Do imperfections really matter?

[cf23430]

Lots of true statements here...
Anyone feeling anything less than beautiful have only to post pictures here... an uplifting experience to be certain.

The quote "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." says it all.

so very true......

imperfections do in fact make us who we are ........

 

[Aphro]

How much richer and wonderful would life be if we all not only had those "A-HA" moments, but then learned from them, changed the way we think about things and people, and behaved and treated others accordingly?

The world is so heartbreakingly full of beauty, beauty that is often missed and passed over because it is not immediately apparent, or because it does not meet traditional archetypes of beauty which are mostly superficial, manufactured, fleeting, and ridiculous.

Some of the most beautiful people I know will never turn heads, would not recognize a designer label or handbag if it smacked them in their unremarkable faces, and are reminded daily by media and by the way others treat them, that they don't meet "the" beauty standard. But my world is all the more colorful, rich, full, and amazing because they are in it, and share their beauty with me.

A few steps in another's shoes.



*posted a few months back, in "Blurts". Thought it'd be a good fit in here

What an awesome interview with Dustin Hoffman! Thank you for sharing that. I've always admired him as an actor, now I admire him all the more as a human being.

 

[CBM514]

One more thought on this...we all see our own flaws and "imperfections" far more than our SO's do...and I'm convinced she either loves me despite mine or because of them

 

[Lovetolisten]

I have scars... very large scars.
I do not allow them to define whether I am beautiful, or desirable or sexy.
It has been my experience that scars on the outside cannot make one ugly... it is scars on the inside, scars on the heart, the soul... that make some people ugly.
Those are the scars that are the saddest, because they can't be seen by others.

 

[jehoram]

I have scars... very large scars.
I do not allow them to define whether I am beautiful, or desirable or sexy.
It has been my experience that scars on the outside cannot make one ugly... it is scars on the inside, scars on the heart, the soul... that make some people ugly.
Those are the scars that are the saddest, because they can't be seen by others.

Well said! I, too, have large scars, caused by a car accident when I was in my teens. Only in the last twenty years have I gotten over them to the point where I wear shorts in the summertime.

My first wife also had long scars on her legs, from corrective orthopedic surgery, so we never let our scars bother us. And when I slept with "Lynette" (that character in "The Long Frost"), I remember her tracing the scars on my leg (which I was trying to hide) and saying, "Think of them as tokens of the battles you've fought and won. You won because you're still here." That was absolutely the right thing to say.

And, as has been noted elsewhere, scars are just tattoos with more interesting stories.

 

[blulilacgrl]

There are no physical 'imperfections'. It is not an imperfection of shape or size, but an imperfection of the mind that doesn't see the unique beauty of each person.

My sister has the most beautiful scars. One across her breast where she survived an original bout with cancer. And she is adding to her collection with scars from surgeries in order implant steel rods into her body. I weep over these scars and stand in awe of them at the same time. They are a physical testament to her battle and they are beautiful.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

There are no physical 'imperfections'. It is not an imperfection of shape or size, but an imperfection of the mind that doesn't see the unique beauty of each person.

My sister has the most beautiful scars. One across her breast where she survived an original bout with cancer. And she is adding to her collection with scars from surgeries in order implant steel rods into her body. I weep over these scars and stand in awe of them at the same time. They are a physical testament to her battle and they are beautiful.

Very true.

 

[CoyoteTales]

Imperfections matter.

They make you unique.

Did you know that if you fall in love with mediocrity, it is a reflection that your tastes are bland? That you want the normal, the safe, the 'perfect'?

Those relationships oft end in failure, because there is nothing -special- about someone who is the same as everyone else.

"Chicks dig scars," the saying goes. Tattoos and body piercings make a body exotic, different from the norm, and those are self-inflicted wounds.

Do you want someone to find you unique, or do you want someone who will not like you for how you look right now? Do you want someone who will not care to look at you in the light?

Be yourself! That is the only way you will find someone who loves you for you. Stretch-marks and all. Scars and all.

It should NEVER be what is on the outside that counts the most to the one you want to love you. Age robs us all of good looks, sooner or later, and blessed is the person who doesn't look their calendar age; but they are few and far between. Everyone else is normal. Aging normally. Wearing the choices that they made in life and the accidents they couldn't avoid.

One of my niece's friends was in a car accident that left a scar on her face that she will wear for life. Plastic surgery did not completely hide it. She chose to not let it stop her or dim her outgoing, outspoken, laughing personality. She puts herself out there and works in counseling, helping people every day. She's got a boyfriend who loves her for who she is, not what she looks like.

If you let your 'imperfections' define you, make you hide away, hesitate... you will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Boobs are rarely perfect. (Just ask Westley.) Cocks are rarely monsters. Scars happen to anyone, gender notwithstanding. It's experience that didn't kill you, the Coyote saying goes.

<shrugs> I've never dated a model, and I've been happy with all of my relationships up until the time they ended, which had nothing to do with them not being attractive to me, and everything to do with me not being right for them on the path they were following. I've dated women who were much heavier than I was - I just needed to be on top most of the time. I've dated women who were crazy, women who were moody, women who full of life, women who were empty inside and needed to have their soul reforged.

I've never dated anyone who was so vain about their appearance that they had to hide behind makeup, because that's not what I'm into. I want to see the real person, the one who can't hide if I drag them into the shower with me, and nudity is something that I'm self-conscious of, rather than the other way around.

If I'm ready to see you naked, you're already perfect. Birthmarks, moles, wrinkly bits, they're part of the whole package, and I will see it as the canvas that your body is made of.

You are art. You are painted with your life's stripes, spots, and lines, stipples and nipples. You are meant to be appreciated.

Don't worry one bit. Just find someone who thinks like me, and you're good to go.

-CT.

 

[JamieJ424]

Speaking for myself...it's far from a turnoff. What attracts me is confidence and self acceptance, an open mind, a desire to please, and an adventurous spirit. My partner has all of that and more.

A perfect, unblemished body is actually more of a turnoff. That's someone who's too concerned with appearance, and/or too young, to be interesting.

J

I am curious how much the stuff we obsess over as women - stretch marks, soft post-baby bellies, scars, droopy boobs, cellulite - are a real or perceived turn off for men?

 

[silverwhisper]

"perfection" is way the fuck overrated.

ed

 

[silkface]

Speaking for myself as a 40-something male... I've been married divorced and dated before and after marriage and divorce. Imperfections do not matter. Society pressures women unfairly. I think women need to lighten up. If the the man tells you or acts like it's time to move on he is not a decent man

 

[Que]

I was just thinking about this today as I was passing by my friend's house. She's only 17 days younger than me so finally someone age appropriate. We got together for a short while a couple of years ago and then she just straight up blew me off... she later was somewhat apologetic and suggested that she was trying to maintain distance well she made the distance large enough that I just took it as a no and moved on.

Anyway despite her a non interest in anything relationship wise she found herself in a relationship for a while and that's recently falling apart.

So she is circling a bit. My opinion was that we were fairly compatible together but not knowing the degree of her interest and from experience with her I'm playing it fairly cool. I've expressed enough interest for her to be turning it over in her head. Noticeably..

As is evident by my post I'm a pretty verbal sumbitch. I am mindful though that that's not generally effective so I've deliberately scaled it back quite a bit and left a nice pregnant pause out there for her during one of our recent conversations.

She paused look down at her belly and said to the unasked question I feel so fat lately. If I interpreted it correctly what she was meaning was she wouldn't mind spending some time but she's feeling overly body-conscious at the moment.

When I met her she was I guess a year or two into a lap band surgery weight reduction... she looks fairly trim for someone our age. I actually appreciated the fact that when we finally got down to business that although she had warned me that she had quite a bit of loose skin she didn't seem self conscious about it. Interestingly though now that she's packed on I would guess no more than 15 pounds, to her that is worse than the loose skin.

What I liked about the previous her was that she was fairly self confident. My ex tended to yoyo up and down in weight rather dramatically. I honestly didn't care if she's down 10 or up 30.. and at times even more than that. What I hated was how it impacted me in the sense that it impacted our sex life if she decided to be self conscious and hide or avoid.

Anyway as usual that's the long version what I'm trying to say is my friend doesn't feel great about her body right now and the fact that she doesn't feel great about it is more offputting to me than the actual condition of her body.

 

[Que]

Speaking for myself...it's far from a turnoff. What attracts me is confidence and self acceptance, an open mind, a desire to please, and an adventurous spirit. My partner has all of that and more.

A perfect, unblemished body is actually more of a turnoff. That's someone who's too concerned with appearance, and/or too young, to be interesting.

J

Personally, I don't think that I am that ideologically pure!

I have been known on occasion to lower myself to Making the beast with two backs with young perfect bodied girls.

Now I don't know if I'd let them eat crackers in my bed but, I don't reject them out of hand for being perfect.

I'm open minded like that.

 

[Tsotha]

While I think it's important to exercise, eat moderately and strive to improve yourself for health and self-esteem, the right person will think you're perfect even if you see yourself as full of imperfections. There are some very beautiful people out there, and even then some people will still find them unattractive, being unreasonably critical.

 

[bailadora]

To the point of being our own worst critics, I'm wondering if any of you saw the Dove "Real Beauty" commercials? I found them quite eye opening and refreshing.

 

[Primalex]

I am curious how much the stuff we obsess over as women - stretch marks, soft post-baby bellies, scars, droopy boobs, cellulite - are a real or perceived turn off for men?

Turn off?

Stretch marks - no
Post-baby belly - no
Scars - most likely no
Droopy boobs - depends - there is shape and volume. If shape is still okay: no
Cellulite - yes - pick appropriate position while fucking

 

[lovecraft68]

What I find amusing is the men I hear talk about women "letting themselves go" and talking about some extra weight or stretch marks, etc....

Are usually out of shape aging balding goons who can't find their dick without a mirror.

Just something I've picked up on.

I find "imperfections" normal. We spend time here on this porn site discussing sex and sharing porn links and are lost in a world of fantasy.

But in real life although of course there are very attractive men/women out there most of us are far from perfect. men have love handles or are balding people have double chins women's boobs sag etc... either sex can have a big or poorly shaped nose, the list goes on.

In the real world you're with real people so its simply about what you find attractive about them and not focusing on the imperfections.

Unless of course you're Fish from Allie McBeal and have a waddle fetish

 

[stickygirl]

I'd like to ignore the fashion / beauty industry - I do my best to - but I feel like I'm drowning in images of perfection and every time you managed to get a breath of air something else pushes you back under. It's fucking hard work being buoyant and impossible to go a single day without being bombarded by photoshopped crap: it's the way we're saturated by it.

As for imperfections, meaning visible ones not character flaws, I think women are far less judgemental of men's imperfections and we love their crooked teeth and thinning hair - it gives them the character that is lacking in a catalogue-look model. Seeing someone who is healthy and loving life is the sexiest thing of all.

 

[likembig4sure]

love them

I love every one of my wife's "imperfections". Her round belly, saggy boobs and big ass. They are what make her, her! I love to know that she has provided us with two lovely spawn and that, that has shaped her body into the form I love! So if "imperfections" matter to a man than that man is not worth the time a women has!

 

[Que]

Um, bald is sexy... this is an indisputable biological fact....(i hope... cuz I'm not going to wear a toupee and I'm not getting Shatner plugs)

Also I used to run distance so I've always been relatively lean... oddly I find that the ladies like me better when I'm running about 15 to 20 pounds heavy.

What I find amusing is the men I hear talk about women "letting themselves go" and talking about some extra weight or stretch marks, etc....

Are usually out of shape aging balding goons who can't find their dick without a mirror.

Just something I've picked up on.

I find "imperfections" normal. We spend time here on this porn site discussing sex and sharing porn links and are lost in a world of fantasy.

But in real life although of course there are very attractive men/women out there most of us are far from perfect. men have love handles or are balding people have double chins women's boobs sag etc... either sex can have a big or poorly shaped nose, the list goes on.

In the real world you're with real people so its simply about what you find attractive about them and not focusing on the imperfections.

Unless of course you're Fish from Allie McBeal and have a waddle fetish

 

[Emerson40]

Today's ideal of beauty is often manufactured and artificial. It can be silly and sometimes quite insane the lengths some women - young and old - will go to attain, or attempt to attain, this fabricated standard.

There is not a great deal that can be done to push back the tide of media, celebrity, and the constant bombardment that we face everyday, telling us just what is beautiful and gorgeous, and what is, by omission, imperfect and flawed.

It is great reading some of the responses to the OP, and it is assuring that many see beauty as more than skin deep, and find splendor and celebrate the beauty in the same things that some in our society deem as flaws, or defects.

Besides just sharing your own experiences and anecdotes here, I suggest that maybe we can do just a little more, and perhaps make a big difference to the truly beautiful people in our lives. Today, let someone know that they are beautiful. Show them by some small act, gesture, or with a few sincere words, that you think they are amazing, beautiful, and above all else, perfect.

Leave a little note for someone where it can be found by them. Hold her hand if you haven't in a good long while. Give your kids - no matter their age - a hug, or if they are away from home, a short, sweet phone call, and tell them you were just thinking about them and that they're beautiful. Tell him he is sexy when he cooks, or looks gorgeous in that old shirt. It could just be a small thing that won't take more that a few minutes out of your day, but will make somebody close to you feel beautiful the whole day through.

 

[LallyH]

I really hope the tide is turning against the idea of stick thin = beautiful.

My daughter is 12 and is neither fat nor thin - she is a normal, healthy size and shape. She eats reasonably well, is rarely ill, and is a happy confident girl. But she is taunted at school by the skinny girls because she is not like them.

Thankfully, these days she does not seem overly affected by their ridicule. I think the fact that she is the one who is friends with all the boys that the skinny girls don't seem to attract has a lot to do with it - she is clearly comfortable in her own skin, and, unlike the others, will strike up a conversation with anyone and get a positive response in return.

But it was not always the case - she suffered badly a couple of years ago from remarks about her weight and it took a lot of support from big brother and dad as well who convinced her that skinny is neither healthy nor attractive.

I find it sad that it's the girls attacking her though - they must be feeling such an inordinate and unnecessary amount of pressure to conform to the media stereotype.

 

[stickygirl]

It might originate with the media size 0s but yea - girls can be so vindictive. I have a girl who posts on my Tumblr and she frequently posts waaay too thin pics of girls. I can't figure out if she approves or sees it as a problem and I don't like to ask her in case it upsets her. Some girls are already on a knife-edge so to start asking awkward questions might just makes things worse.
I'm so glad your daughter is well-grounded becase it's awful trying to help someone whose heart seems set on self-destruct because you feel so helpless.

 

[sata85]

No, they don't.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Girls model their moms.