having the prize. He enjoyed it when I'd forget an instruction and had to be corrected. Or when I refused to do something and he'd coorse me to do it in his own special way (usually being pulled by the hair). When some one would wait on him and and foot, they almost disapeared from his notice. Sort of what you might imagine a king would be like to his serving girls.

On the other hand, most others that I've had some sort of envolement with have enjoyed that I'm so eager to please. Sure I might have a sammy comment here and there, but for the most part there is no need to convince me to do anything, let alone forse.

I hate disapointing people, and so I'm not rebellious, I never have been.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I do not like rebellion, I do not like "bratty" behavior. If a submissive cops an attitude with me she will not get "punished", she will not get the rebellion "fucked out of her", she will not get anything from me except ignored until she adjusts the attitude and behavior to that which I find acceptable.

I will not reward misbehavior. I'm not going to reinforce the negative behavior by rewarding it.

I am all about communicating with your partner. If a submissive wants a beating, she can bloody well ask for it. If she wants me to fuck her brains out, she can ask for it. If she is acting out to get her needs and desires met instead of communicating them clearly, she's topping from the bottom. I don't allow them to do that.

Don't get me wrong, I _will_ discipline a rebellious sub. But never with corporal punishment or anything sexual. And usually not until she gets her head back in the right space.

There is a reason they are called submissives and their side of the equation is submission. They submit. If they don't, they aren't submissive then, are they?

 

[intothewoods]

I do love playing the brat. But there's a difference between playing the brat/naughty little girl, and just being a bitch. The former is something agreed upon, something both parties enjoy. It seems like the latter is that passive agressive manipulative "topping from the bottom" stuff.

 

[Sir Victor]

I agree some resistance can make things interesting, however rebellion and bratty attitudes are annoying, fake excuses are even more annoying. I also agree that playing the brat can be fine, not the bitch.

 

[intothewoods]

There is a reason they are called submissives and their side of the equation is submission. They submit. If they don't, they aren't submissive then, are they?

I was just thinking the same thing. I don't want to be with a man who I can manipulate. I suppose I could see a sub rebelling early on, maybe to find out if the Dom is worthy. Can he pushed around, or is he in control? In fact...well, this is sort of embarassing, but when I used to go into the chat rooms here and talk to a Master somebody or other, I would often try and push the guy's buttons to see what he would do. I didn't know any better.

Of course, part of the problem there is it turns out it's really unsatisfying to be told over chat to "kneel" by someone you just met. Hey, I was young and foolish all those, er, months ago.

 

[LadyAria]

I enjoy the breaking process. A little spunk in a subs personality is attractive. I find a trained sub who rebels intently as an insult and bitches get dropped.


The only games I play are the ones I control.

 

[SpectreT]

That's a balance you have to find for yourself. Personally, as far as my dominant side is concerned, a little brattiness and a strong independent streak are instant blood-boilers, in a good way. Outright rebellious, no. But a little attitude works wonders. But I'm not your Dom. That's something you need to discover and/or work out with that individual. Or, in forum shorthand, YMMV.

...Hm.

In light of recent comments, perhaps I need to clarify and classify. (Longtime readers know I do this a lot; revisit old posts and thoughts of mine, and re-characterize them, so that the words on the screen more closely match my original intent.)

I like smartassedness (if that's a word). If someone can make me laugh, especially in an overtly D/S relationship, I'm happy. Snappy comebacks are not the same as bitchy behavior. If I can be reasonably sure it's not intended as meanness or undermining the agreed-upon relationship, permission to speak freely is generally assumed. (Public disrespect, of course, is a deal breaker.)

I like the occasional "Make me!", then she sticks her tongue out and grins at me. I'll own it; I can be a lazy bastard, and sometimes I need a kick in the pants to remind me what I'm supposed to be doing. Again, as long as it's clearly playful, I'm down.

Examples, of course, but I think they do a better job illustrating what I mean when I say I like brats.

 

[Toa_lin]

Normally Geoff I would agree with you, but I suppose influencing my choice here, is the fact I fell in love wiht ym sub, before she becasme my sub. And don't get me wrong, she doesn't rebel often at all, maybe once every other month or so. It's from how she was raised, and she can't help it. Meh, "if your boat floats"

 

[jasonlf]

For me there's a couple of dynamics at work:

First of all, I have always said that I don't want to be filling an empty person. What I mean is that, in order for someone to submit their will to me... well, they have to have a will in the first place! I love it when I find that sweet spot... where my girl is really, really bothered by something I ask her to do, and she fights it in a respectful way. What I told j is that she can argue with me all she wants, but she'd better know her place when I put her in it.
The other day, we were going to a play party, and she was wearing a catholic schoolgirl outfit (yay)... she came out with her skirt much too long, so I grabbed her and rolled it up so it was really, really short. She was bothered by it. It made her uncomfortable and she kept begging me to not make her wear it that way. I kept explaining myself to her, but the second we walked out of the bedroom to go to the party, I looked at her and told her that the discussion was over, and that I didn't want to hear another word about the outfit. She said "Yes Sir" and it was over.
I don't want "rebellion"... but knowing there's a struggle there is exciting.

Secondly... if a sub doesn't ever buck against what I say, that's an awful lot of responsibility. I want my girl to think... to parse what I say and to let me know if she thinks I'm wrong. You know what? There's always a possibility that she's right, and if she says something, I'll really rethink it. Taking what I say at face value is making the (flawed) assumption that I'm perfect.

 

[shy slave]

At the beginning of any relationship(vanilla or BDSM) I have pushed to see what happens.

It makes me feel more comfortable once I have seen them lose their temper, I know then whether I can handle the fall out or not.

I am not a doormat, I have opinions and I am able to speak out and give my views.
I am a tease and will push him just for fun I don't expect punished for it and he often struggles to look stern with a small grin .

BUT when he says 'enough' it means just that.
I know how to be submissive, I know how to act; not just sexual submission but outside the bedroom as well.

If I want a beating I will ask for it, he wants to hurt me, he will do that.
I don't need to be a brat to get that.

Teasing is part of 'me' it is not a means to gain anything in a BDSM or D/s sense.
I enjoy joking with people, thankfully he sees that is part of my personality and it is not restricted to just him. Equally thankfully he does not want to change that, but sometimes he doesn't want to hear it.

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

I am a submissive woman with a strong resistance to authority. It has made me very uncomfortable over the years.

Like others I can be playfully rebellious, even joking about my dominant partner's vulnerabilities, but never truly questioning his authority, for as soon as he gives me the "look," it's over.

It's the times when I'm asked to do something that frightens me, where I instinctively put up resistance, that my willingness to trust him overcomes my (sometimes profound) fear and I can feel huge psychic walls come crashing down. That resistance can look like unwillingness and take some thoughtful care to negotiate.

Then there are the bad habits he asks me to change, often having nothing to do with sex, that create such incredible obstacles it appears as though I'm unwilling to act (in fact it often feels like I'm unwilling to act, even if my head knows it's a good decision) and only by his patient insistence that I stay on track when I fall off it repeatedly am I able to accomplish what had previously been impossible. That resistance is the inertia of habit, which takes time to change.

There are scary moments too when I doubt myself, feeling like I'm unhealthy to want to serve another's will so totally. Those are probably the hardest moments. And at times because the nature of our relationship is private, I don't have anyone other than my husband to talk to about it. It's hard to go to the man you're resisting to determine whether or not you're doing the "right" thing. . .

I'm curious. . .Are there submissives in 24/7 relationships who never have difficulty submitting?

Because I've used my difficulties in trusting authority to question whether I truly am submissive or not, only to continually return to the fact that I am most deeply satisfied with a dominant man.

(in a similar vein, I spent years trying to decide whether I was an alcoholic or not, when my behavior spoke for itself.)

 

[Andraste]

i'm bratty, manipulative, cruel & opinionated.

if he can't deal with that then he's not the man for me.

true dom? good sub? i obviously didn't read the rule book.

 

[Andraste]

I am a tease and will push him just for fun I don't expect punished for it and he often struggles to look stern with a small grin .

you're a sarcastic smartarse. it's endearing.

 

[Shaq]

I do not like rebelliousness.

I prefer obedience. I get no pleasure from when a sub plays "hard to get". I like to "pave" over them, until they are flat like roads. If they rebel then I feel like I have not properly done my job.

With me, I just think my vision for our relationship and the activities I have planned are so fulfilling and interesting that I don't need any "extra" interest from playing hard to get.

I prefer obedience that way we are able to progress toward the things I have planned. Hard to get is just obstruction and causes delay.

 

[Andraste]

I do not like rebelliousness.

I prefer obedience. I get no pleasure from when a sub plays "hard to get". I like to "pave" over them, until they are flat like roads. If they rebel then I feel like I have not properly done my job.

With me, I just think my vision for our relationship and the activities I have planned are so fulfilling and interesting that I don't need any "extra" interest from playing hard to get.

I prefer obedience that way we are able to progress toward the things I have planned. Hard to get is just obstruction and causes delay.

read this post.
remembered the thread she made.
laughed my sassy arse off.

 

[FurryFury]

Lately, I've been finding myself resisting a lot. I'm not sure why. I think he enjoys it when I do. I think he likes how hard I'll fight something and having to really make me do it. Fighting isn't my normal thing.

This is just something that comes over me sometimes. If feel like resisting and I do resist even though I may crave what he is attempting. I'm puzzling over it. Does anyone have an idea why someone who normally wouldn't fight anything would suddenly be doing this?

Fury

I wrote this elsewhere but no one responded so I thought I'd try it here as well since it seems to fit the thread.

 

[Andraste]

rape play would be no fun if she just did as she was told.

bruised wrists from struggling, slapped face for screaming, thighs black & blue from trying to resist.

heaven.

 

[Kailey_86]

Lately, I've been finding myself resisting a lot. I'm not sure why. I think he enjoys it when I do. I think he likes how hard I'll fight something and having to really make me do it. Fighting isn't my normal thing.

This is just something that comes over me sometimes. If feel like resisting and I do resist even though I may crave what he is attempting. I'm puzzling over it. Does anyone have an idea why someone who normally wouldn't fight anything would suddenly be doing this?

Fury

I wrote this elsewhere but no one responded so I thought I'd try it here as well since it seems to fit the thread.

Maybe you are subconciously trying to get reassurance that Your Dom can still dominate you. Maybe His reaction to your fighting back is exciting to you. you did say He seems to enjoy it and you probably like to please Him so this would make sense.

i find that i will fight doing things that i actually enjoy as well. i think it makes whatever it is more pleasurable somehow. Plus, i do like J's reaction to my fighting back. i don't fight back in a bad way though. He seems to enjoy my resistence when it comes to some things. i don't fight back when He is serious about something though.

 

[Andraste]

Maybe you are subconciously trying to get reassurance that Your Dom can still dominate you. Maybe His reaction to your fighting back is exciting to you. you did say He seems to enjoy it and you probably like to please Him so this would make sense.

i find that i will fight doing things that i actually enjoy as well. i think it makes whatever it is more pleasurable somehow. Plus, i do like J's reaction to my fighting back. i don't fight back in a bad way though. He seems to enjoy my resistence when it comes to some things. i don't fight back when He is serious about something though.

or maybe there's that basic, animalistic rush from the adrenaline of fighting.
no deep, psychological explanation...just an urge.

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is just something that comes over me sometimes. If feel like resisting and I do resist even though I may crave what he is attempting. I'm puzzling over it. Does anyone have an idea why someone who normally wouldn't fight anything would suddenly be doing this?

Fury

I wrote this elsewhere but no one responded so I thought I'd try it here as well since it seems to fit the thread.

Frustration? Trying to force it into a place it isn't at the moment? Anger your needs are not 100% fulfilled? A subconcious realisation you need more, but feel you are trapped by your reality and don't know if it will remain enough? Testing yourself...perhaps angry at yourself? The answer is within you FF, you will know it when the time is right for you.

Catalina

 

[Kailey_86]

or maybe there's that basic, animalistic rush from the adrenaline of fighting.
no deep, psychological explanation...just an urge.

Maybe it is just and urge but i think there is still an explanation for the urge whether it be psychological, emotional, or physical.

 

[courtneycakes]

I usually like to be made to submit. The idea of that and I guess the 'rape' fantasy really gets me goin haha.

But like others have said...once I get 'the look' I usually back down.
But I was raised to be headstrong so that gets me into trouble alot.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

At the beginning of any relationship(vanilla or BDSM) I have pushed to see what happens.

It makes me feel more comfortable once I have seen them lose their temper, I know then whether I can handle the fall out or not.

I am not a doormat, I have opinions and I am able to speak out and give my views.
I am a tease and will push him just for fun I don't expect punished for it and he often struggles to look stern with a small grin .

BUT when he says 'enough' it means just that.
I know how to be submissive, I know how to act; not just sexual submission but outside the bedroom as well.

If I want a beating I will ask for it, he wants to hurt me, he will do that.
I don't need to be a brat to get that.

Teasing is part of 'me' it is not a means to gain anything in a BDSM or D/s sense.
I enjoy joking with people, thankfully he sees that is part of my personality and it is not restricted to just him. Equally thankfully he does not want to change that, but sometimes he doesn't want to hear it.

very well said and it pretty much sums up how i am as well