Do men ever actually crave romance?

[morelikeasong]

Answering as a man, sure, I’m good with romance. Put on some great perfume and music, make me a good meal, buy me a great video game or a nice new shirt. But it’s also important that you not have a game behind it. No hidden agenda. Don’t make me uncomfortable. And please, have gratitude waiting at some point if I earn it. Okay? Thx.

This reads as though you’re willing to tolerate an effort of romance from your partner but have no actual interest in it, certainly not a craving for it.
What is the gratitude that she’s supposed to be showing? Gratitude for having made you dinner, dressed up for you, and bought you something?

 

[Escierto]

You are never too old for romance. It can sneak up on you when you least expect it and there it is. L-O-V-E. Staring you in the face. Undeniable. Unfathomable. For me it’s almost like the hand of God touching two people.

 

[AchtungNight]

This reads as though you’re willing to tolerate an effort of romance from your partner but have no actual interest in it, certainly not a craving for it.
What is the gratitude that she’s supposed to be showing? Gratitude for having made you dinner, dressed up for you, and bought you something?

You can guess what the gratitude is. I don’t need to say it. And yeah, the romance is ok with me, but I guess I don’t crave it in general. Or I do, but I don’t want there to be an unfair competition behind it. Too often, IMHO, people use romance as a form of enticing entitlement or mocking rather than a good thing. I appreciate romance, but yeah, I don’t necessarily require it. I’m like Vivian in Pretty Woman. I’m affectionate and affection-deficient. I’m almost a sure thing when it comes to sex. But I don’t got time for long stupid games. If your romance tactics are some kind of trick to get me to buy crypto, manipulate my emotions, or do anything else without lasting gratification, the consequences of doing such crap will not be something you enjoy. Get it now? I hope so.

Oh, did I disillusion you? It was intentional. When one is lacking in affection, one gets entertainment where one can. And I’m trying hard not to slip into the dark side. Hope you understand that.

I’m also not into love bombing. Less is more. Pick your targets with precision and grace!

 

[LarryTee50]

I'm not a fan at all of the conventional notion(s) of "romance," which seems to involve all sorts of emotional wheelings and dealings. The best sexual encounters of my life have been with friends. If trust and respect are not the foundation, then what good is a dozen roses?

 

[policywank]

Most of the men that I have known have a genuine interest in romance. However, I think that we each have different ideas about what we find to be romantic and how romance intersects with sex. As a result I would make two observations about the manner in which men's interest in romance may be discouraged.

Firstly, we have a tendency to define romance based upon some objective version of what is romantic. And the things that we think of as romantic tend to be the things that women want. Secondly, some women condition their men to expect that romance is a prerequisite for sex and he is unworthy of sex if he hasn't been sufficiently romantic. Put those two things together and romance becomes synonymous with stuff that guys have to do for their wife/gf to stay out of the dog house and have any hope of having a sex life. That is bound to discourage them over time.

My man does romantic things for me all the time. I think that the fact that I do things for him has a lot to do with it. It isn't transactional. It is just that we define romantic gestures as doing things for the other person based upon what they want not based upon society's view of what is romantic or what they are supposed to want. Some of the things that we think of as romantic are things that we both want, but it also needs to include things that maybe one enjoys more than the other. That needs to be a two-way street. Otherwise getting him to be romantic is just another way of saying getting him to do stuff for me.

 

[billrokra]

Romance is win-win. If you're dating, you've a much better chance of the date going somewhere. If you're in a relationship, romance is really just kindness and caring but with a bit of delight and imagination injected. Hooray for sex, hooray for naughtiness and hooray for romance.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

Yes I do. One day I'll share something like that with a worthy partner

 

[Bletdown2020]

Yes. I love the “I saw this and thought about you” gifts. My love language is quality time, so that could be sitting next to me while I play video games and you read a book or watch your shows or whatever you love to do. Just someone spending time with me making it a priority to be with me, is amazing to me.
My second LL is physical touch so just rubbing my neck or back while I’m driving is great, or holding my hand out in public, cuddling on the couch.
So I don’t need the fancy dates. Just a walk through the park watching the Christmas lights and my partner holding my hand or arm is perfect for me.

 

[Crownvic]

Romance is definitely important to me in a relationship..

 

[Trubbycat]

Of course we do. We might just express things differently.

 

[Bojackennedy]

Absolutely they do. I know for myself it is a huge missing part of my life. As others have said, what is romantic for one person might be meaningless or even hurtful for another.

I would say for me romance is all about making the other person feel special and valued, as their own person not for the role they play or what they do for everyone else.

 

[Lady2020]

I tend to think men crave it like women. Some men are more cognizant of that need.

 

[lanceGibs]

I tend to think men crave it like women. Some men are more cognizant of that need.

You are right

 

[hilton1958]

Of course we want romance, we're human too. Okay, so maybe we want sex more, but we still have romance in us.

 

[Crownvic]

A.S.A.P...if not sooner..

 

[likitisplit]

I know sensitive men that enjoy all that. Some like to look couply... dress in a similar style, hold hands, get teary with moving music, love the thought of love.... love kissing, love a woman trying to please by dressing or hairstyle...
That might not be usual...
Or maybe some men don't share their enjoyment of that?

exactly. since being divorced since 97 and raising my kids alone forsaking the dating life...a man can become "starved" for that stuff.

 

[Dom70]

Yes. I love the “I saw this and thought about you” gifts. My love language is quality time, so that could be sitting next to me while I play video games and you read a book or watch your shows or whatever you love to do. Just someone spending time with me making it a priority to be with me, is amazing to me.
My second LL is physical touch so just rubbing my neck or back while I’m driving is great, or holding my hand out in public, cuddling on the couch.
So I don’t need the fancy dates. Just a walk through the park watching the Christmas lights and my partner holding my hand or arm is perfect for me.

Interesting. My LL is that physical touch you so aptly described. I am putty when that is done without asking....or even thinking. Just sliding that arm in mine while walking, or slipping a hand into mine...or a hug...or..."Hey...lean down here a sec" and a peck on the cheek (or more...lol) I CRAVE that.
DO that....and you will reap the rewards! (which you probably already were getting ....)

 

[Dom70]

Just gonna sigh here. You guys are all awesome!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...love a good sigh!

 

[Goldenfinger]

Me and my wife still have date night. I put on music and dance with her in the living room. We go to the grocery store and play around and have fun. I still bring her flowers.

 

[Inthelastrow]

Yes of course. It means different things to different people. Someone above discussed love languages. For me it has always meant paying attention to the needs of my GFs and now my wife. Taking time to do special, little things, as well as traditional romantic actives like a nice dinner date. I think humor and fun, and teasing add to romance as well.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Absolutely. 100%. Making a good dinner for a partner, writing poetry, flowers and little gifts, surprises. I never get tired of cuddling and making out. Little surprises and acts of giving not only add spice but enrich a relationship. I like having little surprises done for me but I equally enjoy doing little thing surprises for my partner and seeing her response.

Romance does not come naturally to many men. I sucked at it as a young man but I've gotten better in middle-age, post-divorce.

My experience is that women really do appreciate romantic gestures, and they make the relationship more fun and more fulfilling.

Post-divorce. Ha.

Sitting with my ex he told me he should have told me he loved me more often. He thought I knew, and he didn't need to tell me.

Now he remembers to tell his family and best friend regularly.

So glad for them.

 

[SimonDoom]

Post-divorce. Ha.

Sitting with my ex he told me he should have told me he loved me more often. He thought I knew, and he didn't need to tell me.

Now he remembers to tell his family and best friend regularly.

So glad for them.

On that point, I will say that I never had a problem telling my partner that I loved her. I was better at it than she was.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

I’ve … had the romance beat out of me. Sad story.

But yes!!!! Men … think romance is the purest most beautiful form of foreplay and intimacy.

It’s the stuff that puts butterflies in your stomach.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

On that point, I will say that I never had a problem telling my partner that I loved her. I was better at it than she was.

He also admitted that he missed key signs I was not doing well emotionally. That period was 3 months before I started an affair

He missed key signs. Like me begging, arguing, sinking into myself.

 

[skitzoid]

I've been married 24 yrs. today. The romance has gone out of our marriage about 8 yrs. ago. She went back to school to finish her degree, I sat at home alone. Most days it was 8 hours at school and 5 or 6 hrs. at out home computer. NO interaction. I'd start something new but too old for that young shit. ( I'm 73 ) Totally boring life. She's on one end of the couch, and I he other ,, hours go by without a word spoken.